NOT PROOFREAD!
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Prologue:
Pt 1:
Sometimes you think to yourself that it's strange that out of all people Harry could have had, he choose you to be his girlfriend. He's the chosen one and really good looking. He could quite literally have one girl on each of his fingers, but somehow he wants only you.
A miracle, that's for sure.
You're sitting in the common room, nose buried in a book when the portrait hole wrings open and Harry enters the room, with Hermione and Ron and walks straight to you.
Hey my love.", he speaks against your lips before he sits down.
You smile. Hey to you too."
Because you bury your nose in your book again, you don't see the glance that Hermione shoots at Harry. She's looking at him, angry and disgusted.
The conversation he just had with her and Ron replays in Harry's mind.
Tell her tonight or I will tell her tomorrow.", she had said before murmuring the password to the fat lady.
Another angry look, and Harry nods, defeated.
He feels like his insides turns into a bunch of snakes.
He knows should probably rip the bandaid off now, fast and firm and beg for your forgiveness. But he can't bring up the courage.
Instead, he wraps both arms around your waist to pull you closer. He nuzzles his face into your neck, swallowing the bulge in his throat.
"What has gotten into you, Harry?", you giggle and get comfortable in his lap.
He grabs his phone and sends a text to Hermione without you noticing.
I just want something to remember., it says.
Hermione eyes soften a little and she nods.
That's how you spend the next hours: cuddled into Harry's lap, his fingers caressing every inch of your body he can reach. His mind is racing in an attempt to find a solution, but he can't come up with one.
The times goes by too fast.
Eventually Hermione clears her throat and gets up. "I'm going to bed. You look tired too, Ron.", she says.
"Oh yeah. Uhm- see you later, mate."
Ron pats Harry's shoulder and leaves to common room too.
Harry gathers all his courage. "I need to tell you something.", he whispers.
You take a place next to him, feeling that something is wrong. "Hey, what's going on?", you ask, taking his hand in yours.
He takes a deep breath. "Give me a kiss, please. I need one last kiss."
You furrow your brows. "What do you mean, one last kiss?"
A horrifying thought pops up in your head. What if he realizes that he can have someone better? What if he does not want you anymore? But if that was the case, why would he want a kiss?
Instead of an answer, Harry cups your cheeks with his hands. "Kiss me, please."
You bite back the questions and lower your head to meet his lips. You try to put all your feelings into the kiss, to show Harry that you love him dearly. His thumbs caresses your soft skin of your jaw.
After an eternity, he pulls away and takes another deep breath. "Fuck, that's so hard."
He scoots a little away from you. You already have to bite back tears.
"Four months ago, there was this party after we won the match against Hufflepuff. Ron, the twins and I got pretty drunk. You were there too and we started talking about you."
"This still makes no sense.", is your response as you tug a strand of hair being your ear.
"I don't know what has gotten into me. Maybe it was the high of the win or the alcohol, I don't know. But Ron suggested a bet."
Your stomach drops. Please don't tell me it is what I think it is.
You see remorse in Harry's green eyes. "It was 20 galleons if I got you to fall for me."
His voice breaks, but he reaches out for you.
You pull away, too shocked about what he just said.
"I didn't take the money, I swear!", he says, getting on his feet.
"I was just a bet?", you ask, your voice barely over a whisper. The sound of your breaking heart is loud and clear in your head.
"In the beginning, yeah, but-"
Harry stops talking as you try to take off the necklace he gave you but your hands are trembling.
"No, no! Please, I beg to you, keep it." He grabs your wrist, out of breath, panicking. "Don't do that."
You give up; you're not able to unclasp it anyways. "I need time to think.", you say.
Before Harry has a chance to respond, you already left, running up the stairs to your dorm.
Pt 2:
After you blocked Harry, you refused to leave your dorm for two days, but Hermione and Ginny convinced you not to put your life on a halt.
The first lessons went smooth because you didn't have them with Harry, so it was fairly easy to make it through those.
What really scared the living hell out of you was attending divination. Crackling fires, scented incense sticks, soft pillows, relaxing seating areas - it's your personal hall on earth.
Anxiously spinning the quill between your thumb and index finger, you try to control your breath.
You choose to sit at the very back of the room.
Any time his dark messy locks should pop out of the whole in the ground. Any time.
You try not to look, but every time someone enters the room, you can't help but eye them from the corner of the eyes, holding your breath and releasing the air from your lungs with relief every time it's not Harry.
Until it is him.
Not able to turn your head back, you stare as first his hair pops out of the ground, then the unmistakable scar on his forehead, the edges of his glasses, his eyes and nose, his lips and then the rest of his body. As soon as he has some ground under his feet, his darting green eyes find yours.
Out of habit, a small smile appears on his lips and he takes three steps into your direction until reality settles in again. He sees the way your body stiffens. Nonchalantly, he turns a little and takes a seat in the table next to you.
All the feelings you were able to control the whole day come crashing down on you. The hurt, the bitter taste of betrayal, the anger, the self-consciousness.
You thought sitting in the back of the class would enable Harry to stare at you. It didn't. He is shamelessly about it. Meanwhile his body is facing towards Professor Trelawney as she starts speaking, his head is turned into your direction, green eyes examining your face as if to find out if there's any love left for him.
Harry's heart clenches as he sees how puffy your eyes are from crying for days. In the dim light of chandlers he can't make out the collie of your eyes, but he's sure they're red.
Absentminded, he pulls out a string of silver out that was hidden under his shirt. He starts playing with the pendant that used to lay on your heart for the past months. What he would give to see it on you again.
Your eyes wander to Harry and when you see your necklace dangling on his chest, his fingers clenched around the material, you can't take it any longer. Without thinking twice about the consequences, you leap up and grab your bag.
You just don't have the strength to see Harry's pain when yours is already consuming every fiber of your being.
"What are you doing, Miss y/l/n?", the Professor asks.
You don't respond, and just like that, you're gone, leaving everyone wondering and shocked. A few eyes lingered in Harry, who got up to climb down the ladder as well. "Wait, y/n!"
You try to run faster, but Harry quickly catches you. "Please, don't run away!"
With that, his hand wraps around your elbow, causing you to stop.
"What, Harry?!", you scream. "Let me fucking go!"
"I can't! I can't be without you! I tried but I can't and I really want to apologize. No, I need to apologize. Please hear me out."
You scoff. "You already apologized, Harry. It's not going to change a thing."
You really try not to let him see through you, not to let him see the pain, but your body tricks you. Quivering chin, watery eyes, short breath.
Harry's voice is a mere whisper. "I never wanted to cause you any pain. I hate that I did."
You nod. "Mhm, but you not leaving me alone after I told you two times to leave me alone is not helping anything. You make it worse, Harry."
A single tear rolls down his cheek. "I don't want to-"
"Give me space then!"
With that, you leave Harry standing alone in the hallways.
Pt 3:
If your heart had been torn to pieces right after you found out about the bet, it did get shred into tiny nothings after Harry and you spoke under the divination classroom.
You had a unimaginable fear when it came to that particular class; the thought of spending two hours in a room with Harry, so close and jet so far away from each other had you in a literal chokehold. After skipping two times and realizing you wouldn't be able to focus on the class at all, you changed your timetable and switched from divination to ancient runes, which is a faulty being class, but better then torturing yourself.
„You know, you can't ignore Harry forever.", Hermione whispers to you, taking notes in the meantime. She sounds annoyed, which is no great surprise. Harry uses her as a mouthpiece, demanding her to tell you over and over and over again how terribly sorry he is. It's obvious she's not having it.
„You know, you don't have to do what Harry tells you. By being his mouthpiece, I mean.", you replie. „Besides, no matter how many times he apologizes, those words don't mean anything."
Hermione drops her quill, hissing angrily. „You said that a million times and yet I can literally smell how much you miss being with Harry. Stop lying to yourself, at least!", she spits.
In that very second, the teacher ends the lesson and Hermione storms out before you can think of a reply.
As much as you hate to admit it, she's right: You miss Harry. The past three months you tried your best to forget about Harry and the things you had together, but needless to say it did not work the slightest bit. Every time you thought too much about it you felt your mind twisting and turning. You are torn between the bitter betrayal and the sweet longing. But truly, apologies - no matter how heart felt and how many there would be - are not going to fix anything.
Deep in your thoughts, you walk to your dorm to change out of your uniform.
You instantly know someone has been in here. Looking around, you see a tiny box on your nightstand, with a note attached to it.
Curious, you pick it up and open the box. Draped on soft fabric is your necklace - the one you gave Harry back. You gently stroke the pendant, thinking about how Harry played with it absentmindedly in divination class.
Feeling a little sting in your heart, you take out the necklace, put the box away and unfold the note.
I know you said you want me to leave you alone and don't worry, I didn't break into your dorm...Hermione did.
This necklace belongs to you, wether we are a couple or not. You don't have to wear it, of course, but I can't keep it either.
As I said, it's a sign of my love, that will be everlasting if I might add.
I know you don't want to see me ever again, sadly I can't make that happen because we are both students here. But I will stay away from you, if that's what you really want.
Even though everything I want is your forgiveness and love, I know I'm not worthy any or those. Just know I'm utterly sorry, for all I did. If you ever find it in your heart to come back to me, I will be waiting.
I love you.
Goodbye.
The note is not signed, but that would be unnecessary. Reading the note all over again, you can't help the sob that escapes your lips. Trough every word, you can feel the heartbreak and remorse that Harry goes trough.
You sigh shakily. There's no way you can ignore him any longer. Three months without him felt like a torturous eternity. How are you supposed to make it through another day? These damn feelings won't go away and it seems like everyday it gets only harder to stay away from Harry.
It occurs you that Hermione is right. You were lying to yourself. You did miss Harry.
Before your mind can speak a word, you let your heart make a decision.
Taking one step at a time, you make it down the stairs and into the common room we're you know Harry will be sitting, just like he did every other day for the past months just to at least catch a glimpse of you.
Just like every time, his eyes are on you the moment you enter the room. But unlike every other day, you return his look as you walk up to him, making everything else turn silent.
"We need to talk.", is all you say when you stand in front of him.
Pt 4:
You're sitting in the common room, growing impatient with every passing minute you're waiting for Harry.
The moment you told him you wanted to talk it looked like a ton of weight fell off of his shoulders, his features lighting up. Then they darkened again, remembering he's supposed to meet up with Hagrid for a detention Professor Snape got him.
You had to reassure him thrice that it's fine and that you would wait, but you had clearly underestimated the length of the detention, it your patience.
At 11 p.m., when everyone is already in their dorm and Harry should be long back, you sigh and give up. Surely detention is long over, it could hardly last the whole day.
Biting back the anger, you march yo the stairs to your dorm and get ready for bed, but you can't fall asleep. Harry begged so long for you to let him explain everything, what reason could he possibly have to stand you up now? Unless this was all a game for him...
It's no use; sleep is far out of reach, so you grab a book and sit up against your headboard to read, trying to mute the thoughts in your head.
It works quite well, until there is a silent noise on your window, as if someone is throwing pebbles on the glass - or like beaks against glass, you realize with a look. There is a white snow owl sitting outside of the window.
"Hedwig?!"
You hastily get up and open the window for the owl to get in. She drops a note on your bed, then ruffled her feathers and zooms out again. So Harry did stood you up and now apologizes or what?
When you unfold the note, it says hastily scribbled in untidy letters:
Harry's in the hospital wing, he wanted me to tell ye.
- Hagrid
Your heart drops. Harry got hurt during his detention with Hagrid!
With only one thought in your mind, you rush through dark hallways, forgetting all about the curfew and possible consequences of your actions: Please be okay. Please be okay.
The doors of the infirmary already in view, you suddenly crash into a tall, long haired figure.
It's none other then Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster.
You flinch, getting yourself ready for a long lecture about school rules, but to your huge surprise you get a smile, drenching from worry and understanding.
With a flick of his wand, the doors behind him click; locked or unlocked?
The next words answer your silent question.
"Young love is really a beautiful thing.", he sighs. "But still, I fear you are not supposed to be out of your dorm this late."
"Professor, I need to see-", you try to explain, but get cut off anyways.
"There's no need to worry your young mind further. Harry is asleep, and he will be well by tomorrow. I trust in Madame Pomfreys work.", he says.
You don't think about going away. "I just need to take one look. I need to make sure he is okay."
He sighs again. "Neither Madame Pomfrey nor I approve of that. Young Harry surely will be happy to hear that you are worried about him, but in his sleeping state that will hardly get through to him. I suggest you go back to your dorm, seek some sleep and come back in the morning.", Professor Dumbledore says, his voice understanding - but sternly. He is not going to let you get through.
"But what if he wakes up alone?", you ask, voice almost breaking.
There is a sudden pain in Dumbledores eyes. "It's kind of you to worry about that too, but I ensure you, he will not. He drank a sleeping potion to ensure his body gets the rest he needs."
He motions away from the doors. "Should we?", he asks.
You defeat, and turn around. He is right, there's hardly anything you can do at this point. "What happened?", you ask nonetheless.
Professor Dumbledore nods. "Harry probably wants to tell you that himself, but I can tell you that much: Centaurs are strong creatures and their hooves can cause great damage. Luckily Hagrid was able to prevent the worst. Harry will be fine.", he repeats.
With that, you both fell silent and walk to the Gryffindor tower.
You clench out your hand on the fabric of your sweater, we're you can feel the fine sliver necklace against your skin.
He will be fine.
Pt 5 (last part):
The next morning, at the crack of dawn, you get up and hastily dress yourself. The common room is empty except for Hermiones cat, Crookshanks, who stretches out in front of the fireplace, savoring the warmth. The hallways are just as empty, nothing to be heard other then the rhythmic beat of your shoes meeting the ground as you make your way to Harry.
You take a deep breath before carefully opening the doors of the infirmary. Due to the closed curtains, its still dark, but after a moment, your eyes got used to it and spot Harry on a bed on the other end of the room. He's laying on his side, his head bedded on his right arm and his back facing you. As quiet as possible, you walk over to the windows, drawing one curtain open because you know Harry doesn't like the darkness and you need it for what you have in mind.
Than you carry a chair across the room and sit down by his bed, brushing a strand of hair out of his face, careful not to wake him up in the process. As your fingertips brush against his forehead, you can watch Harry's mouth form into a lazy smile as if he knows you are there.
His skin is warm and smooth, a indication that he is well.
You lean back in your chair and pull out the book that you brought with you. The book you only found the other day. You used to read it to Harry when he slept at your dorm and couldn't fall asleep due to his worries keeping his mind busy. Within 20 minutes, he would fall asleep and complain the next morning that he can't remember what it said.
Smiling from the memory, you start reading out loud. Slowly the room gets flooded by the light of the sun and when your throat is too dry to continue, you mark the page with your index finger, close the book and lean over to take one of the water glasses. Mid movement, you freeze, your arm floating in the air.
With an amorous smile, Harry looks at you, his green eyes soft and tender.
„Harry! When did you wake up? How are you?", you whisper, taken aback by his woken state.
His smile widens. „You are reading to me again.", he states the obvious.
You chuckle nervously. „Yes."
Silence fills the room for a moment, before Harry sits up a little, groaning a little. „I'm fine, really.", he says when he sees your eyes darken with worry. Then he starts explains what happened the previous night. Apparently, Harry was supposed to search for a rare plant with Hagrid for Professor Sprout and before knew it, he lost track and stumbled into two fighting centaurs. One of them didn't see him and angrily threw his hind legs out, kicking Harry right in the chest. He fell unconscious right on the spot and if it wasn't for Hagrid, the centaur would've probably trampled Harry to death by accident. The story is almost to crazy for you to believe, but then he unbuttons his shirt and reveals a violet mark above his left ribcage that has the form of a hoof.
„Oh my god.", you gasp, sitting down on the edge of the bed to take a closer look. „That could've enden badly.", you say afterwards.
Harry smiles. „You know I'm known for getting myself nearly killed every now and than."
You roll your eyes at him. „I would rather you stop collecting near death experiences like trading cards." Your words are playful but you can't keep the worry out of your voice.
Harrys smile drops. „I'm sorry for worrying you.", „...and for standing you up yesterday.", he adds after a second.
You scoff. „You were literally unconscious, Harry. It's not that you choose to get stomped over by a centaur."
He nods, but his expression stays serious. „Speaking of yesterday..."
„Are you sure you want to do this right now?", you ask him while avoiding to look at his face as you wait for an answer.
„Not if you are going to tell me how we don't have a chance. I would rather not hear that right now."
You smile to yourself. „Lucky for you that's not what I was going to say.", is your answer as you finally look at him again.
Harrys brows are furrowed in confusion, but there's also a hint of hope in his voice as he asks: „What do you want to say than?"
You scoot away from him a little to sit in a cross-legged position. „First, I have to ask you something. Do you still mean everything that you said in the letter?"
Harry needs a moment to figure out what letter you mean, but then his eyes drop to your neck where he can see a silver band getting illuminated by the sun - your necklace. „Yes! Of course I do. I have never regretted anything like making the bet, and I will love you forever. And...and I will stay away from you if you wish so.", he says, his voice shaking slightly at the last sentence.
You nod in response. „Okay."
„Okay?"
„Yes, okay. Harry...", You grab his hand to pull it into your lap. „I was going to tell you that I miss you yesterday, but I wasn't sure if I could be with you again. And now...now I know I can not not be with you."
He takes a deep breath, searching for the right words. „Is that you telling me that you give me a second chance?"
You smile a little. „I know it wont be easy to rebuild the trust, Harry, but I want to try."
Ignoring the throbbing pain in his upper body, he abruptly pulls you against him to hug you tightly. „I feel like my heart is going to give out.", he mumbles against your shoulder. „I love you so much. I will do everything for you to trust me again, and I will never again give you a reason to mistrust me again."
You place a kiss to the side of his head; the only area of him that you can reach. „I love you too, Harry Potter."