A/N: Hello my lovies! First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for your continuous support on my story, especially for this one. SILWAG (She's In Love with A Geek) has a very special place in my heart, maybe that's why it took me a while to get back to writing. As you all know, my writing style is based on emotions and feelings, there were even times that I did cry when my characters were crying while I write the scene.
Back in 2020, I was so determined to finish this story. But, a lot of things has happened during those times. While most were on isolation, lockdown, and quarantined, I was one of the nurses who was sent to a COVID make-shift hospital to look after sick covid patients. It made a huge toll on me mentally, that it has drained me--physically and emotionally. So it was really difficult for me to continue writing even though I wanted to.
Now, I'm happy that so far I was starting to get back on my feet again. Back to my passion--writing. I really wanted to capture this scene in this chapter and I was so glad I waited for myself to be better in order to write this. I love every bits of this chapter, it was how I have imagined it to be back in 2016.
So without any further ado, here's chapter 35. Also, I set up my Patreon account ( https://www.patreon.com/notjustarandomgirl ) link on Bio, if you want the advance chapters of SILWAG. Currently, it's on Chapter 38 now.
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Chapter 35 - I Lost
COURTNEY's POV
"You came."
I still couldn't believe it. Just right after I declared that I'd forget about him--said my goodbyes even, that was the time that he showed up.
"Are you crazy?" Chad called me out of my reverie, but I didn't pay any attention. Dumbstruck to the fact that..
He came.
"What were you thinking staying here so late, soaking wet even. You could get sick!" He was talking loudly to overpower the sound of the steady and heavy rain.
Chad was here.
I was mute, unable to utter a single word, when in fact before he even came, I had millions of questions swarming in my mind. But now, I was left speechless again.
I watched him act so panicky, acting in a way that he cared that I could get sick. "Let's go!" His tone was commanding, and rush. He pulled me gently on my feet to stand up, urging me to follow him back to the school building as the rain continued to pour down.
He cared.
"Courtney!" He called me out again, his tone was frantic with worry. "We have to go inside, now!" His expression was a mixture of concern and frustration. Probably from my lack of response.
He was worried.
I was gawking at him, stayed rooted on my feet, while he was in an obvious distress already. My gaze shifted to his hand where he was gripping my arm.
Why were you being so warm and thoughtful all of a sudden?
Bewildered by his sudden thoughtfulness and consideration after a long period of silent treatment, I swayed my arm so hard for him to release his hold on me. "Let go of me." I said through my gritted teeth.
"What? We have to--" He tried to grab my arm again, but I pulled it back quickly before he could even reach for it.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled out in frustration. Chad was obviously taken aback with my action and was unsure of what to do next. I bet that he didn't have any clue why I was acting this way, why I was being so angry at him all of a sudden.
"Fine, I won't touch you." He sighed in defeat. "Let's just get in. You will get sick." He pleaded with full of concern written all over his face. This action of his left a tightening feeling on my chest and a low burning sensation in the pit of my stomach.
And just like that, I didn't even try to fight the tears welling up on my eyes to fall down. "Stop! Please, Chad. Just stop!" I let out with muffled sobs. My heart aching in pain, my voice trembling from resignation and frustration. "Stop acting as if you're worried about me. Stop acting as if you care."
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, trying so damn hard to stop the tears from falling uncontrollably. I tried my best to get my emotions at bay, but obviously failed at it miserably.
Chad's brows furrowed in pure confusion, clearly unaware of the situation and the cause of my outburst. For some unknown reason, this has burned up something inside me, this infuriated me even further.
"So what if I get sick? So what, huh? After all this, you will just go back in ignoring me again. Act as if nothing has happened. While I on the other hand, will keep wondering what I had done wrong again. It's a cycle, it's tiring!"
My tears fell continuously like the steady rain. Honestly, I felt so overwhelmed with emotion that crying became my refuge. I tried to avoid Chad's watchful gaze. I had a feeling that if I let myself give in to that look, all the words that I wanted to tell him would disappear. That I'd go back to that girl who believed that everything would be alright again because he cared.
I didn't want that. Just like what I said, it's now or never. No matter what.
With that determination in mind, I let myself continue without a care or even filtering my words. "What is this, Chad? Is this your form of revenge? Did you make that deal to get back at me? Did you really plan all this, because you know, you're confident that you can win this. That you have the capability to make this mean, self-centred, conceited girl fall in love with you, and then toss her aside to teach her a lesson."
In all honesty, this neither the kind of talk that I had in mind, nor the kind of confession I was going for. But I was too disappointed that the situation didn't go as I had envisioned it to be, too angry to care. I didn't have it in me to care anymore if I looked so desperate and pitiful at the same time. I was ready for whatever he'd throw at me, at least I know for myself that I did everything already.
No regrets.
I won't promised that I won't care though, but better this than concealed feelings.
"You go on and keep on saying that you don't have it in you to play someone else's heart because you're afraid of karma. What a well constructed sentence." I laughed bitterly at this before I continued. "You made me believe that you don't have it in you to be a player, but what you did was way worse. Is this part of your screenplay? Am I one of your characters? You put me in the right place and just..."
I paused. Suddenly, the adrenaline rush has ran out, and slowly it all came down to me, the reality of what I was in right now started to sink in--things started to make sense.
Of course.
"To be honest, I wanted to be angry at you, blame you for the pain that I'd been feeling for the past few days. For all the sleepless night because thoughts of you has been running in my head non-stop. But it's all clear to me now." I finally summoned the courage to look up and turn to him. "I forgot the fact that this is all a game. I forgot that all the things you did for me for the past few weeks was because of a deal."
Our eyes met, but he was the first one to broke it off. "Stop." He said, his first word and only response to all of my pent-out frustrations. I poured out all of my feelings, all of me, and all he could say was stop?
At this point, I understand this kind of response. Knowing him, how genuinely kind and understanding he was, he probably didn't mean for this to come this far. For me to fall so hard for him. Maybe I was giving him a hard time, maybe he thought that I expect him to take responsibility for his actions.
I was so stupid for falling into this trap. I was so foolish for not looking at this angle before. Of course he was just playing the part of what we'd agreed on, of course everything was just for winning this deal. I shouldn't have expected something from it. I shouldn't have deluded myself to the fact that it was all real.
His sweet gestures, our good arguments, fun and refreshing chats, that well-thought date, the lovely meaning behind the gladiolus, the thoughtful cake, his mum liking me.
I recalled everything, every moment that I was with him. It was all clear now. I should have seen it sooner before I made a fool out of myself.
Before I burst out and blame him for nothing.
"I get it now. I was the problem. Because I believed everything. All the things you'd done for me. All the sweet things, especially the date. I misinterpreted your kindness--the way you cared about my studies, and... me. All were just part of our deal. It's just a game, the game you played so well."
I tried my very best to stop my lips from trembling, and my tears from pouring down again. But with just one look at him, and upon meeting his sad blue eyes, I couldn't help it anymore.
"Well, congratulations Chad Treyson." I choked the words out painfully.
"I said stop it." His tone grew cautionary, and his stare became fierce. The intensity of his glare made me take a step back every time he takes a step closer.
Feeling bolder and determined, I didn't let him to stop me. "I know you want to hear it. You want to hear it from me that you--"
"I said stop it!" He snapped. I didn't realise that I'd reached the trunk of the tree already and there's no way for me to escape his flustered look. His hands were outstretched on the either side of my shoulder, trapping me.
Chad was towering me, his stance was telling--trying to discourage me from speaking again, but I was far from being intimidated. I have come this far.
I don't care anymore.
I have to tell him. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then confessed, "I--"
"I lost." He blurted out.
My eyes flung open at the sound of his interruption. The last two words that were on the tip of my tongue suddenly disappeared. His choice of words was enough to make my heart stall, and this close proximity made it almost impossible for me to breathe.
What? What did he say?
My eyes were fixed on him, wide with confusion and uncertainty--unable to process what just happened. I knew I had something to say, but suddenly my ability to talk left me.
"You heard me?" Chad's right hand, gently but firmly, held the back of my neck, his thumb caressing my cheek. I felt my heart skip a beat, and a small gasp escaped my lip at the warmth of his hand. The contact itself sent shivers down my spine and froze me on the spot.
Chad was staring down on me--really staring. His beautiful blue eyes piercing my soul with raw emotions that I haven't seen before. He leaned in closer and whispered, "I lost, Courtney Collins."
Before I could even ask him to elaborate it, or even utter a word, he already crashed his lips to mine, captured me to his gentle and sweet kiss, like how he has seized my heart.
Chad was kissing me, I was kissing him.
And the world around us has melted away.
--- END OF CHAPTER 35 ---
What do you think? I hope you all enjoyed it as much I enjoyed writing it! Inspired by the song I attached to this Chapter. Listen to Always (acoustic version by francois klark)
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