He was in a chasm falling endlessly. He tried to shout but his lips were sealed with wire, and when he reached out to touch himself instead he touched the mirror before him. Blinking, he wretched, crawling along the ground, trying to see his hands--fruitless, in the end. Some things were not meant to be seen.
He awoke, crawling, and for a long moment Dascul thought the dream world had finally seeped into the real world. Instead, he realized was just a puppet, and as he looked upon the mound with the red flags and human bones sticking out of the dirt next to bodies half-buried Dascul realized that this was his time.
He began to climb. He heard someone shout; a woman. Selena, probably. She usually kept watch because she said she never had to sleep. They'd taken her up on that bet, then realized that they had been duped: Selena had told the truth.
Each outstretched hand caused him to curl up in pain; each time he took a step he nearly stepped on a needle or a shard or worse. They might have adopted the sheep-mother as their mantra but Dascul and his kin were still human. They were no less susceptible to death than anyone else. Their response to that disease, however, was very different from the norm.
Dascul forced himself to love the climb. He relished at the thought of dying; this was the mind-shift, of which they had been taught to exercise if they ever hoped of proving themselves in fighting or climbing the mound. He searched the top now. Wouldn't be long before he'd reach the mid-point. Then, they would come, as they always did.
Indeed it was Selena who he recognized first. She put a foot on the mound, beaming as she watched Dascul suffer. Dascul tried to ignore her, then others came: Ahn and Furst and Bedial; they were all here, and were now climbing the mound.
Dascul panicked. He began to claw into the ground, losing his sheep-skin, something of an offense but the sheep-mother had told them they had to win no matter what; they had to beat their enemies into the dirt before it was over; in the end this was all she asked of them.
They were approaching fast. Just a little farther, and Dascul would make it to the top. To achieve such a goal would be grandiose; he could see them all now, apologizing to him, groveling.
He was about to cross the last flag when he heard laughing. They were taunting him. Dascul turned, then realized he had failed. He wished he'd never done this. He would have been more patient but the dream had been so strange.
One misstep was all it took. He fell, rolling down the mound. Those of the sheep bellowed in glee. Nothing was better for them than to know they were right and the world was flawed in its grand design.
They pulled him down and threw him at Selena's feet.
"Poor, stupid Dascul."
He reared up. He wanted to fight before he died. He turned to them, then raised his chin in defiance, his hands bound into fists.
"I'll fight you. I'll fight all of you. I'm not afraid to die."
"Clearly not."
Selena snaked past him, running a hand over her scalp. "This isn't going to end well for you."
"Then I will die here and now, under Her gaze."
She stared at him, slightly smiling. Playing with her food.
"Fine. Beat them. Beat me. Then climb the mound. You'll be a hero--a legend. We'll sing songs about you until we're dead and then...then it doesn't matter anymore, does it?"
She took his face and held him close. He could smell her. He could smell the blood and the sweat.
"I feel so sorry for you."
Dascul's world shattered. She kissed him on the cheek and then went off, down the nearest street and then disappearing behind white smoke.
He wondered what it would be like to die.
Bedial striked first, as he liked to do. Dascul was able to step back, then launched himself, catching Bedial off-guard as he fell to the ground, his wind knocked out. Dascul tripped Furst then lashed out at Ahn, scratching him across the face. Ahn reared back, screaming, then Dascul ducked and tackled Terk, the giant brute falling to the mound.
Dascul's feet were heavy, and he was having a hard time breathing. He fell into himself and began to cough until blood trickled down.
"Idiot."
Dascul turned to them, laughing.
"I'll fight--I'll kill all of you! I was visited in the after-sleep! I was visited...and now, I will kill for Her."
He craned his head back.
"Fight me you fucking weaklings!"
Bedial approached, shaking his head.
"Kill me...kill me!"
Bedial let out a long sigh, then punched Ahn where he stood, Ahn falling to the ground with eyes so wide he looked as if he'd seen God. Realizing what was happening, the sheep-men began to fight one another, trying to get the advantage, throwing punch after punch as the receiver absorbed it and made it into his or her own.
More joined in, and more, all battling across the mound, sinking into it, sinking into trash, punching and spitting.
Finally, Dascul fell. The last thing he remembered before being dragged off was how awful the mound smelled.
***
"Get up."
Bedial. He scratched his enormous chin, then spit on the ground next to Dascul's cot.
Dascul tried to get up, wincing.
"Why'd you help me?"
Badial laughed a little. "So quick to judge, so quick to anger. Good old Dascul. Can you tell me why you decided to go try and climb the mound at six o'clock in the morning?"
"I...Bedial, you won't believe it."
"You've already claimed a lot. The sheep-mother does not visit us so easily. Usually it requires...well, a lot of death."
"She comes when she wills it; I know." Dascul sighed. "I was...sick, I think."
Badial snorted.
"I saw her through the reeds. I was hunting, and then she was there. I readied my bow, and I fired. I remember it--oh God, I know I sound insane--"
"Dascul, Dascul..."
Dascul didn't know how much time had passed. He searched around, afraid Selena might be there, come to finish her work.
For Bedial's part he seemed ready to move past all of it. "The air is getting fouler," he said. "We need to keep moving eastward, but I fear the sheep-mother is not with us."
"That's why you saved me."
Bedial frowned. "I saved you because I wanted to. There is no real path to glory, Dascul. It's just a game, to keep us keen, to keep us in-check."
Bedial rose, dusting off the dirt still clinging to his hides. He coughed. "Damn dust everywhere."
"It's the mound; it's supposed to be dirty."
Bedial sighed. "Now I wish I hadn't saved you."
All the colors were new, all the voices alive, electric. Dascul's brothers and sisters were like gods; he wanted to touch them and be satisfied that they loved him as much as he loved them.
Ahn appeared, spitting in front of him, a large gash trailing across his left eye. "Didn't think you'd wake up. I hit you a lot." He sniffed the air. "I guess it's over. We should be looking forward, yes?"
"Yes."
"Selena called us up. She said it's important that you're there."
"Why?"
"Because she said so."
Dascul watched Ahn go, then said, "Should I be worried?"
"No," said Bedial, "but I wouldn't make a habit of making everyone in our pack wish you were dead, yes?"
"Yes."
They went into the city. Dascul listened. His fur kept the cold at bay, but Dascul was already beginning to feel the chill-grip, the wind that was both alive and dead.
The fog began to roll in. Dascul didn't so much as flinch, breathing in the fumes. The smoke heightened his senses, made him see what could only be seen high on the shit.
"If what you are saying is true," Bedial told him, "here is the test. Do you remember what you will have to do?"
Dascul hesitated.
"Kill her."
"Try to kill her. There is no sure path."
A deer stepped into a four-way intersection in front of them. Dascul stopped, entranced by the beast. He heard Bedial say his name but ignored him. Eventually Bedial came up, then followed Dascul's gaze to the deer. He sighed.
"It's not her."
"How do you know?"
"The scrawl says she'll be terrible. A rolling destruction that will reset. She wouldn't just come up to us as an animal."
The deer hadn't moved. It just kept staring, and this and of itself sent a sort of fear into Dascul he'd never experienced before.
The deer sauntered away, grazing every so often.
A pale light leapt across the buildings, the road. Glimmering particles sailed through the air, then settled on the ground.
Dascul drew his knife.
"Dascul, it's nothing."
He crouched, laying low as he made his way across, then turned left to see the deer still there. He shot towards it, but the animal had seemingly been aware of him, bounding off before he could close the gap.
It scurried into an open complex. Dascul marveled at his luck as he delved inside.
Cold and damp, like the rest of the city. He could hear the animal's hooves clicking against the black tile. He twisted the knife in his grasp, then continued. This was his destiny.
"I am God," he whispered.
Flailing in the dark. The thing was whimpering like a child. Dascul edged forward; he was close to the animal now; he could hear it breathing.
"Dascul!"
"I can see it," Dascul whispered. "In my mind."
A snap.
The shot came from somewhere inside the building.
Bedial spit on the ground.
"Shit."
He began to run, fast, and above a murder of crows enveloped the sky, laughing at him, wandering towards oblivion far west towards the sea.
Ahn and a few others were stalking the street. They had been observing the crows when Bedial approached.
"Bedial. Where is our hero of the hour?"
"He is dead."
Ahn snarled, then drew his dagger.
"Who?"
"I don't know. He thought he saw the sheep-mother, then entered into a building. I heard the gunshot after."
"God-damn it. We keep getting picked off. When's the last time anyone's gone up the mound?"
Bedial didn't know, so he stayed silent.
Ahn took the throat of the nearest sheep-man. "Go get Selena, and if you can find him: Shale. Tell them what happened."
The sheep man stared back at Ahn after being released, as if he might attack, but Ahn was too big so the sheep man went on.
"You will only rile them up," Bedial warned Ahn.
"Fine." He laughed. "When was the last time we ever met our match, a force that might break us? We walk among sheep, and..."
"Grow hungry," Bedial offered, and Ahn nodded head vigorously.
"Exactly. I'm going to tell Selena what we should have told her when we came back down from the station: We need to find them. They won't always come to us."
"That will change the doctrine of the sheep-mother. Selena will tell us that our pride will be our undoing."
"I would rather die a king than die a man."
He stalked off, looking towards the horizon as Bedial waited for Selena to come.
When she did, she brought with herself what amounted to a small force.
"Where is he?"
"Who?"
"Dascul."
Bedial nodded towards the building, down the way.
A few of them broke off. A cloud of smoke rolled over them, obscuring them.
"You should have protected him," Selena snapped. "Why did you leave him alone? You know how he is."
"A braggart and a fool? He couldn't even grow a beard. Less a man than a woman."
"I don't care if he was as smooth as a rock--you shouldn't have left him alone. He was obviously tired because of the mound."
"Or tired because of you, and your insistence on staying here."
She drew herself up, then began to pace before him. Bedial did not relent.
"We have wasted too much time on you."
"Stirred by Ahn?" Selena snorted. "Fine. Your words are as hollow as your actions. You do nothing; you are part of whatever problem you've imagined." She came close, then whispered, "At least he tried to go up the mound."
"I saved his life."
"You did nothing. Soon, we will all die, and return to the earth. Fine. But I will not do so until I have sated myself on this world--and Bedial? Please, for both our sakes, if you wish to challenge my authority then do it in front of the rest of them. I am not afraid of you."
He cut at her, hoping to catch her before she could finish her sentiment, but Selena was not so easily felled. She caught Bedial's hand, then pushed him back. He waited for her to draw a weapon. When she did not, Bedial sprung forward, slashing at the air, nearly catching one of her legs.
She was a blur, fast as surging water, dodging every move he made and even catching his hands when they got close enough. She did not hurt him, and with a sickening realization Bedial could see she was toying with him.
"Fight me," Bedial said between breaths.
She kicked him in the shin. Bedial howled, reaching for the pain and instead falling to the street. He began to hyperventilate as he realized what he'd done. He looked up, and there she was, hands bound into fists. Slight of frame but incredible in destruction.
"I am a fool."
She hesitated. Why did she hesitate?
"I might let you live," she said.
"Then I will throw myself in the river, and join the rest of the sheep."
From the darkness appeared two women. They were draped nearly from head to toe in black save for their faces. One was beautiful; the other: terrible, her eyes white-fire and her face melting to the bone. They waited, watching carefully, as if learning, and Bedial knew this was the case, for there, shrouded as she liked to be, was the sheep-mother and her sister: Tavias Ordun.
"It's her," Bedial said, tears running down his face, mingling with sweat. "My god, she's beautiful."
Tavias Ordun laughed. Selena did not seem to hear it.
"Goodbye, Bedial."
Ahn stepped out into the open and watched as Selena began to kick Bedial in the head. He went limp, then she began harder as the rest of them gathered, watching this holy communion. After a while Bedial was so bloodied it was hard to tell if he was still alive or not. Whatever might occur now, he would never be able to hunt with them, and this in and of itself was the death sentence.
Selena spit on the body, then wiped her mouth, chest rising, falling.
"Why?" Ahn asked.
"I did what I had to. I speak now on behalf of the sheep-mother. You might think you are stronger than me, and that might be true, but truth is nothing--only a weakness if applied as Bedial applied it."
Two sheep-men came forth and tossed Dascul alongside Bedial. They seemed like brothers, and maybe this was true in a way.
Selena waited there, watching them both, then muttered fools, and that was it.
"We are going east. I don't know what we'll find. All I know is that is where the monsieurs and Gordon are gathering. We will go east, and there we will enact our great strength."
"This is what Bedial wanted," Ahn said, cautiously.
"Yes."
"Then why?"
She bared her teeth. "Because it had to be my idea."
He did not follow her, instead going to the others and telling them their new orders. Most were pleased, though those closest to Bedial knew what was at stake and why Bedial had suffered the fate he had suffered.
When they returned to the mound both Bedial and Dascul were deposited. There, they would decay, and add to the refuse now barreling up alongside the buildings and towers built by mankind.
That night, they lit torches, and there was Selena, painted red with the blood of Bedial and Dascul and Alora and Sasakan and all the others who had died from natural causes, the enemy, or friends.
"We are going to the mountains," she proclaimed. "We are not sheep. We kill sheep. We kill anyone in our way who seeks to supplant us because we can, not because we are told. Follow me and I will make sure that your death in this hell is worthy. It is the only thing you have control over. Now: fight. Remember what we are and what we will become."
They whistled and howled, baying towards a dead sky, white fog coming and seeping into the ground. Ahn felt his body vibrate; he was in a constant, shifting motion. He could not stop. To stop meant death, now stuck on the side of the mound.
Furg barreled into Ahn. Ahn cried out and bit Furg's ear. Furg managed to decouple himself from Ahn, but Ahn did not relent, punching him in the gut then silencing him with the back of his hand.
Another sheep-man, a blur as he struck Ahn's chest. Ahn shouted, falling to the mound. Something bit at his side; he tried to subdue the hurt but it was impossible, forcing him to shout again. The sheep man laughed; Allas, it looked like; she wore the skin of so many hides it slowed her down, allowing Ahn to roll just as her knee nearly caught his neck. He howled again, gripping whatever was stuck in him and pulling it out.
It was a piece of glass. Ahn tossed it away. He was having a hard time breathing, choking on the smoke, looking up just as Allas bore down on him, her eyes almost completely white.
Ahn's ears rang as he watched Allas fall to the mound. A giant gap was now on the side of her head, blood spilling.
A dog ran out and sank its teeth into Oskaan's gullet, then from the night's stare came the monsieurs. Their machine guns sang against the earth. They had attacked the sheep-herders while they were most vulnerable, and even as Ahn took his knife and sunk it into the neck of a monsieur he knew that they would all die, would never fight on the mound again. Here it would sit for eternity, or until the end.
Ahn ducked low. Gunfire lit up the alleyways, the streets. A dog saunted past Ahn, half its body covered in scratches and oozing cuts, leaving behind a trail of blood.
Something hard landed on the back of Ahn's head. Ahn fell, and when he regained consciousness he witnessed a monsieur, the nozzle of a gun primed on Ahn's forehead.
"What the fuck are you people doing?" asked the monsiuer.
"We were climbing the mound."
"What the fuck is this? Why is this fucking shitpile in the middle of a fucking alley?"
Ahn smiled. "We will kill you one day. It's just a matter of time."
Tavias Ordun blinked once, then smiled.