"Jim... I'm in love with you." Bella told Jim.
"I know," Jim replied then dressed himself and got up from the bed. Bella gasped as Jim put his button-up, tie, light brown pants, and belt back on. She fell to her knees and sobbed, only wearing her black lacy bra and underwear.
"Do you... not feel the same way?" She asked, practically pleading for an ounce of validation from Jim.
"I'm a very spontaneous guy, Bella," Jim informed her.
"That didn't even answer the question!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, makeup running down her face.
"If I'm honest, I don't really know or care." He spoke, carelessly.
"But, how could you do this to me? I just killed my damn husband for you! I had children!"
"Well, technically you didn't kill your children." Jim did make a valid point there, as per usual. "Besides, I don't have time to worry about some petty middle school love right now. It's the damn zombie apocalypse out there and you're mad because I won't say that I love you?!"
"It's not middle school anymore, Jim! We're adults, I was married! I threw that all away for you!" Bella screamed at him, nearly making the walls shake from how loudly she was speaking. Her heart beat fast, and the adrenaline was giving her more energy.
"I never asked you to do that," Jim spoke wisely and calmly.
"It's the apocalypse. The world is ending. You said it yourself. We might as well love each other before we both die." She said, grabbing Jim's wrist and pulling him back into the room so they could continue arguing.
"I'll see," Jim said and loosened Bella's grip so he could walk away, indirectly declining Bellas's offer to keep shouting at one another.
Jim had started becoming distant and cold quite a long time ago after his 6th wife died in a fire. Jim had blamed himself for it, after all the fire was caused by his previous rival gang trying to get revenge. He thought that this time, it could be different when he made his new gang. He thought since he didn't have a wife, there was no one they could hurt. However, this wasn't because Jim had basic human sympathy, either. He was a psychopath! Jim believed that if someone had a problem with him, they should go after him like a man and not his wife.
Right after Jim had made his way downstairs, he heard a knock on the door. Jim opened the door and grabbed the simray in case he needed it from his pocket and held it tight.
But it was Jack Black!
"Oh, hi Jack Black!" Jim said relieved, throwing the simray across the room, and going in for a hug.
"What's new, bud?" Jack asked, glad to hear a familiar voice.
"Well, if you didn't hear, there's been a zombie apocalypse!" Jim joked, inviting Jack inside. Jim and Jack had been best friends since birth! They were the only ones who understood each other. The pair had known each other for so long now, that they could practically read each other's minds. They were completely comfortable with each other. In fact, they even have kissed before! Most people would call that gay, but Jim and Jack just call it brotherly behavior.
"Hey, uhh... who is that woman crying upstairs, bud?" Jack asked, hearing Bella "Oh, just some chick. You know how it goes, man. They just latch onto me!" Jim explained.
"I get it," Jack said with a smirk on his face and winked. The two of them then burst out in laughter and pat each other on the back.
"So... you wanna join my gang or what?" Jim asked, charmingly.
"Do I? Of course I do, man!" Jack laughed. The two did their secret handshake like old times. "Now you're one of the Jimilingilings, man!" Jim exclaimed, with a true grin on his face.
"Sweet!" Jack said, giving him a high five.
Don Letharo had come back from the basement and opened the secret bookshelf door.
"Where were you during the fight a few hours ago? Shrek attacked us!" Jim shouted.
"Oh, I was just about to ask about what that large gaping hole in our ceiling was about. I took a nap in Nancy's bedroom. Those sheets are nice!" He said, densely.
That was the thing about Don. He was attractive but very stupid. Just about the only thing he was good at was wooing women, but there was only Bella, and Bella had chosen Jim, so it wasn't a very useful skill.
"God dammit, of course, you did," Jim said under his breath.
"And who is this guy?" Don asked, pointing at Jack Black.
"I'm Jack Black! How do you not know me, man? I'm in like, every movie!" He yelled, offended.
"Oh, I don't watch movies. I just eat burgers and play football." Don chuckled.
"Listen, buddy, the only thing keeping you here right now in the gang is because you're buff. Nobody really likes you, but now you're going to watch every movie with Jack Black in it until you learn what greatness really is." Jim ordered, threateningly. Jack said nothing but nodded in approval.
"I would, but someone broke the damn TV so I can't!" Don said, accusingly.
"There's one downstairs, dumbass!" Jim screamed at the top of his lungs, shaking Don's sturdy shoulders.
"Fine!" Don screamed, walking back down into the basement.
"Good!" Jim shouted back.
"Perfect!" Don said with a bitchy tone.
"Good man." Jack grinned and raised his beer to Jim.
Before they got even a second of peace together, Vlad was back, with Bob. Bob was different now, though. His skin was no longer dark, but very pale. Too pale. He was wearing a classic villain getup, in all black. They had created a portal with Vlad's portal gun and walked right into the living room.
"Oh, hello. Funny seeing you here." Bob said, smugly now with a British accent a typical villain would have. Jim spotted the two red fresh bite marks on Bob's neck and knew he had been turned. Now it made sense why Bob was so pale.
"Not really. I live here." Jim said, unamused.
"It was just for dramatic effect, you whore!" Vlad shouted
"Jimilingilings, assemble!" Jim shouted, jumping up onto the coffee table.
Jack Black quickly grabbed Jim's simray and tossed it to Jim. Then, Jack grabbed the 8-foot-long elegant sword from the sword holder on his belt and pointed it at Vlad and Bob.
Harry and Sal arose from the basement. Harry grabbed his gun and shot at Bob, but missed and it hit Vlad instead. Vlad simply laughed at Harrie's foolishness as his wound healed immediately because of his vampirism. "The only way I die is from sunlight, stupid! And it's nighttime right now!" Vlad cackled. Clearly, he had planned this out and was quite proud of himself.
Bella slid down the rail from upstairs in an elegant fashion but ended up slamming into the ground and didn't come back up. But this made something crack inside Jim and he ran over desperately to her. Even though he didn't love her, she was still technically part of his gang, and to enter the Jimilingilings, one had to swear on blood to never wrong Jim or they would be burned on the steak. Jim was just about to tell Jack about that. But the truth was, Jim did appreciate Bella's company and didn't want to kill her. She was also quite useful, too, being a werewolf and all.
"Bella! Bella, are you okay?" He asked, holding her weak body.
"Yes, my love. I'm so, so sorry that I lashed out at you like that earlier." She apologized.
"Yeah, whatever. I love you too, I guess. I just need you to help fight these posers." Jim said, coldly not wanting to lose another member of his gang. He didn't want to leave Bella on the ground, she needed motivation to get back up and fight, and Jim was her motivation. So, if it took Jim to tell her how much he loved her, he'd say it. Despite only having a gang for a few days, they had already had a lot of deaths and people who had left the Jimilingilings.
She got up and Jim tried to shoot his simray, but it hit Harry Potter and froze him.
"F*ck!" Harry shouted before the ice completely covered his head.
"Bullshit in a horse's bum..." Sal said. He had always been a very southern man, saying strange phrases like that in his thick southern accent.
"Ha! You simple mortal Earth dwellers cannot beat me! I will end you all and we will rule the world! And then the whole univer-" Vlad got interrupted.
Bella had had enough of Vlad's bullshit the first time she laid eyes on him. She turned into her werewolf form and attacked him. Sal got from behind Bob and pulled him back so he couldn't interfere with the situation.
"Get off me, let me go you fool!" He shouted angrily at the top of his lungs throwing a fit. "You will regret this, just wait," Bob screamed hysterically. Jack Black began to draw his sword and stab Bob, but Sal took a syringe out of his pocket and stabbed it into Bob's arm, injecting him with a mysterious substance that knocked him out cold.
"That'll for sure buy us some time," Sal said, proud of his quick thinking.
Everyone paused to look at him in silence and shock. Even Vlad stopped to stare, who was in the process of being mauled by Bella.
"What was in that syringe and where did you get it?" Asked Bella, a little concerned.
"Oh, just something I whipped up in the lab a while back. It helps you sleep for long periods. And gives you really bad diarrhea. I've tried this baby on myself before, and trust me, it's no fun," Sal confessed, eyes widening. Everyone still stared in silence and shock.
"What? I'm a doctor. I'm only a sad clown part-time, you know?"
"Ohh. Well thanks, man." Jack Black nodded in approval.
"I can't hold him off like this till morning... soon I'll lose control and go crazy on all of you. After being a werewolf for extended periods, I can't stop! We need to fry him in the sun." Bella suggested, winded from fighting with Vlad. At least now, all attention would be on Vlad and not Bob, too. The medicine Sal gave Bob should last him till morning.
"Guys, I think we all know from Twilight that vampires are just better than werewolves! Face it. Give up now while you still have the chance." Vlad ordered.
"Nobody actually even liked those movies anyway! I'm going to end you, Vlad!"
"I'd like to see you try! You have no clue what I'm capable of, you mortals. Those syringes won't work on me!" Vlad shouted, arrogantly.
"I've heard that a million times. But I always take them down. You don't faze me one bit, Vlad." Jim chuckled and pulled the trigger on the simray. This time, it hit Vlad and froze him.
Everyone sighed in relief and grinned, besides Harry who was still frozen. But they all paused to hear the frightening sound of cracking. The Jimilingilings all look over to see the ice freezing Vlad was breaking and cracking! Before anyone could think or do anything, the ice exploded and Vlad was free.
"You thought that would work on me? Some ice won't stop the vampire ruler!" He shouted.
"Do I ever even get a break? First, it's the zombie apocalypse, then Shrek goes crazy trying to kill us, and now it's Vlad going crazy trying to kill us! It's been like 2 days!" Bella screamed.
"Don't forget the couple problems." Jack joked, elbowing Jim and winking.
"Dammit, Jack!" Bella exclaimed, annoyed.
"Are you guys seriously not going to pay any attention to me?" Vlad shouted, angrily.
"I don't have a plan," Jim clenched his fists and slammed them against the wall, his voice cracking with frustration."Someone, break the ice so Harry can help us!" He ordered.
Bella dashed to the block of ice that Harry was frozen in and used her werewolf claws to crack the ice black open and free Harry.
"Took you guys long enough. Anyways-"
"Harry do you know a spell to make it daytime?!" Jack asked impatiently.
"Why yes I do. It's a time spell, would that-"
"Yes, just hurry up and do it, man!" Jack Black ordered. Harry rolled his eyes, sick of being used as some kind of human weapon all his life but still complied.
"Acrababra!" He waved his wand around sarcastically but nothing happened.
"Harry! I thought you knew magic, dude! Why didn't it work?!" Jack shouted trying to hold off Vlad from biting him.
"That was me being sarcastic! And for the record, I'm sick of being treated so unfairly and I'd like a little respect when I'm being asked to break the laws of nature, please!"
"Okay, okay, please cast a time spell so the sun is out and we can burn these bitches!" Jack asked.
"Thank you." Harry smiled and waved his wand around in an orderly manner. "Wibble wobble scrabble dabble shribity bobbity morning quarting!" He exclaimed in a loud voice.
"Damn, that's long, kid. How do you remember all that?" Jack asked.
"I went to Hogwarts, of course, I remember." Harry scoffed. Suddenly, the sun burst over the horizon, bathing the sky in a fiery glow. But it didn't stop there. It continued to rise and set a few times before it stopped. That's when it clicked in Jim's mind. Harry had accidentally made them travel multiple weeks far in time! He could tell from all the extra wrinkles he had gained on his body. Jim decided he would get revenge on Harry for making Jim die sooner.
"Damn you, magic boy! I should've known you were no good!" Jim shrieked. Bella shook her head in disappointment and glared at Harry. Sometimes she felt like the whole world was against her because everything that day had gone entirely wrong. To be fair, maybe the world and god did hate her. After all, she is living in the literal zombie apocalypse.
"I'm sorry, I screwed up the damn spell! It wasn't supposed to go that far into the future." But since they had traveled through time, Bob had woken up strong and ready to fight. But he simply stood no chance to Sal's chloroforming. Before anyone could say anything, Sal pounced onto Bob and chloroformed him so he was once more unconscious. Everyone was shocked by Sal once again. Everyone kind of just assumed Sal was just some depressed useless guy, but here he was, chloroforming people and sticking syringes in them!
"Well, at least the sun is out, now so we can fry these babies!" Jack exclaimed and danced. He was having a great time all the time. Jack was truly just a jolly guy.
"You'll never take me alive! Literally. Cause I'm already dead. Get it?" Vlad asked, laughing at his joke.
"Yeah, we get it," Bella said, turning back to her gothic human form, annoyed by Vlad's amusement.
After Bob was out, Sal decided that it wouldn't hurt to try and chloroform Vlad, so he jumped onto Vlad and surprisingly, it kept him out for long enough to throw the two vampires outside. The Jimilingilings watched outside and saw them burn and fry into dust. Typically, everyone would be pretty horrified by seeing two vampires being burned alive and watching their flesh boil, but after everything that had happened, it was more relieving and satisfying.
"Well, that solves that, I guess!" Jack exclaimed and high-fived everyone.
As the group walked in talking to each other and laughing, Jim froze and realized something. Don wasn't there that whole time! Jim didn't say anything but only stormed downstairs into the basement that led to Nancy's room. There Don was, lying on the bed, watching god damn Kung Fu Panda. At least it had Jack Black in it.
(hey guys i hope you enjoyed this so far im going to try writing the next chapter tomorrow)