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AN: Hello again.
I got curious and looked into if there was a Gravity Falls lego set. There were a few Ideas that reached the required goal, but were never made (I blame Disney). I then looked around online, but couldn't find any fan-made designs. So, I decided to create my own. It will be a set of the Mystery Shack, and once I finish it, I'll link the file for free.
Also, Book of Bill! I'm definitely getting me one of them, possibly a second. Moar Gravity Falls is good.
Beta'd by the wonderful Sora
(Me)
[Sora]
Discord: https://discord.gg/eSSP2GtYQS
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Philza Minecraft perches on a large tree limb. As much as he loves his group of rapidly growing friends/children/collective pains in the ass, he does still need time for himself. He reflects on how quickly his flock has grown: not even a month it was just him, Techno, and Ghostbur; now he also has a shapeshifter, two Endermen, and a living computer program to take care of.
Don't get him wrong, he loves the noise, especially without... Tommy. But sometimes, Phil just needs some time to himself. Especially after an experiment goes wrong and half of the Avian's tail feathers have been burned off. Phil absently ruffles the scorched feathers and listens to chat when he hears something moving below.
Despite what certain traitorous crows may tell you, Phil does not puff up in surprise before recognizing the footfalls. The source moves into Phil's sight, revealing it to be the friend of Techno's latest student. 'Zeus, was it? Or something similar. No, it was Soos.' Phil thinks to himself before noticing something off.
In a majority of their previous interactions, Soos struck Phil as an affable, while not necessarily the brightest, individual. Now, though, the repair guy walks with his head down and an aura of depression radiating off of him.
Phil decides to, as Techno would say, do some investigative journalism. He hops off the branch glides down silently like an angel of death behind Soos. There is no shadow or sound accompanying Phil's decent that would be discernable by his target, and Phil lands softly on his talons.
Phil follows the distraught young man for a few minutes, staying slightly behind him. Soos obviously feels something is off, the hair on the back of his neck stands up and he surreptitiously looks around. Phil dodges subtly left and right, avoiding the line-of sight for as long as possible.
Soos chuckles to himself. "Now I'm just getting paranoid. I've been spending too much time with the little dudes." Phil relaxes slightly when Soos whips around suddenly.
Phil squawks in surprise and leaps backwards, slipping on some leaves and face-planting, while at the same time Soos screams and falls backwards. The two stare at each other until Phil opens his mouth.
"This didn't happen."
"Sure, dude."
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"So, what's up?" Phil asks after the pair have picked themselves up and cleaned themselves off.
"What do you mean?" Soos asks, not quite looking at Phil.
"Something's bothering you." Phil responds, watching as his younger shrinks in on himself. "Can I do something to help?"
Just then, a crow lands on a branch above them, and caws down at them. "Caw Caw?" (6-1-20-8-5-18 19-5-14-19-5-19?)
Phil shoots to his feet, shaking his fist at the bird. "I do not have dad senses!" He sits back down. "Lies and slander, slander and lies." He mutters to himself.
Soos laughs at the beef between the old man and a bird. Phil stares into Soos's soul.
"What was so funny?" Phil asks in a tone reminiscent of the eye of the storm, a false calm before the storm would break.
"Nothing!" Soos promises. "Alright dude, you seem pretty chill with animals, so I'll trust you." He sighs. "I was just kinda bummed 'cause the little dudes threw me a surprise birthday party."
Phil hums. "Why did that bum you out?"
Soos stares off into the distance, formulating his response. "Well, my dad never showed up to any of my birthdays, at least not that I can remember. My Abuelita took care of me, and reassured me that my dad wanted to visit, but he was busy. He would send post cards from wherever he was at the time for my birthday, but they all had the same excuse."
"That's rough buddy."
"I finally realized he wasn't ever coming back on my 12th birthday. Ever since, I've had problems around my birthday." Soos finishes.
"Damn." Phil mutters. "That's... a lot. Do you have a therapist? If you don't, I know- well, knew- someone. I can reach out to her if you need it. If she's too busy, I could always act as a therapist."
"Therapist?" Soos asks. "But I'm not a psychopath or whatever?"
"What? No." Phil protests. "You don't need to have a mental issue to go to therapy. It's like a mind doctor. You should have a psychological check-up every once in a while. Therapy is also great for dealing with trauma, and I'm fairly certain being abandoned by your father counts as, at least mildly, traumatizing."
Soos nods uncertainly. "If you wouldn't mind reaching out, dude, that seems like it could be beneficial."
"It is, it helped Techno get over some stuff." Phil nods.
"Huh? What could Techno be traumatized by?" Soos asks in shock.
"Mate, when he was young, Techno's family was murdered in front of him and he was kidnapped and enslaved. He was forced to fight in a pit for years, until he managed to break free and overthrow the fight ring. I didn't meet him until years later." Phil explains softly.
"Wait, you aren't related to Techno!?" Soos gasps.
Phil stares deadpan at Soos.
"Hmm, now that you mention it, you and Techno don't look all that similar." Soos ponders.
Phil shakes his head. "You- y'know what, not even gonna address that. I'll reach out, but in the mean time, found family can be a decent way to get through your issues with your birthday."
"Found... family?"
"Yeah, people you care about like family but aren't necessarily related. Like me, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy."
"Tommy? Oh yeah, the guy who's somewhere far away." Soos recollects.
Phil stills. "Who told you that?" He asks, a dangerous steel under his voice.
"Techno." Soos responds.
"Ah, I see." Phil relaxes. "Yeah, he's somewhere I can't get to, not for now."
"You know where he is? I got the impression from Techno that you just knew he was far away." Soos comments.
"Yeah, Tommy's with my wife. Don't uh, don't tell Techno." Phil requests.
"Why not dude, he seemed pretty distressed." Soos protests.
"Believe me, for now it is better for him not to know." Phil promises.
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Techno sits on the gate to the compound, looking over a map to find any areas he could expand to easily. The obvious answer was down on the map, both creating new land and further fortifying the central buildings. However, it would also be beneficial to expand onto the cliff and gain a height advantage.
They could also expand underground, which would have the benefit of not needing to worry about pesky governments showing up. Air and stability could be problems, but if enough farms were set up, the carbon dioxide buildup should be offset. For stability, the materials gained from digging would be repurposed.
Techno decides to build deep underground. He stands up and stretches, popping his back and shoulders when he tenses. He hears a pair of footsteps approaching, and it takes him a second to place them. Techno relaxes as his disciple and his disciple's sister come up the path.
The twins are walking cautiously, throwing looks over their shoulders and otherwise being paranoid. Techno tries to figure out why they would act this skittish. 'Hmm, did they hear something in the woods? No, Dipper would have gone to investigate and Mabel would have followed after him. Gideon's in jail, so I doubt it's his fault.'. Techno ponders every possibility, before coming to a conclusion. 'Y'know, now that I think about it, every time I run into them I scare'em. I wonder if that might have somethin' to do with it.'.
Mabel sees Techno on top of the gate and waves excitedly before turning to Dipper and gesturing at the Piglin. Dipper says something to her, and they both take off running. The pair of Pines' pump their legs, both trying to reach some predefined point first.
Techno jumps off the gatehouse and lands with a thud, kicking up dust. The Pines twins shout back and forth to each other as they run.
"I'm gonna reach Techno first!" Mabel yells.
"Oh no you don't!" Dipper denies.
"Oh yes I do!"
"Nope!"
"Yep!"
"Negatory!"
"Positively!"
"I don't think that's the antonym!"
"Your face is an antonym!"
"That doesn't make any sense!"
Their argument would have continued if they hadn't reached Techno. They ran past at roughly the same time, but Techno notices a slight lead by Dipper. The two children take a few seconds to catch their breath before addressing the object of their race.
"Hi Techno!" Mabel cheers. "Did you see me beat my brother!"
"What? You did not beat me, I got here faster!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
Techno held up a hoof. "I will act as moderator of the race. The winner was..." He trails off, gesturing for a drum roll. The Pines comply, and he finishes. "Neither of you. Ya tied."
"Aw, Boo!" Mabel groans.
Ranboo pokes his head over the wall. "Did I hear my name?"
"Nope, she's just disappointed she tied in a race." Techno answers.
Ranboo nods and slinks back into the compound.
"Is he... doing alright?" Mabel asks.
"Ranboo is doing much better than before. It'll take a while for them to be fully comfortable, but thanks to you two he's safe." Techno answers.
The two beam at him before Dipper remembers the purpose of their visit. "Hey Techno, wanna come to laser tag with us?"
"It's Soos's birthday, but he doesn't like celebrating it for some reason so we're taking him to laser tag!" Mabel adds.
Techno shrugs. "Eh, why not."
Thenthe winged hussars arrived. Ghostbur came around the corner, possessing his puppet and riding on Friend. "Hi friends!" he calls.
"Hi Ghostbur!" Mabel greets. "We're going to go play laser tag, do you want to come with?"
"Sure, but I am not Ghostbur, nay. I am Puppetbur! I will forgive your insolence but this once!" Gho- Puppetbur declares dramatically.
"Is he okay?" Dipper whispers to Techno.
"When he possessed that puppet, he started acting even more like a theatre kid than usual." Techno whispers back. Apparently not quiet enough, because Puppetbur rounds on Techno.
"How dare you, knave! Such slander! And here I had thought to call you brother! If this is how you repay kindness, consider me a friend no longer!" Puppetbur roars in indignant fury.
Techno rolls his eyes. "Ya keep talking like that, I'll start callin' you old man."
"Ah, so you admit I am the elder? Flattery will get you nowhere, but don't stop now." Puppetbur retorts.
Techno walks up to Puppetbur, turns him upside down, and shakes him. A copy of Hamlet falls out of his mouth. Techno then releases his totally-not-brother, who crumples on the ground face down. Puppetbur shoots off the ground like a tube man (The floppy balloon people) and shakes his head.
"Hi friends!" He greets. "I'd love to come with to laser tag."
Techno looks dubiously at Puppetbur. "alright, what species are you?"
"Like my good friend Charlie, I am a human. Can you not see my obviously human characteristics?" Puppetbur answers. Techno chuckles at the inside joke before gesturing back down the way the twins came from.
"Alright kids, leave the way."
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Soos leaves Phil and runs into Dipper, Mabel, Puppetbur, and Techno on his way back to the shack.
"Oh hey dudes."
"Soos! You wanna put on this blindfold and follow me?"" Mabel asks.
"Sure girl-dude." Soos answers.
Soos puts on the blindfold and is led by Dipper and Mabel. As he walks, he hears more sets of footsteps join him and some hushed giggling. They walk for a long time, switching from dirt to gravel to pavement. Soos decides to start teasing them.
"Alright, guys. Blindfold me once, shame on you. Blindfold me twice- wait a minute. Hot dog smell? Sticky floors? Future sounds?" Soos asks, taking off his blindfold, revealing the interior of Big Gunz Laser Tag. "Laser tag? I-I love laser tag. How'd you guys know?" Soos gasps, not noticing the group that came with him.
"Um, we definitely didn't rifle through your wallet?" Mabel awkwardly laughs. Stan nods approvingly while Candy and Grenda look impressed. Wendy rolls her eyes affectionately. Techno approves of the information gathering and Puppetbur likes the crime.
A screen turns on and begins giving lore. "Welcome to the year 8000. Society: collapsed. Fog machines: everywhere."
Wendy leans on a wall before shooting off of it and feeling the materials. "Are these walls just mattresses spray painted purple?" She asks Stan.
"Think this place used to be a mattress store." Stan answers, scratching his chin.
"I-I don't know, guys. I'm not sure I'm up for this today." Soos says.
"Don't worry, Soos. As soon as you start playing with us, you're gonna have a great time." Dipper reassures the semi-bewildered birthday boy.
"We promise, no matter what happens, we won't leave your side." Mabel adds.
"Well, I guess I could give it a shot." Soos agrees.
The group suits up and prepares to engage. Candy is the closest to the entrance, followed by Grenda, Wendy, Stan, Puppetbur, Mabel, Techno, Dipper, and Soos. The lore master returns to the speakers and gives the final warning. "Prepare for laser battle! In three, two," a buzzer sounds and the doors open.
The group charges, except for Soos who notices his shoelaces are untied. "Wu-oh. Better tie down these cowboys." He says, bending over and blocking his own vision.
Dipper, Mabel, and Techno charge into the breach, not noticing a strange shimmering as they pass through the doorway. They enter into a plain white room with two futuristic soldiers standing at the far end. Techno freezes, vaguely recognizing the soldiers, but unable to place the flicker of memory.
"Whoa, this is even cooler than I imagined! Look how real these laser guys are!" Mabel comments before walking up to one of the soldiers and kicking him twice in the crotch.
The soldier's cod piece lights up and starts talking. "Kick deflected! Thank you for buying Digi-cod: the smart codpiece!"
"Wait, what?" Mabel asks.
Dipper turns around and gasps. The doorway is closing, and Soos is still looking at his feet. "Oh no! Soos!"
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Soos runs into the laser arena and looks around. "Mabel? Dipper? Dudes?"
Puppetbur runs up and pulls Soos behind cover. "Get down, you fool!"
Soos blinks at the new personality.
"They've artillery targeting the open areas! It's a full assault! We gotta throw them back!" Puppetbur screams. "Follow me, for the glory of L'manburg!" Puppetbur hops over the piece of cover he and Soos were behind, charging a group of three. The trio is quickly eliminated by Puppetbur, who turns to check on Soos. Soos was still shocked behind the cover when Puppetbur starts shouting. "C'mon, man!"
Soos shrugs to himself and leaps from cover before the duo charge into glorious combat.
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"Soos!" Dipper yells at the blank wall where his friend just was. Mabel starts kicking the wall to try and break it down.
"Nice try. But that's solid time-tanium, kid! There's only one way out of here!" One of the soldiers with the name tag Lolph.
"Through me!" A floating head and hands proudly proclaims. "Oh, uh, Sorry... C-come on..." Blendin says, fiddling with a device on his wrist until it turns his suit visible. "Through me! And that's... what it would be like if I'd just...gotten it right the very first chance, but it's still as effective."
Dipper and Mabel gasp.
"The time traveler guy! What did you say your name was again? Blendo... Blondin..." Mabel points.
Dipper snaps his fingers. "Blar-blar!"
"There it is!" Mabel agrees.
"No!" Blendin screeches. "It's Blendin! Blendin Blenjamin Blandin! How could you not know my name after you ruined my life?"
Dipper and Mabel shoot each other confused looks. The other soldier walks up to Techno.
"Sir, if we could just have you step away: you aren't involved."
Techno looks him dead in the eyes. "Can I talk to your boss? I've got things to check up on."
The soldier nods. "Right this way." he opens a portal and gestures through. He and Techno step into the portal.
Blendin stares distractedly at the vanished pair.
"So, uh... how did we ruin your life?" Mabel asks tentatively.
"Oh yeah. Initiate flashback! It was after you stole my time device to win your stupid pig! I was cast out of the Time Anomaly Removal Crew; my whole life's purpose. And then I was given ten squared life sentences in time prison. I spent every day since then planning my vengeance. And now finally, it has come!" Blendin declares.
"Look, we're sorry about all that, but we're in the middle of something really important right now." Dipper says.
"It's our friend's birthday today, and we promised we wouldn't leave his side." Mabel adds.
"What? You think some dumb birthday matters right now? Do you know where you are? Welcome...to Globnar!" Blendin declares. The far wall turns transparent, revealing the interior of a gladiatorial arena.
Inside the arena many combatants fight. Someone is on fire while another is thinking with portals. One participant fights a time slime while another pair duel on top of a clock face. Another duel pits a man with an aging axe against a man with the baby blade.
"Is this a reality show? Are we in Japan?" Mabel asks. Dipper nods along, seeing where she's coming from. From what he's gathered from the one channel that showed Japanese stuff, mostly old samurai films, reality shows in Japan are really weird.
"It's gladiatorial time combat!" Blendin screams. "The winner gets a precious Time Wish, and then decides the loser's fate! And the two of you are officially challenged. Dundgren! O-oh, he's gone. Lolph, my warpaint!"
Lolph sighs and goes to help Blendin prepare.
"Dipper, we need a way out of here! But how?" Mabel asks.
Dipper looks around for anything that can help, and notices a time machine on Lolph's belt. "I have an idea."
"Hang in there Soos, we're coming for you." Mabel promises.
"Be ready." Dipper tells Mabel before he sneaks towards Lolph and Blendin.
"Be ready for what?" Mabel asks. Dipper doesn't answer as he draws ever closer to the pair of future folk.
"Yeah, neon green is good, this is a good color for me. It's fier-" Blendin instructs until he sees Dipper stealing the time machine. "Who? What? No! You can't let them escape! Stop them!" Blendin dives after Dipper, unintentionally tripping Lolph.
Dipeer and Mabel link arms as they run. "Hurry! Back to Soos' birthday!" Mabel yells.
"Okay! I think...I've...got it!" Dipper declares as he runs, jostling the time tape. The twins disappear in a flash of light.
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Puppetbur and Soos run back and forth across the line, trying to plug the gaps until reinforcements can arrive, but it is a fool's errand. Every time they block one advance, two more are made. They have been steadily losing ground, and worse pockets have formed with many encircled within. The pair are taking a breather in the command center, located within the final controlled sector, before leaving for their last, glorious, defense.
A private runs into the room, panting. "Sergeant Puppetbur! A breakthrough on the border of sector two!"
"Blast it!" Puppetbur swears. "If we could just have a little time!"
Soos gets to his feet and grabs his feet. "Once more into the breach, dude, once more."
"How right you are." Puppetbur says, patting Soos on the back. The duo rush to the defenses. Wendy and Robbie are hiding behind cover as the pair approach. In the open space beyond, a futuristic tank sits and patrols as squads of enemy infantry pass into cover. It would be the perfect ambush spot, a nice, wide open area with no cover mocked up to look like a road, if it weren't for the tank.
"It blew right through us." Wendy says, not taking her eyes of the tank. "Blasters, bayonets, didn't do a thing."
"Where's the rest of your platoon?" Puppetbur demands.
"Wasted, Sarge." Wendy answers.
"And we will be too, sir, if we don't get the hell outta here!" Robbie says, starting to panic.
"Are you hit, private?" Puppetbur asks.
"N-no sir." Robbie answers.
"THEN LISTEN UP!" Puppetbur roars in the teens face. "When I joined the core, we didn't have any fancy schmancy laser Mg-42's. We had sticks! Two sticks, and a rock for the whole platoon- and we had to share the rock. Buck up boy, you're one very lucky soldier."
"What about that tank?" Wendy presses.
"We've all run the simulations: their tough but they ain't invincible." Puppetbur answers.
Wendy turns to Soos. "Thanks for the assist. He never gets me anything." She gestures to Robbie.
Soos, as if possessed by the best damn sergeant in any piece of media, pulls back the action and makes a satisfying chuh-chick. "Oh, I know what the ladies like."
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Techno steps through the portal into an oversized office. The soldier, whose name tag says Dundgren, steps back against the wall.
"The boss will be here shortly."
Techno nods, looking around at the décor. It's still the same style as it was years ago, faux wood in an ugly off-brown, pacifiers and empty bottles littering the desk and garbage cans. 'It's a different cradle.' Techno notes with some humor. 'makes sense, I burned down the last one.'
A brilliant flash of light fills the room, and Techno rolls his eyes. 'I see he's still doing the ol' "I am a god routine". Woulda thought he'd have moved on by now.'
"Who has come to sojourn in my halls?!" A booming voice demands. Before Techno floats a massive baby, dressed only in a diaper. There is an hourglass shaped birthmark upon its head.
"Hello Time Baby, it's been far too long." Techno says as he takes a seat in front of the desk.
Time Baby freezes. "Guard, leave us." He orders. Dundgren salutes before teleporting away. "So what do I owe this pleasure, Technoblade? I had thought our agreements were in effect until the end of time."
"So did I." Techno agrees. "Then my newest student was picked up by a patrol."
Time Baby tenses. Techno is annoyed, and an annoyed techno is an excellent way to lose your government. "Who?" Time Baby eventually asks, stalling for time.
"Dipper Pines."
"You claim him as your disciple?"
"Yes."
Time Baby hums. "He was challenged for Globnar. I will remove him from the event."
"And his sister?"
"What of her?"
"Will she have to compete?"
"The treaty only covers syndicate members, their students, and their immediate family. She or her brother would have to join the Syndicate, and even then it wouldn't apply until after this first Globnar."
Techno glares at the big baby.
"Those are the terms of our treaty. If you are unhappy, we can renegotiate or restart the war." Time Baby states, definitely not enjoying the miniscule amount of power he holds over Techno.
Techno growls before sighing heavily. "I want to talk to them before Globnar."
"Of course." Time Baby agrees.
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Soos fires his laser Mg-42, mowing down yet another line of infantry. After the tank was destroyed and the breach closed, they were able to launch a salient into sector two, and even managed to reach an encircled platoon. Since then, they've been fighting a retreat into the final sector.
"For every one that falls, another ten rise up to take their place!" Soos cries out to Puppetbur.
"We'll win the morale battle then: it's a beautiful sentiment, so long as you aren't the corpse they replace!" Puppetbur calls back.
"That's the last of them, pull back!" Stan shouts.
"Move! Move! Move!" Puppetbur orders. "Back to the outer lines!"
Inside the fortress, Puppetbur, Soos, Wendy, and Stan are looking at a map. The map represents the current state of battle in a hexagon grid. Apart from the encirclement that was just broken and evacuated, none of the other encircled forces have made it back.
"She ain't looking good." Stan states.
"We hold to the last." Puppetbur orders into the radio. "I hear by issue order 227: not one step back! The fortress will break before the guard does!"
All along the lines, men say their final farewells, for they shall not see the morning.
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Dipper blinks as he and Mabel reappear back in the white room. He and his sister had decided to participate in Globnar in order to get a paradox-free time wish so Soos could grow up knowing his father, thus fixing his birthday forever.
Techno is standing in front of them and starts talking. "I did my best: I was only able to negotiate it being optional for Dipper. I'm assuming you aren't abandoning your sister?"
Dipper nods.
"That's what I figured. Fight like hell you two." Techno says, pressing a button. The twins teleport next to Lolph, Dundgren, and Blendin. The stands are filled to capacity, chanting Globnar. In front of them, a cylinder opens and a giant baby floats out.
"Silence!" Time Baby orders. Most of the audience quiets down, except for one person. Said person is immediately vaporized by laser eyes.
"That is one big baby." Mabel comments.
"Welcome Globnar tributes! I have a very important nap to get to so let's make this quick. You each have a chance to settle your time-feud through gladiatorial combat." Time Baby declares.
"You will have until Time Baby finishes drinking the cosmic sand in this hourglass." A robot adds, flying a massive bottle filled with the cosmos over to Time Baby.
"No!" The baby refuses.
"Come on. It's good for you." The robot tries to get Time Baby to drink.
"Wah!"
"Get ready, kids. When I get that time wish, you'll wish you were never born. Or rather, you'll wish you were born, because I'm gonna wish you were never born!" Blendin threatens.
"Dream on. There's two of us." Dipper responds.
"And we have hair!" Mabel adds.
"Oh-oh, yeah? Well I have training!" Blendin says, spinning a spear. "What do you think I did in prison all that time?"
"Uh oh." Mabel starts to feel worried before Dipper rests a hand on her shoulder and reassures her.
"Let the Globnar... BEGIN!" Time Baby Declares.
A contest of time commences. They fight with Bo sticks, race on Nort bikes, play time chess, have a hot dog eating contest, play time Janga, and many other competitions. They contest wit and strength and mind. It most certainly is not a bunch of normal festival events with time in front of it. That would just be ridiculous. After much very serious competition, The Cyclocks is forced back into its cage.
"Very good. You have escaped the Cyclocks." Time Baby congratulates. The scoreboard shows 800-727, to the Pines twins.
"Haha, yes!" Dipper celebrates as he and Mabel high-five.
"No no no no no!" Blendin stammers under his breath.
"There is only one final challenge for Globnar. An ancient game, thousands of years old, chosen for its exemplification of pure strategy: The ancient art... of Laser Tag!" Time Baby booms. "The one who touches the victory orb first will win!"
"Laser tag? Seriously?" Dipper questions. On each of the three a laser detector and a laser gun appear.
Blendin gestures emphatically. "Oh, I know it doesn't seem that challenging now, but just wait till they turn on that fog machine. You'll be done for! You just wait until ya-" Blendin's rant is rudely interrupted by Dipper just shooting him. Every time Dipper pulls the trigger, Blendin's armor makes a hit sound. "Aw, man." Blendin sighs.
"Mabel, grab the orb!" Dipper yells.
Mabel runs through the cover and up a set of stairs. "Got it!" She touches it, and everything goes dark.
Time Baby slams the last bit of cosmic sand in his bottle. "It is finished!" he declares before belching to uproarious applause.
"No! No! No! No! Nooooo!" Blendin screams, watching the Twin's score max out.
Dipper and Mabel high-five. ""Yes!""
"You have made victory in Globnar. Before I give you your time wish, tell us; what fate do you decide for the loser?" Time Baby asks the victorious twins.
"Oh, jeez..." Blendin groans.
"Death!" Mabel screams. Techno nods, a respectable choice.
"Mabel!" Dipper hisses.
"Sorry. Got carried away..." Mabel apologizes to Blendin before she and Dipper turn away to discuss.
"So Blendin did try to wish us out of existence, but it was kind of our fault for ruining his life." Dipper says.
"Yeah, and he's kind of too sad to be a real bad guy." Mabel adds.
"Maybe if we treat him right in the present, he'll turn out better in the future." Dipper suggests before turning to face Time Baby. "Okay. As long as you keep an eye on him, we'd like to set Blendin free, and restore his position at the Time Anomaly Correction Unit."
"And give him pretty hair!" Mabel cheers.
"So be it." Time Baby orders.
"Wh-what? You'd do that for me?" Blendin stammers as his hair begins to grow. "I got my job back! I feel like hugging somebody." He exclaims as he turns to Lolph
Lolph stares deadpan into Blendins eyes. "I can kill you in eight different ways."
Blendin unconsciously straightens up. "Yes, sir."
"Now, children. What is it that you want for your time wish?" Time Baby asks, summoning a time wish orb.
"Thank you, but the wish... isn't for us." Mabel explains.
"Not you? But then who? Who is worthy to receive such power?" Time Baby exclaims.
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Soos and Puppetbur are pinned behind cover. They are the final defenders, everyone else has already fallen. Soos checks his pistol and swears. He only has a mag and a half, not nearly enough ammunition. Puppetbur doesn't even have a weapon.
"It was an honor, friend." Puppetbur says suddenly. "We really gave 'em hell. It's a shame though: Tommy would've loved this."
Soos nods, and Puppetbur takes it as encouragement to continue.
"He would've loved play war, when the threat of death wasn't real. He grew up too fast; I shouldn't have taken him with to form L'manberg. He should have grown up without war, then he might still be around."
Soos looks questioningly at Puppetbur. "I thought he was with Phil's wife? That's what I was told."
Puppetbur laughs mirthlessly. "Phil's wife is Lady Death."
Soos blinks. "Huh? How do you marry death?"
"Be really, really old. Like older than the galaxy."
Soos nods. "Yeah, that would do it."
"I miss him ya know." Puppetbur sighs. "Our relationship wasn't the greatest, and the first time I see him in months is when we facing down a mad god."
"Wow." Soos says, not sure how to react to that.
"We'll meet again, in death's court." Puppetbur says, trying to reassure Soos and failing to reassure even himself.
Soos reaches out to comfort Puppetbur when a grenade is tossed into their cover.
"Grenade!" Soos yells, ducking and covering. The grenade explodes with a muffled thump, and Soos looks to it to try and figure out why he's not dead. Atop the exploded grenade lies Puppetbur. "S-sir?" Soos stammers.
Puppetbur slowly lifts his head, meeting Soos's eyes. "Godspeed." He gasps before collapsing like a... like a... like something controlled by strings who had their strings cut. I feel like I should know what it is, but I can't place it. Maybe the Beta can think of something? [idrk fam, maybe, maybe, maybe... I got nothin]
"No!" Soos cries as Puppetbur gives one last shuddering cough. A pamphlet for laser tag fell out of Puppetbur's mouth. The world shimmers before fading, revealing the massive battle with loyalty, sacrifice, and blood to just be in the laser tag area.
The veterans of the battle look around confused. The corpses get to their feet, congratulating each other on the performance. In later years, tales would be spread of a mass hallucination at the local laser tag place, visitors would come from far around to experience it. Eventually, the son of the owners would expand into a massive complex that almost captures the magic of that legendary game, but falls short in some small, nigh imperceptible way. That, however, is a story for another time. [nah unironically i'd play laser tag if it was like that]
.
.
Soos joins the crowd milling towards the exit in a bittersweet state. On one hand, that was easily the best game of laser tag he has ever played, and more than likely will the best game of laser tag he will ever play. On the other hand, he didn't see Dipper or Mabel around at all.
Soos sighs to himself before he notices time has frozen around him. "Huh. That's... unconventional."
Behind him there is a flash of light and a rush of air, knocking Soos's hat off. Soos whips around to see Dipper, Mabel, Techno, and Blendin standing by the front desk.
""Soos!"" Dipper and Mabel cheer.
"Guys!"
"We're so sorry we left you hanging dude. We got caught up in this time travel junk-" Dipper starts to explain before being interrupted by Mabel
"And there was a time Cyclops-"
"And don't forget about the-" Dipper says before synchronizing with Mabel
""Time race!"" the twins exclaims.
"But, the point is, Soos, we think we know how to fix your birthday." Mabel pants.
"Woah, really? Wait, you guys did all of that... for me?" Soos asks.
"And that's not all!" Blendin presents the time wish, sounding like a telemarketer. "Behold your time wish! The power to alter time paradox free in any way you choose."
"We think the only thing that can make you happy is meeting your dad." Dipper says.
"But the choice is yours." Mabel adds.
"You mean I can finally see my dad by touching this thing? And you guys battled through time and space just to get this for me?" Soos questions, looking at an old postcard from his father.
"What are you waiting for, Soos?" Dipper encourages.
"Alright, here goes nothing." Soos says, laying his hand on the time wish. A bright light shines, filling the room. Three lines of electricity run from the time wish, two going to the beaten and bettered pines twins. The light heals the twins and gives the exaggerated shine of a Frenchman.
The twins gasp in surprise.
"Bam! I fixed you dudes up." Soos says proudly.
"But Soos, what about meeting your dad?" Dipper asks.
"Well, birthdays are supposed to be spent with the people who care about you." Soos explains. "But you know what, that dude didn't care about me enough to visit me once, let alone fight monsters through time and space like you dudes. I mean, you had a gladiator fight, just to make me happy. I've been being ridiculous this whole time. Whoever my dad was, he can take a hike. I know who my family is now, and it's you dudes. Thanks for giving me the best birthday ever."
"Are you kidding me?!" Blendin yells. "Do you have any idea what you've just wasted?! Do you how many have died to get the time wish; the wars that were started?!"
"Oh, that's not all dudes." Soos reassures, gesturing to where the final line of electricity had gone. A shining figure stood there, taller than the twins but shorter than Soos. The light began to fade, slowly revealing the figures looks. A head of golden blonde hair and a red and white t-shirt is all Dipper can see before Techno leaps forward, tackling the figure.
"Ay, bitch! What the fuck!" the figure screams as he hits the ground.
Techno hugs the teenager tightly.
"Techno, I still need to breathe! Lemme go!" The child screams, fidgeting out in Techno's grasp.
"Never, ya little gremlin. I'm holding you for at least an hour." Techno denies, shifting his grip to keep the small child biggest man from escaping.
"Techno, techno, put me down!"
"Nah."
"I'll call you a big man!"
"Nah."
"I will sell you one of my many wives!" [which one? vine boom]
"Nah."
"Techno, lemme go! You're ruining my reputation!"
"What reputation?"
"Bitch! Wait, I'll give you clout!"
Techno's ears twitch. "Clout?" [clout??!]
"Yes! Yes! All the clout, big man!"
Techno nods to himself and releases the child.
"Uhh, Techno? Who is that?" Dipper asks.
"I am Tommyinnit, the biggest man ever! I have many wives." Tommy proudly says.
"But... Soos is bigger than you?" Mabel questions.
Tommy gasps. "You! How could you! You are a wrong'un! 100% a wrong'un!"
Techno rolls his eyes. "C'mon gremlin, we gotta go meet Philza."
"Dad's here!?" Tommy shrieks happily before clearing his throat. "I mean, uh, yeah let's go meet the incredibly old man."
The pair grabs Puppetbur's frozen body and start to leave. Techno pauses next to Soos and hands him a device. "If you are ever in danger, throw this on the ground and I will be there." Techno promises, his eyes promising death to any who would harm the repair guy.
Soos, the twins, and Blendin blink at each other for a few seconds before Blendin smacks his head and runs after the departed trio muttering under his breath. "Oh, time dang it! I-it's your first job back and you've already messed it up!"
As he leaves, time resumes and the crowd continues to leave.
"Y'know, my birthday technically doesn't end for, like, another ten minutes." Soos says casually. "You dudes down for some ice cream?"
"With you Soos, we'd do anything." Mabel promises. Dipper smiles and the trio leaves to find some ice cream.
.
.
Blendin catches up with Techno, Tommy, and Wilbur just outside of town.
"Wait!" he pants. "I've got *gasp* an item *gasp* from the boss!"
Techno turns around, leaving the slowly awakening Puppetbur in Tommy's hands.
" 'Ello bitch!" Tommy greets his brother.
Puppetbur groans and rubs his eyes. "Gremlin child, why are you so loud." Puppetbur complains until he freezes, recognizing who's arms he's in. Puppetbur then lunges at Tommy, pulling him into a hug.
"Ay bitch! Lemme go! Techno! Techno, help me!" Tommy screams, once again stuck.
Technoblade, with years of practice, studiously ignores the chaos behind him as he faces Blendin. "Heh?" He growls menacingly.
"Time Baby wants you to have this for any inconveniences!" Blendin explains before stuttering under his breath. "P-please don't kill me."
Techno grabs the item from Blendin, his eyes widening as he holds another time wish.
"W-well, if that's everything..." Blendin trails off before making trails out of there.
"Whatcha got there, Techno?" Puppetbur asks as he carries his youngest brother in his arms.
Techno grunts and uses the time wish, sending a bolt of electricity into Puppetbur. The bolt runs rampant through the wool body, transforming fabric into flesh.
Wilbur stands where Puppetbur once stood, blinking in shock at being able to feel temperature again. His catatonic state quickly changes when Techno barrels into him, knocking him to the ground and trapping Tommy between the both of them.
"Bitches! The both of you." Tommy declares, even more trapped than before. (I imagine Tommy as the short, angry man from Mulan being calmed down the big man.) [I too agree with that]
Techno hums contentedly and Wilbur smiles, before starting to tease the Piglin.
"Aw, look how fierce the legendary Technoblade is." Wilbur coos.
Techno shoots him a glare before getting up and helping to two to their feet. "Let's go home." The Piglin says, as he leads the way to Philza. And if he were to grab their hands as they walked, no he didn't. you can't prove anything.
.
.
The next morning, Techno comes downstairs, blearily wiping the sleep from his eyes. He walks into the kitchen and grabs something from the fridge when he hears light snoring from the living room. He pokes his head in and chuckles at the sight.
Phil is asleep on the couch, his wings wrapped protectively around Tommy and Wilbur. Wilbur is still asleep, but Tommy is awake and looking around wildly.
"Techno! Oh thank god, get me outta here!" Tommy whisper-shouts.
Techno looks blankly directly into Tommy's eyes. " 'Sup."
"Techno, please, he's held me like this the entire night. He was preening my hair! Get me out of here before he wakes up!" Tommy hisses.
Techno grabs one of Proteus's auto-attach camera's and sets it on the wall, looking directly at the cuddle pile. Tommy's face pales.
"Techno, you wouldn't." Tommy begs. "Big man, I know you wouldn't, right?"
Techno smirks and turns away. [insert Uzi smirk]
"Techno. Techno. Techno! Techno!!" Tommy continues to hiss after the departing Piglin, growing louder every time.
Techno can hear Wilbur groan awake. "Tommy, it's way too early for this shit."
Tommy frantically shushes Wilbur. "Shut up! You're gonna wake him up!"
Unfortunately this is in vain as Phil awakes and starts preening Tommy again. "Hey, no! Stop! Phiiiiiil, I don't need preening! Stop!"
Phil coos at Tommy vain attempts at self-defense.
"Wilbur, help me! Talk to Phil! I'll call you big man!" Tommy begs.
"There's no escape, Toms." Wilbur says blandly, accepting his fate.
"Wil- No! Don't give in! Wilbur!? Wil you're a bitch!" Tommy screams.
Proteus, .GIFfany, Axolotl666, and Ranboo come rushing in, having heard screams. They notice Techno watching through the doorway and laughing to himself.
"What's going on?" Proteus asks.
Techno just gestures to the scene in front of him. Tommy has given up, and is sitting with his arms crossed while Phil cleans his hair. Ranboo decides to help his friend in the best way he knows how—pushing Techno into the room.
The Enderman only catches a single look of betrayal before Techno is swallowed into Phil's pile.
"Haha, Go Ranboob!" Tommy cheers before turning to Techno. "Aren't so high and mighty now, are ya bitch!?" [i'm 99% sure "Ranboob" is intentional] (It is)
Techno internally debates if it's worth the effort to escape before he settles into the pile. Phil notices the others watching from the door way, and opens his wings with a welcoming caw. The rest of the day is spent cuddling.
.
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Completed: 1/1/2024 Words: 7,042 Written using a pirated copy of Microsoft Word 2007.
AN2: This is the Christmas chapter, because there's no chance in hell I'm getting another chapter out before Christmas. Which, looking back on it, means the fic is almost a year old. As a matter of fact, the first chapter was published 12/20/2022 and I'm writing this AN 12/20/2023. It's crazy how time flies.
A year ago, this was but a figment of my imagination: now we stand 27 parts deep plus a notes document that fills almost 3.5k words. On the fan side, originally I (obviously) didn't have fans. I know Deusblade has been a fan from the beginning, as well as a few others. Now the discord sits at 15 members, and a couple of ideas have come from them. Cheers to you guys, I hope you have a happy holidays. I got Dipper and Mabel's Guide to Mystery and Nonstop Fun! and Lost Legends for Christmas, which is pog.
Another change: last Christmas I was still in high school, now I have a semester of college under my belt. I did pretty well grade wise, A- in English 101 and an A in both my Chem classes, an A in Calculus 1, an A in CAD for Civil Engineers and an A in intro to Civil Engineering.
I surpassed my original posting plan of a chapter every two weeks, most of which was thanks to June. I posted a bunch of chapters in June, the spirit of Hirsch and The Blade were upon me.
Welp, I'll see you soon. Have a great holiday season and a happy new years. Goodbye for now.
[Fam i'm really fuckin sorry I somehow forgot I had this chapter to pr and i'm only getting it done after Bad reminded me, it's my bad]