I don't know where I managed to find the courage to get up and leave the soft red carpeted surface that had welcomed me, I only know that I was extremely happy to have done it just in time, because soon after Josh came out and gave me a sad smile.
"Hey Harry! Have you been here long?" he asked, obviously nervous. I wanted to answer him 'enough to hear your best friend completely destroy me. Oh and thanks for trying to defend me!' while instead I confined myself to a simple stretched smile and an "I've just arrived".
I saw him scratch his head nervously and a grimace appeared in his mouth.
"I...Emm.. Yeah well, I should go now, you know. And then Niall said he wanted to see me so" he was very self-conscious and I couldn't help but smile at his discomfort. I knew very well why he couldn't be with me and the fact that he was doing it to protect Niall and not himself made it even sweeter.
"Don't worry, I understand. When Niall calls, Josh runs!" He evidently misunderstood my words, because he immediately became worried.
"Oh no, it's not like you think, you're still Niall's best friend! He always talks about you and how much he misses you and my best friend is louis you know it! What is between me and him is different, I absolutely don't want to steal your friend!" That speech made me burst out laughing, because I wasn't thinking about that at all. My laugh confused mostly Josh who frowned.
"I didn't mean to insinuate anything, Josh. You can be with Niall as long as you want, in fact I'm happy that there is someone who cares about him like you are. Liam certainly can't break himself apart and sometimes Zayn hasn't... Well, let's say sweetness is necessary for him. So don't worry, go to him and also quickly before Nick sees us" I gave him a wink, symbol of the fact that I understood perfectly why he couldn't talk to me and he could be with Niall as long as he wanted as far as I was concerned. He gave me a grateful smile and raised a wave in greeting. Those few phrases and gestures meant for both of us that we continued to be friends, but that for superior reasons we couldn't be together. We knew it, we weren't happy with it, but we got over it. It was better that way for everyone.
He was already leaving when he suddenly took a few steps back.
"What Louis says... Well, try to listen to only one word out of three of the ones he pronounces. He is used to lying and it is very difficult for him to tell the truth" having said this he left for good.
I knew what he said was true, he'd been lying to me most of the time, probably the only time he'd been really honest with me was when he said he hated me.
Now the sweet and fragile Harry who until recently had sat in despair in the middle of a corridor, would have given up everything, would have moved away from Louis and would have tried to survive until the end of the year by holding on. But now... Without meaning to, Josh had triggered something with those words. He had also said that Louis was a liar and had said it with such simplicity that it almost seemed like a good thing. Why? Why didn't he punish him for being such an asshole?
No, disappearing from circulation would have been too easy for him, he didn't deserve it.
Do you hate me Louis? Do you hate me for thinking about me too much? Well, I'll make you think of me all the time, so much so that your hatred towards me will become so high that you won't help but think how much you hate me every second of your futile life. Hate is still better than current indifference, isn't it? At least it's something. At least he will think about me.
At the beginning of our argument I had started to insult him, because my mind was clouded, I didn't really understand what I was doing, I just wanted to make him feel bad as much as I felt bad. But now my mind was clearer, I was more determined and the aim was another. Now I wanted to make him feel worse than I was. And to his enormous misfortune, I was very ill.
With that new conviction in mind, I straightened up, squared my shoulders, lifted my neck, and proudly picked up my suitcase and lowered the handle. I slammed the door shut to announce my arrival.
He was there, half lying on the bed with the cell phone in his hand and it seemed still a little shaken from the argument with Josh. I smiled, satisfied with that vision.
"Good morning Loulou! I'm back" I waited for his answer which obviously didn't arrive, which is why I abandoned my suitcase near the bathroom door and approached him without ever letting go of that smirk.
"What, not saying hello anymore Loulou?" I sat up on the bed with one leg bent and the other dangling down. I also started biting my bottom lip when he looked up from his stupid phone, just to tease him.
"Stay away from me curly, I'm not in the mood. You'd only end up hurting yourself" He was serious, I could see him yet a strange excitement pervaded my body and I couldn't keep still or shut up.
"Who knows, maybe I feel like you hurt me" I saw his eyes widen at my statement and a small laugh escaped me.
"What the fuck are you having today Styles?" I approached him crawling up to a few inches from his face.
"Don't tell me you didn't miss me, because I don't believe it anyway Loulou" I stuck out my tongue and went to lick the tip of his nose. Shivers ran through his body and I saw his hand reach out and go behind my neck with the obvious intention of drawing me to him, but as his fingers touched my hair, I laughed and rolled over to the side and lay down next to him. He looked at me, obviously annoyed.
"It's not funny," he growled as his eyes narrowed and he incinerated me with his gaze.
"Oh no?" I asked him while still laughing "For me it's very funny. You should relax a bit Loulou" I slowly let my hands go down to the button of my pants. I saw Louis involuntarily following my movements and I couldn't help but grin.
I undid them and pulled down my pants and boxers together, just enough to take hold of my cock. Louis's eyes widened in disbelief as I began to caress myself.
"Harry..." I noted with satisfaction that he was calling me by name again and no longer curly or Styles "What are you doing?" His voice wasn't firm at all, it was unstable and he trembled and I was always happier about this fact. This served to increase my erection even more and from the caresses I slowly began to move on to the circular movements.
Louis couldn't take his eyes off me and what I was doing, his eyes went from my face contracted with pleasure, to my cock which was getting harder and harder. I on the other hand couldn't take mine away from his face, his astonished expression was gratifying, but it wasn't just that. Even if he was an asshole, he was still the most beautiful asshole I'd ever seen. Probably if he hadn't been there the process would have been slower and more delicate.
When moans began to make room in my throat I didn't hold them back, but rather, I accentuated them even more and I saw that Louis was really going crazy. His eyes had become watery, his pupils were dilated, his breathing was becoming laboured, almost as if he wanted to follow mine and his hand closed into a fist was trying and not trying at the same time to satisfy the erection that was getting more and more evident in his pants. At that sight of Louis so out of breath I couldn't resist any longer and after another couple of movements I came on my own stomach, also getting my hand dirty.
In a mischievous way I brought my fingers dirty with my own seed to my mouth and started to suck them in a mischievous way, without taking my eyes off his. I then took them off with a soft 'pop' which seemed to drive him crazy as he stood up abruptly and ran to the bathroom. After a while, however, he succeeded and without paying any more attention to me, he left the room and I swore I had never seen him so angry and upset.
I burst out laughing, laughing heartily for a long time, but somehow after a while this laughter started turning into desperate crying. I cried like a baby soaking the pillow and the worst part was I didn't even know why I was doing it. Or maybe I knew it, but I was too coward to admit it to myself.
Louis didn't come back and that room started to feel too big and too empty.
It was now past dinnertime, but in any case I wasn't very hungry, so I started wandering around the school aimlessly. I found myself in a library I had obviously never set foot in and which seemed abandoned at this hour. Or maybe it always was, the fact is that I would never know since I probably would never go back. Even if I didn't want to find my way back, I had randomly wandered around the college, which was really bigger than it looked, like a ghost and I found myself there. I began to touch the book covers displayed on the shelves. Many were new, others evidently used, but the old and semi-abandoned ones attracted me much more. Without realising it, I pulled a book of that kind from the cover of midnight blue and started leafing through it, without really reading it.
Images were rare, but what few there were were beautifully done and full of detail. I stopped my attention on a clock with the numbers reversed and wondered what that figure meant. Maybe it was a backwards clock that could rewind the time. I wondered what I would have changed if I had the opportunity to go back in time. Many, too many things, so many that maybe I would've changed none.
Suddenly that book seemed to burn, I dropped it to the ground and ran towards the door. I ran away from that place, perhaps because it made me remember things I didn't want to remember.
I ran with my head down, focusing only on my feet, but my run was halted in the middle of the corridor by a collision. Looking up and head aching I found myself in front of the face of my best friend, almost as confused as I was by that meeting. I didn't resist and in a spontaneous movement I hugged him tightly.
He seemed to immediately understand that something was wrong and returned the hug, giving me a few strokes on my hair.
"Hey hey Haz, don't worry, it's okay. I'm here" those words comforted me and made me realise that this was real, Niall was there in my arms. Suddenly I pushed him and got away from him. Niall was shocked by that abrupt departure, but I couldn't let anything happen to him.
"Go away Nialler. You know you can't stay here" he still came towards me, a little uncertain.
"Harry.." I backed him reflexively, but this time he made 3 steps towards me much more decisively and returned to being in front of me.
"I'm doing it for you" I whispered pleadingly.
"No, listen to me. I'm doing it for you. I can't abandon you right now, you've become too fragile and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. Before, I could even accept it, I could bear it, because in the end there was Louis who was giving you strength, I knew you could do it, but now Haz, every time I look at you it feels like you left a piece on the street, you're crumbling like a biscuit. And I can't help but blame myself, because I left you in his hands. I knew it was dangerous, I've always known it, but I let your judgement and your happiness overshadow me and I forgot about it and trusted him. I, Niall Horan, trusted Louis Tomlinson. This thing is neither in heaven nor on earth. I think some of the blame also goes to Josh who convinced me, but I won't make that mistake again. It will only be me who will take care of you, me and the people I will decide to trust 100% and Tomlinson is certainly not among them" he tried to give me all the trust he could through his big blue eyes, but by now the trust was something I had a hard time recognizing as existing.
"Louis... Louis isn't dangerous. He may be an asshole, a bastard, a liar, but I assure you he's not dangerous." When I finished pronouncing that sentence I realised what I had done.
Niall had given me a beautiful speech and once again the first thing I had done was protect Louis.
Niall looked at me with apprehension and I really wanted to shout at him that I really wanted to trust him, but that I couldn't and that however it was too late. By now I was irreparably damaged and the only person who could have fixed me was the same one who had torn me into pieces.
"I'm fine Niall" I told him.
"I don't believe you," he replied. I rolled my eyes.
"Ok, fine, but I'll be fine. Really," I tried to smile, but not very successfully.
"Sure, I'll do everything to make it happen by being close to you" he smiled at me truly.
"But Niall, there's Nick and your secret. I can't do this to you," he shook his head giggling.
"I've thought about it and decided I don't care"
"You do not care?" I asked him baffled.
"Yes, I don't care if the whole school points me out as an arsonist" I was confused. Niall, arsonist?
"Huh?" he seemed to resign himself and sighed.
"I burned a mint" I was understanding less and less. Why would Niall burn one of those hideous animals? And why should he be hated for it? My friend probably noticed my confusion because he rolled his eyes and hastened to add, "Not the animal, the building. You know, the one where they make the money"
"What? How the hell did you burn a mint?" I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe Niall so innocent could have done a thing like that.
"Well it's not like he did it on purpose!" he seemed torn for a moment, then evidently decided that if he had to empty the bag it was better to do it properly.
"It wasn't a good day for me. My girlfriend had just left me and so, I'm not too proud of that, being very down I went to a bar to get drunk. Unfortunately I didn't stop there, I met a boy who offered me some cocaine. I had never tried it, but I was really bummed. After 5 years of relationship, she had dumped me telling me that she no longer felt anything for me and that she had also cheated on me numerous times. I went to the bathroom and sniffed it. The effect was almost immediate. I don't have a very clear vision of that night, I just have various flashes of me with a bottle of vodka and a lighter.
I woke up in the hospital. The news said I poured the bottle of vodka on the plants in front of the mint and then set it on fire with my lighter. It was autumn, the dry leaves took it easy and the alcohol made things easier. The fire soon spread to the building as well, burning numerous amounts of money as well. I was accused of arson and even had to stay in jail for a few days in addition to repaying the damages.
But it didn't end there. Obviously in my school the rumour spread quickly and even got bigger. I don't know how I became the one who stole some money from the mint and to hide the evidence later intentionally set it on fire. Harry I would never do something like that, believe me" he pleaded with his voice.
"I know Niall, believe me, I know," he sighed before continuing.
"It was awful and I just wanted to forget, that's why I came here" he concluded sadly.
"And that's why," I added, "I can't let you feel that way again. I'm really grateful that you decided to tell me about it, but I can't do this to you."
"Harry, you're out of this. It's not like with Liam that's messing with his life, yes, in the end he told me too, at most just a little dignity and it's not like it's much anyway. The important people, you, Liam, Zayn and Josh already know this story and you promised me that you would stay close to me no matter what, so the others can also go fuck themselves"
"I can't do that," I begged, but he shook his head firmly.
"Harry, I've grown up, now I think I can handle it. Just... Promise me you'll hold me back"
"Always" I promised him.
"Thanks Haz!" he threw himself on me hugging me and I hugged him tightly.
"We'll make it together. We'll get out of our problems Nialler" he moved away from me a little and nodded, a little more convinced and smiled at me, much more serene.
"Now it's really late, I think I should go. So see you tomorrow?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course! And if you want with Josh too, you know, I finally 'freed' him too" he said with a chuckle.
I nodded and greeted him with a quick kiss on the cheek.
While the outward journey had been rather agonising, the return to the room was much more serene. I had gone alone and returned having regained two friends. I even went as far as smiling and whistling.
Carefree, I entered the room and froze at the sight of Louis. He was placed in much the same position as before, with one major difference.
He was completely naked. I wasn't ready for that.
I swallowed hard and walked a little further into the room.
"Curly, go to bed and turn off the light, it's late and I need to rest!" I did as he told me, only because I was looking forward to turning off the light and no longer having that vision to distract me. I undressed, remaining in my boxers as usual and hesitantly got to our bed, where I slipped under the covers and quickly turned off the light. I was facing away from him and I was trying hard not to think of Louis completely naked next to me.
I felt him move and get under the covers and to my horror get closer to me. His arm went around my chest, his chest attached to my back and his dick adherent onto the light fabric of my boxers. I felt his presence, I couldn't avoid it and I was pretty sure the small thrusts he was casually doing were intentional. I went completely stiff while my hard on that I satisfied short before was growing again.
No, I definitely wasn't prepared for this.