"Hey, what's this," Victoria asked while snatching up her best friend, Tristan's notebook from off his bed. "Are these song lyrics?"
"No! They're nothing. Give me that," he cried out while desperately trying to get the notebook out of her hands.
"This is pretty good," she exclaimed while reading the handwritten words on the open page. "What's it abou--wait . . ."
She began to whisper read some of the lyrics.
"Oh my gad," she exclaimed. "Seriously?"
The lyrics she just read seemed to explain exactly what the song was about.
She began to read them again, this time, out loud, in a normal voice. "I see the girls around me, a part of me wishing to be like them, But I'm stuck inside this boy's body, feeling so condemned."
Tristan began to tremble as he tried to hide his face.
Victoria sat down on the bed next to him. She placed her hand under his chin and lifted his head.
"Look at me," she softly, tenderly requested.
Her voice oozed sincerity, compassion, and trust, but still he kept his gaze on something across the room, afraid to make eye contact, fearing once their eyes met, she's be able to read his mind and she'd know everything.
Victoria moved her hand from his chin and began to read the rest of the song, silently.
"Is this for real? Is this how you feel? Tristan, we're best friends. You know I've trusted you with all my most intimate secrets. I tell you everything. You're the only one that knows I used to avoid mirrors when I was little because I thought the girl in the mirror would be able to swap places with me and steal my life by trapping me in the mirror, if I stared too long. No one but you knows that a little pee comes out when I laugh too hard, and you're the only person in the world that knowa I have a huge crush on Mylon's dad. I trust you completely, duh, why can't you trust me? You know you can talk to me."
Victoria put her arm around Tristan's shoulder, but Tristan remained quiet and continued to look away.
Almost two minutes passed before the silence was broken.
"Backink," he mumbled.
"What did you say, Backink?"
"Blackpink." He repeated, this time more clearly.
"Yeah, they're your favorite pop group in the whole world. You've only made that completly obvious a million times over. You're madly in love with them. I get it, but what about them? Why did you mention them," Victoria inquired.
"The song. It's written in the style of a Blackpink song."
Victoria read the chorus to herself in a whisper, to the tune of one of Blackpink's songs.
"Holy crap, yeah, I can see it. In my head I could hear them actually singing it and dancing to it. Although, the lyrics are from the point-of-view of a boy who's struggling with transgender feelings, right? Blackpink would never perform this. Again I ask, is this about you?"
Again he became unresponsive, so she began reading the entire song aloud.
"[Verse 1]
Waking up every day, feeling lost and alone
In my heart, I know I'm different, but I always try to play along
People tell me I should be a certain way, but inside I feel confused
I can't shake the feeling that I'm living a lie, and hiding the truth that I always knew
[Pre-Chorus]
Tired of pretending, tired of being fake
But every time I try to be real, the fear is too much to take
[Chorus]
Wishing, praying to become who I am
But the world's too busy trying to fit me into a program
Drowning, screaming for some relief
But no one's there to catch me when I fall, the pain gives me no reprieve
I just want to be myself,
but they keep me on a shelf
[Verse 2]
I see the girls around me, a part of me wishing to be like them
But I'm stuck inside this boy's body, feeling so condemned
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in someone else's story
And every day that I keep hiding the truth, it only adds up to more mis-er-y.
[Pre-Chorus]
Tired of pretending, tired of being fake
But every time I try to be real, the fear is too much to take
[Chorus]
Wishing, praying to become who I am
But the world's too busy trying to fit me into a program
Drowning, screaming for some relief
But no one's there to catch me when I fall, the pain gives me no reprieve
I just want to be myself, but they keep me on a shelf
[Bridge] I'm slowly learning to accept who I am
Slowly spreading my wings and emerging from the damn I may be different, but that doesn't mean
I'm any less of a person I'm done with hiding, I'm done with rehearsin'
[Chorus]
Wishing, praying to become who I am
But the world's too busy trying to fit me into a program
Drowning, screaming for some relief
But no one's there to catch me when I fall, the pain gives me no reprieve
I just want to be myself, but they keep me on a shelf "
Victoria paused for a moment then replied, "Wow, that's heavy. So you think you're trans? That you're a girl inside? Do you wish you could live your life as a girl?"
"Maybe," Tristan mumbled, staring at the ground.
"I have an idea," Victoria excitedly exclaimed.
"What?"
"Would you like to know what you would look like as a girl?"
Tristan shrugged again. Inside he was jumping up and down, screaming yes, yes, yes, but outwardly he still couldn't allow himself to open up to Victoria out of fear that she didn't really understand and might laugh.
"This," she began while holding up the notebook, "This tells me you do." She tossed the notebook back on the bed, in front of him. "Look, I would never make fun of you or not take your feelings serious. You gotta trust me. I can help you. I wanna help you, please."
Tristan took a deep breath and let it out. He decided to throw caution to the wind and let Victoria in on his most intimate of secrets.
"Actually," he began with a tremble in his voice, "Yes, I-I do wish I was a girl, but more than that, I wish I could be on of the girls in Blackpink. Every night I lie in bed and watch Blackpink videos on YouTube before I go to sleep and I imagine that one of them is actually me. I imagine what it must be like practicing dance steps for 12-14 hours a day. I create scenes in my head where I'm being dressed up in all the different outfits they wear in the videos; the jewelry, the shoes, the nails, getting made up in all the makeup and hairstyles. Sometimes I actually cry myself to sleep over it."
"Really, which one you imagine yourself as? Lisa? Oh I know, Rosé, right?"
He shrugged, "It really doesn't matter which one. They're all so beautiful, but if I really had to choose, probably Jisoo."
"I can see that. She's georgous. I don't think I could actually achieve that, but still, will you let me transform you into a girl? I know, Sunday. You'll be staying at my house anyways, since your mom flys out Sunday morning for that business trip and my mom's working a twelve hour shift. If I do a good job, then how about you let me do it again in three weeks, on the day of the concert and you can go see Blackpink, as a girl."
"Um, I dunno. Maybe that's too much, to fast. Let's just see how Sunday goes first."
"So you're saying I can dress you up?"
"I didn't say no, did I?"
"No I don't guess you did, so that's a yes! YAY," Victoria squealed.
Reaching back over and pulling the notebook pack towards herself, Victoria reread the last course, repeating it to herself a couple times before announcing, "I have a suggestion."
"What?"
"You need to change the last line."
Tristan began to quote the final chorus aloud, from memory, "Wishing, praying to become who I am
But the world's too busy trying to fit me into a program
Drowning, screaming for some relief
But no one's there to catch me when I fall, the pain gives me no reprieve
I just want to be myself, but they keep me on a shelf.
Why do you think I need to change it? What's wrong with it?"
"The song has a sad tone to it, an air of hopelessness. Your story is no longer that. The song needs to reflect your new found hope.
"So what do you suggest I change it to?"
"Well, not the whole chorus, just the last line.
I just want to be myself, but they keep me on a shelf,
needs to be changed to,
Finally becoming myself, no longer hidden away on a shelf."
==========
엔드 "endeu"
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Author's note:
The song lyrics were written by an AI from the prompt, write me a song in the style of Blackpink from the point of view of a boy who desperately wishes he was a girl. I then crafted a story around it and changed the last line of the final chorus.