Right now, I was fighting the urge to drink cold soda as I stood in front of the vending machine. Ten minutes ago, I took a detour from the restaurant to the vending machine which I found on my way. After all the crying and frustration, I felt hot from within so the only thing that can soothe the flames was a freezing beer or soda.
And you ask why I was hesitating?
Because from the past few days I have been chugging free cold soda like a cow, which our office provided for cheaper rate. That had my throat aching that now it was becoming hard for me to drink water without feeling discomfort.
Emotions don't control me. I control them. I thought to myself.
Jokes on me. I got ENFJ on my MBTI test, who are known to be emotional. My thoughts can be easily influenced by what I am feeling. But my rational side can override it and stops me from doing things I will regret later.
Not always!
Being an ENFJ or what so ever. I was a girl who is controlled by her emotions.
So to hell with it. I thought making my mind, pushing the coins in and punching in the button.
My life isn't going great anyways. So why not fuck it up a little more? At least it could bring me happiness for short period of time.
Wow. Since when I started thinking like this. This shady heck of world was to be blamed for it. My emotions made me kick the vending machine but again, luck wasn't on my side. The little ounce of frustration I was trying to release, I ended up adding more to it. As my thumb hit the wall beside the machine, making me crouch in pain.
Shit.
I walked back, limping to the bench outside the restaurant while sipping on my drink. What? It hurts like hell. I swear my thumb got broke. Okay. I admit there was a bit of exaggeration. Anyways, at least I was feeling better now.
It's because of alcohol. My mind spoke with utter disappointment.
Ignoring my rational side, I send a quick message to Jake that I was waiting for him outside. It was getting chilly by every minute and I could feel my butt getting frozen along with the steel/metal bench.
"Hey!," His warm voice reached my ears, making me look up from my snow covered boots.
"Hi Jake," I replied, having no energy to stand up, I remained sited and patted the place beside me on the bench, indicating him to take a seat.
"So what's up?," He asked, after sitting beside me, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Nothing. The usual. So where did you find me an apartment?," I asked straight to the point, not beating around the bush.
I never liked people who talks in circles, making me get lost in their maze. I like it simple and straightforward, saves time.
"The Petal Apartments. It is located 10 miles away from your workplace. It that okay with you?," As he spoke, his frosty breath was visible to naked eye, that's how cold it was. My eyes focused on the small misty white cloud formed due to the warm breath against the cold night.
My mind going back to my chemistry class where I learned about this phenomenon.
When a person exhale on a cold day, the air that goes out is saturate and the temperature of that air is warmer than the surrounding air. The water in your breath condenses into many small droplets and the frosty ice we see in the air as cloud.
Come back Esme, this is not the time for this. The alcohol was not letting my mind concentrate. I guess my mind has had enough as well that it has gone swimming in the pool of alcohol.
"Yes it is fine. I can walk to my workplace or take a treadmill," I said, putting my hand over my mouth to hide my yawn. My eyelids getting heavier by every passing second.
"What?," He said, startled, looking at me with confusion.
I scrunched my nose feeling itching all of a sudden. May be it was due to cold that has frozen my nose.
"What?," I asked back, raising one of my eyebrow.
"You said you can go to your workplace by walk or treadmill?," he said, opening his palms, with raised eyebrows as in telling me he gave me a very clear answer.
"Huh?," I was officially lost in the sea of alcohol. I have a very low tolerance to alcohol , one bottle was enough to knock me down.
Jake rolled his eyes and came a bit closer to me and sniffed. Making me back away from him. I was sweaty and smelly, it was embarrassing.
"What the heck are you- "
"You are drunk that's why you are talking nonsense. Let's go home, mom will be waiting for us. I will tell you the details tomorrow when you are sober," He talked like a big brother talking care of his younger sister. I felt my heart melting with this action. I always wanted a brother, who takes care of me when I am like this, play with me and listen to my gibberish.
So this is how my friend's felt when their brother used to take care of them?
I questioned myself, while half of my weight was being carried by Jake. Who never once complained, I was on cloud nine. Imaging my knight in shining armor coming to save me from this hell hole and taking me back to my home. I don't remember when I reached home and was in my bed.
As expected, I woke up with a throbbing headache and shut my eyes immediately as they come in contact with a very dangerous weapon- sunrays. The usual soothing sunrays seemed to be murdering my brain right now. With a groan, I sat up in my bed after realizing no one is going to come and help me bathe or give me medicine. Feeling my heart fell to the floor with that thought and felt warm tears coming to my eyes.
I will find a way. This is not my home.
After sometime when I calmed down, I took a quick shower and started packing my stuff. Unintentionally my thought ran back to my room where my cupboard consisted of a whole room that contained all things around the world. Before coming here, another room was being made for me as there was no space for my new things.
Shaking my head, I blew air out of my lungs and sucked in a deep breath. Walking down with my only one pathetic bag, the wheels of the bag slapped against the floor. I was sure the sound the enough to wake up everyone in the house. The loud sound can be used as a personal alarm right now.
I found Jake standing in the launch, looking down at my five to six cartons consisting of my newly bought stuff. It was all guilt tripping but i don't regret my decisions. As if my life was going great right now. Sighing, I walked towards him with a tight smile on my face.
"Let's get going," I told him and bend down to pick one of the cartoons.
"Wait, did you say good bye to," he said then stopped mid-sentence and looked around the house making me look around as well in confusion.
"My mom and siblings?," he whispered getting closer to where i stood. Putting the carton back on the ground, i looked at him.
I took in a breath and swept my hair with my hand and shook my head.
"If i tell them i am leaving the house, they probably will ask me where I am going to live and i tell them, they will visit me which will be too much of a hassle. If i don't then they will try to understand something must be going on. I want space between us for their own good what if they get attached and get hurt once again. I won't be here for long so I don't want to create problems for me and your family," I told him, while holding onto his shoulder in order to make him understand. He too was a child right now not a mature man.
His eyes held emotion of betrayal but soon it went past and was occupied by understanding. Making me relax and smile at him.
"Okay, let's go then," Jake said, also picking a few cartoons together which would have been light enough for him. After all they only had clothes in them. Following suit, I walked out with a carton towards a car which Jake's friend lend it to him. We only took two turns and all the stuff was put into the car and we were ready to go.
A few days back, I along with Jake visited the place to see for ourselves whether it was in good condition or not. The building consists of around 10 or 12 story. The walls were coloured with decent dark maroon and black lining. The two room apartment was fully furnished and had homely vibes to it. The apartment was clean and had no repair issues. The building was not near the road so it was peaceful. No hustle bustle, loud blaring of horns. I was shown three rooms, one on floor 6th , second one on the 8th floor and lastly on the 12th floor. I wanted to isolate myself from this world's humans. The owner did a great job of keeping things in good shape. But unfortunately, we didn't get to meet the owner of the building that day, we were accompanied by his employee. I signed the papers on the spot and was handed over the key and papers of tenant and owner agreement.
"You know how to drive right?," I asked, because he was still underage.
"Yes Maam. And this is the second time i am telling you, we don't have this rule here. I have a driver's license. See," He said, pulling out a card from his wallet and shoving it in front of my eyes for me to see it for once and all.
I nodded still in dilemma. I buckled up and sat quietly in the seat while he started driving the car. I stared outside with my mind blank as buildings passed by us in a blur. We reached the destination in forty minutes, i move forward the belt stretching along with my movements. Even though i have seen it before curiously I look at the building once again. I was feeling anxious for some reason. May be it was because of the new place, which is normal among home sick people.
"Let's go," Jake said, unbuckling his seat belt.
Nodding my head, i grabbed the belt and unbuckled it. Walking out of the car, I helped Jake carry the cartons towards the entrance.
"Do you know from where I can get flower pots?," I asked, pushing the carton in align with others. The causal irregular placement of cartons was triggering my OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
"Yes I do know a few places. I will- " He was cut of my his phone's ringtone. Pulling his pointer finger up in the air, indicating me to wait for a while.
Nodding my head, I started moving the cartons towards the elevator to finish up the work as quickly as possible. I hate procrastinating and if once I get lazy it gets difficult for me to do the work on time. So I prefer to sit, once I am done with my work. Even though i never do a single thing in my home but in general this thing is incorporated in me.
"Here you go. Esme, so sorry. But I am being called to the restaurant, there's some VIPs coming," Jake said, placing the last carton in the elevator and stood with guilt etched into his face.
"Oh that's okay. You have helped me enough. You should go now and good luck! I will handle the rest," I said, patting his shoulder and slightly pushing him off the elevator indicating him to run to his work.
He smiled feeling relaxed, " If you need anything call me okay?," he said, nodding at me.
"Okay I will. And since when you started caring so much?," I asked him out of curiosity. I pressed the button on the elevator before the door started closing.
His lips turn up into a small smile but his eyes held sadness.
"I always wished for my sister to be mature and kind. And I somehow find that wish in you,"
His words coated my heart with warmth. Holding back the tears, I walked towards him and grabbed his palm in mine.
"Even though I am not your soul sister. But I promise I will do everything I can to help all of you," I said, a warm smile on my face. He nodded his head with water in his eyes.
"Okay. I need to go. Bye," He cleared his throat, taking his hand out of my hand and walk-run towards the car.
I chuckled at his embarrassment. He was the sweetest kid I have ever met. Now I have experienced what sibling relationship is like, I desperately wish I had a brother.
"Excuse me? Are you coming?," I heard a voice behind me, making me snap out of my daydream.
Looking back I found a bored woman standing beside my stuff and was pressing the button on the elevator.
"Thank you and sorry for keep you waiting. I was talking to my brother," I explained to her, to lessen the guilt for the wait.
"Oh it's okay dear," she said, softly and went back to texting.
I looked down at the stuff and sighed.
How will I carry them to my room?
By picking up or dragging them against the tiled floor?
I weighed my options as I reached my floor which was on twelfth floor. Placing one carton on the elevator door track so that the door won't close, I pushed and dragged the cartons out of the elevator.
"Phew, now let's find the key," I whispered to myself.
Before you judge me, yes I do talk to myself sometimes. It's a normal thing for the only child who is born to busy parents.
I walked towards my apartment and opened up the door. Putting the bag on the table, i pulled out a mask to cover my nose because of the dust which was tickling my nose hair and erupting sneezes. Too much information, i know.
I walked back to my stuff. Licking my lips wet, I pulled my sleeves up my arm and picked up two cartons at a time which was a big mistake. Because they both were heavy and here I thought I picked up the lighter ones. I was grunting on my way, I couldn't see what was in front of me. And I didn't want to put them on the ground, I just wanted to get it over with.
"Where the heck is the door!?," I grinded my teeth and tilted my neck and spine to get a glimpse of the front but to no avail.
I swear it was just three steps away from the elevator!
"Hello? Miss?," I heard someone call from front.
"Yes? Please can you help me find room 131?," I panted, leaning against the wall.
"Yes sure. Just a second," The man said, footsteps came from behind, as the man passed me I turned to the side to see who this kind man was. But i was only able to see his side profile, wearing a navy blue cap and his brown hair visible.
I heard opening of a door and sound of chair dragging against the floor.
What was he doing?
I was about to call out to the man but heard his footsteps coming my way.
"You can pass me the boxes, i can put them in for you," he offered but i was not going to take help from just anybody whom i don't even know. My bit my lip and straightened my shoulders in defence.
"Ahh. No it's fine. Just tell me where is the door," I said, taking a few steps forward.
"Sure," He said and felt his grabbing the end of my sweater sleeve which had rolled down long way back. He slightly pulled forward indicating me to walk and i did so. He lead me towards the freaking door and stepped aside. I was on the verge of breaking down, my arms felt like they are going to break any second now. So not minding him, i walked past him and almost threw the boxes and myself inside. I lay beside the boxes and took a long deep breath.
"Thank you for-" I was cut off by the sound of a door closing. Raising my head i found the door in front of me closed and saw the shadow of footsteps moving away from the gap under the door.
That must be my neighbour.
I mentally noted to thank him later for the help. Siting upright with a grunt, i again stood up to bring the damn boxes inside.
I was already done with this.
Putting on music on my phone, pulling my hair into a pony tail and i get to work. As i was arranging my stuff, i was once again reminded of my maids- Jasmine, Henley, Harper and Karla. I missed everyone so much. My parents i don't know what they would be going through right now.
Will they be blaming themselves for the forced arrange marriage or beating up Kian for doing this to me?
I wished i should have never said those harsh words to my parents.
But it was not entirely my fault. My parent's also had a role to play in this scheme.
What's so freaking great about business that you choose to neglect your child's wishes and freedom in aspect of their future?
Just thinking about all this brought tears to me eyes and this time i let them loose. The heaviness in my chest was eating me away from the inside.
It's okay to cry. Lessen your burden by pouring out the anger within you.
Jasmine's words rang in my ears and i bawled my eyes out. Screaming, crying, throwing cushions on my bed in anger, i did all the stuff which will help me lessen the pain but all in vein.
All the crying and screaming hurt my head and throat.
Freaking hell.
I cursed as i sniffed, finally stopping after i had a throbbing pain my head. I felt dehydrated from all the water in my body i wasted in crying.
I wish no one heard me screaming or crying out loud as my phone died a while ago so it was me and the silent house only.
What if they did? And still no one came?
What a shit world is this?
I don't even know what i was spewing at the moment so i did one thing which i excel in. Sleeping.
After chugging a bottle of water, i laid in my bed and pulled the duvet up to my face that only my nose and upper face were out of the blanket. I changed the setting of the room, where my bed faces the mirror window and i could see the moon high up in the sky shining brightly as ever.
One theory about humans is true. The sleep you get after you cry is heaven.
That's how i felt as it took me only a few minutes to fall asleep otherwise in normal days- where i don't bawl my eyes out. I have to make fake scenario's in my mind and imagine things that are not going to happen in this world. Like hunting aliens and going after werewolves you know.
Waking up the next morning felt good because of two things;
1st- i have my own house and privacy.
2nd- it's Sunday!
Have a full day off for myself.
Ahh blessing.
I am acting like i have been working for ages now. Whatever i am not going to let anyone bring my mood down.
After making a simple breakfast- omelette, bread and coffee. I was ready to get back to work which was finding information regarding parallel world. Opening my laptop, i connected it to the net which the owner had given connection to all the tenants.
What a thoughtful man.
I found several articles regarding parallel world. Here i thought no such thing existed but after seeing my doppelganger parents and them recognising me meaning i know that indeed i was in a parallel world.
What a twist. I was praying for bringing me out the situation i was stuck in. Lord planned to completely swap me.
Nice game.
Writing down any sensible information i got and found from some anonymous person's comment below an article that for more information i can find the authentic books in a specific library. I typed in the name of the library and found it was in the same city i was in.
Yes!
I did a little dance but soon my sadness came back. What is my life goal right now?
Going back to my real home.
The thought brought back the tears that i pushed last night.
No shut up Esme! Enough. I will not become weak, i have to solve this puzzle. I will, no- I must!
..............