Caitlin
After that dinner with my UST friends, It made me realize things. Humarap ako sa salamin which was on my bedside table. The Caitlin I am looking at right now is no longer the Caitlin a couple of years ago. I was changed. Hindi na ako ito. Or maybe this is still me but I am seeing her, in a new light. Since the day I let her be herself in front of me without thinking about that rivalry thing during our UAAP days and me not being frigid or indifferent to her.
But... It doesn't mean that I am falling for her, right? Hindi pwede.
Na-alala ko tuloy 'yung naging usapan namin ni ate Si before kami maghiwa-hiwalay that night.
FLASHBACK...
While on our way ... (Inside Cj's car)
Cj is ate Si's boyfriend if you're wondering.
Nakisabay lang ako sa kanila. Nauna na kasi si Bea umuwi. Her dad's asking her to do something that needs to be done as in right now kaya nag-paalam na rin siya sa 'min after finishing her food. Few minutes passed and we decided na din na umuwi since baka maabutan pa kami ng traffic pauwi.
Ate Si is sitting at the passenger seat sa harap katabi ni CJ na nag d-drive while I am at the back seat.
"Cait, Nag-aalala ako sa 'yo. I know hindi pa gaano naghe-heal 'yung sugat from your previous heartbreak tapos ngayon, you're opening your heart again to her." Ate Si said. Worried.
"What? Ano bang sinasabi mo ate. Huwag ka nga maniwala do'n kila ate Dim at Ysa." I tell her.
Nilingon ako ni ate Si since nasa likod nga ako at nasa harap sila. She looks so serious now staring at me.
"Cait. I am not to judge you or anything. Aminin mo man o hindi, the way you look at her and smile towards her, kitang-kita ko na." She said in a much serious yet, positive tone
"Pero hindi nga..."
"Huwag ako, Cait" Ate Si
Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. There's no point denying or lying about it. Especially to ate Si. She really knows me very well.
"But you know how devastated I was before when KR broke up with me ate 'di ba? And I am not even sure sa nararamdaman ko. What if... Nararamdaman ko lang 'to dahil I'm thankful for her kase siya ang nandyan during those times that I was hurting and siya pa rin ang nandito with me?" I said in my almost cracking voice.
"Yan ba ang kinakatakot mo? Well tama ka na naman." She said at ngayon nakatingin na ulit siya sa harap. "Alamin mo muna talaga what exactly it is that you're feeling for her."
"Paano?" I asked.
"I don't know. Ikaw lang makakasagot niyan, Cait."Ate Si.
End of Flashback
A lot of things have changed. We're now in one team.
How ironic!
Yung dating kinaiinisan ko at gusto ko sanang iwasan, siya pa pala ang magiging ka-close ko ngayon sa team.
I shook my head.
Days have passed. It is kuya Bri''s Birthday tomorrow.
I invited Reg, Bea and Deanna. It was mom and kuya's idea to invite them dahil daw gusto din nila mag-thank you for taking care of me during our bubble and they want to know them too.
Unfortunately, Reg won't be available for some personal matters daw same with Bea na may ime-meet na client daw for her dad's business.
"Deans, punta ka ha? I also invited Reg and Bea kaya lang hindi sila makakapunta" I said. I was talking with Deanna over the phone.
Deanna
Cait's inviting me to join their family for lunch bukas since it's her elder brother's Birthday.
"Deans, punta ka ha? I also invited Reg and Bea kaya lang hindi sila makakapunta" Sabi nito sa kabilang linya. Ramdam kong frustrated and malungkot siya.
"Uhmm kase---"
"Sige na Deans, please? Gusto din kasi kayo makilala ni mama."
Nakakahiya lalo pa wala si poks and ate Bea.
As as an introvert, I am not a fan of social gatherings, especially if hindi ko ka-close or gaanong kilala mga makakasama ko.
Funny right?
Kase as an athlete and somehow kilalang tao, kailangan ko 'yun i-overcome when I am outside.
"Okay sige. I'll come." I said automatically.
I was suppose to decline the invitation. Haaaaayy Caitlin.
"Talaga? Wala ng bawian 'yan ha!" I can sense how her mood changed. Masaya na tono ng boses nya ngayon.
"Do I have a choice? Basta dapat may SB ako ha?" I replied.
"Hoy! Hala sige na nga. Next week bilhan kita." Cait.
Why is it that when it comes to you, ang hirap tumanggi. You're making me do things that I don't usually to for others.
Bea
(The next morning)
9:40 am
Cait invited me to join their family for lunch to celebrate her brother's Birthday.
But I told her that may inuutos sa 'kin si dad for our family business but, the truth is wala naman talaga.
I am trying to keep a little distance. Baka mas lumalim pa ang nararamdaman ko for her.
And I don't think I am ready to love again. To fall in love again and not to be loved back.
I don't want to experience the same kind of pain again. Ayokong maulit ang nangyari sa amin ni Jho.
Siguro fear of rejection na rin
Hindi ko rin gusto maging unfair kay Cait if ever. Paano pala if I just fell for her because reminds me of Jho. Ayokong may pagsisihan at the end.
According din naman kasi sa kanya, Reg won't be able to make it. And I am sure hindi rin sasama 'yun si Deanna. So, there's no point din naman kung pupunta ako alone.
Minutes have passed, Cel messaged me that she'll come over. Tamang-tama kase dad and mom aren't here.
---
---
---
"Why you're keeping a distance ba kase from her?" Cel asked busy with her phone.
We're here in my room. Bababa na lang kami maya-maya. I asked one of our helpers to prepare a lunch for me and Cel.
"Eh kase nga..."
"Kase nga...?"
"What if mangyari din sa amin ni Cait ang nangyari sa 'min ni Jho? Hindi naman pala niya ako gusto." I said.
"What if gusto ka rin pala niya?" Cel.
""What if hindi?"
"So what? Takot kang ma-reject?" She asked still her attention on her phone.
"Hindi naman sa gano'n. I just don't want to ruin what we have."
"Paano mo malalaman if you won't do anything?" This time nakatingin na siya sa kin. "Alam mo Bei, be brave enough. Hahayaan mo na lang ba siya lmawala without at least giving a try just like what you did to Jho?"
I sigh. Covering my head with my pillow.
"I don't know Cel."
"Bei, Take a look at this." Sabi ni Cel habang tinatanggal 'yung unana na nakatakip sa mukha ko.
I immediately sat up and look at the screen of her phone. She's holding it with her phone's screen facing me.
It's Cait's Ig story.
She's with Deanna.
Pumunta si Deanna?
I suddenly felt my heart sank for a split of a second that I decided to stood up, went straight to my bathroom and locked myself in there.
"Bei! Get out from there! Let's talk." Cel knocking on my bathroom door.
"WHAATT? I'm OKAY!!!" I shoute, trying to sound normal.
I know. I have no right to complain or anything. Sino lang ba ako? She's not my girlfriend.
I hate this feeling!
She's now with her habang ako heto, Wala man lang magawa.