Anna's POV
I am getting dressed to go to school and remembering the conversation I had with my mom yesterday.
Even though I am not ok with her suggestions, I will have to do it. She is my mother and she is struggling to make ends meet.
I wear ripped blue jeans, a white shirt, a brown duster jacket with grey sneakers. I look in the mirror to check out my face and appearance after dressing up, I need to make up.
I apply a little make-up to my face before going out of my room. I bade mom goodbye and get out of the house to flag down a cab.
I am lucky to get a cab on time. A few minutes later, the cab pulled over in front of the campus. I alight from the cab, pay, and walk-in. I have the intention of talking to Pamela today. I am ready to talk to her about the pregnancy and my decision.
Pamela is a good friend indeed and she understands my silence. She doesn't pressurize me to tell her things that I don't feel like telling her as my mom will do.
Whenever I don't feel like talking, she keeps silent over it too. She knows I will come to her whenever I am ready to talk.
This is one thing my mom doesn't know about me which Pamela got figured out easily.
I feel like talking and Pamela is the right person to talk to, about my fears. She doesn't come to pick me up from home every day and today is one of those days.
Before I know it, I am already in front of the lecture hall. I didn't even realize it because I am lost in my thoughts. I am walking but my mind is elsewhere, thinking about everything mom and I discussed and asking myself if I wanted it too.
Someone grabs my hand before I can step into the empty hall. I turn to see Pamela with a light smile on her face. I am curious about the empty hall and I am about to ask her why the hall is empty and if they have changed the venue for the class.
"The class was called off, I was about to call your phone when I saw you coming this way", she says.
"Oh!" I mutter, feeling relieved that there is no class today. I really don't like school. I go to school because of my mom.
"How come you didn't see me when you came in?" She asks as we move out.
"Where?"
"I was sitting on my car's bonnet, chatting on my phone", she explains.
"Oh, I didn't see you. I was lost in thoughts." I admit.
"Lost in thoughts? Are you sick? Is it the baby?" She asks and stops walking. She watches my face and touches my shoulder.
I grimace and begin to feel emotional at the gesture. Tears well up in my eyes. She notices it and takes my hand, guiding me out.
We walk for a while in silence as I try to control the tears threatening to fall. After a while, we get to a free garden and she helps me to sit. She sits beside me.
She is silent. I ain't expecting her to say something first, I am used to her silence whenever I am like this. I know she is the expectant one, expecting me to tell her what is wrong with me.
"Pam", I finally break down into tears. She hugs me to her body, rubbing her hands on my back in consolation and whispering encouraging words to me.
"I don't know what to do again, Pam", I begin to rant. She isn't saying anything. I know it is her way of telling me to go on. I disengage from the hug and wipe my tears. She offers me her handkerchief.
When my face is dry of tears, I gaze up at her. She smiles at me in encouragement and holds my left hand.
"I don't know what to do, Pam", I begin with a sniff.
"About what?"
"The pregnancy", I tell her. "I am confused with my life. I shouldn't have gone to that party. I should have just stayed at home and cried my eyes out. I didn't know it will turn out this way", more tears trickle down my eyes.
"Shhhh", she hush me up and hug me again. "No more tears and more explanations."
I wipe my tears again, sniff, and turn away from her.
"Are you ready now?" She asks me. I know what she is saying. She is asking me if I am ready to talk about the pregnancy.
She is asking because of my reluctance to discuss it with her. I know if I tell her no, she won't force me to. She will only tell me ok and that will be all till I am ready.
But I really want to talk, I don't know the reason for my hesitation. I want to talk to her because she is my friend and she deserves to know the decisions I took the previous night.
She deserves to know because she has been there for me through the thick and the thin and I also want to know what she thinks of it.
Her opinions will not matter because of my mom but I just want to know what she thinks of it.
"Yes."
"What happened and why are you crying?" She ask.
"I'm just fed up with everything." I reply.
"I know that is the case but something must have triggered it. Is it mom or the baby?"
"No."
"Then what is it?"
"How do I cope with school?"
"That is not a problem", she says with confidence.
I stare at her with a furrowed brow. "How is that not a problem? I will become a laughing stock. When Cameron gets to know, he will be disappointed."
"Is this about Cameron or you?"
I look away guiltily. "Me."
"Cameron is now your past, forget about him. He brought this upon you anyway." She utters with a stern tone.
"I don't know what to do, I don't even know how to find the baby's father."
"You can go for an online course, you know?"
"Online course?" I almost scream. I shake my head at Pam's ignorance. "You know I can't afford that, don't you?"
"I can talk to dad....."
"No, thank you."
"Ok. So what do you intend to do?" She questions, staring at me intensely.
I feel a bit relieved to tell her, even though the solution she is bringing up isn't something I can take.
I know she is trying to tell me to ask her dad for help and if mom gets to know, she will be damn mad at me. She will call me a beggar. My mom is poor but a proud woman.
I don't know if I should go on about telling her what mom and I discussed. I feel ashamed of our decision and I don't know how she will take it.
"Have you spoken to your mom?" She asks as if reading my mind. I nod. "What did she say?"
I fidget with my hands nervously. I am thinking the words will come out easily but it isn't. I am keeping her waiting and I need to say something.
"Anna?" She calls.
I close my eyes and open my mouth. "I want to abort the baby."
****
Will you advice her to abort the baby?
💓