tw: weight insecurities, insecurities in general, breakdowns, unhealthy 'solutions' to weight gain, anxiety, hiding his suffering, eating disorder?
let me know if I missed anything
I haven't really been through a situation exactly like this, but I tried to mush a couple of situations I've been through and people I know have been through, but if anything is wrong and/or offensive, please let me know and I will try my best to fix it!
REMINDER: everyone is beautiful at any weight, as long as you're healthy (or on your way to healthy)
If you're ever feeling down or need someone to talk to, I'm open and will respond when I can :)
requested by: -BabyScar-
Jongho knows he's gained some weight. He knows, so why do people have to comment about it? He knows, he knows, HE KNOWS!!
And it sucks because he even put himself on a bit of a diet, one that his hyungs and ATINY shouldn't pick up on (it's not a diet, he's pretty much only eating when someone's watching), but the number on the scale is still going up. Well, it went down a little bit at first, but now it's increasing again. And he hates it.
He hates that the scale's beep sounds more and more like a laugh every time he hears it, he hates that some random people on the internet saw his weight gain and chose to target him for it, he hates that his hyungs haven't even noticed his struggles even though he's trying his best to hide it, he hates how much they've been eating out or ordering in, he hates how he can't seem to lose weight, he hates that he doesn't look like his hyungs, he hates that he's not pretty enough, he hates, he hates, he HATES-
He hates himself.
The realization makes Jongho softly gasp as he looks up from his phone, he was reading more comments about him from people who didn't even know him, or ATEEZ, or anything. He stands up from the couch and excuses himself to go to the bathroom.
He tries to walk over to the bathroom quickly, but is stopped by his oldest boyfriend. Seonghwa picks him up because he hasn't seen the maknae for more than 10 minutes out of schedules in a while.
"HYUNG," Jongho shrieks, instinctively wrapping his arms around Seonghwa's neck, "Hyung! Aren't I too heavy to be picked up?"
Seonghwa immediately shakes his head.
"Of course not baby," Seonghwa says and he puts his youngest boyfriend back on the ground, "why would you think that?"
"O-oh... N-no re-reason!"
Jongho turns away from his confused boyfriend and quickly continues on his journey to the bathroom.
"Oh hey," Hongjoong calls, trying to get his maknae's attention, "Jongho can you- oh, nevermind I guess."
Jongho tries to push away the guilt he's feeling about ignoring his leader as the other two watch on in confusion.
.
.
.
Seonghwa watches as Jongho rushes into the bathroom and shuts the door, almost slamming it, and then turns to Hongjoong.
"Hyung," the leader hesitantly starts, "I have a feeling something's wrong with our Jongho."
Seonghwa nods in agreement and grabs Hongjoong's hand, dragging him into the living room where all of the other members are gathered already.
.
.
.
Jongho flinches at the sound of the door shutting, but shakes it off as he looks at the scale.
It's like it's mocking him.
"Oh back already? You really think your fat self can change that quickly? Dumb ass crybaby Jongho thinks he got pretty in 13 hours? This should be entertaining."
Jongho knows it's all in his head, he KNOWS, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
He takes a deep breath and steps onto the scale, closing his eyes as he remembers the number from last time.
He's shaken out of his thoughts when he hears that laug- beep from the scale.
He looks down and
no
n-no
no-no
NO.
HOW?
How did it go up so much?
He barely registers falling to his knees.
He vaguely realizes he's crying.
He's scared.
He's angry.
He's sad.
He's hopeless.
H-he's ugly.
Why can't he lose weight?
Why can't he look like his hyungs?
Why can't he be beautiful?
He's sobbing.
When did he start sobbing?
He's shaking.
When did he start shaking?
He can't breathe.
Why can't he breathe?
He thinks he hears Yeosang's voice calling his name, but why would Yeosang be calling his name? Why would Yeosang care? Why would any of them care? They're all talented and gorgeous. And he's not. He's just- he's just...
"JONGHO"
.
.
.
.
Yeosang and Seonghwa are the two chosen to check on Jongho. And good thing they go to check on him because Yeosang hears sobbing as they approach the bathroom door. He runs ahead of Seonghwa and knocks on the door.
"Jongho? Baby? Are you ok?"
Of course he's not ok Yeosang, what do you think he's doing, sobbing for fun?
Yeosang shakes his thoughts away and decides to open the door, not prepared for the sight in front of him...
"JONGHO!!"
.
.
.
.
.
Mingi isn't crying. He really isn't. Not one tear.
Ok, maybe he is. Only a little bit though.
It really is only a little bit, just because their strong maknae, their youngest boyfriend, is unconscious in Yeosang's arms with obvious tear streaks across his cheeks.
"Jongho! Yeoseang hyung," San whisper shouts as he takes Jongho to lay on his lap, "what happened?!?!"
"I walked into the bathroom just as he was collapsing onto the scale. He was obviously panicking about something and was already on the ground, but passed out shortly after I walked in."
"Wait," Seonghwa interrupts, which he never usually does, so that means what he's about to say is important "the scale? Just a few seconds before he went in the bathroom he asked me if he was too heavy- You don't think he-"
"Well, hyung," Yunho speaks up, "we haven't been eating the healthiest lately and non-atinys have always been not so nice about his weight, maybe they got worse with the comments."
Wooyoung pulls out his phone to check if Yunho's suspicions are true and sure enough-
"Oh my God these are horrible."
The boys gather around Wooyoung, San was already next to him with Jongho on his lap, and peer over his shoulder. And they all agree with Wooyoung's original statement. They're horrible.
They then break into a plan on how to confront their youngest boyfriend and try and fix their self harming eating habits.
.
.
.
.
Jongho wakes up on San's lap. At first he snuggles further into San's lap, making the older smile softly at his adorable boyfriend, but a couple minutes later the maknae registers where he is. And whose lap he's on.
Wait. LAP??
Jongho, suddenly afraid he'll crush the other, scrambles to get off of San's lap, alerting everyone in the room. San and Wooyoung automatically grab onto him and Seonghwa shows up to do his motherly magic.
In less than two minutes, Jongho is once again settled into San's lap.
He softly cries as he explains everything to his boyfriends, tired of feeling alone even when he knows they love and care for him.
.
.
.
Now it's the next day and they initiate their plan for eating healthier. They have a month long break, except for a few schedules here and there, so it's the perfect time to try out this plan.
Seonghwa and Wooyoung are preparing breakfast while Yeosang is sat at the dining room table with their youngest on his lap.
At first Jongho argued against sitting on the older's lap, but he quickly lost that argument. So now he's a blushing mess sitting on Yeosang's lap as the man showers the maknae in compliments and kisses.
They all have a long way to go, but this is an amazing start.
🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧
a/n: should I make a part 2?
fun fact: pistachios are technically fruit
Do you like pistachios?
🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧