H/n: I'M SHOWING YOU SOME AFFECTION!
Y/n: LET GO OF ME!!!
If someone walked in right now, they would be probably wondering how I ended up this situation. It's hard to explain, but let's start from the very beginning after I woke up this morning.
It was around 7 AM when H/n first knocked on my door. I grunted and sent him away. It was damn too early. He said that he will be working out downstairs, so I would know what the noises were. I just hummed in response and went back to sleep.
Then I woke up again, around 9 AM and decided to get up. I brushed my teeth, styled my hair, changed clothes and did my makeup. H/n wouldn't stop knocking on my door, asking if I was done getting ready, what was taking me so long and what do I want to eat and many many more things. I told him to fuck off each time, but he didn't take me seriously, not even once. He kept returning after I sent him away. I refused to leave the room one million times, but when he threw a tantrum and threatened me that he would break the door, I was forced to open it and come downstairs along with him to eat.
He scolded me for not eating breakfast earlier with him. And when I say ,,scolded" I mean that he made me sit on a chair, he stood in front of me and was pointing at me with a wooden spoon while wearing an apron. If you'd ask me, he looked so funny, ridiculous even. He reminded me of moms in movies, I couldn't stop laughing while he tried to sound strictly. Then he handed me a bowl of cereal and ordered me to eat. I chuckled at how he tried to dominate me. But regardlessly of that, I ate the little portion which was inside the bowl, got up and went to the sink to wash the spoon and the bowl, but after I washed it and dried my hands.....I felt a pair of arms wrapping themselves around my waist and a chin resting on my right shoulder.
And that's how ended up in this situation.
H/n: SHUT THE HELL UP. I WON'T.
Y/n: WHY THE FUCK NOT??!
H/n: ......You're comfy.
I froze and my eyes widened.
Y/n: What's actually wrong with you??
He allowed me to turn around to face him, but he didn't remove his arms.
H/n: Besides, isn't affection exactly the thing you need?
Y/n: HELL NO. GROSS. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TOUCH ME.
H/n: Oh come on, it's not so bad.
I grunted and pushed him away by taking a hold of his chin and pushing it up. He stumbled and let go of me.
H/n: Alright alright, calm down.
Never tell a woman to calm down.
Y/n: What the fuck do you mean „calm down?!"
H/n: You sure swear a lot...
Y/n: „CALM DOWN??!!" DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE A GOOD REASON TO BE PISSED?! I DON'T FUCKING WANT YOUR AFFECTION!! AND DON'T THINK THAT I WILL EVER LET YOU DO WHAT YOU DID YESTERDAY!!
H/n: Oh, the kissing? To me, it seemed like you really enjoyed it.
He smirked playfully. I can see the satisfaction glowing in his eyes. I hate it.
H/n: You even let out some muffled moans.
His smirk got even bigger. I clenched my fists and tried hard to not beat the shit out of him.
H/n: It's good to know your weak spot. I kind of enjoyed it too, to be honest.
He took a step closer.
H/n: I didn't expect the skin on your neck to be so sensitive. After all, you were so red, blushing all over while you tried to muffle your voice.
He pressed his body against mine, making me lean against the kitchen counter. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.
H/n: It even made me shiver, you know, the quiet moans you were releasing right into my ear while I sucked onto your sweet spot. You tried so desperately to be quiet~
I blushed heavily and averted my gaze to the floor.
H/n: It makes me wonder.....Where else is your skin this sensitive?
He licked my earlobe and trailed his tongue up over my auricle. My face turned completely red as I accidentally let out a gasp. I tried to squirm my way out of his embrace, but in vail.
Y/n: S-stop...!
Why does he keep fooling around?! Did I not make myself clear?! What else is he going to do?! Am I even safe around him?! This behavior is not normal! We're not friends, we're not lovers, not even friends with benefits. We're more like enemies, he's my bully before anything else. Yet he keeps doing this since the day he heard my conversation with the old hag.
I couldn't help but let out a whimper. He suddenly stopped and pulled away. I lifted up my face and looked up at him with my now watery eyes.
H/n: S-sorr-..Shit.....I didn't mean to scare you...
He said quietly, softly..
Y/n: Don't think so much of yourself....I'm not scared of you...
He gently caressed my cheek, catching me off guard in the process.
Y/n: Let go.
And that was all it took for him to take a step back.
Y/n: I know that you hate me, but this was overboard...
I turned to my side, ready to go upstairs to my bedroom, to lock myself and never come out, but he grabbed my hand, stopping me from doing so. Then it slid lower so he was holding only my ring finger and my pinky.
H/n: Wait! I said that I don't hate you! Stop ignoring that fact already....please.
Y/n: .......
H/n: Now, what do you want to do today?
Is he trying to change the subject?
I pulled my hand away with a sigh. He's really acting weird.
Y/n: I don't want to see you for the rest of the day. And don't cook for me.
I started walking upstairs. He stood there, dumbfounded, before he "woke up" and ran after me.
H/n: Y/n, listen. You can be mad at me all you want, but please eat... You were doing so good lately...
Good? I threw up.... But at least I tried. That's a progress too I guess...
I kicked the door close behind me and locked it. He immediately grabbed the handle and turned it down, but the door didn't even budge. I heard him sigh.
H/n: This "isolation" of yours, is really annoying.
I heard him grunt in annoyance.
Y/n: Is that so...
H/n: Come on! Open the door!
I plopped down on the bed. Here goes his famous phrase again. How many times has he said it already? Literally everyday, 10 times a day.
Y/n: Don't you have someone else to bother?!
I took my laptop and turned it on, signed in and went to YouTube.
H/n: Baby.....
I froze.
My eyes widened.
My hand wasn't able to click on the video I wanted to click on.
My heart skipped a beat, but then it started beating rapidly, strongly and loudly.
Y/n: W-what did you just say?!
H/n: Baby?
Y/n: D-! Don't say it so casually you jerk!!
H/n: Jerk huh. Original, I haven't heard that one from you yet.
Y/n: Shut up! Get lost! And don't call me „baby!"
H/n: But I wanna. I like it.
Y/n: Hell no!
I took my pillow and threw it at the door.
H/n: ........Did you just....throw a pillow at me...
Y/n: Go awaaayyyy!
He sighed.
H/n: Well, whatever „sweetheart."
He mocked before he turned around and left.
My heart sank all of a sudden. He's just messing with me. First he cares out of nowhere about me and my life, then he wants to spend a whole next week with me, the next day he's kissing my neck, then licking my ear and now he's mocking me with pet names.
My eyes filled with tears.
And here I am, thinking that things are getting better, that we could actually be friends. I even caught myself multiple times thinking about how a relationship with him would be like.
This is getting ridiculous. I promised myself to not fall for him and now he's making it even harder. What's with the caring and gentle hugs? I've never liked hugs before... So why is it so different with him? Why do only his hugs warm up my cold heart? Why him of all people?
A tear rolled down my cheek.
Perhaps this is what he wants. He wants me to fall for him and then make a fun of me. Who wouldn't fall for caring words, gentle touches, comforting hugs and.....even touches that make the butterflies inside your stomach dance...
But then again, I remember that he stood up for me when my mom was yelling at me for causing her trouble when she had to get up in the middle of the night because of the incident with the old man.
Looks like he's thought about it all. It's a perfect plan, I'll give him that..
It just.....
Hurts...
My chest stings...
I just want to...
No. I shouldn't. He's here after all. What if he would catch me? I mean, the door is locked, but if I'd be bleeding out, I wouldn't be able to open the door and come out if he would call for me.. And as I know him, he would break the door, again. I might lose consciousness as well, that makes the chance of getting caught even bigger.
But....if I wouldn't cut deep enough....then I wouldn't make such a mess, I wouldn't lose consciousness and a simple tissue would do instead of the bandages...
Without a second thought, I clicked on a video and a song started playing. I increased the volume to have an excuse for ignoring H/n.
Then I lifted up my pillow and took my eyebrow razor from underneath. I took the cover off the razor's blade and stared at the dried blood that was all over it. A normal person would wash it, but I find it very calming, knowing that it's my blood. I would vomit if it was anyone else's though. Well, a normal person wouldn't do this to themselves....
I unwrapped the bandages, exposing my scarred forearm.
🩸⚠️
I pressed the razor against my skin. Suddenly I heard a voice in my head, but this time, it wasn't mine.
„Don't. Don't do it."
The voice is deeper than mine. It sounds like a man speaking.
„Please, Y/n."
The funniest thing is, I recognize that voice.
„Baby."
Oh fuck you....you really got under my skin. I hope you're proud. Now I'm imagining your voice begging me to not do it.
I quickly slid the razor against my skin.
Y/n: One....
Y/n: Two...
It burns.
Y/n: Three...
It stings really badly.
I watched as the lines I drew over my skin turned red and got redder and redder with each second. It mesmerized me. Then the droplets rolled down my arm. But still, this is the smallest amount of blood that I've ever shed. It's not that deep, but it's not just a scratch either.
I was in a trance, but then I almost got a heart attack from the interruption.
H/n: TURN OFF THE DEPRESSING MUSIC!!
What's gotten him so mad?
I immediately paused the song.
Y/n: Who the fuck are you to tell me? This is my house.
H/n: I'm not saying that you can't be listening to it, just don't blast my ears off with it! How are you not deaf yet?!!
I rolled my eyes and took a tissue from the nightstand. I wiped off the trails of blood and then I pressed the tissue against my new wounds.
H/n: What are you doing anyway?
Y/n: Nothing. Just listening to music.
H/n: Can I come in?
Y/n: No.
H/n: Why not?
Y/n: Why would I want you here?
H/n: The song was pretty depressing....Are you okay?
Y/n: I like songs like this, so keep your so called affection.
He grunted from behind the door.
H/n: You're really pissing me off today.
Y/n: You're pissing me off every day.
I looked at the bandages that were laying on my bed. I should throw them away already and use new ones.
I got up from bed and went to my bathroom to get new bandages.
H/n: Where are you going?
Y/n: Into my wardrobe to go to Narnia.
He scoffed.
H/n: Ha ha.....very funny.
Y/n: I can hear your eyes rolling.
I chuckled at my own joke.
H/n: Just shut up!
He suddenly went quiet. I finished wrapping my arm in fresh bandages before suspiciously looking at the door.
Y/n: Are you just gonna stand there? It's creepy to know that you're standing behind my door while listening to my movements.
I went back to bed, put the cover back on the blade and shoved the razor back under my pillow. Then I got up and surprisingly, went to the door, unlocked it and opened it.
Y/n: What. What is it.
H/n stared at me. His eyes trailed up and down, stopping at my newly wrapped bandages and then going back to my eyes. I raised an eyebrow in question.
H/n: Were you crying?
I was taken aback.
Y/n: What..?
How would he know? I was quiet. I'm always quiet.
H/n: You have wet eyelashes, slightly red eyes and a small amount of mascara under them.
He furrowed his eyebrows as he reached his hand out to caress my cheek, but I slightly took a hold of his wrist and pulled his hand down.
Y/n: I'm fine.
H/n: Is that why you like sad songs? Do they make you relax, so that you can finally cry..?
Y/n: Stop playing on detective...
H/n: I'm seriously concerned, Y/n! Not to mention that you changed the bandages on your arm. Why? Did something happen?
Y/n: Nothing happened.
I walked past him. He took a quick glance into my room to look for anything suspicious, but found nothing, so he followed me.
H/n: Then why did you change them? And what kind of injury do you have? It looks like a long term injury.
Y/n: None of your business.
I walked downstairs to get a glass of water. I noticed a pot with something inside of it. I guess he cooked.
Y/n: You cooked lunch?
I asked without bothering to face him as I poured some water into my glass.
H/n: Don't even try to change the subject.
Y/n: Don't order me around.
H/n: Why are you being so difficult?!
Because I don't want you to see who I really am, what problems I have, my mental state....Would you even look at me if you knew? Or would you be disgusted?
That's what I'd like to say, but I can't.
I finished my glass of water, put it down and finally turned around to look at him as I leaned my back against the kitchen counter.
Y/n: You're the one who thinks of himself as a king of this world and as Sherlock Holmes.
H/n: Now you're really pushing it!
Y/n: Then why don't you leave, huh?
Like everyone else. I'm literally trying here, trying to save you, to spare you from my problems, to not hurt you even more. So just leave already.
H/n: I'm babysitting you, genius!
Y/n: I don't want you here anyway and I'm not eating lunch today, so feel free to just go somewhere else.
H/n: I fucking might! You're so fucking frustrating!!
Jackpot. It hurts me, but it's for the best.
Y/n: Fine, can't wait.
H/n: Oh yeah?! And you know what?! I don't fucking care anymore! Don't eat if you don't want to! Keep hiding secrets from me, I don't care anymore! I'm so fucking done with being the only one who's trying!
Y/n: Trying? What exactly are you trying to accomplish by kissing my neck without my permission?
That shut his mouth.
H/n: I was just......trying to.....make things better I guess...
Y/n: Well fucking done.
I rolled my eyes.
H/n: Enough! I'm leaving!
My heart quietly sank as he yelled into my face. Then I watched him put on a coat and sliding into his shoes.
Don't. Don't leave. Don't leave me here all alone. In this toxic household. Don't leave. You're making it look brighter and warmer here. You're making it feel like an actual home. I don't know what to do anymore.
He gathered his stuff and then he opened the door. He took one last glance at me. It seemed like he hesitated for a moment. I didn't even realize what kind of desperate face I was making.
He bit the inside of his cheek and slammed the door shut behind him.
I let the tears freely flow and fall onto the floor as my knees buckled and I fell down on my ass. I pressed my back against the kitchen cabinet and cried into my palms.
I wish I could be selfish for once and make the people I care about stay with me. But I know what kind of a person I am. I want to spare him that...
*H/n's pov*
As I drove further and further away from her house, my chest grew tighter. It hurts. I don't know what's going on myself. I just wanted things to work out and before I knew it.... I became possessive over something that's not even mine and made her feel uncomfortable.
I drove to my house, worked out to blow off some steam, took a shower to calm down and then I went to my bedroom. I spend a few hours sleeping and playing video games, until the guilt in my stomach got unbearable. It's already 7 PM. I wonder if I should call Aaron and inform him about that I left her there alone, or if I should just say that I can't do this anymore, that I'm done. I thought he would be home already, since school ended at 2 PM, but now I'm highly doubtful that he's home, because he didn't call me, nor did he scold me through a text message.
But what if Aaron asks someone else? Will they sleep in her room with her and cook for her and watch movies with her and see her dressed only in long oversized shirts which are making it look like she has nothing under- HELL NO! I'LL NEVER ALLOW THAT!!
I subconsciously slammed my fist into my working desk in my room.
H/n: What the hell is wrong with me. What is this. I've never felt anything like this before. Is it a lack of sex what's making me so frustrated and unable to relax? Should I go to that club again and just fuck bitches? No....the thought alone doesn't satisfy me. It wouldn't be it. Something would be missing.... But what? Why does sex with strippers no longer excite me? Sex is sex. It's the same, no matter who I'm doing it with. So why am I not interested in doing it with strangers anymore? It was always my style. No connections, no feeling, no emotions, no words, no dates, no phone numbers, no dinner, no cuddling, just fucking the soul out of them, hard and fast. I had no reason to be gentle and they were fucking loving it. And I enjoyed it too. But now when I think about doing it, my stomach tightens with...guilt? Or is it disgust? Impossible.
Suddenly my phone vibrated, signaling me that I've got a message.
Aaron: „Hey, I'm sorry, but I will come home later tonight. Around 10 PM or something like that. I'm really sorry. Please take care of Y/n and don't do anything stupid."
Oh you've got to be kidding me. Why today of all days? I can't leave her all alone, what if something happens? What if she gets in a fight with her mom and I'm not there? What if someone breaks in? What if she faints? Is she even eating? I bet she didn't eat the whole day.....
No.
No.
Don't.
H/n: ..........
H/n: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!
I abruptly got up, took my keys along with my phone and went to my car after I locked the house. I cursed under my breath while driving.
H/n: Screw you for being so problematic and making me worried.
After a couple of minutes, I finally pulled up to her house, got out of the car, walked to her door and rang. No one answered, which made me worry a lot, so I started banging on the door. That didn't work either.
H/n: Y/n, it's me. Open the door!
Nothing. I rang rang and rang, in hope that she would just open the door, sleepy in my shirt, apologize that she was asleep and say that she was indeed alright.
H/n: God please tell me that nothing happened. Tell me she's okay.
I leaned my forehead against the door. Suddenly I heard a slight and very quiet rustling from not far away, so my guess is that she's in the kitchen.
If it's not someone else.
The thought alone made me grab the handle and try to spin it to open the door, and it caught me out of guard when it clicked and opened. The fear that someone didn't even have to try hard to break in sent shivers down mine spine and I took a mental note to secure the door later.
I stepped in, closed the door and took my shoes off. It smells weird in here.
Just when I was about to walk into the kitchen to open the window, I saw someone sitting on the floor and leaning against the kitchen cabin behind the table and the chairs. I ran to her and knelt down beside her.
H/n: Hey! Y/n! Can you hear me?!
Her head is tilted back against the kitchen cabin and her eyes closed. She has mascara under her eyes and smudges from mascara on her cheeks. Her left hand is resting on the floor, meanwhile her right hand is on her lifted knee and is holding a glass of something. Could be a water. Then she suddenly opened her eyes and looked at me.
Y/n: ......H/n.?
Just then I recognized the smell. Alcohol.
I got up, went to the window and opened it. I noticed an empty bottle of white sparkling wine and a half full bottle of vodka. Did her mom leave this here?
H/n: What happened in here?
She grunted as I spoke.
Y/n: Quit yelling....too loud.....idiot....
H/n: THE FUCK?!
I wasn't yelling! What the hell is wrong with her? Screw her attitude!
I started looking around. I glanced into the pot on the kitchen counter. There's still the same amount. So she really didn't eat. Damn it...
H/n: You didn't even touch the food huh....
I sighed and knelt down in front of her. I moved a strand of her hair behind her ear. She just hummed in response before she sipped from her glass.
H/n: Well, at least you're staying hydrated...
Y/n: It's straight vodka...
H/n: YO! WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE!
I snatched the glass out of her hand, stood up and smelled it.
H/n: What were you thinking?! You're too young for this!
I slammed the glass onto the kitchen counter.
Y/n: You're not my dad...
H/n: Y/n! This is-
Y/n: So what are you gonna do, huh? Gonna call cops on me? Pretty boy?
H/n: Oh God...
I was stunned when I heard her call me a pretty boy and I felt my cheeks heat up. I tried to awkwardly cough it off, but it wasn't working.
Y/n: What?
H/n: Ehem-.....nothing....
We stared at each other. I always get so lost in her eyes, it's making me want to lean in and look deeper into them and get lost in them even more, but in the same time it kind of pisses me off.
Y/n: So.....what are you doing here?
H/n: Oh you're in no position to ask questions! Explain yourself!
Y/n: Explain.....what..?
H/n: I don't know, maybe why you're drunk?
Y/n: ......
She looked ashamed and lowered her gaze to the floor.
Y/n: None of your business...
This famous phrase again...
H/n: It is. I was supposed to look after you, but I left. And Aaron doesn't even know about it and I have no idea how I'll explain myself to him. He will probably kick me out...
Y/n: ........It's not like it's your fault. It was my decision...
H/n: It is my fault. If I was here, I wouldn't let you get drunk.
Y/n: ......
H/n: Fuck.....can you walk?
Y/n: Nnnnn......
H/n: Oi! Don't fall asleep!
Y/n: Ssshhhh......shut up.
H/n: Oh God....When did you start drinking? Around what hour? And was this your first time?
Y/n: Mmnn....I had sips of wines before......But this was the first time I got really drunk.... And I think I started like an hour after you left....
H/n: Jesus.....
H/n: Hey, where are your keys? You should lock the door when you're here all alone. I didn't even have to try to break in.
Y/n: Dunno.....
I rubbed the bridge of my nose in annoyance. I stood up and went to her room. It didn't take me long to find her keys on the nightstand. I took them and went back downstairs to lock the door. After I did, I closed the window and walked back to her.
H/n: Come on, I'll help you stand up.
I reached my hand out for her to take, but she didn't react. It made me worry, so I knelt down in front of her. She stared at me with dead eyes. I don't think I've seen her with this expression before.
H/n: Y/n, please talk to me. What's wrong?
I tried to sound as soft as I could, I also kept my voice down.
Y/n: You're back.....
What?
H/n: Yes, am I......What about it?
Y/n: Why would you.....come back to me?
H/n: ......Dumbass. I was supposed to babysit you and....I guess I was....a bit worried....
She slightly chuckled at my last sentence before she hiccuped. I slightly smiled at her cuteness, but was fast to shake it off.
H/n: Tell me, why did you get drunk?
Y/n: ........I was sad.....because you left...
Tears filled her eyes as she spoke. The sight broke my heart, but her words confused me.
H/n: You were sad because I left? But you said you didn't want me here.
She sniffled as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Y/n: I'm sorry.....I lied...I didn't mean to hurt you...
What is she talking about? Am I missing something? What's going on? I don't get her. She lied? Does that mean she likes to spend time with me? Then why was she bitching about it so much? Why was she so arrogant?
H/n: What do you mean...? Can you...be more specific? Why did you lie? Why did you say all those things? Did you want to get back at me?
Y/n: N-no....of course not..... I lied because it was......the best thing to do..... It was to protect you...
H/n: I still don't get it. It was the best thing to do? Why? And protect me from what?
I'm really worried. This is scaring me. There's something wrong. Maybe it's a misunderstanding..?
Y/n: Protect you from me....that's why I had to make you leave, that's why I had to be mean, that's why it was for the best... And I'm sorry. I was a bit rough with my words....
It feels like my brain is overloaded. I don't get a single word. The fuck does she mean by that? Just what's going on inside her head?
H/n: Why would you have to protect me from you? What does it mean? Do you have any plans to kill me in my sleep orrr......
Y/n: Hah.....Unfortunately, no.
H/n: So what the fuck is this about?
She wiped her tears away with her bandaged forearm, but new formed in her eyes.
H/n: Y/n.....tell me what's wrong. This is scaring me.
I leaned closer to her, inches away from her face as I cupped her cheeks and started brushing my thumbs over her skin.
Y/n: I'm such a......
Her voice cracked and I felt my chest painfully aching at that sound.
Y/n: I'm such a horrible person.... I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could tell you what's truly wrong with me... But you'd leave if I did.
She sobbed, which only made me lean closer. I want to hold her so badly, but I want to hear everything first.
Y/n: To be honest....I...... I have depression and anxiety.... My depression was pretty much caused by my mom and by my reflection in the mirror.... I have this voice in my head.... It's unbearable... Whenever I look at other girls, I feel like a trash.... I look so ugly it hurts...
H/n: What the fuck are you-
Y/n: And because of my lack of confidence, I often act mean around people. I always take their positiveness away with my depressed mood. At some point, I always hurt them, so I learned that it's for the best to push them away....
H/n: Y/n you-
Y/n: And it's exactly the same with you. You've changed and now you're so nice to me for some reason... But once you'll find out what I'm doing to myself, you'll be disgusted and you'll leave. I know you will. And it will hurt me. That's why I wanted to make you leave before I get attached...
Attached....to...me? Leave? She's doing something to herself?
Y/n: I don't want to take your positiveness away. I don't want to be mean to you in order for you to stay away from me. And I don't want to hurt you with what I'm doing to myself....
H/n: Now you're fucking scaring me. What are you doing to yourself..?
Y/n: I know it will hurt you once you get to know. That's why I want to protect you. I want to spare you the problems that come with being friends with me..
H/n: Stop. Stop this bullshit already!
I suddenly picked her up like it's nothing. She's so light too. The sudden movement made her wrap her legs around my waist and her hands held firmly onto my shoulders. I sat her down onto the kitchen counter, so we were pretty much the same eye level. I'm still higher but not that much anymore. My hands stayed on her hips as I stood between her thighs.
H/n: Y/n, you're not fucking ugly! You're not fucking fat! You're so fucking perfect it makes me wonder how's that even possible! And that shitty makeup you're wearing?! I saw you without it when you were asleep! You don't fucking need that shit, yet you're too insecure about going out without it! I fucking hate how you don't know your own worth! Guys would be all over you if you'd let them get to know you. Those girls you're looking at and you're comparing yourself with, would sleep with anyone for money. They have no value. They're fucking whores that think how pretty they are, yet not even makeup can fix their faces! They're bullying others who are prettier than them to protect their ego. Y/n, compared to them, you're a fucking Goddess. You wouldn't sell your body, you're not hurting anyone, you're not ruining anyone's mental health and confidence. You're telling everyone how perfect they are, especially Ashley, but you can't do it for yourself. It makes me be so fucking pissed. Just what exactly do you hate about yourself?! What's so wrong with your face?! That you don't look plastic like those bitches?!
She stared at me in utter shock, too stunned to speak. She even forgot to cry.
Y/n: D-don't I have a round face...?
H/n: Honestly? A little and I fucking prefer it, 'cause it's cute. It suits you and it's just perfect on you. But don't think that you have a literal circle face. That's not true. It's really just slightly visible and only if you focus on it, which is exactly what you're doing. Then you're staring for too long and when you do that, your eyes deform your face based on your mind. It's the same with pictures. When you're staring at it for too long, you'll stop liking it, because you'll see your face getting longer or some shit. We all have it.
I explained calmly. She seemed to be listening closely, as if she was very interested in my opinion. As if what I thought of her, was the only thing that mattered.
Y/n: M-my eyes are....brown. It's not an interesting color like blue and green. It's boring and ugly...they're so dark too....
H/n: The fuck? Brown eyes are not ugly nor are they boring. They're the most romantic eyes, the easiest ones to sink in. The easiest ones to get lost in. They also show love and emotions the most. So don't think that way...
Y/n: .......My.....My lips are....
Oh don't even get me started about your lips.
Y/n: Aren't they too small..?
H/n: Well what would you want them to look like? Like two fucking balloons floating around?
I was happy when it made her giggle.
H/n: You have a perfect shape, Y/n. Everyone likes when the bottom lip is bigger than the top lip. And they're not tiny or slim at all. They're just normal.
Y/n: Well then, they're not anything special...
H/n: In this generation, it is special to not have a plastic surgery and two balloons instead of lips.
She giggled again, which warmed up my heart.
Y/n: But what about my nose? I don't have a button nose...
H/n: You kind of do. It's between a button nose and upturned nose. Be glad that you don't have hooked, droopy or Grecian nose.
Y/n: Pfff....hahah....
She giggled some more, which only made me hold her tighter. She smells pretty much like the wine, but I don't mind.
H/n: Anything else?
Y/n: .......Are you sure I shouldn't lose even more weight...?
I frowned at that.
H/n: Like fuck you should. You've already lost so much weight, it's unhealthy. You're barely 53 kg so stop thinking bullshits!
Y/n: ..........But-
H/n: No. I won't let you think that. And to make myself clear, from now on, whenever you're insecure about something, come to me. Whenever you're feeling down, or a depression wave hits you, just come to me. If you'd need someone to talk to, again, come to me. Is that clear?
Y/n: ...Y-yes.....
She sniffled.
H/n: Good.
I handed her a tissue which she immediately used.
After she was done, I took a glass and filled it with water.
H/n: Here.
Y/n: Jeez......thanks I guess.....
After she drank it, I filled it again. She looked annoyed but drank it anyway. Then I started walking, with her legs still wrapped around my waist, upstairs to her bedroom.
H/n: Aaron's going to return around 10 PM.
Y/n: Yeah I know. He texted me. I wouldn't get drunk if he was at home.
I hummed and closed the door behind us. I hesitated for a bit, but decided to lock it too.
H/n: Where's your mom?
Y/n: Sleeping at her friend's place....
I nodded and sat her down on the bed, but she wobbly stood up.
H/n: What's up?
Y/n: I'm gonna take my makeup off....my mascara is everywhere except on my eyelashes where it's supposed to be.
I laughed at that and watched her wobble to the bathroom. She was there for 15 minutes, claiming that her skincare routine is a long process. I rolled my eyes and picked her up again. She squeaked and wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.
H/n: Fucking knew it. Even better without that useless makeup.
Her cheeks flushed, so she was quick to burrow her face in the crook of my neck. I chuckled at her cuteness. Then I laid down with her on the bed. My cheeks heated up when I realized in what position we were. I'm on top of her, her legs are still securely wrapped around my waist along with her arms around my neck and my forearms are on each side of her head.
We stared at each other for a while.
H/n: Hey......just how drunk are you?
She laughed.
Y/n: Oh veeeery.....
I leaned closer to her face.
H/n: Can I try something?
Y/n: Like what?
I slowly started leaning closer and closer, praying that she will notice and do the same. She switched looks between my eyes and my lips. She knows. Just when our lips brushed against each other, we heard the front door downstairs shut loudly.
I frowned, took out my phone from my pocket and looked at the time.
H/n: It's 8 PM....he's not supposed to be here yet.
I whispered.
Y/n: Get off of me and unlock the door. It would look weird....
I blushed at the thought of having sex with her.
H/n: R-right...
I unlocked the door and opened it when I heard the steps almost behind the door.
H/n: Hey.
He lifted an eyebrow at me.
Aaron: What were you two doing behind closed doors huh.
He crossed his arms on his chest.
H/n: Nothing.
Aaron: And the bottles of alcohol downstairs?
Y/n: The old hag left it like that before she drove to her friend's house. She's sleeping there tonight.
She said as she sat up. Aaron hummed in response, but seemed like he was getting suspicious.
H/n: And what are you doing here this early?
Aaron: Training went well, so we ended sooner.
H/n: Tch....
Aaron: What. You're sad you missed the training or that I'm home sooner than expected.
H/n: That's not-
Y/n: Shut up you two! Go and talk somewhere else. I'm tired and I'm going to sleep. Night.
She suddenly hid under the covers. I didn't know what to do, so I closed the door behind me.
Aaron: Are you sure you weren't doing anything behind the closed door?
H/n: Yes, I'm pretty sure.
I rolled my eyes at him and walked past him, because I couldn't hide the blush on my cheeks. I went to his room and plopped down onto the spare mattress.
Aaron: I'm drained from the training, I'll go to sleep too.
I hummed. He took off his shirt and jumped onto the bed and covered himself with blanket.
I'll be awake for another hour or two.
H/n: Did you lock the door?
Aaron: Of course I did....
He sleepily answered.
As time went by, I couldn't get Y/n's words out of my head.
„I don't want to hurt you with what I'm doing to myself...."
The fuck is that.....
Then it clicked and I abruptly sat up.
Wait a Goddamn minute. Her arms are always bandaged and Aaron said something like „I know what you're doing when you're here alone" when she wanted to sleep alone. So that must be what she meant. She's doing something to herself....something bad.... What can you do with your arms? Is she.....
„I don't want to hurt you with what I'm doing to myself...."
Come on....connect the dots....
„I don't want to hurt you with what I'm doing to myself...."
Bandaged arms. Depression. A girl. Girls have a tendency to hurt themselves when they hate their body.
„I don't want to hurt you with what I'm doing to myself...."
H/n: You've got to be kidding me.
Author:
Words: 6.9K
Phew! This was a long one. I was writing this for 2 days. I'm sorry for not posting, but I'm doing exams after exams because I'm graduating.
Don't forget to vote🥺❤️
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