The relaxing weekend back home was exactly what I needed after a long week at work. My parents and I went golfing, played tennis, and spent time together before I had to go back to the city. I loved being able to get away from the busy, crowded streets of New York to come back to the quiet waves of the ocean. As I was packing my things up, I heard my phone buzz. I quickly ran to answer it, hoping it was Harry. I hadn't heard from him all weekend which caused the weird, queasy feeling in my stomach to worsen.
"Hey, Laur."
"Hey, Row. You coming home today?"
"Yea...what's up?"
"Nothing, just wanted to make sure. Miss ya."
"Ok...I'll see you soon."
That was weird. I looked down at my phone and contemplated the five second phone call. I pushed it from my mind as I headed downstairs to say good bye to my parents. I hugged them each tightly and promised to come back and visit as soon as I had a break from work. I had no idea what this full time editorial position had in store for me.
I peeked out the front window and saw the black SUV waiting in the driveway. I hugged my parents one last time before I left and was greeted by Marsh and jumped into the back of the truck. The back was empty which was odd, considering I was so used to seeing Harry's roses. I paid no mind though as we headed back to New York City.
As soon as the truck came to a stop, we were instantly surrounded by cameras and people. I never saw so many in my life unless Harry was with me. They must have assumed he was because this was crazy. Marsh quickly jumped out and pulled me through the chaos. People were shouting and screaming all at once and I couldn't comprehend a thing. After thanking Marsh for the ride home and the protection, I put putting the key into the front door, something immediately felt off. I couldn't place what was making me feel so off, but the subtle queasy feeling I was having all weekend hit me full force. I dropped my bag and steadied myself on the kitchen counter.
"Hey, Row..."
I didn't answer as I was trying to stop the uneasy feeling from taking over.
"Shit, Row. Are you ok? I hope all this shit didn't kill your weekend home..."
How did she know I wasn't feeling well? I looked at her with a confused look on my face, waiting for an explanation.
"What shit..."
"Fuck, Row. You didn't see all that shit all over the media, did you?"
"What are you talking about?" My mind went to the worst possible scenario. "Is Harry ok??"
"Oh, he's fine...shit. Here, just look...I-I don't even know what to say..."
My hands shook as Laurie handed me her phone. I felt hot and dizzy because Laurie was never at a loss for words on anything.
HARRY STYLES SPOTTED WITH FLEETING EX. WHERE IS HIS AMERICAN GIRL DOLL?
On Friday, Styles and his former supermodel flame were spotted entering his hotel and not emerging until late the next day. The former ex was spotted at their Friday concert in London and was seen leaving with Styles. Styles, who publicly tried to get the ex back last year, was seen smiling and hugging her before disappearing back to his hotel. The two emerged late the next day, with Harry walking very close to the leggy blonde. The runway model was also spotted wearing a different shirt from the one she went in with...could it be one of Harry's infamous white t-shirts? And where is Styles' American Girl Doll, Rowan Emerson?? Emerson was spotted leaving the city Friday afternoon. Was she escaping the city after the story broke? The two were spotted just last month, hand in hand, around New York City. If there wasn't trouble in paradise, there certainly is now. SEE ALL PHOTOS BELOW.
I scrolled down with shaking hands and there they were. Harry and this...this model who was apparently his ex. They were laughing and smiling...their faces were almost touching...leaving the hotel...she had on the white shirt.
Laurie grabbed her phone as I lost all feeling in my hands. I felt sick and short of breath. My face was instantly hot as I felt all the blood rush to my head.
"Row, breathe. You're going to give yourself a panic attack."
I instantly grabbed my chest as it was tightening. Whatever was happening was brand new to me. I tried to catch my breath but it wasn't working. I closed my eyes and tried to take bigger breathes but nothing was working.
Laurie grabbed my arms and I fell into her as I lost all feeling in my legs now. I felt helpless as she dragged me over to the couch. A water bottle appeared in front of me and I tried to lift my arm but nothing was working.
"Ok, Row. Listen to me. You need to breathe. You are having a panic attack. In and out. In and out."
I did as I was told and the tightening relaxed but everything else was shattering. It physically felt like someone was grabbing ahold of my insides and yanking them out. Nothing felt right. I closed my eyes but the pictures I just saw were permanently etched in my eyelids. I opened them and I saw nothing. I wasn't even crying. I just saw nothing.
"Row..."
I looked up at Laurie as if she were a stranger. I tried to comprehend what I had just read but nothing was working in my head.
"Sweetie, I am so so sorry. What can I do?"
Somehow, I found my motor skills and moved to find my phone. I grabbed my bag and ripped it open on the kitchen floor. All my things were scattered but I paid no mind. I found my phone at the bottom of the pile and brought it to life.
Nothing.
I dialed his number and it rang and rang. I must have sat on the floor for an hour hitting redial until Laurie pulled me off the ground and back over to the couch. I sat. Staring into space. Comprehending nothing.
"Row, babe, say something...please...you're scaring me."
I looked at her then turned my head back to whatever I was staring at before. I dropped my phone onto the floor and let my feet take me to my bedroom and sat down on my bed. I wasn't sure what I was thinking. I was pulled from wherever I was in my mind by a ringing noise. It was coming from the living room.
I looked at the door and somewhere in my mind, someone was screaming for me to answer it. The ringing went away then it started again. I didn't move. It stopped ringing again and started again seconds later. Laurie came into my doorframe and I looked up and saw his name flashing on my phone.
"Row, do you want me to answer it?"
I didn't say a word.
I watched Laurie bring it to her ear. She faced away from me as she answered.
"What the fuck do you want, dude?"
I heard him talking on the other end. His voice sounded rushed and loud on the other end.
"She isn't coming to the phone. No. No way, bro. We saw the pictures so you're pretty much fucked. Look, if she ever wants to talk to you again, I am sure she will call you but for now, don't even fucking bother."
Laurie hung up on him, sat the phone on my bedside table, and came and sat down next to me.
"Row, please talk to me."
I got up and grabbed my phone. I walked into the kitchen and it started ringing in my hand again. It was him again. I looked at it one last time before I slammed it down on the kitchen floor. It immediately smashed and the screen cracked. It was still ringing as I picked it up again and did the same thing. I did it until my hand was cut and the phone was quiet. I looked up at Laurie who was watching me with a terrified look on her face. She came over and led me to the bathroom and cleaned out my cut up hand. I watched quietly as she put ointment in the center of my hand.
I left the bathroom and went back into my bedroom. I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling and finally let the first tears fall.