(Feb/21/2024) [Wednesday 3:27Pm]
... I honestly don't know what to put.
Um. So these past few days, my memory has been shit.. like actually shit. I keep forgetting things a lot.. and when I mean a lot I mean A LOT. I forget things 90% of the time. Today, I was doing a presentation and I couldn't even remember what I said a minute ago..
My phone has been glitching, lagging and freezing a lot. I told one of my friends about the hallucinations.. (Her name is.. I don't even remember her name, I think it was Katherine? She's in 6th grade) she said that, that was slenderman. I told her about the dreams, my symptoms and everything.
She said that my phone could have a virus that's why it's glitching, but, I haven't downloaded anything from any Sketchy websites and my phone isn't broken.
I have been drawing those symbols in class, I try to stop myself but, I swear it's like I NEED to.. the urge is a bit too strong.
I feel fucking tired no matter how much I sleep, My stomach hurts, I feel very fatigued and I have nausea/dizziness and a whole lot of other symptoms.
I also almost forgot to tell you that I have been having deja Vu lately.. I keep feeling like, when I do something I feel like I have seen or done that in my dream.. Ykwim?
It's like, I dreamt about something and then it actually happens and I get deja Vu.
Is it weird that I'm also starting to like the taste of blood? I keep biting the skin off my lower lip just so I can taste blood. I know that sounds strange, but it has been happening for about 4 months now. I swear I can't stop, I really like the taste of blood ...
I haven't had any weird dreams (thankfully), However, I keep having hallucinations, but it's just the normal. Shadow figures that I see and then they disappear..
Well that's about it.. I forgot to tell you something-
At times.. i go to one place without thinking and then when I realize I'm just like: "wait.. why the hell did I go over here and how the hell did I even get here??" I just become confused and disorganized.
It feels like this, you are in deep thought and then you go to one place and then when you snap back to reality you're all confused. Well that's exactly what happens to me a few times. Bro yesterday I was shaking a bit because of how nervous I was . . .
I don't know why I keep getting nervous for no reason but, it just happened also yesterday while I was shaking and nervous, I also started to cough a lot.. I think that the stick in the mud was near.
My mental health is very bad currently so, if I start to talk about... Stuff. Like for example, how I have the urge to burn my house down. Then.. leave me alone don't talk to me because there is a possibility that I am going insane. And it's true.. I am going insane.
...
Anyways, besides all of this.. my dad still hasn't bought me the fucking camera.. my parents are liars...
They never keep their promises.. They always break them..
Whatever, I don't really care honestly at this point, I can just use my phone which is easier. Besides a camera is fucking expensive and why the hell do I need a camera when I have my phone.
also is it weird that I have been acting.. playful? Normally I would be very aggressive but now.. I'm acting a bit playful or silly in a way? I'm not sure.. I don't know if it's just me but the way I have been acting reminds me a bit of Habit.. doesn't habit act like.. "Silly evil?" Or something like that? Well yeah that's kind of how I have been acting. Also, I have a favorite knife now.
I have this very large knife, it's very sharp and I like it. Mom says to not play with knives but, I really like the sharp knife because it's big and sharp ... Itcouldeasilycutthroughflesh.... : )