Gracie had written that diary entry months after she left the Baker family, and she wrote it because the people she was staying with had taken to locking her in the basement for days at a time with barely a meal per day if she so much as breathed funny.
"Your honor, if I may?" Janice stood up. The judge nodded, and Janice approached the jury, "The foster parents my client was staying with have now been incarcerated for child abuse and neglect, and the other foster children were removed and adopted by loving families. Gracie was very young and very frightened at such a fragile time in her life, she would not have taken such a big risk," Janice sat back down, pleased with herself. She was right, Gracie never intended to go through with it. Judging by the jury's faces, they seemed to believe Gracie's side of the story.
"Any further questions, Mr. Lisle?" Judge Rollins asked.
"No, Your Honour."
"Then you may be seated, Miss Santos," Gracie sighed with relief as she headed back to her seat next to Janice.
After hours of character witness statements from John's friends, and tireless arguing between Mr. Lisle and Janice, it was almost time for John's cross-examination. Every time John spoke, Gracie would get another shooting pain in her stomach, she worried she might vomit if she didn't steady her breathing.
His alibi for that night was all a lie, he told the jury that he was at a baseball game, and he even had ticket stubs and receipts that matched the date. He lied the whole way through his examination from Mr. Lisle, and if Gracie didn't know better, she might have believed it herself. He and his lawyer went on and on about how he was an upstanding citizen, and most shockingly, his friends attested to that.
The drive home felt longer than it was, every turn was in slow motion, and every red light took an age to turn green. Stella and Lilah offered comforting words and shoulders to cry on if needed, but Gracie didn't know what she needed. All she had wanted for months was for the trial to be over, but she would have to wait another day to find out if all of her hard work had paid off. Gracie traipsed into her room that evening, exhausted. Stella and Lilah wanted to talk to her, but she didn't have the energy for anything after the day she just had.
"What happened?" Riley was sitting at her desk eagerly awaiting the results.
"The judge adjourned until tomorrow," Gracie flopped onto her bed and pulled the sheets up to her shoulders, "More waiting," she kept her tears inside.
"Well, how did it go? I mean, did it seem like he might lose?" Riley sat on the edge of Gracie's bed.
"I don't know, he was pretty convincing. Even I started to believe him. I just want to go to sleep," it was clear she wanted to be alone, so Riley went downstairs and closed the door behind her.
There was one person Gracie wanted to talk to though, the same person she wished could be at her side all the time, so she dialed Rachel's number. She climbed out of the bedroom window again and walked to meet Rachel at the beach.
When the girls saw each other, they ran into each other's arms, and Gracie immediately burst into tears, "It was awful, the lies they told, I just needed it to be over,"
"It's okay, I've got you," Rachel caressed Gracie's face, "He won't get away with this. I swear," Rachel pulled away to look into Gracie's eyes, "You are brave, brilliant, and strong and I am so proud of you," she kissed her girlfriend. Gracie already felt so much better just for being with Rachel.
The girls sat on the beach in silence for a little while, just being with each other. Until Rachel spoke up, "My mom called me," she said.
"What? When? Why didn't you tell me?" Gracie asked, she wasn't mad, she knew how difficult all of this must be for Rachel.
"Just before you called, she said she wants me to come to court tomorrow. She said no matter what happens to him, she wants me at her side. I think she's starting to realize the kind of man he is."
"Are you gonna go?" Gracie asked, "Despite everything, she's still your mom. Maybe you can help her," Gracie liked Mary when they first met, and she could tell even she was scared of her husband. She didn't want her to go on supporting a man who could intentionally traumatize a child.
"Yeah, I think I should. I want to be there for her. And you, obviously," Rachel pulled Gracie in close.
"But it can't seem like we're in touch, not until after the trial. It could mess everything up," she intertwined her fingers with Rachel's.
"I know, it'll be okay, I promise," she kissed Gracie, "And by the way," she turned Gracie's head so they were face to face, "I love you."
Gracie managed to sneak back into the Tucker house without anyone realizing she was gone. She hated all the lying, but it was easier for everyone this way. After the trial and when everything dies down. Maybe she could start to be more open about her relationship.
Jason had called Gracie a lot that day, she had her phone off in court, of course, but even after she didn't return the call. Instead, she decided to send him a text; 'Hey, there's a lot going on at home right now, I'll call you tomorrow.'
That night at dinner, the Tuckers sat in silence. Everyone knew Gracie had been to court and that they were still waiting for a verdict, so no one knew what to say. Eventually, Gracie excused herself to go to bed early, she couldn't face anyone until she knew what the outcome of the trial would be.
All night she lay completely still, staring at the ceiling while Maia and Riley slept. A million thoughts swirled around her head, scenarios played out, each one ending worse than the last. She had convinced herself that there was no way John would be convicted and that she'd gone through all of this for nothing.
Once the trial was over, Gracie would have nowhere to go. She knew Stella and Lilah wouldn't kick her out immediately, but they said they couldn't foster her long-term. So what would come next? There were two options; emergency placement or another group home. Either way, she would be taken away from the Tuckers, the closest thing she'd ever had to a family. Parents that loved and cared for her, and siblings that made her feel like one of them. She knew there was no chance they would ever adopt her, so the only thing that kept her going was knowing she would see Rachel tomorrow.
Rachel. The one good thing in Gracie's life. She vowed to herself that she would never let anyone come between them. As long as their relationship was kept a secret, that could never happen.
The morning rolled around slowly. Gracie was so tired without a wink of sleep, but she'd have to muster up the strength to sit through another day in court. Today wouldn't be as long as yesterday, but as each minute passed, Gracie felt like she was waiting a lifetime. Stella and Lilah practically had to force Gracie to eat her breakfast, she was so nauseous with worry. When they arrived at the courthouse, the jury was finally finished deliberating.
When they entered the courtroom, Mary and Rachel were already sitting at the front, they looked back and watched as Gracie walked to her seat. Rachel offered the most subtle smile of support that she could without seeming suspicious. It was the best Gracie could hope for, but it was all she needed to get through the day.
Mary looked weathered, her hair messily scraped back into a bun, dark circles under her eyes, and she wasn't even wearing her pearl necklace anymore. Gracie realized what a toll this must be taking on her. She was too scared of her monstrous excuse for a husband to stand up for herself, let alone the child who did nothing to deserve this, the child she was supposed to protect. She must have felt so ashamed. She looked at Gracie differently than she had the day before; she didn't seem to pity her, she wasn't disgusted. She looked guilty. Like it was her on trial. Gracie could understand Mary feeling ashamed for her cowardice, but she couldn't imagine why Mary would feel guilty; she wasn't the one who followed her upstairs that night.
Still, she didn't say a word to either of them, she couldn't at this stage in the trial.
The last to arrive before the jurors and Judge Rollins was John. He smiled at his friends in the seats behind him. He kissed his wife on the cheek and tried to kiss Rachel too, but she turned her head away and stared at the floor with tears in her eyes. He brushed it off quickly and sat down.
He squirmed with excitement in his seat, a sick smile still splayed across his smug face. He turned back to say something to his wife, and then looked Gracie directly in the eye, lingering for a moment before he released a small chuckle. It was funny to him.
Gracie was furious again, he thought all of this was a big joke. She might have started screaming at him from across the room if she hadn't looked back at Rachel, who was moving her hand up and down, gesturing for Gracie to take deep breaths.
'Remember, if you get nervous just look at me,' is what Rachel told Gracie on the beach the night before. 'I will always be here for you.'
"Gracie," Stella reached for her foster daughter's hand from the seat behind her, "Whatever happens, everything will be okay," she smiled, "I promise."
"It'll all be over soon," Lilah said.
She stood up to hug Stella and Lilah before the jury and judge entered. The room fell silent, except for Gracie's heart which was beating so loud she was sure everyone could hear it.
Under the table, her fingers lay atop the wounds on her arm, she started to pick at them in an attempt to soothe herself. At first, it felt like it was helping, but then she looked at Rachel, who had a tear in her eye as she stared into the back of her father's head. She wouldn't want Rachel hurting herself over something that he did. So, she pulled her sleeve back down and rested her hands on the table. It was an act of rebellion against the demons in her head, they couldn't get to her if she didn't let them.
Judge Rollins cleared her throat and looked at John with what could only be perceived as pure disgust. "Have the jury reached a verdict upon which at least 10 of you agree?" She asked the foreman.
Some of the jury members looked at Gracie, one woman had been crying, and Gracie couldn't tell if it was a good sign or not.
"We have your honor, it's unanimous," the foreman handed a slip of paper to the clerk, who handed it to the judge. Her glance at the paper gave nothing away, and Gracie's knee bounced up and down in daunting anticipation.
Hours of preparation and painstakingly detailed recounts of the ordeal hadn't been enough to prepare Gracie for this moment, it was getting harder and harder to stay still. She reached for her foster mothers hands.
'Guilty, guilty, please say guilty,' her brain was on a loop, unable to think of anything else.
The judge handed the paper back to the clerk, who took a breath and began to read it, "On one count of rape of a minor," it seemed like he was speaking in slow motion, and the pain in Gracie's stomach seemed to be getting worse, "The jury finds the defendant guilty."
The room broke out in gasps and mumbles, she could feel her foster mothers arms wrap around her, but Gracie was unable to move. She needed the word to sink in, to make sure it was real.
It was real. John was going to prison.
"Congratulations Gracie," Janice said.
Gracie looked at her, her mouth still wide open in shock, and nodded.
"No!" John slammed his fists on the table as he shot out of his seat, knocking over the chair behind him, and he looked at Gracie. "You little bitch," he shouted so loud that Gracie had to cover her ears. He shoved past his lawyer and started towards her. But Gracie still couldn't move. His hands were inches away from her face before two guards yanked him backward and pinned him face down on the floor. One had his knee on John's back, the other was clasping handcuffs around his wrists.
"Dad! Stop it!" Rachel shouted at her father, if her mothers arms weren't wrapped so tightly around her, she might have instinctively run to Gracie's defense.
"Order!" The judge tapped her gavel three times, and the room fell silent again. The guards picked up John and dropped him back into his seat, "We still have a sentence to announce," she gestured for the clerk to continue speaking.
"The judge and jury sentence John Wilbur Adamson, for one count of rape of a minor, to 25 years served with the possibility of parole after 10."