Mon POV÷
I opened my eyes heavy when I felt the sunlight bothering my eyes, I looked around me while I was still lying in bed to see if Sam was around, but she was not in the room and that didn't surprise me to be honest, I sighed and sat on the bed difficulty, My body was literally exhausted and And I could barely feel my limbs, there was pain all over my body as if a rock had fallen on me, I looked at the nightstand next to me, my phone was there but this time there was no message like last time and to be honest I was disappointed because of that, I looked at the clock on my phone and there was time to catch up on the last lecture for the day.
going to university was the best thing I could do to escape from overthinking after everything happened yesterday, I just didn't want to think, yes I knew I was wrong and stupid but I didn't want to confront myself with that fact.
I took a shower, got dressed and left that cold room cursing myself for the pain, tiredness and shamelessness that I had caused to myself.
I was taking hasty steps towards the exit from that place because Being there made me feel disgusted with myself.
"Good morning "
someone said that so I turned around to see who was behind me. and she was the same woman from last time i was there, she respectfully bowed and said:
"Your breakfast is ready, miss"
she said that while pointing with her hand to a table decorated with various dishes.
"Thank you but I have to go"
I said that and turned to make my way out
"That's lady Sam's orders, I can't disobey what she says so ... please"
The housekeeper said that which made me stop and turn to her, I don't want to cause trouble for her even though I felt that I couldn't bear another minute in that place.
I sighed and tried to do the right thing without causing trouble to anyone so I walked towards the table in annoyance.
" thank you"
the housekeeper said that and began to serve me at the table.
" tell me if you need anything miss" The housekeeper said that and she stood aside, I started trying to eat, few bites and left the table after I thanked that woman then that she called someone and told him to be ready to take me wherever i wanted.
"there is no need for that"
"it is the orders miss"
That housekeeper said that which made me accept without argument. minutes and i left that apartment after I thanked that woman and headed towards the elevator.
When I reached the ground floor and when the elevator opened, someone was waiting for me. It was the same man from the previous time. He saluted and bowed a little Out of respect, then pointed to the car that was parked in front of the building and asked me where I wanted to go.
I told him to drive me home, because I wanted to change my clothes before going to the university and more than an hour I got home, I went up to my room directly and changed my clothes and went out to the university, my father was not there because he was at work.
At the university, I met Rose, who was waiting for me because i told her that I was coming for the last lecture of the day. It didn't take more than 15 minutes from my arrival and the last lecture started.
During the lecture, literally, i did not hear anything as my mind was trying to comprehend my foolishness and the cheapness of my dignity in addition to the fatigue and pain that I was feeling.
The lecture ended and Rose told me that she wanted to talk to me, so after we left the university and went to a simple restaurant to eat something & talk.
and yeah ... I had not seen or glimpsed Sam at university and that's a good thing, My feelings and thoughts were in Chaos, I didn't know what I wanted or what i have to do. The girl that I love was a walking red flag and I don't have the power to resist it or turn away from her.
"Why are you late today"
Rose said that as she cut the food in her plate,
"I missed my alarm"
I said that hesitantly because I don't like to lie
" hmmm, by the way what did that snake want from you yesterday"
Rose said that while looking at me seriously
" Which snake, I don't understand?"
I said that and I know very well who she was talking about.
"Sam ... Sam Moore, the famous girl from the business administration department"
She was asking me as if she was interrogating me so I was nervous because I couldn't tell her the truth, so I had to lie.
"yeah ,Sam ... She was asking me ... asking me about one of the students in our department."
I said that nervously as I drank from the juice in front of me.
"And who is that girl I asked you about? I don't think the snake would be interested in any of the students in our department, otherwise we would have heard the rumors or seen them together."
Rose said that, not being Not convinced by what I said.
" why do we talk about things like this? Are you like Emily love gossip and rumours!"
I said that with a fake smile trying to end our conversation about Sam because if we continue I will not survive her questioning.
" I don't care about gossip mon, I care about you you, are my best friend ... you mean to me more than you think and I don't want to see anyone hurt you"
Rose said that sternly, while holding my hand in hers.
"Why do you say something like that Rose?! no one is going to hurt me no..."
I said that to reassure her while holding her hand tightly but she cut me off and said:
" the person who makes you lie to your friends and family can hurt you Mon"
she said looking straight at me, what She said it made me open my mouth in shock unable to say anything.
"What do you mean?, I didn't lie"
I said that as I prayed she didn't mean what I was thinking, does she know I lied to her yesterday, does she know I wasn't home yesterday?
"You know very well what I mean, yesterday I saw you riding in Sam's car and leaving the university with her, and at night when I called you you did not answer my calls and the same thing with your father, so your father called me to reassure you and I lied in order to reassure him and told him that you were with me."
She said that which made me so shocked and ashamed that I couldn't even look at her.
"I don't want you to feel ashamed of me, I want you to tell me the truth so that I can help you and protect you, that girl is so nasty, everyone knows she's a player and a pleasure seeker, she doesn't even date, she just has sex with any girl that appears in front of her."
Rose said that annoyed and nervous.
"Not everything you hear is true r ..."
"WTF mon, Are you defending her now? ... wait, don't tell me that you fell into her net?"
Rose said that angrily as if she was scolding me
" I didn't defend anyone, I just don't want to talk about that any more"
I said that because I couldn't bear to hear about what I was running away from
"no mon we have to talk about That, I don't want to see her use you and get rid of you later, you are c ..."
Rose said that nervously and she could hardly lower her voice, her words hurt me because I knew very well that I was wrong but I don't want to hear that and I don't want to hear anyone talk about Sam that way, I know Most of what she say about her is true, but she was not bad with me and never deceived me or manipulated me, I fell in love with her and allowed her to be more than a friend and gave myself to her with my full consent.
I interrupted Rose's words and told her that I was going home then I left the table ignoring Rose who was trying to catch up with me, I took a taxi and headed home, when I arrived I went straight to my room and didn't leave it for the rest of the day except for spent some time with my dad when he came back from work because I missed him so much.
The next day I could not go to the university, because I was feeling that I was not well, my body was tired and my mental state was much worse, I did not have the ability to talk or move so it was better for me to stay at home.
Rose was trying to contact me since yesterday, but I did not I answer her calls and later I turn off my phone to get some peace, my mind was draining all my energy, I couldn't even sleep, i was trying to comprehend what happened in those previous months, everything happened quickly and unexpectedly, I got used to Staying away from romantic relationships and love because I know that I am a weak person, I am not the type that can move on or forget easily so I used to see that falling in love was a great risk for me, and now look what I did to myself during the past few months,
In the afternoon I heard the sound of the doorbell, at first I tried to ignore, but in the end I headed towards the door with heavy steps and opened it, I was almost sure that it was Rose but gause what, I was wrong.
I stood shocked looking at her in disbelief, is she real or am I imagining.
"hi ... what ... Did you come at an inappropriate time?"
Sam said that while looking at me and put her hands in her pockets.
"n--no, hi, do you want to come in?."
I said that with a stutter and tension and stood aside to let her enter, she entered the house and i led her to the living room and she sat on the sofa.
" nice"
She said that while looking at the furniture and home decor around her.
"thank you, would you like drink something?"
I said that while trying not to look at her directly because I was feeling shy and nervous.
"I don't want to sound rude and decline your offer but you look tired so sit down and let's talk first please."
Sam said that and I nodded my head to her meaning ok.
I sat on a chair next to the sofa that she was sitting on.
"are you okay, your phone is off and you didn't come to the university."
Sam said that while looking at me.
" I'm fine, I said that and looked at my intertwined fingers to avoid looking at her"
"really, but your face is pale and you look tired, are you sick or something like that?"
"No, I am fine ... but I am a little tired nothing more."
I said that while I still avoided looking at her directly so as not to feel more ashamed and not to lose myself when looking at her. Her words were enough to put me in a state of emotional chaos, my heart was beating with pain, i wasn't able to allow myself to rejoice at her coming to my house and her concern for me.
"Does that have anything to do with the night we spent together, if something is wrong let's go to the doct..."
"no ... no I'm fine"
I said that quickly and interrupted her, I didn't want to talk about that night at all,
"are you sure that nothing bothered you that nig... "
"yes I'm sure, no need to worry or feel guilty about what happened between us, you do not need to feel guilty about anything"
I said that nervously with disappointed because I felt that she was feeling guilty and she came because of remorse.
"I did not come here because I feel guilty, I came to check on you and make sure that you are okay, and it seems that you are not okay, you look sick!"
When she said that I felt my heart beat fast and I got emotional, I knew she wouldn't say anything she didn't mean, she wouldn't say she cared if she didn't, but at the same time I wasn't able to allow myself to submit to my feelings towards her so I felt in That moment that I had to run away from so that she would not see me in the lost state that I was going through in that moment.
"I'll go make coffee"
I said that and went to the kitchen, leaned against the counter and tried to take deep breaths to calm down, then started making coffee.
I didn't want to see her kind side because I knew that I would get weak AGAIN and I wouldn't be able to resist her, and this is what I never want to happen, I don't want to continue Going through a relationship that is already dying.
I prepared the tray and cups then i poured hot coffee while I was in another world, peeking at the girl I love sitting on my sofa, looking very beautiful with an aura of attraction and mystery that makes me not know what I should feel when I am with her, should I run away or I should raise the flag of surrender and seize every opportunity I get to be with her ignoring the fact that no matter how long it takes, the end will never be good.
I was completely distracted, I moved my hand unfocused to carry the tray, but I hit the tray with one of my hands, which made the tray fall to the ground and some hot coffee spilled on my hand
"what happened ... Mon ... are you ok?"
Sam said that as she entered the kitchen And when she saw me holding my hand in pain, she ran towards me and grabbed my hand and put it under the water faucet
"damn it, You should have been careful, look what you did"
Sam said that scolding me while holding my hand under the water faucet, the water was making me hurt more.
"ouch,it hurts"
I said that, trying to pull my hand out from under the water
" you need to put a burn ointment, Where can i find it?"
in the bathroom, upstairs,
I said that while I was in pain so I was trying to blow on my hand.
"blowing would not work tiny, We must find the ointment"
She made me lead her to the bathroom, and when she found the the medicine cabinet that was attached to the bathroom wall, she told me to sit in my room While she was looking for the ointment.
Less than two minutes and she came with the ointment in her hand,
"finally، I found it."
she said that and sat next to me on the edge of the bed and started gently applying the burn ointment on my hand, it was painful but what was more painful was seeing her treat me with that kindness because I know that such moments should not get used to them or let them affect me, I have to get over my feelings for her and learn how to live my life without her again.
I mean one day she will be with someone and if I don't get over her how will I be able to accept that.
my thoughts were hurting me more than the burning in my hand and it made me feel hopeless, I was just looking at her and contemplating her helplessly, frustration and my heart was being torn to pieces from the helplessness an sadness.
I was emotional and I couldn't hide my tears.
I was in a pitiful state as I was feeling weak and lonely.
"Does it hurt you that much?"
Sam said that with concern after noticing my tears while she was still putting the ointment on my hand gently and cautiously, I shook my head meaning yes and I couldn't stop myself from crying, I was crying because of the pain but not the pain of burning.
"com on, are twenty years old and crying because of a slight burn in your hand"
Sam said that while gently wiping my tears, it was what she did made me want to cry more because anything nice she did to me made me more attached to her and I didn't want that On the contrary, I just wanted to get over her and what she was doing was not helping at all,
"you'll be fine, it's just a slight burn, the pain will go away tomorrow"
"I can't believe you're the same unruly girl who tore my shoulder that night with her fist"
My eyes widened in shock at what she said and my face turned red. I put my hand over my eyes, hearing her say it in that way made me want to bury myself in shame.
"STOP"
I said while still putting my hand over my eyes
"then you have to stop crying or I will have to try to calm you down in my own way and this is my way becaus I don't know another one."
She said that and moved my hand that I used to cover my eyes with, then she said:
“But really, you hurt me that ni ...”
"ok, Stop, okay, I’m sorry."
I said that and interrupted her speech, because if I did not do so, she would recount what happened that night in detail, with all insolence, I know her.
"Keep putting the ointment on your hand and be more careful tiny"
she said as she was getting ready to go after she made me calm down and stop crying, sure.
"sure, and you also take care ... I mean with driving, you knew"
I said that nervously while trying to avoid looking at her directly, she was looking at me with smile,
" ok, I will be careful, and also calm down, it seems that your blood pressure is high because your face is red"
she said that as she approached me Slowly, she suddenly touched my cheek and her features became more serious, when she got close I felt nervous and surprised because there was no reason for her to come close. after moments of silence she picked my lower lip and kissed me gently while her thumb was caressing my cheek, I felt that my legs had become weak And I could barely stand on my feet, I didn't even interact with her kiss at first and all I did was close my eyes to enjoy what was happening.
suddenly I felt her lips moving away from mine and to be honest I didn't want that kiss to end at all.
" delicious"
Sam said that with a smile then she went and left me in shock almost fainting from the tension and the sweetness of those moments that I felt, trying to processed what happened a while ago, What I realized in that moment is that this girl could make me feel so happy and she could make me hate my life, she was my disease and my medicine.
.
.
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