"DOUBLE-EDGED DAGGER OF STUBBORNNESS.."
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Everyone had dispersed rather quickly. Alicent and her children bolted for their chambers, desperate to get away from the sneers and glares sent their way. Rhaenyra and her children were ushered to a Maesters like they would drop dead if they so much as spilt just a drop of blood onto the floor. Watching as Aemond is rushed away by his Mother, her heart clenches as he goes farther and farther away. Standing frozen in the hallway, she can faintly hear her Mother call out to her, telling her it was time to go back to her chambers. No, she couldn't just walk away. The guilt in her stomach won't let her.
Pushing past her Mother, she makes a beeline for Aemond, guilt bubbling up inside of her for not doing more. She had to apologize. If not for doing more in the attack, then for not speaking up more during the argument. She let them humiliate him. Downplaying the damage done in the attack. A good friend doesn't do that. A good person doesn't let that happen. Hearing her Mother call after her, she ignores her, chasing after Ser Cole. She knew where they were staying. She just needed to be let inside. Almost as if he sensed her presence, Ser Cole picks up his pace, almost sprinting towards Aemond's chambers.
"I want to see Aemond." She states, "Let me in, Ser Cole."
"I am afraid the Young Prince will not be accepting any guests as of this time. Go back, Jocelyn. Come back in the morning, maybe then he'll be up to it then.." Ser Cole dismisses, his voice cold.
"NO! You forget your place, Cole. You're in Driftmark, my land. In High Tide, my house. I am Jocelyn Velaryon, Lady of the Tides. You will speak my name with respect, Ser Cole." She sneers, fury burning in her eyes. "Now, as I said, I want to see him. NOW!"
"Lady Velaryon⎯"
"Move or be moved, I won't ask again. He is my friend⎯He was my friend." She cuts in, her voice cracking. "I⎯I made a mistake not doing more for him. I want to apologize for it. I can't live with myself walking away. I can't turn my back on him. Not again."
Coming to a sharp stop at Aemond's door, he stands guard, purposefully blocking the door from her. Opening her mouth to speak again, she can't get a word out, her throat drying up. What more can she say to him? Shutting her mouth, tears threaten to build up in her eyes, her bottom lip trembling slightly. She had so much that she wanted to say, but she just couldn't get it out. It was like something was holding it back no matter how much she pressed and tried to force it out.
Looking back up at him, he doesn't respond, not even a disgusted mumble under his breath. Which was kind of comforting. Sniffling softly, she wipes her eyes clean of tears, putting on her bravest face. No, she would not cry. Not again. Opening her mouth to speak, he silently moves out of the way, opening the door. The door creaks open. Keeping a cool face, his eyes trained straight ahead, acting like he had not just opened the door for her.
"Thank you, Ser Cole." She thanks, her voice trembling.
"I will not go against the Lady of the Tides, not in her own home." He states, a small smile forming on his face.
"Thank you." She nods, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"You can go to him, but I must warn you. He is angry and hurt. The King refusing punishment and his Mother's distress has only worsened his mood." He whispers, "Be careful."
Chewing on her bottom lip, nerves bubbled inside of her chest, scared of what she may be walking into. Would he 'd shout for her to leave him alone? Would he refuse to talk? Gulping, she looks back towards Ser Cole, the older man giving her the tiniest of reassuring smiles. She could do this. Licking her bottom lip, she opens the door, taking a small step inside. She could do this.
Walking a little further into the room, she curls her one good hand into a fist, looking around the room. His chambers were similar to her own, the difference was he had his bed curtains shut and his room was icy cold. It lacked any warmth. Any life. Chills go down her spine, her shoulders tensing up in fear. Letting out a shaky breath, she shakes her head, gathering her strength.
"Aemond..?" She whispers, her voice slightly shaky.
"No!"
"Aemond, it's me, Jocelyn. I⎯I wanted to apologies. I know that you don't want me to be here and I'll leave⎯I promise I will. I⎯I just wanted to say sorry." She stutters out, her voice trembling.
Waiting for his response, she slowly approached the bed, ready to bolt out at his request in an instant. He's eerily quiet. Staring at the outline of his hunched figure, he still doesn't respond to her. Not a single peep. Not even a whisper. Bravely taking another step forward, she blames it on the heavy dose of milk of the poppy that gave her courage. Standing just a foot away from the bed, her hand reaches out before she could stop it, pulling open the sheer curtains. Sitting on his bed, Aemond sharply turns his head away from her, hiding his freshly stitched face.
"Aemond." She whispers, frozen in fear.
"Don't look at me." He begs, "Please..I'm hideous."
"No your⎯I⎯I promise you, I won't look. Please, just talk to me.." She stutters out, scared of setting him off.
"Why are you here? You shouldn't be here. I'm a monster. Hideous. A freak." His voice cracks, "No Lady will ever marry me now.."
"No, no, you're not. I am the monster, I should have done more. I should've fought harder. And⎯And, I didn't and it costed your dearly. And⎯And I am sorry, truly. I hope that you can forgive me one day." She whispers, tears brewing in her eyes.
Turning his head to her, she bites back the gasp that threatened to escape her lips at the sight of grisly injury. She had it from a distance, the stitching. It was mostly stained in blood and she couldn't tell just how bad it was. But, now seeing him up close it only made a conflict of feeling brew in her. Anger. Sadness. Guilt. Taking another step towards him, her hand hovers over his uninjured cheek, not daring to grasp it just yet. She was scared that she'd only cause more pain.
Opening her mouth to speak, nothing comes out, her tongue feeling like it was made of the heaviest lead. Besides, what else could she say to him? Words would not bring back his eye. Words would not undo what occurred tonight. Nothing she said would make any real difference. Shutting her mouth, she gently cups his other cheek, wiping away the dried specs of blood off it with her thumb. What had they done to him? What had she done?
"You didn't leave me." He whispers, sadness filling his voice.
"I didn't." She states, nodding her head.
"You could've left me, but you didn't. You stayed with me. You stayed with me until the very end." He whispers, avoiding her eyes.
"I did." She nods, lowering her eyes shamefully.
"Thank you." He whispers, his voice so quiet she almost didn't hear it.
Staring at him for a few seconds, she pulls her hand back from his cheek, letting them fall at her side. She didn't know why she had let her hand linger. It just..It felt natural to do it. Pulling her into a tight hug, she hisses as her hand accidentally brushes against the harsh fabric of his tunic. As much as she wanted to sink into his touch. To cry and thank the gods for his forgiveness. Her hand was killing her.
Pulling away from the hug, she clutches her hand in pain, a small amount of blood seeping through the irritated stitches. Wiping the tears in her eyes, she stares down at her hand, the thick black stitches staring right back at her. It would scar, Maester Mellos had told her. There was also a risk that she wouldn't be able to properly use her hand ever again. But, they would only know that once she healed.
"Did I hurt you?" He asks, guilt seeping into his voice.
"No, it's fine. It's just..It's tender is all." She whispers, trying to hide her hand.
"Can..Can I see it?" He asks, "Your hand?"
"What?"
"Can I see your hand?" He asks, a little more confident.
Picking at her bottom lip with her teeth, she goes to hide her hand, when he grabs it. She tenses up, scared of what he'd say or do next. Would he mock her? Tell her that was being foolish? Rant and rave about how her wound was nothing in comparison to his? Gently grabbing her hand, he inspects the stitches, his fingertips barely brushing against it.
Biting down hard on her bottom lip hard, he lifts his eye up, letting go once he saw the discomfort on her face. Pulling her hand back, his eye lingers on her hand, guilt bubbling up even more. Here she was, acting ridiculous over a small gash on her hand. When he had lost an eye! She was being ridiculous. Sucking on the inside of her cheek, she lifts her eyes.
"It's not even close to what you've experienced." Her eyes glance at his wounded eye, "To what you've lost."
"True. But, you didn't have to put yourself in front of Luke. You didn't have to fight him. But, you did. You did more than the others." He argues, his voice dripping in venom at the end.
"And I got a cut on my hand for it. You lost an eye! Any pain I may feel will never amount to what you are going through.." She argues, shaking her head.
"Stop it." He orders, "I gained a fair trade. An eye for a dragon. You showed your parents what kind of wife they let their son marry. It was a fair trade."
She bites her tongue, choosing to ignore his odd comment.
"Thank you for helping me, Jocelyn. You're a good friend. A good person." He whispers, "I owe you one."
"No you don't."
"No, I do. One day, I am going to pay you back for your kindness." He argues, "Do not try to fight me on this, Joc."
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And I am done with the chapter! Stay safe out there guys!
I hope you all are doing okay emotionally and physically! I love you all!
I hope that you are enjoying the book so far! A quick reminder to comment below about the story of what you think so far!
P.S. Let me explain this whole 'thing' with Aemond!
So as you can tell, Aemond is crushing on her! He is very much having a "clingy boy who just had his crush notice and give him affection" moment! ( He's a 10 year old boy, he's gonna be cringy and lowkey embarrassing! )
Jocelyn is very much oblivious to all of it! She sees him as a friend, someone who is sharing the same experience as her ( wounded by the events of Driftmark ), so she isn't going to reject him. Not to mention, he is a Prince! She can't just say, "Fuck off!"