ATHENA'S POV
After an hour had passed, my parka was still not dry. The fur that bordered the hood was matted and the inside fabric remained damp no matter how long it hovered near the heat generator. It had been hanging there since I first confronted Lt. Nolan on the suicide mission...and it was the main reason I was prohibited to join the two condemned soldiers. The hours that passed after that felt like days. I think I lost consciousness intermittently; at one point, I woke up curled up next to the heat warmer. Another time, I was tucked in between two crates. The oddest position I found myself was outside under a tarp. (I am unsure how I ended up there.)
When one is bored, one usually thinks...In my case, I reflected over my intimate conversation with my partner before we were interrupted by Mayday. However, I wasn't picturing Crosshair in my mind—rather, I was overanalyzing the uniform of a clone soldier. Particularly, the helmet.
Helmets, in short, represented a dichotomy. During the Clone Wars, it was a symbol of a soldier's individualism, as most troopers I saw across the galaxy opted to paint their helmet to their liking; something to make them easily distinguishable from their brothers. Then, there was the shift. After the Empire rose and ended the war, the donning of the helmet was used to signify the loss of a soldier's autonomy. Yes, obviously the headgear was necessary for cranial protection, but once the Order to execute all Jedi was issued, witnessing a clone trooper without their helmet on became a very rare sight...
When I circled around to Crosshair specifically, I reminesced how he wore his. Dots were connecting as I recognized a man who was largely hidden behind his Imperial helmet. A piece of uniform that was completely lacking any resemblance or connection to his past...as a member of Clone Force 99. Perhaps, I considered to myself, that his Imperial helmet was something that he wore proudly because it was a symbol of his new role, his new rank, his future, and his new ideology as he fully succumbed to being a 'good soldier'.
But eventually, the repetitiveness of his reasoning has gone stale.
He may don the helmet and carry out his orders with that thick, unyielding exterior, but something clicked in my mind that the elite clone has gazed upon his gear with contempt, regret, and possibly even, repulsion...
Then again, it could all just be pointless speculation...
I was so exhausted. I had no strength to nibble on a fiber bar. Sleep was unsettling and, as it seemed, unpredictable. I did not have a single task to occupy myself with. For once, I longed for a library of some sort to distract my discombobu-lated thoughts and mindlessly focus on a more-or-less interesting document or report. Suddenly, I found myself in the presence of Lieutenant Nolan inquiring such a department in this decrepit depot. The answer was ineffectually no, but to my surprise, our brief, awkward interaction extended into a presentation of knowledge...
"I understand you employed yourself to the Imperial Archives while you were on your extended shore leave." he smirked. He exhibited a disposition like he had won the battle earlier in regard to my protests to the away mission, and that he was mighty proud of himself for it. "Tell me, Ensign Quinn," he inquired, settling himself down on top of crate. "In the few months you have been affiliated with the Empire, what have you learned?"
"Oh, a great deal." I charmed dryly, electing to play along with this game. "The Empire has definitely made quite an extraordinary impact in the galaxy."
"Enlighten me." Nolan demanded.
"Well, you can say that the Galatic Empire helped bring stability and peace to the galaxy, indefinitely ending the Clone Wars and 'unifying' the planets of both Republic and Separatist status—all by exterminating the 'terrorists' and 'traitors' who fought to continue the instability and galatic war. Since then, the Empire has provided jobs not only in the Empirical military, but opportunities for pilots, officers, troopers, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It also has allowed planets to continue to grow their businesses, guilds, and trade. Efficient law enforcement that has lowered 'crime'. In addition, a standard interplanetary commerce has been established, exchanging every planetary currency to Imperial Credits—a fascinating financial network in which there is no need to differentiate rates or value."
"My, you have been paying attention." Nolan sighed, impressed. "So you are equipped enough to recognize the Empire's great influence in the galaxy."
I exhaled with amusement. "But then, there are the downsides, aren't there, Lieutenant?"
"What are you referring to?"
"Oh, you know," I paced back and forth, waving my hands in dramatic gestures. "the common people of the galaxy having to endure such a drastic change in government, to be frank, against their will at a concerning rate. A democracy to a dictatorship? They virtually lost all representation or voting power to make changes to their own society. The matter of freedom, or rather the lack there of, is a double-edge sword for people now. There are no regulations with businesses involving slavery or even trafficking for such practices, leaving simple folk afraid to travel through space. Quite unfortunate the Empire condones such atrocities—I foresee crime rates skyrocketing before long. Pirate lords will take advantage, and I can't wait to see how they traverse through the galaxy once they adapt and settle their bearings with the new system."
"Now see here—" The lieutenant's face flushed.
Oh, no...I was just getting started.
"Do I really need to bring up the Jedi?" I sourly snickered. "Millions of documents and records completely destroyed in the Jedi Temple, which has now become the Emperor's Imperial Palace. Fitting. I will not digress on the matter, but let's say if there were a handful of Jedi plotting against the then-Chancellor—was it really necessary to wipe out the entire population? And now force-sensitive men, women, and children live in fear, whether they are to be imprisoned or killed for their powers."
"It was absolutely necessary!" Nolan defended arrogantly. "The Jedi were prolonging the war on purpose. The only way to end the conflict was to eliminate the instigators."
Tick.
"Which brings me to my final stand..." My disposition darkened. I glared at the officer with every infuriated fiber in my body. My ears were growing cold, while the rest of my body internally enflamed. "the social and cultural genocide of clones."
"An advocate, are you?" Nolan groaned in disgust.
"In an ironic way."
"Riddle me this, Ensign," Nolan approached me, but kept his distance wisely. "what happens to products that are no longer useful for their intended purpose?" He did not wait for my response. Folding his hands behind his back, he puffed out his chest as if he was the Emperor himself presenting a speech. "Clones are naturally being phased out, erased, and soon they will be forgotten. The clone army will be a blip in the history of the fallen Republic..."
Tick. Tick.
Words being spoken began to slur, fade, and resurface. My breathing pivoted from drawn, frustrated sighs to shallow, harsh huffs while my muscles began to constrict...The familiar grasp of my blade materialized in my hand...
"The clone played a vital role in both regimes; I am referring to the fall of the Republic and the rising of the Empire." I snapped. The unsettling deterioration of control had commenced... My mind was unhinging slowly and painfully as it raved for blood...It took every cell in my body to refrain to sway like a pendulum and keep my from chin from dipping to my chest. But the insistence...
Tick. Tick. Tick...
"An incompetent pawn like you would never understand the impact the clones had on the socioeconomic and political structure of the galaxy. You should read more, and perhaps you'll grasp the concept." My body burned so vigorously I almost wished to step outside to embrace the blizzard in hopes it could extinguish the flames. I managed my tone well enough...to surmise my confrontation. "Nevertheless, your words hold some truth, Lieutenant... Clones are ghosts to be forgotten, because soon there will be no one left to tell their story. And if they are remembered, it's for the one act they had no control over—the elimination of the Jedi."
It was always inevitable, wasn't it? I asked myself, biting my bottom lip until the skin broke and warm blood filled my mouth. Like the circling predators stalking the grounds from above...the fate of the clones had always been looming unknowingly, just waiting in the fog until they crumbled helplessly...
"Be grateful you are useful to the Empire." Nolan growled, aggressively pointing at me. My brows furrowed from fighting the urges. My feet shifted with agitation in place, wanting to pounce at him with the speed they know they are capable of. "If I hadn't received my own orders, you would have already been dismissed and out of my sight the instant you mocked me. But do not think your actions—"
Tick.
TICK. TICK!
ENOUGH!!!
My hands violently punched themselves into my bomber jacket's pockets. I forced my heels to sharply pivot, and I stormed out of the room with my chin digging into my chest.
I marched out so swiftly I did not hear the lieutenant's exasperated protests of my sudden departure. I located and snatched up my parka—finally it was dry—stuffed my arms through its puffy sleeves, and rushed out of the facility. Light sources scattered about the complex weakly illuminated the platform.
"AHHHHH!!!" I vehemently hollered into the wintery air until my voice cracked. Even then, I forcibly shrieked to vent out all my frustration and violent temptations. "AHHHH!!! Ahhh!!!" My screams resonated off the metal surfaces surrounding me. I snatched my blade from my belt and slashed at the flurried wind wildly, each imaginary laceration was paired with more hoarse screeches.
Snap.
Suddenly...I gasped with a full inhale. My knife slipped from my fingers and clattered to the ground.
"Ha." My breath sighed, my chest heaving. "Ha. Ha..."
There was a release...as if there was a string attached to my heart from behind, and its fibers have been snipped...and I was now liberated...
The wind had diminished into a cool breeze...but it soothed my soul to the point I grew light-headed. Even through my bundled layers, my body simmered with each sigh. My airy breath was like wistful mist. I felt the insistent ticks...the eager bloodlust...melt away...
I found myself crouching within a fortitude of crates, hidden from patrols but still had a clear field of vision. As I hugged my knees to my chest, managing the last weighted respiration of my anxiety, I laughed. Victoriously.
I had bested my bloodlust...For the first time in my life, I finally achieved what the Kaminoans had failed to drill into me for years. The exhileration of my triumph surged through every nerve inside until it breached my heart, my chest thumping with excitement. And then, a revelation merged with this sensation—or rather, it was a union of something entirely new, as Crosshair's handsome face flashed before my tearful eyes.
Crosshair...was the reason I was able to control my bloodlust...
Because killing to survive was no longer my priority...
Crosshair...
My mind switched gears as I huddled in my odd hideout. Even though I had tucked my hood on, the wispy ends of my hair clung to my lips. However, my consciousness now was so fixated on the night-fallen horizon, awaiting eagerly for the two clones to return, I did not notice. It was so calm...almost dreamlike.
It is done. My mind has decided. Damn the Empire. Damn the triggers. And damn Crosshair if he thinks we are sticking around after he gets back. If I have to physically drag him by his ear, then so be it. And once we are gone...Well, let's just say I am going to finish what he initiated...