Since Nathan has only met my parents a few times, he decides to come to St. Louis with me, so he can get to know them a little better before the big day.
On our third day there, we take some time off from being with my parents to go on a fancy date.
"Do you want to get some wine to drink?" Nathan asks me.
"That would be lovely," I say. I haven't had a nice glass of wine in awhile.
- - -
I used to be a drunk. After the abortion, I became super depressed and I drank heavily. When I was at home, it was always vodka so my parents wouldn't smell it on my breath. But at parties, I'd drink at least five Miller Lites, usually more.
I remember my first party. I'd been to Sweet Sixteens and countless birthday parties before, but it was never the kind where people got drunk and stuff.
I was nervous at first. I wondered what people would think of me, if they'd tease me about being pregnant. I hadn't told anyone about the abortion yet.
But I put on the sexiest thing I owned and snuck out of the house at 11:00. My parents were the kind who went to bed early, at like 9:30 or ten, so I was good to go. Plus, they slept through just about anything, so I knew they wouldn't hear me slip out the front door.
A friend of mine came to pick me up. She was more of an acquaintance, but since losing Jessica and Emily, I'd yet to trust anyone enough to make new best friends. Her name was Cassie; she was in my English class, and we sometimes ate lunch together. She had dyed-red hair, pale skin, and a piercing between her nostrils.
"You look hot," she told me.
"Thanks, but I've got no one to impress. I already have a boyfriend."
"Boyfriend, shmoyfriend," she said, waving it off as if Brandon didn't even matter. "At parties, it's all about image. If people know you have a boyfriend, they won't want to hook up with you."
"Good. I'm a loyal girlfriend; I'm not going so I can find a new guy."
"Then why'd you wear that sexy shirt?"
"I thought this was what everyone wore to parties," I said honestly. After all, I'd never been to one. How was I supposed to know?
"Hang with me, and you'll be fine. I'll make sure people like you."
"Thanks, Cassie."
When we got to the party, there were people everywhere drinking out of red solo cups. "Let's go get a beer," Cassie said.
I followed her to the cooler and she pulled out two Miller Lites. "This stuff's the best. You've got to try it," she said.
I'd never had a beer before and I didn't know what to say. But I didn't want to look stupid, and besides, I'd never really been against drinking. So I twisted off the cap and took a quick swig. It burned going down my throat, but tasted good otherwise. It was both exciting ad relaxing at the same time. I took another drink, and another. Before I knew it, I'd had two bottles and was feeling a bit woozy.
"Come on, let's go see what the others are doing," Cassie suggested.
I followed her downstairs, where a bunch of teenagers were crowded around a pool table. A few of them glanced up at us, but most of them were so engrossed in the game that they didn't even notice we'd walked in. We joined their circle and watched the people playing pool.
Cassie's eyes were fixed on one of them. He had dark hair, tattoos, and piercings. I didn't find him that attractive, but he was definitely her type. He kept scoring points, and soon, he won the game. Cassie cheered for him, along with most of the other kids.
Then she went up to congratulate him and introduce herself. I stood back and watched from a distance, giving her a thumbs-up for confidence.
After a few minutes, she came back to tell me that they were gonna go to his room and talk for a bit. It was apparently his party. Young, immature me didn't connect the dots until I found them both naked in his room an hour later.
"Oh! Um, I'll just come back later," I said, my face turning red with embarrassment. I couldn't believe I'd walked in on them!
It was past midnight and I had no idea when they'd be done...um, fraternizing. So I moped around looking for someone else to talk to. Most kids were pretty buzzed (or high) and probably didn't recognize me. I knew because they weren't making fun.
Finally, I found a girl out on the deck by herself. "Hi," I said, walking up to her. "Want some company?"
She looked up. "Sure."
I sat down. "I'm Mackenzie, by the way."
"Ashley." We shook hands.
"Hey, um, do you mind if I ask why you're out here alone?"
"It's cuz this is a lame party and my boyfriend's an a**hole. I found him with some girl in the closet. I can't believe he'd do this to me! Now I have no way to get home."
"Oh." I didn't know what else to say.
"I should've seen it coming. Kendal Barnes, the hottest girl in school. Ever since we got together, he's done nothing but make excuses to be near her..."
She went on and on about her jerk of a boyfriend, and I listened because I had nothing else to do. Besides, I think she needed someone to vent to.
After about an hour of this, she finally took a deep breath and asked, "So. What's your story?"
"Me? Uh..." Suddenly, I found myself telling her the whole story. About how I was raped and had an abortion. How I felt like everyone hated me and I had no one to talk to.
"Oh my gosh. That's awful," she said when I was finished. "No one should have to go through that. Especially you. You seem really nice."
"Thanks. But it's ok now, I guess. I mean, my boyfriend hasn't broken up with me yet. I still have him." I immediately regretted saying it. How could I brag about my wonderful, loyal boyfriend when she'd just trash-talked her own? "Sorry. I didn't-"
"It's okay," she interrupted me. "You deserve someone great. I don't."
"Why? You seem like a great person."
"Ha!" She laughed, but in a self-deprecating way. "I'm not a great person, trust me."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well for one, I'm a thief. I stole a shirt from Hot Topic two weeks ago, and the cops still haven't found me. I'm hiding from them, and my parents. When they found out, they took away everything: my phone, my TV-even my bedroom door! If they found me, I'd be dead right now."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"It's fine. They're jackasses anyway."
"Ah," I said with a laugh. I couldn't help it. Somehow, it was funny how she cursed her parents. It shouldn't have been, but it was.
"Laugh all you want, but it really sucks."
"Sorry." I immediately felt bad for laughing, and I stopped.
"It's ok. But I don't really have anywhere to go. I don't have any friends. And my boyfriend's a cheating jerk, obviously. So I'm not even gonna bother going to him."
I wanted to invite her to come live with me for awhile, but I knew that I couldn't. My parents would ask how I met her, and then what would I say? I hadn't seen her around school, so I really didn't know her.
But I found myself being drawn to her, and her story. It was so sad, how she was hiding from her parents and the police, with nowhere to go. I wanted to help her, but I didn't know how.
So I just gave her my number and told her that I had an old iPod she could use to contact me.
"You're really gonna give me your iPod?" she asked in disbelief.
"Oh, it's no problem. I have another, plus my cell phone. I never use it."
"Wow. Um, thanks."
"You're welcome," I said with a smile.
- - -
Finally, the waiter comes to take our order. Nathan tells him what we want, including the fabulous red wine.
"Thanks for the lovely dinner," I say.
"No problem. You deserve it," Nathan replies, grinning at me.
"I'm so glad we're getting married."
"Me too." He reaches across the table and takes my hand. "Every day with you has been like a dream. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life by your side."
"Aw, that's sweet. And I feel the same way." We lean across the table to kiss.
When the drinks come, we make a toast. "To us, and our marriage!" Nathan says, clinking our glasses.
I take a sip, thinking not of my past as an alcoholic but of my future life with Nathan. And the thought makes me smile.