Clovis' Point of View
After about a week, I was drained.
Mentally and physically. A part of me couldn't help but to feel pathetic. It was just a light run. One would think it would make me feel better... but instead I felt the drain slowly take over my body.
There was just one week left, but these days felt like the longest I'd had in my life.
So when Delia met me, awake and happy at the door when I came back, I couldn't tell if I was happy to see her happy, or dreading that she hoped I had energy enough to hold a conversation.
"Clovis, I planned a picnic tomorrow!"
She says cheerfully.
When tomorrow?
During lunch?
I suppose we could do that. It would be better than running for her. Should I have suggested this faster? But what if she still carried bad feelings about last time?
"You've been looking tired and pale, so I decided to cancel all your meetings, so you could have a day to relax."
What?
My head rushes through the things planned for tomorrow, which includes rescue relief to the west, a disagreement between two high nobles, continuing discussing the budget for the summer palace. Especially the last will be hard to keep in my head if we don't continue tomorrow, with everything else going on.
"I can't Delia."
"Why? Work can wait a day! You need to relax!"
She purses her lips at me, looking cute as she scolds me.
If you wanted me to relax, then tell me not to come running for lunch.
I feel my stomach sink with guilt at my own internal thoughts.
"I can't just take time off because I feel tired, Delia. I know you mean well, but this is important business."
She tears up, making my stomach knot up. No, please don't cry.
"Louise said it could be moved. That your schedule is partly this pressed, because you're trying to make time for me next week. Then I'll sacrifice a day today, for one next week, so that you can rest up."
Usually I'd think she was cute, but my mind is spinning with the amount of incoming complaints if I force an entire castle full of ministers, clerks and the like to adjust their vacation schedule. All because my fiancé, who is part cause of a bunch of extra work, wants me to stay home to go on a picnic.
"Everyone have plans to leave that Monday, Delia. I can't just expect them to change all their plans at my whim."
She tightens her hands into little balls, and I see the tears streaming again.
I know she's doing this for my good, but she doesn't fully understand the implications.
"You..."
She bites her lips.
I can tell she's holding something in.
What should I do?
I glance to the bed, and then to Delia. She's sad she can't be with me and that I'm not taking proper care of myself. That's all.
I pull Delia into a hug, and glance through our window towards Beatrix' dark mansion, wondering if this was the reason Beatrix set my schedule up to have all the work in the first month.
At this point, I can't tell if it was a lesson for me, or for Delia.
"It'll be okay, Delia. Once the next week is over, we will be able to enjoy our time together, okay?"
Just another week.
...
Just another week.
--*--
I end up staying awake until Delia calms down enough to sleep, then slip out of the room to fetch a servant, and tell them to ensure everyone that tomorrow will proceed as planned, before finally falling asleep next to Delia, in a sleep ridden with nightmares.
Until, for once Delia is awake before me and wakes me up.
"Clovis," she calls me cheerfully.
With a tray full of heavy breakfast, and a cute pink apron.
"I made breakfast, so we could enjoy a bit of time together before you have to go."
"Thank you... Delia."
I sit up, feeling groggy as I look at the clock. There's an hour until I usually leave to have breakfast.
I end up eating slower than I think though, so perhaps it's fine Delia set off extra time.
She keeps talking about what she's learning in the library, and how Syrel is helping her study.
I praise her, while I quietly wonder why she's still so close to him after what happened.
Was I always like this?
"Are you jealous?"
I look at Delia, who is looking at me with intense curiosity.
"Of who?"
"Syrel."
Jealous? Is it jealousy? To wonder if you'll run to him and let him hold you again?... I guess?
I end up frowning at the thought, but Delia smiles.
"It really is just friendship. He keeps me company when you're busy. He was really just trying to soothe me that one time, and show me that the only one I actually love is you..."
Her cheeks flush a bit red.
"And I decided I won't run away anymore. I won't let my worries get between us."
She looks determined.
I force a smile.
Why are you so happy at my misery? That I'm worrying if you'll fall into his arms.
What is my mind turning to?
Finally, I leave, and Delia kisses my forehead goodbye, and I kiss hers, before leaving.
Just a week left.
--*--
As I finally get to the office, Beatrix is there. All dressed up like her noble lady self, smiling like a cunning vixen as she greets the people overjoyed to see her.
...why are you here?
Go home. I don't have the energy for banter or life lessons right now.
I almost turn around on my heels the moment I see her, but I can't just run away either.
"Lady Beatrix, what a surprise," I greet her, politely.
"Your highness," she responds and turns to look at me... though her lips were about to move, she freezes up at bit as she looks at me.
"Yes... I thought I would help out, to make things go a bit more smoothly today," she adds hesitantly. Clearly knowing that the reason we need help is because she isn't doing the part she used to do.
"Thank you," I end up responding quite dryly. I don't mean to take that tone with her.
Thankfully, the officials take over the interaction, and I make it into the meeting room. Beatrix really does join us though, and as the duties of the day begins, Beatrix practically takes over the meetings, controlling the pace, lining up arguments, keeping time, cutting off when people get side tracked, and sums up the conclusion neatly.
The cruel cold lady keeps the officials in that iron grip of hers, and though I see dissatisfaction with some, I see relief with others.
For the first time in a few weeks, I breathe a sigh of relief, as I subconsciously pull back from the conversation, drifting half asleep to the sound of her commandeering voice. It's never been so soothing...
--*--
"Clovis."
I almost jolt, as I feel Beatrix's hand on my shoulder. She's looking down over me again, but unlike last time, her eyes are filled with worry. Why? No, more importantly, what about everyone else- the meeting room is completely empty except for the two of us... I fell asleep... what a disgrace... I've never actually fallen asleep at a meeting before.
"Are you okay?"
She looks me over with this uncomfortable look, like she's checking for things out of place.
"I'm fine."
It's temporary. I brush her hand off, and she pulls back without a struggle.
"Are you hungry?"
I don't think I could press anything down right now.
"No... I need to go visit Delia."
I get up, and start walking towards the door, only to feel my arm grabbed, stopping me in my tracks, as Beatrix latches herself onto me, like I'm escorting her, and with a snap unfolds her fan.
"There's a balcony a few rooms from here. I would like to see it."
I stare at her in disbelief. What does she think she's doing? She's been off all day. Didn't she say she was going to stay in her mansion this entire month anyway?
She stared up at me with a sort of 'what are you going to do about it' kind of expression.
"Beatrix-"
"Who was it that just took over the meeting? And came and helped out without you having to go on your knees and beg for it?"
I sigh.
"Is this some sort of blackmail?"
Beatrix raises an eyebrow at me.
"Even Delia will forgive you for not running to her like a madman, and taking a nap instead."
Ah, right, there are couches on that balcony. Is this her way of telling me to go sleep?
I hesitate.
"If you don't take a nap, then you'll be useless the rest of the day, and I'll pull aaaall the decision in my favor."
"First blackmail, and now threats?"
She smiles behind the fan.
"Does it work?"
It does. Her father is already the minister for foreign affairs. She has strong opinions on certain topics.
Besides, I'll have to go around and apologize for falling asleep when the meetings start again. Let's not repeat the disgrace of falling asleep in the meeting again.
"As you wish, Lady Beatrix."
I sigh and guide Beatrix to the balcony, and she motions me towards one couch, where she takes the other.
"I'll wake you up when the meeting starts," she says softly. Just that. Then takes out a small pocket book, and starts reading.
I sit down across from her, and lay down on the couch as I look over Beatrix. She's stubborn and manipulative. Somehow I feel like I always come out with a loss when I go against her, but not necessarily losses I'm unwilling to take, or losses that harm me.
She looks surprisingly peaceful though, reading in the sun.
No conflict. No taunting. No tears.
I feel my body begin to relax, and I drift asleep in the sun.
--*--
"Your highness."
Beatrix wakes me up, but she sounds stern, and irritated.
Groggily, I struggle to wake up again. I'd half expected to be woken up by her poking me again, but this time she just stares at me from the couch on the other side.
She looks annoyed... almost disgusted. What did I do?
Is it just be, or is she switching between my name and my title as she pleases?
"I'm awake."
"Clovis..."
I shudder unintentionally, at Delia's voice. My body is screaming alarm signals, and in a single moment I'm fully awake, sitting up, like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't.
I myself am slightly shocked at my reaction, but seeing Delia, I understand why.
"Why are you with lady Beatrix?"
Her voice is cracking from tears. She's crying again. Was she angry I didn't run to her? Was it a mistake to go sleep?
No, calm down. She's asking because she is scared of Beatrix. This is an improvement. She hasn't run off while I was sleeping. I stand up.
"Lady Beatrix decided on her own to come by and help us out. I fell asleep in the meeting, so she offered to watch me while I slept and wake me up when it was time for the next meeting."
It's not a lie. Beatrix may have threatened me to get me here, but she did say she would wake me up.
...but it only makes Delia cry harder.
"That's why I told you to take the day off..."
We are back here...
"Why would you listen to lady Beatrix and not me?"
"Delia, I am not. I just needed to spend the break to take a nap, that's all," I try to calm her, as I step up to her and wrap my arms around her. She looks up at me with those hurt eyes though, like I've betrayed her.
"Why didn't you call me then? I could have given you a lap pillow, and spoiled you, and brought lunch. Am I not good enough?"
Why is it turning out like this?
No, Delia did say she wouldn't let her worries get between us, so she's just saying those worries out loud. That's right. This is an improvement. At least now I can deal with it.
"Of course you are good Delia. You're perfect the way you are. There was just no time. I fell asleep in the meeting, and went directly here to sleep some more. By the time the messenger got to you, and you got here, the break would have been over."
Delia bites her lip.
Why do we have to do this in front of Beatrix? Why do we have to do it here by the hallway?
"Come, let's find somewhere quiet to talk about this-"
"...I was waiting in the garden..."
I stare at Delia, and finally take proper notice of the basket in her hand.
Ah... the picnic?
"I was waiting for you... but you didn't come out..."
How would I know you decided to turn it into lunch instead?
"I'm sorry, Delia, I didn't realize. We will do the lunch picnic tomorrow, okay?"
She's sniffle crying here in the open door to the balcony, in pain view of Beatrix. The officials hiding at the ends of the hallways, so they don't get messed up in this.
Did I once think this was cute?
"Go back, okay? We can talk about it tonight."
I'm bargaining at this point.
Delia looks at Beatrix, then up at me, still crying... but she nods... and leaves without further fuss.
So easily I'm actually unsettled.
I take a deep breath to calm myself down again. Her crying really is getting a big reaction out of me. I'll apologize to the officials in the meeting.
"And here I thought you replaced me with a fiancé, not a child you'll have to take care of."
I don't even glance back to Beatrix.
It's a cruel comment towards Delia.
"She isn't a child, Beatrix."
"But she demands your attention like one. Is this really what you wanted? Someone to take care of, instead of someone to confidently stand by your side as a partner?"
Her words hurt.
"Delia will become like that one day. She's just frustrated because she can't help me right now... but she's struggling really hard to learn."
Beatrix sighs.
"I see."
She lets it go on that note. With my desperate hope that it gets better in the future.
The meetings continue smoothly with Beatrix's help, and all it does, is showcase how much Beatrix has learned over the years, and where she excels.
Part of me knows that Delia will never be able to do the same.
She's too shy.
Delia would do well with paper work, but politics and meetings like this, where everyone is in it for their own game, is somewhere she doesn't belong. Somewhere too tainted for her.
Originally, my plan was to change the world for her. But I can't even be confident she won't seek solace in the arms of others if I mess up.
What am I doing?
I sigh heavily, and head back to our room.
It's dark outside again.
But light glimmers from under the door.
She's awake.
I open the door, somewhat hesitantly, and find Delia sitting on the bed, with Louise comforting her, awkwardly stroking her back. Louise isn't the type to do that.
My eyes meet with Louise's. She looks worried.
"Then... I'll be on my way," Louise says hesitantly, but Delia holds Louise's hand tightly and stands up together with Louise where looking at me with determination, and anger. Louise looks like she wants to escape. Like she doesn't want to be here.
Delia is all riled up, and for the first time, I see Delia not hiding behind someone else... but at the same time I dread doing this in front of people... again...
"I know! I know you slept with Beatrix!"
Everything explodes, and I don't even know how to react to this.
"Why?! I know she's more classy, and pretty, and sexy than me! I know that I can never be as good at politics as her, but I thought that was okay! That I was perfect the way I am! You said that!"
I don't even know how to answer.
"Delia, wait, why do you think I slept with her?"
Of course I momentarily suspect Louise might have told her about Beatrix's answer, but from Louise's shocked look at Delia's words, I'm doubting it... that said...
I've never seen her cry this much before. Not even after the Syrel thing.
"When I opened the door to the balcony, she was sitting on on the side of the couch, watching you so closely, touching your cheek with her finger."
...
..
.
Seriously?
I get this image of Beatrix looming over me and poking my cheek with a cruel grin on her lips to wake me up, while calling me an idiot for letting this go so far.
I take a deep breath.
"Poking me is about the meanest physical way Beatrix is allowed to wake me up. I'm sure if I allowed her to slap me awake, she would do that."
I step up to Delia and caress her cheek, the way she likes.
"Beatrix might be very beautiful, and good at what she does, but she's cruel and spiteful to her opponents. I didn't chose Beatrix. I chose you, Delia. I chose you for your kindness, and your devotion, your sweetness, the hope you bring, the way you make me smile-"
"You're lying! Because... you haven't smiled to me genuinely since we got here. You don't listen to me. Just treat me like a child that knows nothing!"
"That's not true. I've just been very exhaust-"
I don't get to finish before Delia slaps me across the cheek. My ear rings. It hurts in my chest more than on my cheek.
As I take my hand from her, and put on the stinging cheek, I see Delia's horror at what she's done.
"I-"
She cuts herself off, and then darts out the door behind me.
Delia is growing. Changing. Perhaps it's a sign that things are going the right way.
I turn around, about to follow Delia, when Louise puts her hand on my shoulder.
I'd almost forgotten she was there.
"Don't... Clovis... I'll go after her, okay?"
I stare somewhat dazed at Louise.
"What did I say wrong?"
Louise frowns, and then pats my shoulder.
"You didn't."
She hesitates for a moment, and looks at me in the eyes.
"I- I'm not a good wife myself... but is this really how things are supposed to be?"
Then she runs after Delia.
I'd been wondering why Louise wasn't there at the afternoon meetings today. I just thought she avoided Beatrix.
I sigh so hard I think my soul might leave my body, and put my head against the bed post.