A/N: Apparently my WattpadWeb ain't working, so here's what I had to say in a longer version. I dedicate this chapter to HarshitaNirban for being not only an engaged reader for so long and keeping up with my late publishing, but also for interacting with me and giving me the experience every writer craves ♡♡♡
|12|
I may or may not have ignored blondie for almost a week now. Let me tell y'all how it all even began (yes, I'm aware that I'm a fictional character and you are just bored-outta-your-minds folk laying in your bed and reading all the 100 ways I could fuck up my life).
It all started with that goddamned note. Spectral line my foot, that single piece of paper kept me tangled with my thoughts for a whole damn week. It still does. It's not that I haven't had any past relationships (yes, I'm counting the week-long thing I had in 5th grade. Oh, and that time a red-haired boy asked to marry me in pre-school), or past dopamine fluctuations. Of course I have. But after being focused on my studies and the future I've been planning for so long, something like this seems quite surreal. Never would I have thought in a million years that James, out of all the people in the world, would be able to break through the barrier I've created around myself. So, after moping around and utterly denying my childish crush for the whole night, I decided to try out a hack that never actually ends up working but was still worth a try.
ESCAPE.
ELUDE.
SHUN.
AVOID.
Did it work though? Partially yes. It's not like we had a publicly known friendship anyway, but looking away every time I caught him staring, or mentally smacking myself when I was the one staring became a part of my routine. Cassie was all but amused after being worried sick for two days straight. She knew me too well, the rose tint that covered my cheeks at randomly timed intervals, or the way I not-so-cautiously ignored her endless questions by changing the subject. She knew me too damn well.
Additionally, I didn't show up at the library for our study sessions, like I've been doing for about 2 weeks now. The first day after, James looked at me with concern in his eyes and worry evident in his posture. He wanted to ask, I could see that, but he couldn't. Or wouldn't. I didn't dare try to look too deeply into it, even though that worked for no more than 20 minutes before it was all I could think about for the rest of the day. That day, I wrote a simple note on the last page of my notebook, tore it off, and placed it in James' bag when he wasn't looking during our physics class.
Got something important, won't make it tonight. Or a few days maybe...
-NAJ
The next day, James gave me the cold shoulder. No worried eyes, lingering stares, or even the witty remarks he used to throw at me to brag. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, I figured it was for the best. After all, where would this have led me anyway? What was I even hoping for, if he ever liked me back and that's a big if? To be in a relationship with James, AS IF. I can't even bear his over-dramatic ass for an hour (might've been changing for some time now, would never agree to it though), why am I even wasting my time on it? I hadn't imagined all those movies with girls going mad because they like someone could ever be somewhat real. And even without all my looming dopamine, how long would we have stayed friends? Until it served our common purpose, or perhaps when he's back to the stone-cold bastard he always was.
We are like water and ice, two states of the same composition yet entirely different. One a striking ice-cold soul that doesn't bother with the affairs of the world, and the other whose life moves with the flow of the world. Even so, it does feel interchangeable at times. One intertwined with the other until there is no way to tell them apart, so alike one another that they could be one and the same. The boundaries of their differences fade away until you can't mark the land anymore or imply what lies where. That's the problem with the two people so opposite in demeanor yet made of the same gear.
They always end up immersing with the other, surrendering to their intertwined fate. At least that is what I've read all my life.
Opposites attract but what of those with riveting similarities? How long would they last?
Until they wear each other out or tear the other apart?
And that's what I feared the most, us together, even as friends. I gave it a shot years ago and looking at where it brought us, rivals in a petty game of grades, I felt scared to even befriend him, though I think we've already crossed that point out. At that moment, I wondered if being friendly with him would be worth it or just another one of my attempts at making friends and failing miserably. I certainly do not wish for the latter.
A whole week passed with absolutely no hallway rage or bragging attempts, and this is when I started feeling bad. If I were to redeem myself by making friends with the person I avoided (after talking to them all day long on my first school day), and ghosted them without a reason, I would feel miserable, wouldn't I? Maybe he was trying his shot at redemption, and I ruined it by being wary of his motives (and being semi-smitten with him).
So, on Friday, after school ended, I picked up some groceries, went home, and got to work. After all, he wasn't the only one trying his shot at redemption.
♡
11:45
I'm driving to the school library with windows rolled down and music blasting my eardrums, but it doesn't feel like I thought it would. With guilt and regret being all that I can think about, enjoying the wind or the lyrics of Chloe Ament seem like the last thing I want to do.
I reach the back alley and park my car. Making my way inside with all the confidence I could summon up, I just hope he forgives me for ghosting him like that. I wouldn't forgive me. As I pass by the bleachers, I find the back door locked. SHIT. What if he's not here. I never even realized that he might not come, not after avoiding him for a week straight.
SHIT.
I place my stuff on the cemented floor to take out the keys from my back pocket. After unlocking the very stubborn door, I pick up my stuff and make my way inside. I light up the LEDs in the library in the hopes that James might come, even though the chances of that now seemed to be all but none.
12:05am
I've been sitting here for not more than 10 minutes but it still feels like forever. My gaze is stuck onto the door waiting upon an epiphany, asking fate to be on my side for once. I've been saying that quite a lot nowadays, haven't I?
I've almost lost hope when I hear the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards the room. I look up to find James making his way to the table I'm sat on, unaware of my now very eager figure sitting at the very back. I clear my throat to catch his attention.
"Bloody hell, it's only you. Why do you always have to be so sneaky Jones?", he whisper-yells at me in the most frustratingly calm tone ever.
I look down sheepishly and mutter a timid sorry. He takes careful steps towards me, with an expressionless face (which I realize is not quite possible, poker face maybe). The first thing that comes out of his mouth surprises me beyond measure.
"Are you alright? I mean you didn't come for almost a week so I thought something might have happened."
Concern. That's the first thing he shows after I avoid him for an extremely nonsensical reason. The guilt I've been feeling deepens.
"I-uh, I am-uh completely alright" I whisper, without looking into his eyes. Until I do, all I see is confusion and slight relief.
I continue.
"Well, I might have gone out of my way to overthink some things. And my only resort was to avoid you, mind it I know it was stupid" I say, shrugging my shoulders as if it meant nothing. It didn't.
"What things?"
I glance down at my shoes and entangle my hands together.
"I-umm wasn't sure if you would stay like this for long....like a genuine person. I know it's extremely stupid but we've never been friends and you know it too, not after your first day in middle school anyways. And it got me thinking if it'll end the same way as it did all those years ago. I do realize that you might have just tried redeeming yourself for your past behavior and I might have just stomped on it. I'm so so very sorry!!!"
After an ever-looming silence, I look up to find his face softened up, with a small smile and guilt clear in his eyes.
"I hadn't realized that you thought that way," he says softly.
I look into his eyes and plaster a grin on my face. "It's alright, we can talk about it later. We have all the time in the world. For now, I've got something for you."
Saying this, I run towards the back room. As I gather all of the things for my alleged redemption/surprise gift, I hear impatient shuffling from the library. I make my way back to him, carefully balancing the giant plate in my hands. His back is towards me when I reach halfway and he turns towards me hearing my huffs (from the weight of the tray of course).
Surprise enlightens his face, with a childlike excitement I've never seen in his eyes before.
"Chocolate cake?"
I shrug my shoulders, slightly pushing the candle-lit cake in my hands toward him. I say the next phrase, as more of a question than a statement.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY?"
♡
A/N: This might as well be one of the longest and one of my favourite chapters I've written!!! I do apologise for the delay, again. (My lazy ass has a love-hate relationship with consistency sometimes)
Do vote the story if you liked it. Would mean the world to me :))