Wanting you is like shooting for the moon
I'll never get there but that's what I see when I fall asleep
I am counting butterflies but never any sheep
I kept expired coffee even though I never drank any
I smiled for you all the time but I was never the one your heart could see
You needed to remind me that I am not worth your time
That my life is not interesting and my soul not worth a dime
You stopped time when you kissed me for literally hours
Present time was the only thing that was ever ours
You let me down so easily when you found something you thought better
You said you hated yourself but you still think you're so much better
I was there all along when you met new people
Always answered when you tried to call
When you lost friends and hope
I gave you all of my love hoping it would help you cope
We accept the love we think we deserve
You made me believe I didn't deserve any
I don't know why but you were my priority
You only talked to me when you had extra time but I made time for you always
That's why you think I am too much, not busy enough
That's why you tortured me for days and years
Of course, you were gonna take me for granted
I would have given you all of my time till the end
But I never had your love to defend
You were always ashamed of me
You think you're so much cooler than me
You never cared about me
You only saw what I was willing to give for you to be happy
You were the only one I could stand everyday
You're millions of miles away
But I see you everywhere
When I am happy and when I gasp for air
When a joke is funny and when someone says something that would have made you frown
When someone talks about you, it makes me drown
You're every shade of color except gray
You're every word except those I would say
I hear you in the best of music
I think of you when I see some childish toys made of plastic
When somewhere feels like home
And when I feel all alone
I think about you when I see no message received on my phone
When I listen to your songs on repeat
And when I look at all the photos I am still trying to delete
Even if you can't realize it, it doesn't change the fact that I was just a pawn
So I'll be of no use when you'll find someone
I was never meant to be your future
Us separated still feels like torture
I am not your present
You were never really present
The few nice things you managed to say now I know that's not what you truly meant
Imagination is my biggest flex but I ran out of excuses to invent
You're not even missing me when I am about to spend the rest of my life without you
You were not even here for me all of the nights I was sleeping right next to you
Like you said, you're not in my life
I should have known that a slave never becomes a wife
You don't want to know about my work, my friends and family
When I want to get to know you, you just get angry
I found millions of reasons to love you but you couldn't find any
I wait too much and I want too much
You think I am of no use when you don't need me
I am the relationship you never wanted but half of you remained
If you could understand what love is then you would get why I stayed
If we were some characters we would be the couple I would never ship
I would tell the girl to run away because her heart, he would rip
Somebody else said my presence was a gift
You abandoned me so fast, you're swift
You're millions of miles away
But in another universe, I was the one who made you stay
Feels like you opened my heart with a knife
The one that I wanted to open up to
Didn't care what I'd been up to all my life
I don't know what to say
Without you making me feel like I was too much
Without thinking I wasn't enough
I panicked so much so sometimes I messed up
I am sorry that I often gave myself up
You intimidated me, I didn't feel free
The truth is you were toxic and I hate to admit it
You used to say that I talked too much about me
I wish you didn't see what sucks about me
You looked at your reflection with horror so you tried to make me your broken mirror
The thing I say the most is "Come back to me", I don't care if you can't hear me
Sometimes I just forget to stop caring about you
Sometimes I would just forgive you for all the things you did to me
I've let you play pretend but we both know I wouldn't have been obsessed with you if you weren't already obsessed with me
I would have blamed myself first so you wouldn't even have to blame me
If you needed one more kidney
I would have given you both just in case
I've never loved someone this much
You try so hard to hate me so you don't have to hate the fact that we're over
You'll always be a hater and despise me for being a lover
I want you to be happy even if you're forgetting my face
You were spitting behind my back because you were never brave enough to be vulnerable in front of anyone's face
The way my brain copes is by putting you in my dreams
You're millions of miles away so you won't hear any of my screams
When you didn't want to be alone
Maybe I was not the one you dreamt of
I was just a familiar face that you loved to erase
When you felt like dying I was so scared for you
I was never scared of your darkest parts, I was always afraid of losing you
I disagree about the shitty things you said about me
I don't get how you could let people believe that me being pushy is the real story
I've seen you criticize every one of your supposed loved ones
You tricked my heart into believing you were worthier than a hundred suns
If I was there for you then who was there for me?
Now that you stained me what's left for me?