Emersyn
Lunch with Valarie at our favorite cafe always had a way of grounding me, but today my thoughts are adrift, replaying the vivid memories of Locke and Cruz. The bustling sounds of the cafe fade into the background as I'm lost in thought.
Valarie's voice pulls me back. "So, how's Fowler doing? Haven't heard much about him lately."
I stir my salad absentmindedly. "He's been swamped at the hospital. Long shifts. But he's holding up well," I reply.
Valarie nods, sipping her iced tea. "Sounds about right. This time of the year is always the busiest. The colder it gets, the sicker everyone is."
"Fowler should be home tonight. Why don't you come over for a movie night? Maybe a sleepover? It's been ages since we all hung out."
Valarie's face instantly brightens, a spark of excitement in her eyes. "I'd love to! I'm off tomorrow, perfect timing." But then, her expression shifts, a familiar look crossing her features.
"Val," I say, trying to catch her gaze.
She avoids my eyes, fidgeting with her napkin. "Hmm?"
"Valarie, look at me." When she finally meets my eyes, there's no hiding it. "Oh my god, Val."
"What?!" Her voice pitches higher, a clear giveaway.
"You have a crush on Fowler!" I can't help the teasing tone in my voice.
"Do not!" she protests, her cheeks turning a soft shade of pink.
"You so do! You're blushing now, Val!" Her gaze darts around, anywhere but at me, and I'm curious about the thoughts behind those evasive eyes.
"Val, it's okay, you know?" I try to reassure her.
"That would be ridiculous. Having a crush on my best friend's boyfriend."
I lean in, serious now. "Val, look at me," I insist. Finally, her green eyes lock with mine. "Fowler isn't my boyfriend. Well, he is, but he also isn't. You know that's not how things are with him. Or any of the guys for that matter."
"Okay, yes, I have a crush on Fowler! Are you happy now?"
My smile widens. "Ecstatic."
"But I wouldn't do anything about it. I swear."
"And why not?" I probe gently.
"Because he's with you."
I shake my head, smiling. "But Val, again, you know our situation is different," I remind her. "Unless, does that bother you?"
She answers quickly, almost too quickly. "It doesn't."
"Then what is it?"
Valarie's expression turns thoughtful, a hint of worry clouding her green eyes. "I just don't want things to get weird, you know? I mean, Fowler's great, but it's complicated, isn't it?"
I nod, understanding her concerns. "It definitely is," I admit. "But not really at the same time. And you know how it is with us; it's not traditional, but it works."
She still looks uncertain, playing with the straw in her iced tea. "I guess I just don't want to step on any toes, especially yours. You're my best friend. My only friend."
I reach across the table, covering her hand with mine. "Val, your happiness matters to me. And if you like Fowler, it's okay. I want you to be happy, even if that means exploring something with him. And if you don't care that I am also with him, maybe we could explore things altogether."
She squeezes my hand, a small smile tugging at her lips. "You always know what to say, Em. I'll think about it."
The conversation shifts as we finish our meal, but I can tell Valarie is deep in thought. We catch up on the latest happenings. Valarie has some juicy news about a friend of ours getting a divorce. Apparently, her husband was cheating on her. It's the sort of drama that would usually interest me, but not today. I find myself unable to stay focused.
My thoughts drift back to Locke and Cruz and their hands and lips on me. A shiver runs down my spine as the vivid images play in my mind. I can almost feel their hands caressing me. I squirm a little in my chair, trying to relieve the heat rising inside of me.
"Earth to Em!"
I blink, looking up at Valarie. She has an amused look on her face. "Sorry," I mumble, reaching for my water.
"You're a million miles away," she says, tilting her head.
"It's nothing," I say, feeling my cheeks warm up.
"Doesn't seem like nothing," she prods, a glint in her eye.
I give in and tell Val about what happened with Locke and Cruz in great detail. When I try to hold back details, she manages to drag them out of me.
"Oh my god, Em. That's the hottest thing I've ever heard. How did it feel?"
I sigh dreamily. "It felt incredible. So intense. And it wasn't awkward at all. We were so in sync. Like, the way they touched me. The way they moved together..."
She stares at me, speechless. I laugh, covering my face.
"You're so lucky," she says, sighing wistfully. "That's so hot."
After lunch, Val and I go shopping. I buy a couple of outfits that are not very practical. The first one is a skimpy black dress. I don't know what I was thinking. The other is a sheer baby doll nightie that barely covers my ass.
We're just finishing up when we see Locke walking towards us.
"Well, speak of the devil," Val teases, winking at me.
"I thought I recognized your car," Locke says, grinning.
"Hey," I greet him with a hug. "What are you doing here?"
"Just grabbing some lunch before heading back to work. What are you lovely ladies doing?"
"Just some shopping and catching up."
"What are you buying?" Locke asks, nodding at the bags.
I feel my cheeks get warm. "Nothing important."
Val grabs the bags and before I can stop her, she's holding the lingerie up.
"You have excellent taste, Em. This will look so sexy on you," Val purrs, winking.
Locke smirks. "That's a good color on you."
I'm dying inside. I'm going to kill Val.
"Okay, let's go," I say, grabbing the lingerie from Val and shoving it into the bag.
Locke chuckles. "See you later."
"Don't forget, tonight!" Val reminds me.
I wave as she drives off. Then I turn to Locke. He's grinning.
"I'll see you at home," he says, kissing me softly.
"Wait, aren't you curious about what else I got?"
His eyes twinkle mischievously. "Oh, I'm sure you'll model it for me eventually."
"What do you want to eat tonight?"
"Anything you make will be delicious. You can surprise me."
He kisses me again, lingering longer than necessary.
I can't seem to get over this change with the guys. Fowler and I have always been close, physically and emotionally. But it's like something shifted with Cruz and Locke. They're more open, physically and emotionally, with me.
"Mmm, you taste good," he murmurs, licking his lips.
"You're such a tease," I sigh.
He laughs. "Later, Em. See you tonight."
I watch him walk into a nearby bakery before walking to my car. I text Fowler before driving off, just to make sure he's going to be home and to see if he's down for a movie night. I have a few more errands to run.
As I drive home, my phone rings. Fowler's name flashes across the screen.
"Hi, Fowler," I answer, putting the call on speakerphone.
"Hey, beautiful," he says, his voice tired but still holding the liveliness I'm used to.
"How's your day going?"
"Long, but better now that I'm talking to you."
"Aw, aren't you sweet. Do you have a late shift?"
"No, I'll be home soon. Just wanted to call to hear your voice."
"Aww," I gush, smiling.
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Val is coming over for a movie night with us, if you're up for it."
"Oh yeah, I saw your text. Sounds great. I'll be home soon. Love you."
I pause at his words. I mean, I know we've all talked about how connected we feel, and how we all love each other, but this feels more intimate. It feels more like a declaration.
"I- I love you, too," I manage to stutter out.
He pauses for a second before telling me he will see me later and hangs up. I wonder if he meant to say he loved me in such an intimate way, or if it was an accident. And if it was an accident, did he mean it that way?
I mean, I know Fowler loves me. And I know I love him. But this is different. I think. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.
When I get home, I unload the groceries and get started on dinner. I'm making a chicken curry recipe I've been dying to try. It's a little spicy and the perfect amount of creamy. I start cutting the veggies, trying to clear my head. But it doesn't work.
I can't stop thinking about Locke and Cruz and what happened between the three of us. I keep replaying the moment when they touched me, when their lips and fingers brushed against my skin. My body feels alive just thinking about it.
I'm lost in thought and almost miss the quiet, but heavy, footsteps walking past the kitchen. I subtly slide my gaze to watch Marx walk past the kitchen. His eyes are on me, but he doesn't say anything. This is my first time seeing him in a week or longer.
I want to say something to him, but I also want to keep my distance until he's ready to talk. Maybe he will never be ready to talk. Will I ever get clarity or closure from him? I try to ignore the questions and thoughts running through my mind and focus on cooking.
Just as I finish the food, Val comes strolling through the front door without knocking.
"Just make yourself at home, why don't you?" I say sarcastically.
"I think I will," Val replies just as sarcastically.
"Did you get the ice cream I like?"
"Yep."
"Nice."
Val helps me bring the rest of the food out. The guys all at the same time, which is rare. Fowler looks tired, but his face lights up when he sees us. Locke is grinning like a kid in a candy store. Cruz is already helping Val and me set the table.
"This smells amazing," Fowler says, coming up behind me. He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles my neck.
"Mmm, I missed you," he whispers.
Ever since Valarie had that talk with the guys the last time she was here, they've been more open with their intimacy with me. It's weird, but it also feels right.
It wasn't like we were hiding it before, but we were still figuring out our dynamics. But in this house, with these men, we are sharing our love and intimacy freely now. Well, besides Marx. I'm still not sure where he stands in all of this.
I wonder if Marx is going to join us for dinner tonight. He hasn't been, but I'm still hopeful he will. He missed game night last night and it honestly hurt the guys' feelings as much as it hurt mine.
"I missed you, too," I reply to Fowler. "How was your day?"
"Exhausting."
"You'll have a nice night off."
"I can think of a few things I'd like to do to make the night even nicer."
"You'll have to wait, lover boy," Val interrupts, giggling. "We still have a movie to watch."
I feel my cheeks warming. I'm unsure if Val's comment is making Fowler's thoughts go in the same direction as mine.
"Fine," he sighs, pretending to be annoyed.
The rest of the guys are already sitting at the table, filling their plates. The food is delicious. I am really getting the hang of this cooking thing, thanks to Cruz. Once the meal is over, we all help clean up and move into the living room.
"We have a game to watch," Cruz says. "Are you guys joining us?"
I shake my head. "We were actually going to have a movie night. I guess we can just watch it in my room."
"You sure?" Cruz asks. "Locke and I can watch this in my room instead."
"No, it's fine, really. You should always be able to watch your games on the big screen," I reply with a laugh.
"We don't mind, Em," Locke chimes in.
"It's no problem, guys. Promise," I insist.
Fowler, Val, and I make our way to my room.
"Do I have time to take a quick shower?" Fowler asks. "I feel gross from work."
"Sure. Go ahead. We'll find a movie while you do that," I reply.
He gives me a quick kiss and heads down the hall towards his room.
"You two are cute," Val comments, her tone playful. "You're all cute."
"Shush."
"You have to admit, the way they all look at you is adorable."
I nod, blushing. "I know."
It's strange feeling this cared for, this admired, this loved after being in a relationship with Lyle for so long. We were happy, once. But it didn't last long. He was insecure and mean, and I see that so clearly now.
Val and I browse the movie options, finally deciding on an action comedy. I change into an oversized shirt and Val does the same. It can't be a cozy movie night if we're not cozy.
Fowler comes back a few minutes later, looking fresh and smelling clean. Grey sweatpants hand low on his hips. His chest is bare. I watch his muscles flex as he plops down on my bed.
"Alright, let's get this party started," he announces. "I call the middle!"
"You're ridiculous," Val snorts. "Scoot over. Em gets the middle."
Fowler responds by sticking his tongue out at her.
"You're an actual child," Val huffs as she pulls back the blankets on my bed.
I laugh as I turn out the lights and slide between them. Val puts her arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to her. I melt into her. She's so soft.
It feels nice being with my two best friends.
"Don't forget me," Fowler pouts, moving in close to me, pulling at me.
I snuggle against him now, his arm around my waist. Val lays her head on my shoulder.
"This is nice," I murmur.
"Very," Fowler agrees. He's soft in the same way Val is. It's a toned kind of softness. They really are so much alike in so many ways.
We watch the movie in silence, mostly, and I feel myself dozing off. Every so often, I jerk myself back awake. Fowler notices and chuckles softly.
"Go to sleep," he whispers, pulling the blanket to cover me more.
I yawn. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"It's okay. Val and I can just finish the movie."
"Or," Val cuts in, "we could go to sleep, too.. I'm honestly exhausted."
"Good idea," Fowler agrees. "I'm tired too. Want me to go to my room?"
He looks at me expectedly. "No, you should stay. As long as Val is okay with it," I say, turning to look at Val.
"It's cool with me," she says.
I can tell she is trying to stay cool. But I know her well enough to know she is freaking out. We devised a plan, and Fowler sleeping in the bed with us was the first step.
"Okay, good," Fowler replies. "I didn't actually want to get up." He lets out a cute little laugh.
He slides down next to me and pulls the blanket up around us more.
"Goodnight," he whispers against my skin.
"Night," Val and I both mumble.
It isn't long before I'm fast asleep.