❝he has a mental condition called bakwasemia❞
What possessed humans to invent something as ridiculous as cell phones?
Anabia thought as she tried to ignore the constant buzzing of the outrageous device in her jeans' pocket, while guiding her four year old niece down the snack aisle of the departmental store.
“I hate keeping this mobile phone.” she said through clenched teeth, roaming her eyes around the shelves to look for her favourite canned chips.
“Can I have it then, phuppo?”
Her gaze snapped down to settle on her niece's innocent face who was staring up at her with her big honey brown eyes rounded in anticipation.
“No.”
Her little head dropped in disappointment but Anabia did not fall for it. Jannat Rehman was a little too blessed in the department of childhood charisma, compelling everyone to fall at her bidding.
But Anabia had practised her resistance against her niece's doe-eyed allure.
As she finally caught sight of the item she was looking for and tossed it in the shopping basket hanging off her left arm, her phone buzzed for the hundredth time and she was forced to whip it out of her pocket to finally give whomever it was a piece of her mind.
Anabia opened the group chat responsible for the annoying buzz and furiously started typing out the message, letting go of Jannat's hand in the process.
It was the exact moment when the four year old spotted a life sized panda pushing a shopping trolley at the end of the aisle and her tiny hands flew up to cover the gasp which escaped her in surprise.
She stole a quick glance at Anabia who was engrossed in taking out her anger on the phone's keyboard prior to making a stealthy dash towards the panda.
――✽――
Meanwhile, the panda was rushing around various aisles, dropping anything and everything in sight into the cart. It froze momentarily when a lady passed by before springing back into action and wheeling the shopping trolley towards the exit.
You guessed it right. This panda was attempting robbery in broad daylight.
“It's about damn time!”
The panda heard its partner, who was very much human, exclaim as it made its way over to him and shook its head, resulting in the said head to rotate off the front and stop at the back.
So now the panda was walking forward while its eyes were enjoying the view behind it.
“Shut up.” It grumbled under its breath as it stopped before its friend and rotated the head back to its place.
The friend was ready to throw some insult at it but his chocolate brown eyes snapped down to the panda's feet and grew wide in alarm.
“What the hell!” he cried out, startling the panda, while pointing to its feet. “Tumhay sirf cheezain uthany ko kaha tha, kisi ka bacha nahi!”
[You were only supposed to grab some stuff, not somebody's child!]
Confused, the panda looked down to where its friend was pointing at and found a toddler with golden brown hair and honey brown eyes staring back at it.
The panda's original eyes hidden behind the big fake head widen in shock before it heard its partner say;
“Quit staring at the child like she's something out of a horror movie. You've already scared her enough.”
“What?!” The panda's head rotated three-sixty degrees as it snapped towards its friend in bewilderment and the little girl let out a gasp.
The guy gave the panda a pointed look.
“I wasn't scared… ” The toddler spoke this time, catching their attention. “I just wanted to ask the panda how he is walking on two feet.”
Both of them felt their hearts melt at her sweet yet curious tone before the brown eyed guy decided to crouch down to her level and pass her a grin.
Is he a Disney prince?
Thought the girl as her chubby cheeks flushed red and she nervously twiddled her tiny fingers.
“So you followed him out here?” The guy asked in a friendly manner, earning a double-nod in return. He chuckled before questioning, “What's your name?”
Her eyes stole a quick glance at the panda who was also waiting for her reply and said, “My name is Jannat.”
They exchanged a small look at her response.
“You have a really pretty name, Jannat.” said the guy crouching in front of her with a smile.
“Thank you,” she answered bashfully before saying, “I like your smile.”
Jannat's hands flew to her face as soon as the words came out to cover another gasp while the guy in front of her laughed out loud.
“It was supposed to stay in my head.” she mumbled in embarrassment.
This made him laugh even harder and he stood up to face his friend disguised in the panda suit, his eyes dancing with mirth.
“You see that? And then you have the nerve to ask why I am a ladies' man, Zain.” Leaning towards his panda face, he let a smirk slip onto his lips. “It's all in the smile.”
Zain shoved him away and opened his mouth to spit some insult but a loud female voice cut through the air.
“Oh my God, Jannat!”
Anabia ran towards her niece before dropping on her knees in front of her and engulfing her tiny frame in her arms. Both Zain and Sahad took some cautious steps back.
She then lightly pushed her away and started inspecting her face and arms with frantic eyes.
Jannat knew what was coming ahead.
Taking a huge gulp of air with her eyes closed, Anabia then stared at Jannat's face with a barely restrained glare.
“Jannat, how many times have I told you not to walk away from me whenever we're outside?”
“I don't know all the numbers yet, phuppo.”
Her phuppo did not appreciate her cheeky response so she dropped her head in shame. Anabia's heart softened and she hugged her again while whispering;
“Phuppo ki jaan nikaal deti ho aap.”
[You always scare me to death.]
Jannat wrapped her little arms around her neck to mumble back; “I am sorry, phuppo. It won't happen again.”
Oh, it would definitely happen again but for the time being, Anabia decided to ignore the voice in her head and accepted the vain reassurance.
Then, as if remembering something, her head snapped up to see the guy and panda who were previously standing beside Jannat sneakily making their way away from them and she immediately got up to her feet.
“Stop there, you two!”
The guys froze at their spots for an instance prior to continuing walking at a faster pace.
“Just pretend that we're dead.” Zain muttered.
“You mean deaf, gadhay.” Corrected Sahad.
“Whatever the hell, khotay!” He whisper-shouted in response.
“I said stop, you panda!” Came Anabia's loud voice.
Sahad snatched the trolley from Zain and gave him a shove. “Tumhay bula rahi hai, aur tumhara mera koi vasta nahi.”
[She's calling out to you and you and I have no connection at all.]
Zain gave him a look full of betrayal from behind the panda's head but decided to stop nonetheless. Better make an excuse now and escape than to end up behind the bars for attempted kidnapping and robbing a departmental store.
How did the situation turn this bad? It was supposed to be a harmless dare battle.
Damn you, Sahad Khan.
Letting out a tired sigh, he turned on his heels to come face to face with the woman calling out for him.
“Take off this fake head.” She ordered and he found himself complying like an idiot.
What is wrong with me?!
Anabia was slightly taken aback by the face which emerged out of the panda costume. He looked like a pretty decent fellow. So why was he walking around as if he were a wild pelican on a mission to steal bread and butter for its hungry children at home?
“Wow,” whispered Jannat but they both heard her and she covered her mouth once again.
Zain felt some of the tension leave his shoulders as he smiled at Jannat while shaking his raven black strands out of his face. But it died down when he saw that the lady beside her was not appreciating it.
“What were you doing in that costume?” she asked. His lips pressed into a thin line as he thought of an answer.
Anabia's eyes fell on the tag hanging off the sleeve of the suit before darting towards the end of the street where the other guy was trying (and failing miserably) to hide behind the lamp post and sneaking glances at them with the shopping cart beside him.
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Have you paid for it?” she questioned further and noticed him tensing up.
A-ha! So they were stealing from the store.
“Um… yes?” Zain responded before saying more firmly. “Yes. I have.”
For goodness' sake, stupid! You are a professional liar! Where are those damn skills now?!
To his unfortunate luck, Anabia had already seen through his lie and she raised her brows in challenge.
For a moment, Zain found himself staring dumbly at her expression.
Okay, she was pretty beautiful.
“You stole it, didn't you?”
“Yeah… ” he said without thinking before snapping out of it and staring wide-eyed at her. “I mean, no. No, I did not.”
Anabia held onto her solid staring session until Zain was forced to let out a huge groan of defeat. He twisted his head around and gave his friend a thumbs-down who was still pitifully trying to become one with the lamp post. Sahad gaped at the gesture before glowering at the woman responsible for their unfinished adventure of dares.
Just who does she think she is?
His mind was clouding with irritated thoughts as he dragged his feet to where his idiot of a friend was making googly eyes to that girl and it further fueled his irritation.
“I believe that you are not going to report us to the police… right?” Zain asked while scratching the back of his neck. “As we are coming with you now to return the stuff we collected with no real bad motives.”
A disbelieving scoff left Anabia's lips at his words and she frowned at him.
“You do know that you're making a fool of yourself by saying these things, right? You've been caught red-handed— ”
“Our hands are perfectly clean, miss poke-my-nose-in-other's-business.” Sahad cut her off mid sentence as he stopped beside his friend. “You have no proof that we were actually stealing this stuff.”
Her bright hazel eyes blinked up at him prior to narrowing into angry slits. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and gave him a hard look.
“Mind explaining then why you two were trying to sneak off with the trolley in a direction opposite of the parking lot where most people leave these things after they've put the purchased stuff in their car trunks?”
No response. Complete silence surrounded them as Sahad, despite knowing that she had won the argument before it even began, continued to glare at her and Zain and Jannat found themselves staring at their respective partners with dumbfounded expressions.
Zain quickly snapped out of the stupor the moment he saw his friend's lips moving to spew out another nonsensical sentence and he covered his face with the panda head, catching all of them off guard.
“What the— ”
“Hahahaha!” The green eyed guy started slapping Sahad's back while steering him towards the store entrance. “Do ignore him as he has a mental condition called bakwasemia which makes him say idiotic things. We were going to return the stuff, no?”
Anabia and Jannat shared a strange look at their behaviour and jumped slightly when Sahad accidentally slammed into the glass wall because his eyes could not see at the moment and Zain immediately helped him get through the automatic door before turning his head around to pass them a toothy smile.
Jannat returned it with full enthusiasm.
Anabia, however, questioned his sanity.
She huffed out a breath, grabbed her niece's little hand and marched right after them to see that they actually put the things back or either pay for them.
――✽――
“What do you mean you can't take these things back?”
Zain asked incredulously, leaning towards the manager of the departmental store standing behind the counter.
The manager simply pointed a finger towards a little sign board perched on the counter without any words.
'No Return Policy.' It read.
“But we didn't even pay for it!” cried the green-eyed guy in exasperation. “We stole it.”
Anabia shook her head at him in disdain while Jannat covered her mouth with her hands.
Stealing was a sin. Her mother taught her so. And sins make you go to hell. She did not exactly have the full concept of what hell was but according to her father, it was not somewhere anybody in their right mind would like to end up at.
And she did not even know what 'in their right mind' meant either.
Hell was just bad. Very very bad.
Like your-freshly-bought-ice cream-dropping-on-the-floor, bad.
Meanwhile, Sahad was too stunned to kick his friend in the shin for such a moronic confession. He just could not grasp the reality of whatever was happening right now. Never in his life has he been in such a weird situation before.
The manager was not fazed the slightest bit by his statement. Instead, he typed on the keyboard and tore out the bill for him.
Zain stared at the small piece of paper extended in front of him as if it were a bomb dropped by the Martians.
Sahad finally seemed to snap out of the shock and leapt towards the shopping cart beside him to grab two items.
“You don't expect us to pay for baby diapers and pacifiers now, do you? Because we do not have any sort of children at our house.”
“Maybe you should use them yourselves, then. Your behaviour even justifies their usage.”
Sahad's head snapped around to throw Anabia a very dark glare which she returned with one of her own. Their stare-off was cut off by Zain's snort which he instantly tried to cover with a fake cough.
When Sahad directed the glare at him, he only muttered, “What? That was a good one.”
It was no time to appreciate her lame sense of humour, gadhay!
“Listen up here, rascals,” All of them stiffened at the manager's sudden heavy tone. “Either you pay the bill or work here like slaves for even thinking about stealing from my store.”
“Hey— ” Zain started off in protest but the old man's next words made him go as silent as a mummy.
“If you have any objections to both of these options then the police would be better suited for teenage imbeciles like you.”
“We are not teenagers.” Zain just had to throw it out there.
“More of a pleasure to me then, because I can see you rot in jail for a longer period of time.” The manager almost sounded a little too pleased while saying this.
Alarms went off in the guys' heads because they could not afford involving the police in any circumstances. Their vacation in Canada, as well as their primary job would be in jeopardy if it were to happen.
Sahad clenched his jaw in restrained anger as he mentally started throwing missiles at the infuriating woman responsible for their current situation.
And also at Zain who was still going gaga over her as she stepped forward now, with a hesitant smile on her face.
“Um, may I say something, Mr. Benson?”
Zain's ears perked up at that. So she knew the manager's name? His mind did a quick analysis of this little information and came to the conclusion that she was acquainted with him somehow.
Which meant she came here quite occasionally.
Maybe even every other few days.
Mr. Benson only gave out a faint grunt in response to her question and Anabia's smile turned genuine. She knew how he absolutely hated having her around because she was a little too bubbly for her own good, and that her personality wanted him to dig up a grave for himself because the Grim Reaper was apparently taking too much time.
His words, not hers.
She was going to ask him to let the guys' go (unfortunately) and only have them pay for the stuff they could actually need. She was not doing it because she suddenly had a soft spot for them.
God, no. They were horrible excuses for men she's come across in a long while. The one in the panda costume did have a little decency but the other one?
It seemed like he was raised among a bunch of wild chimpanzees. No shame and manners of conversing with a lady at all.
Anabia just did not want them working here of all places. She visited this departmental store quite frequently, for it was near her art workshop. And also because she liked eating Mr. Benson's ears off with her mindless chatter.
This grumpy old man lived on his own and Anabia was well aware of how lonely he was even if he did not show it.
So having these two around would put a dent in her everyday sunshine rituals.
“I think you— ” she started to speak but Zain cut her off as he slid in front of her, his back covering her view of Mr. Benson completely.
“We will work here.”
“What?!” Sahad bellowed in absolute shock while Anabia's eyes widened as well.
Zain continued without paying any heed to his best friend's cry of protest. “And don't even worry about the salary, Mr. Benson. You can pay us whatever you want.”
“You piece of sh— ” Sahad yanked on to the green-eyed man's panda costume collar but Zain only put a finger to his lips.
“Hey, now. There's a child in our presence.”
Both their eyes snapped down to where Jannat was standing, watching all the drama unfold with an innocent smile on her face and their hearts melted the tiniest bit.
Mr. Benson cleared his throat as he fixed the glasses perched on his nose. “It's settled, then. Six a.m sharp, tomorrow morning. And don't even think about ditching, the CCTV has captured your faces.”
“Aye, sir!” Zain gave him a well practised salute.
“Six a-a.m?” sputtered Sahad as his legs felt like they had turned into jelly.
“Now move out of my sight.” Mr. Benson waved a hand as if he were swatting some flies.
“Aye, aye, sir!”
Zain sharply twirled around on his feet, causing Anabia to take a few surprised steps back. Her expression turned even more appalled the very next moment as Zain leaned towards her a little and said in a low voice so only she could hear.
“I think we'll be seeing a lot of each other for the upcoming days, precioso.”
And then he had the nerve to wink at her.
Wink!
At her!
In the blink of an eye, both guys were out of the store while Anabia stood there with her jaw hanging open in bewilderment. When she snapped out of it, hot rage enveloped her body for even thinking about letting them off the hook.
What did she think again? That the one in the costume had a little decency?
How wrong her judgement has been!
He might as well be the next evil villain this world has ever seen. Hiding in plain sight with those innocent features so no one is ever suspicious of him.
Wait, what? What innocent features?!
She let out an angry groan as she grabbed Jannat's hand and with a bow in Mr. Benson's direction, headed towards the exit.
She needed to reach home and vent all her anger out to her bhabhi.
――✽――
Meanwhile, the two men reached their vacation house. Zain was still in the panda costume but had left the head back at the store, and was skipping towards the lounge room. Sahad was in a state of stupor on the whole way home but Zain's irritating giggles snapped him out of it and a murderous aura surrounded him.
Hamza was coming down the stairs when Sahad walked past him like a man on a mission and said, “Bring me my gun. Now.”
He blinked a couple of times before realisation dawned on him.
“What did this moron do?” he asked, following after him to the lounge room to see Zain in a chokehold by Sahad.
“Ham-zaahh!” Zain managed out between breaths. “He-aaalp!”
He was flailing around his arms like a duck and Hamza passed him an uninterested look prior to flopping down on the couch and turning on the TV.
“I will kill you today, you piece of shît.” Sahad said while increasing the pressure around his neck and Zain finally gave out a dramatic sigh before dropping his head to the side like a dead bird.
He did not forget to stick his tongue out either.
Faris was also coming into the room with his laptop and coffee in hand but one look at the scene in front of him made him turn on his heels and go back upstairs instead.
Sahad let go of his lame dead body and stood up from there. Zain immediately sprang up as well with a huge grin but it slipped off his face when Sahad kicked his knees and he fell down face first with an 'oomph'.
“Meri nazar se dur raho tum tou behtr hai tumhary liye.” Sahad warned as he went out of the room with a glare etched on his face and Zain said after him from his place on the floor;
[You had better stay out of my sight.]
“Andhay ho jao kyun ke mein tou dur nahi rehny wala!”
[Go blind 'cause I sure won't do that!]
He cackled like a witch afterwards and Hamza had to shut him up with a cushion to the face.
Zain was an absolute menace in their lives as everybody could tell.
――✽――
N O T E
Um, hi?
Asslam-o-alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu, my precious, precious bunch of humans!
(Literal tears in my eyes right now because it's been SO long.)
Ahhh, I actually have no words to begin with. Just wanna throw it out here that I've never missed anything in my life as strongly as I've missed being 'shinja' on this platform and interacting with such beautiful souls as yourselves for the past year.
And my, what a year it has been. Most of you are probably aware of my 'disappearing habits' by now (which I constantly tell myself is not a charming quality to possess) but I've been finding it really hard to let go of this habit. Please forgive me :'(
I've seen all the messages on my wall, DMs and even in comments asking about my well being and just want you to know that I truly appreciate this concern for a nobody like me. I mean it. And to answer whether I'm doing fine or not, I'll be honest and say no. I'm not fine. My mental health has deteriorated a lot during the last two months and life has already been a stupid karela study wise even before that.
University life is hell, assignments wise.
And during all these predicaments, being a writer is what I've missed the most. I love writing. It's an escape for me and I love creating my lovely chuzays and doting on them. So having a writer's block where you can't even put a single coherent sentence on paper felt like garbage.
I'm not fully in the writing mode yet so I apologize in advance for making you wait for the next update but do know that HLW is a piece of my heart and I'll never abandon it.
And all other 10 plots waiting to be out of my brain and on my wattpad profile. Even if I disappear for longer than a year, I'll always come back to write :)
Enough emotional cringe drama for now, just remember me in your prayers. I need them the most at this point in life. And now...
How's life treating YOU, loves?
How was the chapter? Do I still have my charm? lol.
I will try my absolute best to reply to your comments despite my brain randomly deciding to give up on me >:)
*Zain after finding a reason to see Anabia every other day*
Bakwasemia. I invented a new disease, people XD
And oh oh! Who loves the new character aesthetics? I know I do! I made all of them even hotter. *smirks*
Chapter Fun Fact(s): This chapter took an entire year to be written.
In the previous version, Zain had body slammed our poor girl to the pavement in that panda costume.
Have a nice day & as always,
Stay blessed ❤️