"Do you think it's true?" Dawn asks me, licking her ice cream again. I think she's crazy for ordering ice cream when it's this cold. I sip my hot chocolate, which burns as it goes down my throat. Bundled up in a thick coat, scarf and gloves, I'm still cold. It's always been cold in my hometown, but this winter seems particularly frosty. In the three days I've been home, I don't think I've been warm once.
"Probably. It's not like it's unexpected," I reply. I couldn't keep the news of Misty and Gary's potential relationship to myself. Especially not when we're about to meet up with them for the first time in months.
"Have you told your mom about Goh yet?"
"No," I sigh. "I keep meaning to, but I don't know how."
"Delia's not gonna care, Ash. She's the nicest mom ever." Dawn glances out of the window, and spots Gary, Misty and Brock heading towards the building. She waves frantically, and a strange anxiety sparks up in my chest. I know I need to tell my mom. I still need to ask her if it's okay for Goh and Chloe to come and stay for the new year. I haven't told her or Dawn about my plans for them to visit.
Misty and Gary keep at least three feet between them as they walk in, and pointedly don't look at each other. I press my lips together to suppress the smile threatening to break out at how glaringly obvious they're being, and how oblivious they are to that.
"Ketchum," Gary says, a huge grin on his face as he sits opposite me, Misty sliding into the booth beside him, reaching over and taking a marshmallow from the top of my hot chocolate with a grin and popping it in her mouth.
"Nice to see you two," she says. "Still inseparable, I see."
"Yeah, I just can't get rid of him," Dawn says with a fake eye roll, and I nudge her playfully. "Hey Gary, hey Brock."
Brock sits beside Misty on her other side, smiling wide. Even though it hasn't been long since I last saw him, he looks... different. Older, somehow. "Hey," he says, his eyes catching mine. It almost seems like he's assessing me, trying to figure out if I'm okay. He has no idea how much better things are now.
We sit there for over an hour, trading stories from university back and forth. Misty's gotten herself in a good crowd, and Gary, despite being at the same university as her, does not share the same friendship group. They don't admit that they've been seeing each other, but I'm not surprised. They're probably in denial about it.
Brock tells us that he's officially with Lucy. His womanising days are over, and he seems really tied down and happy, and as he speaks I find myself wanting to share my news, too. It'll be good practice for telling my mom, anyway.
I clear my throat as Brock finishes his story, and everyone looks my way. With their eyes all on me, I feel suddenly nervous, and glance left at Dawn. Sensing what's about to happen, she gives me a supportive nod and a smile. I take a deep breath.
"So, there's something I wanted to tell you guys too," I start.
"Oh my God, don't tell me you're dating again," Misty cuts in, leaning across the table. "It's about time!"
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."
Brock furrows his brows and crosses his arms. "How come I haven't met this person? You didn't even tell me this when I saw you last week."
I laugh nervously, rubbing the back of my head. "Well, actually, you have met them."
"Come on Ketchum, stop being mysterious. Who is the mystery girl?" Gary asks, leaning in beside Misty.
Silently I count my breaths to calm myself down. This is fine. You're fine. They're not going to care. "Mystery guy, actually," I correct him. I can hear the blood rushing past my ears in the silence that follows, and force myself to look up. Misty and Gary are both gawking, clearly surprised, but Brock leans back in his seat, a knowing smile spreading across his face as he figures it out.
"Oh," Gary says, shaking his head once. "Sorry."
"It's fine."
"You have a boyfriend?" Misty asks. There's no judgement in her voice, only curiosity and surprise.
I nod. "Yeah, and... Do you remember Red?"
They both furrow their brows and exchange a look. I realise it's been a while, so they probably don't, but then Misty's eyebrows fly up again. "Your pen pal from like, an age ago?"
"Mhm. Well, it's him."
She makes a choking noise. "What? How? I thought Red was a girl?"
"I didn't tell you all, but I carried on writing to him, right up until the summer. I thought he was a girl too, but he wasn't, and he ended up being my flatmate at university."
Gary laughs, crossing his arms over his chest while Misty continues to look completely shocked. "Something like that would only happen to you," he says, shaking his head. "What's his real name, then?"
"Goh," I say, my insides igniting at the sound of his name. I wish he was here now, so he could meet them. I wish he could see the shock on their faces, and laugh alongside them. But I won't need to wait too long, hopefully. "I think you might get to meet him soon."
"Please tell me he's coming for the New Year celebrations," Misty says quickly, her face lighting up. I smile wide, seeing her excitement, and nod. She claps her hands together, and I feel the warmth spread through me. She rarely ever shows so much emotion, and I love that she's so happy for me.
"You didn't tell me that," Dawn says, slapping my arm gently. I shoot her a sheepish smile to say sorry, and she scoffs.
"I'm really happy for you, Ash," Brock says, meeting my eyes across the table. "I could tell there was something going on."
"Thanks, Brock," I say, grinning. I look around the table at the rest of my friends, all so happy and excited for me, and feel a rush of adrenaline. The rest of the time is going to feel like forever, waiting for Goh. There is something I need to do first, though, and I decide I'm going to do it today.
— — — —
"Are you hungry?" Is the first thing my mom says to me when I walk through the door and hang my coat and scarf up. Thankfully, she has a fire burning in the hearth, and it's actually warm in here. I shake my head, swallowing nervously as she glides from the kitchen, a wide smile on her face. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Thanks, mom." I try to smile back. She turns to walk back into the kitchen. "Wait. There's something, um, I wanted to ask you."
She turns back to me, expectant. "Sure. What is it?"
I push back the stupid nerves. She's my mom. My whole life, she's been the mother that all the other kids love, because she was far too kind and giving. She doesn't have a bad bone in her whole body. So why am I so afraid to tell her? A few seconds of silence pass, and I see her brow furrow, and realise I must look nervous. I clear my throat. "Well, there was someone from uni that I wanted you to meet. I was gonna ask if they could stay here for a couple nights during the New Year."
Her face barely changes. If anything, she just looks confused. "Of course. I'm always happy for your friends to stay. Have you been working yourself up about that, darling? You look nauseous."
"Well, it's because they're not exactly my friend, mom."
She tilts her head, innocent as ever. "What do you mean?"
My heart is pounding against my ribs so hard I think it might break free. "He's my boyfriend," I spit out before I can stop myself, and then cringe inwardly, waiting for her response.
For a moment, she doesn't react, just blinks at me, mouth hanging slightly open. Then she seems to snap back to reality, and... smiles? "Oh! Oh gosh, and I was pestering you about Dawn the other day. You should have told me!"
"I didn't know how you'd react," I admit quietly. I feel like a kid again, and I hate it.
"Ash, you know I only care about you being happy," she says, putting her arms out and pulling me in for a hug. All of the built up tension slips right out of me, and I feel like I can breathe again. "Of course he can stay here. I'd love to meet him."
"There's a couple more things," I say as I pull away. "There's his friend Chloe too. Is that okay?"
She nods, not even thinking about it. "And?"
"And it's Red."
"Chloe is Red?" She asks, basically shouting the question. I laugh, shaking my head.
"No, mom. Red is my boyfriend. His name is Goh. We met by coincidence."
She looks more thrilled than I've ever seen her. "Well, clearly that wasn't a coincidence, darling," she says. I raise an eyebrow, and she smiles a knowing smile, nodding to herself. "Things like that don't happen by coincidence. Seems like the two of you were meant to meet each other."
I think she might be right. "I can't wait for you to meet him. You're going to love him."
"I know I will," she says, already heading back into the kitchen, that smile still on her face.
I jog upstairs and hurry into my room to throw myself down on my bed. I pull out my phone and text Goh, a giddy excitement building in my chest. My mom said yes. You can come stay.
He starts typing back immediately. It sort of feels like talking to Red again, lying in my old bed with my phone hovering over my face, staring excitedly at the screen waiting for his response. I can't wait, he types back. Then, he adds: I love you.
— — — —
Christmas comes and passes quicker than I expected it to. Aside from seeing Dawn and the others almost every day, I spend most of my time with my mom, watching movies or just hanging out. I hate knowing she's been lonely on her own while I was gone, so I want to make the most of my time home with her.
We have Christmas dinner with Dawn and her mom, since it's just the two of them, and our moms are close anyway. Johanna scolds Dawn when she throws a brussel sprout across the table at me in retaliation for a rude comment about the cringey santa hat she's wearing. My mom covers her mouth in an attempt to hide her giggling. After, we watch corny Christmas movies together until it's dark, and my mom drives us home.
I haven't spoken to Goh all day, so when I get home, I go straight up to my room and Facetime him. He answers quickly, sitting up in his bed like he was waiting for my call. There's the biggest, brightest smile on his face, and I can see the sparkle in his eyes. I know my own eyes must light up at the sight of him, because my heart definitely does.
— — — —
I spend the rest of the week counting down to his visit. Chloe's mom is letting her use the car to drive them down here, and they're just staying for one night before heading back the next day. One night will never be enough, but at least I know I'll have countless nights with him after that.
The morning of their arrival, my mom throws my door open, jolting me from sleep. She stands in the open doorway, shaking her head. "You might want to get up. Your friends will be here in-" She checks her watch. "Twenty minutes."
Shit. I scramble up, waving her out of the room and racing for the shower. Of course, as usual, I don't wake up to my alarm when something important is happening. I have the quickest shower of my life, then rush around my room, making sure everything is tidy and in its place. I'm nervous, though I don't know why. I'm never nervous around Goh anymore, and it's definitely not Chloe.
If I'm being honest, it's probably the fear of introducing him to my mom, and my friends. I'm scared to show Goh where I've been my whole life while I was writing those letters to him. He's going to see the desk I sat at late into the night, trying to find the perfect words for him. He'll meet the friends I talked about constantly, both positively and negatively. It'll be merging these two parts of my life together, bringing him into the life I have here, too. I just want everything to go smoothly.
My hair is still damp when I hear a car door outside and look out of my window to see an unfamiliar car pulled up on the street, killing its engine. My heart starts to race in my chest as I lean forward to get a better look, and see Chloe in the driver's seat.
I'm downstairs in thirty seconds, opening the front door, the morning light blinding me. Putting my hand over my eyes, I see Goh step out, his hair tied into a bun behind his head, wearing a turtleneck sweater. A rush runs through my whole body in his presence, and I have to stop myself from racing to him, because I can hear my mom coming up behind me. Still, I smile wide as we meet each other's eyes.
Chloe steps out of the passenger seat in her lantern-sleeve sweater, high-waisted jeans and Doc Martens. She waves politely to me as Goh steps around the car, looking over my shoulder at my mom nervously.
"Hey," I say as they approach, but before Goh can speak my mom pushes past me, hurrying down the step to greet them with her usual enthusiasm. Goh smiles sheepishly as my mom pulls him in for a hug immediately, mumbling something to him that I can't hear. I shoot him an apologetic look, but he doesn't seem to mind.
"It's so nice to meet you both," she's saying. "Come on, you can put your stuff inside and I'll make some dinner."
"Thank you, Mrs. Ketchum," Chloe says, picking up her bag.
"Please, call me Delia," my mom says, hurrying past me again.
I pause on the step as Goh approaches me, my mom already disappearing into the kitchen. Chloe graciously turns around as he throws his arms around me and pulls me tight to his chest. His familiar scent and the feel of his arms around me is enough to have me grinning from ear to ear, and I plant a quick kiss on his lips when he pulls away. "I missed you," I say.
"I missed you too." He grins. I see Chloe peeking over her shoulder at us, and step away.
"Nice to see you again, Chloe," I say.
"Likewise," she says with a grin. I reach out and take her bag from her, and gesture for them to follow me up the stairs. Chloe is staying in the guest room, but Goh is staying in mine with me. A couple of weeks sleeping without him has felt so strange, and it's the thing I'm most excited about- just having his presence beside me.
After showing Chloe which room is hers, she tells us she's going to sort out her things and meet us in five minutes. I know that she doesn't really have anything to sort, and she's just giving Goh and I a few minutes alone, and I love her for it. Nervously, I take Goh to my room, swinging open the door. For a moment he stands in the doorway, eyes flicking curiously all over the room, eyebrows raised.
"It's exactly how I thought it would look," he says with a grin, stepping inside. I push the door gently closed behind him, and he turns to face me. Reaching out, I tuck a loose strand of hair behind his hair as I admire him for a moment. Sometimes it's still hard to believe that I got this lucky. He leans in to kiss me, his lips still cold from the chilly weather outside. My breath still stupidly catches, despite how often we've done this before.
"I'm nervous," he says when he pulls away, "about meeting your friends."
"You've already met Dawn, and Misty and Gary will love you. Brock can't come tonight, since he went back to uni to see Lucy. But you don't have to be nervous. Oh, and I'm sorry if my mom is overbearing. She loves to make a fuss over people."
He chuckles, shaking his head. "No, she seems lovely."
Right on cue, she calls from downstairs. I pull a face that Goh laughs at, then opens the door to see Chloe coming out of the guest room, smirking at the two of us. She already seems to have opened up a lot more than she did when she came to visit us at university. I have to wonder if it's because Dawn was making her nervous, or if I'm imagining it.
We head downstairs, where my mom has made us all mugs of hot chocolate and is putting together an over-the-top assortment of foods for dinner. Chloe and Goh sit politely at the table while I wander over to the counter and start stealing pieces of food until she starts to swat me away. At first, Goh seems nervous again, but the moment my mom sits down to join us, he seems to relax. Of course, she bombards him with numerous questions, from what he's studying at uni to the name of his cat back home, but he doesn't seem to mind it.
After, we have an hour or so before Dawn is home from seeing her grandparents, and another few hours until we're all meeting for the festival and the fireworks. I get wrapped up in the warmest clothes I can find, and take them out for a tour of my town. There's honestly not a whole lot to show them, but they seem interested nonetheless. Occasionally, I stop and tell them a story from my childhood, usually involving something stupid between Dawn and I. The wall by the pier that we tried to scale, when I reached the top to look down and see Dawn fall to the bottom and twist her ankle. The park where Misty and Gary would meet us, and the spinning contraption that Misty would viciously spin us on. I even show them the pond where I asked Lillie to be my girlfriend, knowing it won't bother Goh now that he knows I'm his.
After an hour or so, we head into a café to warm up, grabbing coffees and sitting at an empty table as far from the door as possible.
"Do you think Dawn will be surprised to see me?" Chloe asks, trying to act nonchalant about it and failing.
"I think she'll be happy to see you," I reply, smiling. Chloe visibly blushes, and I realise I need an answer to one question before I decide to play cupid later. "I think she might have a crush on you."
Chloe coughs, choking up some coffee. "What? You- You're joking."
"Is it that hard to believe?" Goh asks from beside me. Our knees bump together under the table.
"I just didn't think... Are you sure?"
I grin, nodding. I'm sure. Chloe fidgets nervously, turning to look out of the window. After a moment, she sighs. "What do I do, then?"
"You like her too?" Goh asks. I'm glad he does, because I don't want to push her too hard when we're still getting to know each other.
"Of course I do," she says, furrowing her brows. "Have you seen her?"
I burst out laughing without meaning to. Chloe doesn't seem offended, though. In fact, she starts to laugh too. Goh elbows me, but he's smiling too. "You tell her tonight," he says. "What's the worst that could happen?"
Chloe hums, thinking it over. "Maybe. If the right moment comes up."
"What's more romantic than a fireworks display?" Goh bumps his shoulder against mine. I sip my coffee, smiling at him. Now Chloe is grinning down into her mug, likely thinking about Dawn, and my heart swells. I have a feeling tonight may be a night to remember.
— — — —
The night is cold but clear, and the stars are on full display, lighting up the sky. We bundle up tight in coats and scarves, and trudge to the park where the display is. It seems like the whole town has shown up for it, and the area is packed. Stalls are set up along the grass, selling everything from toffee apples to alcohol. I pause at a stall and grab us all warm drinks. We're here a little early, but the others should be here soon, and everyone is vibrating with nervous energy.
"When they get here, we should go on the ferris wheel," Chloe says, looking up at it spinning. I wonder if that will be the moment she chooses to tell Dawn.
"Ash!" I hear from behind us, and spin to see Misty and Gary, the former waving and jogging over, her grin spread wide. She skids to a halt beside me, watching Goh.
"Hey, Misty," I say as Gary comes up beside her, hands stuck in his pockets. "Goh, this is Gary and Misty."
"Nice to meet you," he says nervously, smiling sheepishly. He has his hair tied up into a bun tonight, despite the cold.
"So you're Red," Gary says, grinning. "We used to tease Ash constantly about you."
Goh laughs. "I know, he told me. I don't blame you. It was kind of crazy that we kept writing for years."
"But look where it got you," Misty says wistfully, and with a hint of jealousy. "Now the two of you probably have a connection that's unbreakable."
I look at Goh, and find him smiling down at the grass. "We do," I say proudly, not embarrassed in the slightest. I'm about to ask if they want to wander around the stalls until Dawn gets here, when Misty's eyes flick behind me, and she grins. When I look over my shoulder, I see Dawn approaching, snug in her long, fur lined coat and scarf. For a moment, her eyes are on Goh, and she's grinning, but then they flick left and spot Chloe. She pauses, blinking, and takes a moment to gather herself.
"About time," I say as she approaches, but she barely seems to notice me at all. Her eyes are fully on Chloe, who's smiling back nervously.
"Sorry," she says finally. "I got held up. Hey, Goh, and Chloe. I didn't know you were coming."
Chloe shrugs, grinning. "Surprise?"
"A nice one," Dawn says with a warm smile that earns a blush from Chloe. "Anyone else hungry?"
"Always," I answer immediately. Goh rolls his eyes, but he's more than happy when we start to wander as a group around various food stalls. He actually spends a lot of time talking to Gary, and some of the nerves I felt start to alleviate, realising that they like him after all.
Once we've eaten, the fireworks are due to start, so we join the huge crowd waiting for them on the open stretch of field. Goh comes up beside me, and I put my arm around his shoulder, tugging him closer to me. On my other side, Dawn wraps her arms around herself, shivering. Every few seconds, she steals a glance at Chloe, and I can't tell if she's flushed from the cold, or blushing. Further still, Misty and Gary exchange a look, hesitating for a few seconds, before he reaches out and takes her hand.
I see a group of people starting to prepare the fireworks. Goh rests his head on my shoulder, and speaks, just loud enough for me to hear. "There's something I want to tell you," he says.
I look down at him, curious. "Okay."
He doesn't face me, just stares ahead, the crowd loud around us. Still, with all these people, he's the only one I focus on. After a moment, he speaks again. "When we met at university, I was going through a rough time. I thought I'd lost you, and you were the biggest part of my life. I didn't know what was next, and I was convinced I'd never find anyone I connected with so well." A firework shoots up, screaming as it travels up, and explodes in a burst of colour. Goh's eyes are on the sky now, and he's smiling. "You pulled me right out of it. From the moment we met, I was just... hypnotised. I can't explain it."
"You don't have to," I interject. "I felt it too." Another firework squeals up. I notice Chloe and Dawn are closer together now, 'oohing' and 'ahhing' at them.
"You have no idea how much you saved me, Ash. You were like... my lighthouse among the waves."
I feel my face burn. "Very poetic," I say jokingly, to hide my obvious blush.
Goh notices, and grins. "No matter what happens, I'm with you. I'm yours, and you are mine."
A huge clump of fireworks explodes at once, and momentarily the sky is so bright it may as well be daytime, but I don't look away from Goh's intense gaze. "I'm yours, and you're mine," I repeat. I know he doesn't like to kiss in public, so I don't try, and I don't need to. I can see every emotion swimming in his eyes.
The fireworks finish a while later. I'm eager to go home so I can spend time alone with Goh, but there's one thing we haven't done yet, and I know Dawn won't let it go if we don't, so we all head to the ferris wheel. After waiting in the queue, we all get on at the same time, Goh and I in one cart, Dawn and Chloe in another, and Misty and Gary in the last. The whole time we circle the sky, Goh and I sit in comfortable silence, watching Dawn and Chloe in the cart ahead of us. We obviously can't hear what they're saying, but it's obviously something good, based on how much they're both blushing.
Once we stop and get off, Goh intercepts Chloe, pretending to be interested in winning one of the giant plushies at the nearest game stall. I swoop over to Dawn, who's still flushed and smiling, though she doesn't seem to notice.
"You look happy," I probe. She loops her arm around mine and pulls me away from the crowd. Away from them, she turns to me, the biggest smile ever on her face.
"Okay, you may have been right. Guess who I'm going on a date with?"
— — — —
That night, lying in bed with Goh, his words replay over and over in my head. I can't help but wonder where we'd be if we hadn't met each other. Is there a single person on the planet that would make me feel anything close to what I feel with Goh? I have to think the answer is no.
Before him, I would never have believed in the kind of love you see on TV. All consuming, heart wrenching love that you feel like you can't live without. Now I know it's real, because I have it. And while I'll never stop worrying something could happen, I can spend as much time with him as possible, and enjoy every moment. That's the vow I make to myself as his breathing turns shallow and he falls asleep with his head resting on my chest, hair loose and free around him.
I'm so grateful to the teacher that set up the pen pals all those years ago. I'm grateful to the university, for placing us in the same flat. I'm grateful to my friends, all of them, but especially Dawn, for holding me together, and helping to bring us back together again. Who knew that Red and Blue would come together to create the most beautiful shade of purple?