((TW MENTION OF SUICIDE AND SUICIDAL THINKING.))
During our deployment Ghost stayed close making it almost impossible for me to contact Aleksei, which meant I was unable to feed them information. While this made Aleksei mad, but he couldn't do anything because I was still holding my end of the contract.
-Back home-
"He's getting irritated." I stared down at my phone. Despite Aleksei's warning, I came clean once we came home. The team has carried on like they know nothing and help me when I can.
"Give him what you can." Price gave me a file to send to Aleksei.
"Don't worry, we'll be waiting for them." Ghost placed his hand on my shoulder.
I nodded as I sent Aleksei photos of the file, knowing we'd have to face him and his men next deployment.
"It's nothing we can't handle." Soap leaned back in his chair. "I'm actually looking forward to it."
I just sat quietly. These people used to be my family, I grew up with many of them and here I was about to go to war with them. Yes, it was horrible growing up but these were still my friends at some point. It hurt.
"You can sit this one out if you need." Price patted my hand.
"No. I'm okay." I need to end this on my own, it's only fair to them that it be me that ends them.
"You sure?" Ghost squeezed my shoulder.
I nodded. "Yeah. I'm sure." I stood up. "I'm gonna retire early." I walked to my room before I broke down.
I know I shouldn't care, but it's just all too much. I curled up on my bed as the door opened.
"Y/N.." Ghost walked in. "Hey... It's okay."
I ignored him as he sat on the edge of my bed.
"I know this isn't easy. Going against people you used to call family." Ghost patted my back. "But you got us now."
The tears began to pour. "I just wish that my choices weren't death sentences for people."
"It happens. especially in this line of work."
"It would be so much easier if I just stopped existing." I finally sat up, looking at him.
"Don't say that. " Ghost looked hurt.
"It's true, no one would be at risk." Dark thoughts played in my mind.
"Y/N, No." Ghost grabbed my face, forcing me to focus on him. His eyes held worry.
"I could do it with no regret."
"Y/N, Stop."
"Not like I have much left." My tears started to dry on my face.
"You have us. You have me." Ghost was desperately trying to snap me out of this dark place.
"You guys would be so much better off without my baggage." I could feel myself becoming numb.
"Like hell, we would." Ghost rubbed his thumbs across my cheek. "Y/N you're one of us now. I know I don't act like you are but you are."
"Thanks but we both know I'll never be a part of your team, I'm just an asset."
"You've become more than that." Ghost's voice softened. "Y/N.."
I just sighed, the darkness was consuming me again. It had been a while since I felt this way, it was oddly welcoming.
"I'll be fine Ghost. Just feeling off." I tried to shake it off.
"I don't believe you. " Ghost let go of my face and pulled me against his chest.
This man, why the hell is he so confusing? One minute acting like I'm a burden to him and then another acting like he has some feelings for me.
"Ghost." I let myself soak in his warmth, the smell of his cologne filling my nose.
"Y/N." He held me tighter as if any moment I'd fade away.
The room became silent as he held me. There wasn't much to say really. I mean what could we say? Nothing would change the facts. Nothing would make these feelings go away.