Lucas
Love is the greatest form of torture. I've grown more convinced of this with every day that's passed since the last time I saw her.
Seven days since that terrible day, and I can't escape the look of utter devastation I saw in her eyes. It haunts me. In my dreams. Each second of every waking hour. It chases me through my days and nights, rendering me unable to take a proper breath. To know that I am the cause of that look sickens me to my core and makes me question my worth as a man.
I love her.
I know I do, but how could I possibly hurt her so, if indeed my love for her was pure? Long ago, and unbeknownst to her, I made a promise to always protect her. To put her first. Yet here I am.
Rubbing against the incessant ache inside my chest, I sit up and look at the clock on my nightstand. It's 9:30, which means the bonfire is in full swing. At that thought, my stomach rolls and not for the first time tonight, I feel like I'm going to be sick.
She's there.
The girl that I love more than anything in this life is there with him. All because I'm a coward. In my desperation to hold on to her friendship, to not upset the balance of what exists between us and risk losing her, I did just that. So what the hell was the point?
Standing, I go to my window. Eyes scanning the dark horizon in search of the telltale signs of the party going on at Ruby Creek Park. It's impossible to see through all the trees, yet my eyes still scan like if I look hard enough, I'll somehow see where she is. What she's doing. Who she's with...
Sucking in a pained breath, I collapse against the windowsill. My head rests against the cool windowpane as I fight the urge to give in to my frustration and break my room apart.
I should have reached out. Should have called to beg for her forgiveness. I thought that by keeping my distance I was doing the right thing, but now she's there with him, with no idea of what she truly means to me.
I feel helpless.
Scared.
Could this truly be it?
Ben's warning yesterday replays in my mind. "If you don't at least try, whatever choice you have will be taken away and made for you."
Is it too late to try?
Desperate to find out, I rush to my closet. Discarding the wrinkled t-shirt I'm wearing, I throw on a maroon-colored henley with a pair of dark-wash jeans. Grabbing my shoes, I rush back to my dresser to grab my wallet and keys, then run down the stairs.
The downstairs of our home is dark, and I'm reminded that my parents went to bed early. Not wanting to wake them, I stop in the kitchen to leave a note on the whiteboard that clings to the refrigerator door.
Went to the bonfire after all. Will see Jen home safely and will be back before curfew. Love you guys.
Once the message is written, I take off in a rush, locking the door behind me. For the sake of time, I opt to take Dad's truck, knowing he won't mind as long as I'm back by midnight.
Backing out of the garage, I have to remind myself to breathe. To take my time, which is damn near impossible, as every cell in my body demands, I rush to the park to finally claim the girl for whom my heart beats. My Embree. The love of my life. I was a goddamn fool to push her away.
Pulling into the gravel lot, I park in the first empty spot I come to. With my mind focused on nothing but finding her, I barely register getting out of the car. The sound of music, both from a radio off in the distance and from various instruments being played, floods my ears. The smell of burning wood hangs heavy in the air and sparks forth memories from years past. Still, it's not enough to distract me from the reason I'm here.
Navigating through the crowd, I keep moving. Nodding my head at the various people who try and stop me to say hello, but never slowing long enough to allow them to pull me into conversation. As I get closer, the unmistakable connection that syncs my heart to hers springs to life, and in that instant, everything disappears. Gone is the crowd of people. The party sounds. Even the nighttime sky fades away behind the girl who stares back at me with a mixture of fear and hope hidden behind whiskey eyes.
She's so fucking beautiful. Her hair is pulled back in a messy braid, with those errant curls that refuse to be tamed, framing her face. The dress she's wearing, a greenish-blue hue, shows off her trim waist, her shoulders, and those legs that have starred in so many of my fantasies.
When I stop to take in her face, what I see puts an immediate halt to my errant thoughts. She's wrapped her arms around herself, shoulders drawn forward, and the sad look I remember from the other night is back. It shatters yet another piece of my heart because I'm to blame. With my constant rejection, and my inability to see past my fears, I overlooked her needs. But no more. I'll be damned if I leave here tonight not having fixed the mess I've made of us.
Meeting her where she stands, I wrap my hands around her face, my fingertips touching the soft curls at the nape of her neck. As if weighed down by the intense relief of having her so close, my forehead drops to hers and I close my eyes while I breathe her in. She smells like my Embree. So damn sweet. A mixture of coconut and vanilla that reminds me of summer and possibilities.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Emb. So damn sorry."
She whimpers softly at the sound of my apology and then wraps her arms around my neck. Her soft body melting into me feels like forgiveness and gives me hope that I'm not too late.
"I love you," I blurt out. "I'm so in love with you that I was terrified of losing you. It was wrong to push you away. Wrong to suggest we ignore what we feel. Forgive me. Give me another chance to show you what's in my heart. To take care of you. To be what you need. Please, Embree. Please tell me it's not too late."
Looking up at me, she cups the side of my face with one of her hands. There is still fear within those whiskey pools that stare back at me, but behind it, I see the same hope that's burning in my soul.
"I love you, too."
Tendrils of need crawl up my spine and suddenly I'm desperate to taste her. The ache to finally feel her skin against my lips constricts my lungs and renders me unable to breathe. I'm a starving man. My very survival hinging on the woman who's become as essential as the blood that runs through my veins.
Drawing closer to those rosy lips that call to me, I take a second to search her face for a sign that she's ready. A small gasp leaves her lips, but before I can register it, she closes the distance. Soft lips graze over mine in a timid kiss that sends chills through my body and elicits a gruff moan from deep inside my chest. Desperate for a real taste, I take her face in my hands, and with my tongue, I part her lips. That first taste... my god! That first fucking taste damn near unmans me, and when she rewards me with a whimper, I vow right then that the only thing that matters from this point forward is her. Her needs. Her pleasure. Just her.
Pulling back to give us both a chance to catch our breath, I lay my forehead against hers once more. It's then that I notice the frenetic noise inside my head has disappeared. Gone is the frantic doubt. The helpless fear. The angry frustration over my lack of control. Here, with her in my arms, as we breathe the same air, I finally feel at peace.
"I want this Embree. I want you, I want us, I want today and all your tomorrows for as long as you'll have me. I know there's a lot we'll need to figure out, but I can't bear another day of the hell I've lived through this past week. All I ask is for a chance to prove to you I can be what you need."
"Well, well, well..." I know that fucking voice, and at the sound, I inadvertently tighten my hold on Embree's waist. "I turn my back for just a second, and here you go, making a move on my girl."
Embree's eyes grow wide, I'm sure in part, because of the darkness that now cloaks my eyes. When I go to turn toward my former friend, it's the squeeze of her hands around my biceps that pulls me to a stop. Her eyes are frantic. Desperate to communicate something that feels more important than my need to deal with Parker.
"No Lucas. He's kidding..."
"Yeah, Holt. Can't you take a joke?" He chuckles as he tries to put an arm around my shoulders.
Shrugging him off, I pull Embree against my side in a possessive move. "Don't fucking touch me."
"Relax, Luc." Ben steps between us. His hands are on Parker's chest, as he pushes him out of my reach. "He's not after Embree, so you can relax."
"I can relax?" I turn my anger toward my best friend. "He knew how I felt about her and still he went behind my back to ask her out." The feel of Embree's hand on my heart pulls my attention.
"We're here as friends, Luc. Only friends," she attempts to reassure me, but it's not enough.
"Bullshit." If looks could kill, Parker would surely be dead.
"It's true. It was a ruse to get your head out of your ass, which obviously worked. I'm a regular cupid. From this day forward, I shall be known as Mr. Matchmaker." He laughs to himself like he's some kind of comedian.
His nonchalance sends blood roaring in my ears, but as if she can sense it, she lays a hand on the side of my face, pulling my attention back to her.
"He knows where my heart belongs. With you. Only you." Like a balm, her word soothes the feeling of betrayal and quiets my anger down to a mere simmer. Still confused, I look at Ben, hoping he can fill in the gaps for me.
"Look, I don't agree with his methods, but in this case, it worked. The bastard somehow figured out that the only way to bring you two together was to make it look like you had some competition. While yeah, it was kind of an asshole move, he did it cause he cares. We all do. The both of you were miserable."
"Uh, why the look of surprise?" Will, whom I didn't realize was here, steps in to ask. "It's fucking Parker. Asshole moves are kind of his thing."
"Exactly!" Parker exclaims, his arms out to the side like he can't believe we forgot. "And you're welcome, by the way."
"So you're in love with my best friend? What the hell, Lucas?" Jen comes out of nowhere to stand in front of me and Embree. Though her posture is stiff and squared up like she's looking for a fight, the gleam in her eyes tells me she's thrilled by the revelation.
"I am." I look down at Embree, who looks at my sister with worry. "It's my fault, Jenny. I should have told you." I hope by turning the blame on myself, I can set Embree at ease and avoid any conflict between them. It turns out it was all for nothing, for the next thing I know, Jenny's ripping her out of my arms and pulling her into an embrace.
"I'm so happy!" She squeals, as Embree laughs at her exuberance. The sound of her laughter after so much angst and hurt the past few weeks is music to my ears and leaves me desperate for more.
Just having declared my feelings for the woman I love while surrounded by my sister and our friends, for the first time in months, I feel complete. For a guy like me who rarely feels at ease, I should have known that this was the moment fate would step in to turn the tables on me.
Not thirty minutes later, in a heap of fire and ashes, my entire world and everything I loved would crumble at my feet. All because I chose to go after a girl who wasn't meant for me.
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