"Georgiana, darling!" My mother beamed and embraced me when I rode over for dinner with my family, taking only Felicity with me. Charles was still gone, and Jonathan I had left with Katherine.
"Hello, Mama." I replied pleasantly. I felt so guilty for having wrecked her family. She had been a good mother to me, after all, and had helped me in my time of need.
Father, Mother and I sat together pleasantly at the table, and the two of them were delighting in their grandchild. She was such a pretty baby.
"She looks nothing like her father." Mother said, and I noticed a kind of joy behind it. "But she certainly has your eyes, darling. I wonder about her fair hair, though. You had never been so blonde - like Jonathan you were auburn from the beginning."
"It has probably jumped a generation." I smiled, hiding my discomfort. When people already worried now about Felicity's hair, what would they say when the colour would not change? I would really have to leave Hartville very soon.
"Have you heard? Marianne and Jacob will return next week."
No. They would take my Jonathan. I forced a smile and replied: "Really? How nice." I had to find a way to keep them away. My son was not allowed to ever leave my house again, or, so I feared, I would never get him back.
"Excuse me, I will have to replenish my attire." I said, and my parents did not give me a second glance, but were busy with Felicity. At barely three months, she already displayed the same charm as her father, drawing everyone in.
As soon as I had closed the dinner room door behind me, I rushed down the corridor and entered my father's office. After a quick search, I found what I had been looking for: The lists of soldiers who would be sent to Fort Myers. From Jasper I knew that the Confederate's were as good as invincible there, and I also knew the Union planned an attack on the Fort. Jasper had been certain that it would be a suicidal operation for the Union soldiers to ever attack Fort Myers.
Perfect for my causes. I drew out the lists and skimmed through them, then took a quill and wrote, in perfect imitation of my father's writing, the name Charles Lacey.
He would not notice that he was part of this venture until it was too late for him to change anything.
Smiling grimly to myself, I returned to my parents and my daughter.
"She smiled at me, Richard! I swear that she smiled at me!" My mother screeched in delight and cuddled her granddaughter. If she knew that Felicity was the daughter of the Confederate General Jasper Whitlock...
"She's three months old, wife, she doesn't even know what smiling is." My father replied gruffly, and I laughed at my parents, who might not love each other but certainly were comfortable with one another. It was more than what I could say of Charles and me.
I had agreed with Jasper that we would wait until the operation at Fort Myers was over before I would move to South Carolina, taking Jonathan and Felicity with me. My husband had several things to take care of first, and he wanted to be certain he had fulfilled all his duties before he would leave the Confederates. I began to fear, though, that we did not have so much time.
"How's your marriage going, child?" My father asked, and I thought to detect some worry in his eyes.
"It could be worse." I replied. Of course, I doubted there was a way it could be worse, but the tone of my voice said enough.
Papa looked at his wife, who was standing by the window with Felicity, and then quietly said as he turned to me: "It's not my business to intervene with your marriage, Georgiana. But it is my business to take care that my family's reputation is not ruined any further than it already is with William's drinking, Marianne's madness and Susannah's promiscuous behaviour. I don't want my last daughter, my only child that I had ever had true hopes for, to be shamed by the scandal of having laid a cuckoo's egg in her honourable husband's nest. Now, I am not saying that Charles is a good man." He raised his hand as I wanted to contradict him. "But appearance is all that matters. I would have never believed that you would carry out two illegitimate children, Georgiana, and I hope that they have the same father, at least."
"They do." I could not believe that I confessed to my father having a lover.
"His name?"
"I cannot tell you."
"I believe that by that, you mean that you can, but will not tell me."
"I'm sorry, Papa."
"For your sake, I hope it's a Union soldier, at least, and not a common farmer." He sighed, and his eyes got sad. The possibility that it might be a Confederate did not even occur to him, and it made me feel even worse. "Who would have thought it would come so far with my family?"
"I am deeply sorry, Papa." It has all been my fault. None of my siblings would have the problems they now had if it wouldn't have been for me. I was their perishment.
Then I looked at Felicity, who gurgled happily as Mother put her back into my arms, and I knew that it all had been worth it. I was merely twenty and had already destroyed so much, but it had all been worth it.
"Come, Felicity, darling, we'll go home. You'll see grandma and grandpa again soon."
"Where have you been?" The door had barely closed behind me when my husband was already ranting at me.
"I have visited my parents." I replied calmly and walked past him, although I knew that there was nothing that enraged him more than my stoic endurance. He wanted to see me cry, to beg on my knees for mercy, to whimper, to fear him. I would do no such thing.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you!"
"I am not talking to you." I replied cooly and wrenched my arm free, shielding Felicity from him. I would endure his tortures willingly, but if he ever as much as thought about hurting my children, I wouldn't guarantee for anything. Charles followed me upstairs, but did not approach me until I had put Felicity into her bed and closed the door to her room.
"I've had enough of your games, Georgiana." He hissed and dug his fingers into my shoulders, shaking me. "That bastard in there is not my child. Tell me, what black magic do you exercise as to not get pregnant?"
"It is no black magic, Charles." It was hard keeping my tone soft and innocent, but for once, I would have to be weak, or appear to be, at least. Otherwise the whole thing would turn bad. I despised showing, if only pretending, to be intimated. "It has been only three months since Felicity's birth. It often takes years to conceive."
"Only for a lack of trying, and that you can certainly not accuse me of!" He hissed. He feared that he was sterile, I knew, and it would be me who'd have to bear his anger. "But fine, if Felicity is truly my daughter, then it has worked and will work again, won't it?"
"Charles, please..."
"Be quiet. The quicker you give me my heir, the better it will be for you. Don't deceive yourself by thinking circumstances will change in any way - it will just keep you a bit safer from me repudiating you on the claims of adultery."
He pushed me gruffly into the bedroom. "Not now, Charles... let me out!" He had locked the door, and I rattled at the handle.
"Not before I've made my heir."
While he mounted me brutally, thrusting into me with so much force as if he wished to impale me, I drew grim satisfaction from the knowledge that within the matter of days he would be gone to Fort Myers, hopefully never to return.
After what seemed like endless, painful hours, he finally got off of me, and my whole body ached. It was not the pleasant pain I had after my first night with Jasper, but a dirty ache. I swore then that Charles would pay for everything dearly.
I had been grateful that he had married me so readily, but then, he had always been career-obsessed and had always sweet-talked me. It had been no surprise he had readily agreed to marry the general's daughter. It was a well-paid job.
Now I simply despised him. I did not hate him, for to hate somebody, you had to respect him as much as grant him your attention and passionate dislike. Charles was not worth that.
"If you undertake any measurements to prevent a pregnancy, Georgiana, then I promise that I will find them, and then you'll pay dearly for it. As my wife, it's your duty to give me a son."
Too bad, then, that I am not your wife. I had already given my husband a son, and a daughter, too.
"Oh, and I would suppose you'd love him as much as you love Felicity, wouldn't you? You have not even held her once! Why do you despise women so? Does not your legacy depend on them?"
"Listen, bitch, to me, you are nothing but a machine to give me my heir. Once you've done your job, you'll just be there for my amusement."
"That's what you think." I spat and unlocked the door, storming out of the room.
I sat down at my desk to write a response to Officer Hudson. I had made my decision, and it almost seemed as if I stood beside myself as I wrote the letter. I was scheming and plotting against my own family, and all so that I could have my children.
My dear brother-in-law,
it grieves me to tell you that I see only one way for Marianne to become herself again. She will have to be brought under a doctor's care - one that is specialized in mental illnesses. For Marianne had always been labile, and the tragic effects of her instability are showing now, I am afraid to say. She is not talking sense anymore. I have attached the signed papers that will put her in Doctor Livingstone's care, where she will remain until it is certain she is well again.
To ensure Jonathan is best taken care of, I have warded him. My husband and I will be his parents until Marianne can be trusted again.
With you in thought,
Georgiana Lacey
Of course, Marianne and Jacob would never get Jonathan back. I was cruel, and I was certain that this letter despaired Jacob Hudson to the brink of insanity. Especially since there was nothing he could do. Normally, he would have to sign the papers of giving up custodianship to me, but thanks to my influence as the general's daughter, I had been able to get it through without any further hassle. As for Doctor Livingstone; he was most loyal to me. I had saved his son's life. Unless I told him to release Marianne from his care, she would stay there without anybody being able to do anything against it.
It grieved me to send my sister and a kind man to their doom, but I could not tolerate any rumours spreading through Marianne's mad talk. When my children's future with Jasper and me were secured, then I would do everything possible to repent, and to enable my sister to have the life she deserved. I had never known what being a mother could make you do, but now I experienced how disastrous it could be for the people involved.
But I now finally had Jonathan with me, where he belonged. It had cost a high price.
Two weeks later, as I lay in bed a while after having woken up, I heard the soft whimpering of John. I immediately got up and went to retrieve him from his bed. "Mama." He said, and stopped crying the moment I cradled him against my chest. My heart threatened to burst from joy.
"My baby."
"Mrs Lacey? There has arrived a letter for you." I turned to Katherine and motioned her in. It was a sealed letter, and I wondered who it could be from.
I stood by the window, holding John, who was getting heavier with every day. I held the letter in my hand and looked down into the yard, where a Union rider had just appeared and called for Charles. I saw my husband's face darken, and I guessed that he was receiving the news of his muster. I redirected my attention to the letter, managed to open the envelope and take out the letter.
Georgiana,
if you have the chance, then leave Lacey now. Rumours are spreading that you were already married when you wedded Lacey, and only too soon they will know who you got married to. When the officials get to you before you're out of Missouri, you will face a traitor's death because of your marriage to me. Please, my love, make haste and get away from there, and take our children with you.
Go as far as Bentonville, I will send one of my men there to get you safely to Charleston. I will meet you there as soon as I possibly can.
Just please, love, be careful. I love you.
J.
I had to read the letter twice. It shocked me to read what was written there, and I frantically thought of a way to disappear from here as swiftly as possible. I noticed through the haze of worry that it had been the first time Jasper had told me that he loved me.
Then a resolute expression came onto my face, and I shoved the letter into my corsage, close to my heart. "Katherine, would you dress Felicity and John for me? And tell the stableman to get Caesar ready."
"Of course, Ma'am." It honoured her that she did not ask why. I hurried from the room and into my office, where I rummaged through my files and documents, sorted out the things I might need and all put them down my corsage. It was the only place they would be safe, and it also was the only place I could put them. I would need both my hands, and I could not take any luggage. My diary I could not leave here, not ever, so I put it into my boot.
Outside of my office, Charles grabbed hold of me again. It would be the last time. "How does it happen that I am sent to Fort Myers?!"
I shrugged, not avoiding a smile. "You always wanted a promotion. Start working for it."
"You sly bitch."
"What do I have to do with anything?"
"We both know that the operation Fort Myers is destined for failure. You have put me on the list!"
"Will be hard to prove, won't it? I am an excellent imitator of writings." I let out a dry laugh. It gave me pleasure to know that when he died, he would know it had been me who had sent him to his death.
For once, Charles was speechless and let go of me, and I hurried down the corridor to fetch my children and leave.
I had to go now. Maybe it would not be as elegant an exit as I had originally planned, but it would be the only chance I would get. If I stayed, there would only be death.
I was just out on the yard, the gravel crunching under my boots, when the riders came. My parents were among them, so were many officials, and none of their faces looked very kind.
I rested Felicity on my hip and held John's hand, and I looked up at the men. I heard somebody exit the house behind me, and I supposed it was Charles.
"My lady, Sir." The elderly man on the white horse nodded respectfully. "We are sorry to disturb. I will not bother with pleasantries, but will directly come down to business. We have reason to assume that your marriage is invalid. Should that prove to be correct, then your daughter Felicity will be declared a bastard."
Jasper had been right - and it was now getting extremely dangerous for me. Maybe it was already too late; Jasper's and my marriage was valid, after all, and they would have the documents proving it. So I drew the only weapon I had. Attack.
"Indeed she will not be." I said firmly. "For she is my husband's daughter." I paused, and inwardly said goodbye to my parents. "Just like Jonathan is my husband's son."
"Excuse me asking, Ma'am, but I understand that Jonathan Hudson is the son of your sister Marianne."
"He is not, for he is under my custody, and it was I who has given birth to him. He was simply passed of as Officer Hudson's son to avoid a scandal." I avoided the shocked faces of my parents. I was pushing my family deeper into the pitch of shame, but I had to save my children and myself. And my future with Jasper.
Charles had circled around me and now stood with the officials, glaring at me, and I superiorly smiled at him. I might shame my family, but I was certainly ridiculing him, and it did me good to feel this grim satisfaction. "Do I understand that you are confessing to giving birth to a bastard?"
"No, I do not, for I am lawfully married to the begetter." The official wanted to say something, but I knew that any question of his would just end in more confusion. I needed the moment of surprise to succeed."You are here to declare this marriage unlawful, and I agree with you that it is just that. For when I married Officer Lacey, I had already been married, and my true, lawful husband is the father of my two children, Felicity and Jonathan."
My mother clasped her hand before her mouth, my father looked a little less shocked. I still stood proudly, and I would just land the final blow before I would disappear from here.
The executive gave me the optimal possibility to. "Georgiana Ellwood, who is your lawfully wedded husband?"
I walked over to my horse. Nobody stopped me. I put Jonathan on its back and one-handedly climbed up behind him, holding Felicity in my other. When I sat, my back straight and my head held high, I said, clearly and firmly: "General Jasper Whitlock."
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