Almost two weeks had passed since his last to Mix, which was regarding the publicizing of their said 'relationship' on Instagram to shut the netizens' mouth and to avoid further speculations affecting them. After that? Radio silence from the both sides.
Nothing changed after he went to Mix's family house. Everything was the same except there were some continous reminder from many people that the icy workaholic gentleman was in a relationship.
But Mix and Earth were just a couple in status. No one tried to check up with one another, actually, it almost felt like they went back to being strangers again
It did not worry Earth though. He's sure if Mix died, the world would went abuzz and the family would hunt him alive if he ditched Mix's body somewhere.
So instead of filling up his brain with whether Mix was still alive, there was more pressing matter in his hand.
He had noticed that his cat, Aspen refused to touch his food no matter what it was. It started a few days ago and Earth tried giving kibbles, wet food or even cat-treats to make his baby eat but all the effort was wasteful. His fur baby became more lethargic as more day passed by. At first Earth thought that maybe the cat was just feeling spoiled and wanted the owner's attention as Earth had been busy that week but when he noticed a pile of wet substance on his polished marble floor, he knew he needed to go to the vet that instance.
He cursed his mansion now. Regretting that he made his house so big that it made finding his cat more difficult. He tried to call Aspen's name a few times but to no avail, his cat still didn't show up.
He tried to calm down, to take a deep breath and sort out his thoughts. All he needed to do was to find his cat and bring him to the hospital and he would be okay.
By the time he found Aspen, his fur baby was already unconcious and he just knew that it was not his usual sleepinh form.
Calming down can wait, he felt like he would throw up if he did not keep on with the frantic momentum that he had.
When Earth scopped his baby into his arms, the little feline could only let out a whimper and breathed shallowly. Even if the cat was still alert of his surrounding, he can barely respond to any stimuli.
As he secured his baby's carrier in the car seat, he could only hope that he would arrive in time and that his cat can survive.
....
Mix was on his night shift, doing some paperworks at the hospital's counter when a man barged into the hospital.
At first he wanted to ignore it because the standard procedure was the receptionist was the one that will check the situation first before a vet but he just remembered that it was probably 3 o'clock in the morning and the last receptionist clocked out at 8 p.m.
Gone was his calmness and replaced the professionality that he had trained for years. However, he was still shocked when he saw the man who entered the premise.
"Earth? What happened?" he asked, albeit stupidly. Obviously the man was seeking help for an animal.,
"My cat. I don't know what happened but he suddenly collapsed and I don't know what to do," Earth replied. From his eyes Mix knew that the man felt so lost and panicked. The carrier in his hands was handed to Mix which he took it gently.
Mix put the carrier onto the counter in order for him to check the cat's airway, heartbeat and even the breath intake. From what he felt, the blood circulation of the cat was funky and wrong. However he was pretty optimistic with the fact that the cat was still concious. Though barely.
"Can I know why you bring him here? Symptoms that he had at home?"
Earth's brain short-circuited for a little bit. He really had a hard time thinking right now.
Mix took a glance at the older guy "Earth. You need to take a deep breath. I need to know what symptoms he experienced to help the doctor diagnoses him,"
"He did not eat for a few days. And was tired all the time. Today he threw up and when I wanted to bring him here, I found him unmoving,"
"Hey, it's going to be okay. I'll take him to the doctor and she'll do further examination okay? Please follow me,"
Earth wordlessly trailed behind Mix, entering into an examination room where a vet was already ready to check on Aspen.
As the examination went on, the veterinarian really did have a grim expression even if half of her face was covered with a surgical mask.
He did not when it happened but the doctor is in front of him now, talking in medical terms that even the normal him could not understand while Mix was passive, still standing beside the examination table, just watching him.
He can see the sympathy in his eyes before turning his focus towards the vet, the buzzing in his ears gone.
"What?" the only word he can croaked out from his dry mouth. He didn't even realize how dry it was until he tried to talk.
Just like Mix, her eyes filled with pain. "He has pancreatis and it's quite severe so we need to operate him tonight. Sir, I need to be honest right now. The odd is not in our favor and seeing from his symptoms and age, I want you to be ready if anything happens,"
Earth was never a logical person. He's a leader, sure, but he will admit that he was more emotional than logical.
"Isn't that what an incompetent doctor would say? If you can do your work right then I shouldn't be worried right," he said harshly, his eyes rimmed red and filled with tears. He didn't mean to have an outburst but he was just so tired with everything leaving him.
"Earth," Mix called out.
That pulled Earth from his trance, from whatever anger-filled haze or the anxiety that kept being build up over time as he watched the low raise of Aspen's chest.
He didn't even realise that he himself was holding in a breath. He believed he would literally fell if Mix did not support him. His mind was in shamble, he didn't even realize how Mix 'magically' appeared beside him. But he was grateful nevertheless.
"How about you take a seat and wait. We'll try our best to save him okay?" when he received nothing from the other guy, he could only sigh softly and walked away. He had to leave the older man as he was still needed in the operation room.
<3<3<3<3<3
Aspen was the cat his mother saved while he was studying ins Scotland. Only a few weeks before his mother died, his mother video called him to show the newly acquired kitten which she asked him to name.
Maybe it was because he spent so little time with his mother, only really living with her until he was thirteen then was sent of to a boarding school somewhere in Scotland. So now he held onto those things that his mother left after she passed away and that was in the shape of a Scottish fold cat with a pitiful face.
Earth was a caring person by nature. Had always been a protector towards his mother and his sister but he had never been good with little furry things. His father had gifted him with a dog growing up but a Great Dane and a Scottish Fold had a Pacific Ocean wide of difference so when he met the fur-ball that barely was the size of his hand, there's a fear churning in his stomach, that he would fucked up and kill that little thing.
At first it wasn't easy to love the kitten, with it being in the street meaning it had a pretty bad health, he had to take care of it more than he usually did with his dog.
But watching it meowed and tried so hard to live, his hesistance to love the furball crumbled more and more. Yet he still had to go back to Scotland, leaving the kitten as well as it being the last time he saw his mother alive.
His sister was the one who took care of it after their mother passed away as he was still finishing his degrees but when he decided to come back to Thailand and took over the company, the kitten now turned an elderly cat, became his sole companion.
That was two years ago, which he knew it meant that his baby would leave him sooner or later, that it outlived its life-span but still, when the vet asked him to be prepared, it still felt like his world was crashing down.
Grief is not a stranger to him, further than it actually, grief now is his close friend, the only that was with him throughout the death of his mother and father.
He could not comprehend why he always has a limited time with someone, as if God does not want him to have a long-lasting comfort, a safe space that he can turns to or go back home to.
The low buzz of the lights kept him company, and some muffled sounds from the operation room, not loud enough for him to recognize anything. They were not comforting but yet they lull him to sleep, his eyes getting heavier as all the adrenaline washed off so he closed them, not fighting the sleepiness anymore.
<3<3<3<3<3
"Earth? Wake up," a voice softly called out. Hesitant but firm to wake him up, and it's not rudely too.
His eyes are still bleary, not even half-awake but he could feel his brain registering everything back and like pop, everything clicked into places. But because of that, he became a little dizzy too.
He put a hand above his eyes, shielding them from the dim light of the clinic, not wanting to make the dizziness worse.
"Aspen. Is he okay?" even if he was not fully awake, he still can feel the tension from the other person which obviously was not a good sign. When he moved his hand away, he met with those pretty eyes, eyes that captivated him from the first time he actually stared into them.
But instead of the usually light that they usually held, they were red and was filled with grim. He could feel his own stomach dropped.
For Mix, it was not an everydah thing for pets to die, he could still remember the low rise of the cat's chest, the pitiful barely-there-whimper it let out when they put it under anesthetic.
He shook his head, "We already cleaned him up and wrap him up in a blanket," he croaked out with his hoarse voice, obvious that he was trying to keep his tears at bay. He wanted to say sorry, to apologize that their best cannot helped the cat, that they could not save him from dying but he can't bring himself to say more. He believed that if he continues, he couldn't help himself from throwing up.
Earth watched Mix walked away, gone into the first room they went into, the room that he last saw Aspen. When Mix came out, he could see him carrying the cat carrier that Earth used to bring Aspen, the alive Aspen but now it's filled with the dead body of his family's cat.
No tears came up, his eyes were not stinging and all he could feel was numbness.
"Why won't you guys do the disposal?" when his dog died, the house helper buried him in the garden of his family's mansion. Even if he did not live in the house anymore, the flowerbed that grew on the ground of his dog's grave left a bitter taste everytime he visited that place.
And right now, he did not want to feel that anymore.
"We could do that but I have a place that we can bury it instead, it's a beautiful place I promise,"
"What? A graveyard for dead animals?"
"Not really, but I did bury my childhood hamster there," he shrugged, giving Earth a half-hearted smile.
"Come on. We'll drive my car. You can fetch your car later," he ushered the other man to stand up. He walked in the front with the expectation that the older guy would follow him and when he looked back to make sure that Earth indeed was following him, he walked straight to his car that was parked in front of the hospital.
He secured the carrier into the back seat while opening the front door for Earth, signaling him to step into the passenger's seat.
The entire drive was filled with silence, no one spoke a word and Mix didn't even turn on the radio. He drove to a gated place, a park that his father made for their family to go when they wanted to clear their thoughts.
It was not that close to his house thus making it his favorite place, one of the place that his parents let him roam freely without any supervision.
The park had a tight security as only the immediate family members have the access towards it. There were special cards that had to use in order to go into the parking. He parked his car and went out. After opening the door of the back seat and took the pet carrier, he waited for Earth to get out the car to lead him into the trees.
The place they were walking to was a a secluded area that Mix usually went alone. No one really wander into that area but there was a little shed he asked his father to build which he gladfully granted. The place that his father kept a secret from everyone else for him.
"Why is there a shed here?"
"Because it's a place I plant flowers," he grabbed the shovel inside, walking towards the biggest tree which situated near the man-made lake that can be said quite large. In his left hand was the shovel while in his right was the carrier
Earth trailed off behind him. When they reached there, Mix handed him the pet carrier, Earth grabbed the shovel instead.
As Earth started shoveling, Mix can see that Earth's eyes gradually became red, more and more tears pooled but none of them went astray, not even a drop falling down his cheek.
His heart broke watching the guy. Watching a man that people, an alpha, trying to stop himself from breaking down. Mix did not notice it before but he just realized how much self-control Earth had that he never let out his scent. It was not painful persay nor it was harmful but to be hiding it during a mental breakdown, Earth must had a handful of experiences to be that good at it.
The air was heavy, and Mix's chest grew heavier with it. It felt inhumane watching the other guy trying to stop the tears from rolling. Earth's expression was blank, no furrowed eyebrows or a frown but in his eyes, there were too many emotions in there. And they were battling each other from showing.
The hole didn't have to be deep, it's not like they were burying a human's body so Earth just dig it deep enough to put Aspen's body in. He looked at Mix who already got his baby out from the carrier, the carcass of the furbaby was wrapped in a blanket. Mix put the blanketed figure into his hands, now free from the shovel in order to lay it down into the hole. Before he gently put it down, he kissed the blanket, a last goodbye before he should fix his wounded heart up and live another day.
Watching the blanket getting swallowed, Earth reminisced the time he actually spent with the ball of fur, the cat was so obedient and playful. It was always a treat for him to spend time together with his cat.
They both looked down on the mound, taking a moment of silence because the feelings were too much to endure so both of them took time to calm down.
"There's no flower here," Earth broke the silence. It was not exactly true, there were flowers but they were flowers, definitely not something that people planted.
"I never said that they grow," he replied softly. Lips pursued into a pout, sulking as he felt Earth was making fun of him.
Mix turned to Earth and the older guy did not laugh but it successfully pulled a smile out of him and for Mix, it felt like a win.
"I love roses and this is a place that my parents let me go to when I was a child so I tried to grow them since forever but they never did," he continued.
"I still have red roses seeds if you want to plant it beside Aspen. I mean maybe it will grow but just don't try to have hope. I don't believe the soil is for roses," he offered the bag of seeds that he purchased a few weeks ago. He took a packet from the shed when Earth was busy digging. He never understood why even after a decade, he never gives up on trying to plant the roses.
Earth took the packet, ripping the package and took a few seeds to sow. He sprinkled some soil to cover them and even filled up an aesthetic looking watering can from a hose that was beside the shed.
Even thought it was no different than Austin but maybe with his cat not being buried at the back of his house, it could ease his guilt a little bit. A momento that he was letting go of his baby.
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Mix who was driving did not ask him for his address nor the direction which indicated that he was not driving him back to Earth's house but instead the youngster stirred the wheels towards his own condominium.
"Why aren't you driving me to my house?" his voice lacked emotion, just for the sake of asking and not even being angry at the younger for not him home.
"I think you're a little too mentally unstable to be alone and I don't think going back to the house that your cat used to live in is a good idea for your condition,"
End of their conversation. Earth threw his gaze out the window, watching the familiar street blended into the background as his mind was still processing another death, another loss in his life. Subconciously remembering that he forgot his phone, so telling his sister is out of the question.
It was like he went into an autopilot mode, he did not even realize when it started but everything is hazy, he barely remembered the walk to Mix's house, hell he barely remembered digging the ground to bury Aspen.
So when Mix opened his arms once they both reached Mix's room, he went into it without a second thought, or even a first thought.
The other guy led him to the bed, plopping them both down on it without even letting go of each other.
Now they are laying down, with Earth's head on Mix's chest while Mix's fingers carding through the older man's messy locks. At first nothing came out, no tears, no thoughts in his head and not even his own mind can comprehend anything.
Then everything rushed through his brain all at once. Suffocating him with foreign feelings that he always tried to ignore.
Earth barely cried during his mother's funeral, did not even shed a tear when his father passed away. When he got the news of his dog, Austin died, he didn't even come home. He wasn't even there when the dog got too old and was sick all the time.
But in Mix's arms, he grieved everything. He cried for his childhood pet, sobbed for his dead parents. He regretted all the missing moments, longing for the happy memories that he had of them.
He was so driven by the anger towards his father that he refused to remember the man who was close with him before he went to Scotland. Because of this man, he stopped caring for the dog that he spent a few months with, before he was shipped away to a foreign land just so his father can shaped him into a perfect heir.
He lived in denial after his mother passed, locking all the memories, fearing that if he remembers her, it would open the gate to something that he cannot control.
But in Mix's embrace, he let himself lose control. The dam of his scents and tears fallen down. He let them out without caring for the world.
Even if the shorter guy was a little smaller than him, but he felt smaller than him right now, when Mix let him cry into his chest. Soft hand carded into his hair, while the other one carressed his back. The exhaustion slowly crept up again, leaving him limp and tired, sleepiness took over even if he took a fitful nap before but he let it took over. Closing his eyes while tightening his grips on Mix's waist, acting as if the younger man was his teddy bear.