Ryan's POV
"You are awfully quiet".
I looked up from my plate after hearing my uncle's voice. We were at the dinner table. Everyone was eating and talking. Seconds ago I had been cleaning up the plate of lasagna I had been offered. I'd been thinking about asking for a second helping. Truthfully I had been thinking about a lot more than that.
Rain was on a date with a guy named Sebastian. I had never even met Sebastian. I didn't even know what he looked like. But I was jealous of him. I was jealous of the fact that he was with Rain and I wasn't. What if Rain decided he liked him and they started dating?
My thoughts were just ridiculous. How can I be jealous of Sebastian when I didn't even know what I felt for Rain? If Rain decided he wanted to be with Sebastian the logical thing to do would be to be happy for him. Sebastian was going to give him something I couldn't. I wasn't relationship material, not after everything that had happened. I wasn't even open about my sexuality!
My uncle's words registered in my mind, disrupting my thoughts.
"Uh, yeah" I murmured. I certainly could not tell him what I was thinking about.
My uncle wasn't religious, but he obeyed society's laws. He was a well-standing man who loved order and doing things the right way. I couldn't tell him I was thinking about a guy, or that I felt something for that said guy. I wasn't sure how he'd react, but I knew whatever reaction it was, it wasn't going to be good.
"Are you upset that I said you couldn't go out?" my uncle asked.
I shook my head. It's not like I had any idea where I would go if he had decided to lift my curfew.
"Daddy, Ryan was going on a date", Emily blurted.
My brows met. Where on earth did she get that? I looked at her.
"I heard you in your room talking about it", she said sheepishly. She'd been eavesdropping and didn't want me to get angry at her.
I really couldn't tell when she'd heard me talk, but she had obviously done so. I had talked to myself aloud at some point about Rain's date. Emily must have caught the wrong end of the stick.
"You were going on a date?" my aunt asked. Her voice told me she wasn't happy about it. She was no doubt remembering everything that had happened 2 years prior. It had started with a date.
I was going to answer, but my uncle said, "Why didn't you tell me? I would have adjusted your curfew a bit".
My aunt gave him a look of disapproval. If it were up to her she would make sure I had no contact with the human beings of the opposite sex. To her, my uncle was supporting and encouraging my previous behavior.
"Emily got it wrong. I wasn't going on a date", I said.
"Were you planning on asking a girl out then? I could give you tips", uncle said.
It seemed the look my aunt had given him hadn't worked.
"I am sure Ryan hasn't met someone he likes yet. He's been here for a couple of weeks. The trick is not to rush into things", aunt said.
Her words weren't direct, but I knew what she meant. After 2 years she still hadn't let the whole thing go. I didn't get to hear about her disapproval much because I hadn't stayed with her then, but now that I was she wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. I guess she knew if I messed up it could potentially be her and my uncle's responsibility. I was after all their responsibility now.
"Yeah, I haven't", I lied.
She seemed pleased.
I finished my plate and asked to be excused. I went up to my room. Seconds later Emily arrived. The girl clearly loved being in the same presence as me.
I hadn't closed the door so she just walked in.
"You lied", she accused.
I chuckled. "I didn't lie. Your eavesdropping ears got it all wrong", I said closing the door.
She looked ashamedly at her feet. "I'm sorry Ryan. I was going to the bathroom and I just passed. Okay, I stopped a bit"
"It's okay Em", I said.
She sat on my bed and I did too.
"You don't like anyone? Are the girls at your school not nice?" she asked sweetly.
I shrugged. "They are okay".
"You just don't like them?" she asked.
"Not really", I said. "Do you like someone?"
She looked down shyly. "Sort of", her voice was barely a whisper.
"That's interesting. What is his name?"
"John. He's very cute", she replied.
"Does he know you like him?" she asked.
"No. I'm too shy to tell him", she said.
I had absolutely no idea what to say next. I wanted to tell her that she should tell him, but I reminded myself that I was talking to a 10 year old. She knew nothing about relationships. John could be a 17 year old guy in high school. If John took advantage of Emily I would be to blame. I would prove her mom and my ex-girlfriend's mom right when they said I wasn't mature.
"How old is John?" I asked.
"He's 10. He's in my class", she said.
I sighed. A 10 year old didn't seem that dangerous.
"Have you ever talked to him?" I asked.
"No. He sits with all the popular kids", she said.
"If you did tell him and he likes you too, what would you like to happen?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Sit with him, play with him".
I smiled. "Maybe you should try telling him. He could like you too".
She frowned. "He doesn't like me. I'm not Becky".
"Who is Becky?"
"...The popular girl in our class. She's very beautiful", she said. I could see the sadness in her eyes.
I cupped her face in my hands. "And you are very beautiful too. If he doesn't like you, it's his loss".
She smiled.
"I like someone too", I said quietly.
Her eyes immediately brightened. "I knew it. Who is she?"
For Emily, I couldn't possibly like a guy. She hadn't left room for anything of that sort with her question. For her, whoever I liked had to be a girl.
"Uh, she's in my class", I said.
"Is she beautiful?" she asked.
Rain's face swam in front of me. I saw the violet eyes, the bushy eyebrows and the long wavy black hair. I saw the beautiful lips too. "She's very beautiful".
"What is her name?"
I was caught off guard. I wasn't about to say Rainier. That was a guy's name, at least I thought. I had never heard it before.
"Elaine", I said out of the blue. It was the first name that came to me.
"Have you told her?"
"No".
"Why not?"
"Because she is at this moment on a date with someone"
Emily's mouth formed and 'o'.
"You should tell her anyway. Are you afraid of her boyfriend?" she said.
I thought of Sebastian. I didn't know what he looked like, but I wasn't afraid of him.
I shook my head.
"Then you should tell her", Emily encouraged.
There was no way I was going to tell Rain I liked him.
There was a knock on the door. I wondered if Sally had decided to follow her sister. I allowed the person to come in.
My aunt peeked into the room. "There you are. Emily, it's bedtime".
"Can I stay for a few more minutes?" Emily pleaded.
"No. Come on", aunt said. She certainly could not allow me to corrupt her child any longer. Any more minutes with me and Emily could come home after 2 years with a belly the size of a beach ball smelling like weed.
Emily's shoulders fell. "Goodnight Ryan", she said giving me a hug.
"Goodnight", I said brushing her hair off her face.
Emily left the room.
"Go on, I'll be with you just now", aunt said to her at the door.
My aunt then decided it was her turn to speak with me. She let herself into the room and closed the door. Had she heard my conversation with Emily? It seemed my bedroom walls were so thin conversations could be heard by someone outside the room.
"I'm sorry about earlier. Your uncle says I'm being very critical of you and I see that now. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes", she said gently.
"I know", I said quietly.
"I'm glad you understand. We were all devastated at that time. Your mom..." she said and I cut in. You would swear I had killed someone.
"I get it".
"You were young. You made a mistake..." she said and I cut in again.
Couldn't the woman get the hint? I didn't want to talk about it!
"It won't happen again", I said.
She nodded. But I could see in her face she didn't believe me. She was still skeptical. She wanted to tell me that if it did happen again she would convince my uncle to leave me to my own devices.
"Goodnight then", she said after some silence.
"Goodnight", I said.
She left the room shortly. I slumped onto the bed. It was a good thing I wasn't interested in any girl because my aunt only saw one end to the relationship, and it was an end she wouldn't like.
As I lay on the bed, I brought my phone to my view and opened a photo folder. I scrolled to a picture I had taken years ago. The picture looked the same as it did any other day. It didn't change or move. Deep down I knew the picture wasn't enough.
I looked at the drawing on my wall and smiled. I traced the signature. I had on some random day unconsciously drawn a heart around the signature. I removed the drawing from the wall and folded it. If my aunt came snooping she'd conclude Rain was a girl and I was secretly seeing someone.