i'm back :) with i a new hurt/comfort fic! i honestly don't know what to think of it, but i hope yall like it anyway.
- title from the song "coffin" from jessie reyez! i saw her live as the opening for billie eilish and she has some really good songs, so check her songs out sometime :)
- sorry in advance for any mistakes, english isn't my native langauge so there might be some grammar mistakes!
- tw; abusive parent (mention of drugs and alcohol) and injuries, both not that explicit but just to make sure! stay safe!
"Let me go!", his own voice voice echoing in Simon's mind, while the tears that fell from his eyes as a waterfall and burned a little in the open cut on his cheeck. It was small, but it was there. Simon never felt fully safe around Micke since he became addicted to his medication and booze, but something in his dad's eyes made him believe there was still a sparkly of hope this time. That hope was now gone, maybe forever. It was stupid to think it would be anything different.
After everything...after the video, he seeked the comfort of someone that was once his dad, and decided to go to his apartment, lying to his mom, saying he was going to Ayub's. She raised her eyebrow a little, confused by why he wanted to go at almost 9pm, but she trusted her kid with everything. Simon deserved to have more time with his childhood friends.
In a nutshell, it went bad. Even more worse then Simon had ever seen coming. Micke kept talking about how he saw his son on the newspaper, along with the Prince, talking about it like it was some stupid joke. Simon got enough of it, and took his bag and coat, reaching for the door, until his dad got mad (again).
Simon left, sobbing the second the door was finally closed behind him, literally and figuratively. Some passangers walking by looked at him, and at this point Simon didn't know if it was from the video, or because he looked like a crying mess.
He couldn't go home. He couldn't face his mother face and the dissapointment of Sara's. It would be too much, and Simon honestly still didn't know what all just happenned. He seeked comfort. From anything, or anyone, even the worst option. Maybe even the worse option the most.
That's how he ended up here, with dried tears on his cheeck, red eyes from all the crying and a head full of worries, standing infront of Wilhelm's window. Maybe this would make the worries even bigger, but it was a risk that he wanted to, needed to, take.
Simon knocked on the thin window a couple times and stood still and scared. A familair face appeared, with a different hairstyle, looking confused, and most of all worried. Wilhelm opened the window almost immidiatly.
"Hi", Simon said with a small voice, barely above a whispering, breaking the silenced seconds. Wilhelm stood there perplex, before saying "Simon- what happenned? Are you okay? Come in.", while tugging lightly at Simon's tears-drenched sweater paws.
It took a little bit of stumbeling, but after a couple tries Simon stood in Wilhelm's room, with big afraid dark eyes, looking anywhere but the other's boys eyes. There was an akward feeling around them, which still hurts even if it's what they both expected from this sitaution.
"I just- I'm-", Simon started, the words not coming out of his mouth, how hard he tried. His eyes now fell all around Wilhelm's room, looking so anxious that it made Wilhelm's heart break even further. His eyes started to water again, he didn't want to feel weak, crying infront of Wilhelm, but he couldn't hold it back anymore.
"Hey", Wille said, slowly rubbing his hand on Simon's right arm, trying to comfort him. He wanted to hug him, but didn't know what Simon's boundaries were given the sitaution they were in.
"It's okay", Simon sniffled. "It doesn't look okay", Wilhelm said, looking at Simon's face and the cut on his left cheeck. There was more, but Simon didn't want to bother the Prince more then he already did.
Simon made eye contact with Wille for the first time that night, and he felt safe. It sounds corny, but it did feel like coming home, even though the house was half broken.
"I have a small first aid kit in my bathroom", thank god he had a small bathroom of his own, Simon thought. "I can disinfect it if you want?", Wille asked with a voice so small. He felt helpless, and thought Simon didn't want to go get Malin during this vunerable moment.
"Mhm", the curly-haired boy replied, looking at the ground once again. He was glad Wilhelm didn't push him to answer why he got the bruises and cuts in the first place. It was too early to talk, or even think about it more.
Wilhelm finally dropped his hand from Simon's arm, and went into the bathroom, coming back a couple seconds later with a small kit with only a few things in it. Simon ignored the warmt that remained on his arm. He missed that touch more then he would admit to anyone.
"Let me look at that", Wilhelm said, sort of akward, taking the disinfectant spray and a paper towel. He gently placed a coupld fingers under Simon's chin, and lifted his head so he could look better on the cut. He sprayed some of the spray on his cheeck, carefully so it didn't get into Simon's eyes.
Simon hissed a little bit at the cold feeling, but didn't say anything. He had so many things he wanted to say that he didn't know where to start, so he decided to not say anything before he makes any more stupid mistakes.
"Anywhere else?", Wilhelm asked with a small smile, referring to Simon's injuries. Simon hesitated for a bit, before pointing at the side of his thigh, just above his knee. It was a weird place to get injured, but Simon felt too stupid to say he fell somehow from the last steps of the apartement stairs.
"Okay", Wilhelm said, waiting patiently. "Oh yeah sorry", Simon apologized, trying to roll up his jeans, which failed miserable. Wille chuckled. "I don't think it will work like that Simon". Wilhelm saying his name made Simon feel a warmth in his chest. This felt so different then before Chirstmas, and akward to pull his jeans down infront of him (yes even though Wille had seen much more). He didn't really have a better choice.
He tried to slowly get out of his jeans, which also failed. Wilhelm smiled at him (oh how Simon want to kiss that smile of his face...). "Is it okay if I help?", Wilhelm asked insecure with a small voice. Simon nodded, "Thanks", he said dry but with a sweet tone.
Simon felt like a child for being nervous about this, like the literal whole world didn't know that Wilhelm saw more of him, and reversed. They couldn't possible pull their pants faster down then, and this felt weirdly enough more intimate in the dim light coming from Wilhelm's bathroom. Wille carefully pulled Simon's jeans down, not wanting to make the little cuts hurt more. The gentleness of Wilhelm honestly made Simon want to cry more.
After a long two minutes, Simon's jeans where off and he slowly sat on Wilhelm's bed with his boxers on. Wille looked at the scrapes on his thigh, and he almost shed a tear just looking at Simon being hurt. He didn't know what (or who) hapenned, but it was painful for Wilhelm to see. Who hurted the boy he loved?
"What happened Simon?", he asked with a shaking voice, looking at the little scrapes and cuts with still a little blood on. "It's nothing", Simon decided to answer after a while, trying playing it cool, but Wille could see right trough him. It was a blessing and a curse at the same time. "Simon-", Wilhelm started, voice a little louder now. "It's fine, okay?", the other boy said with a urgent, almost angry tone. "You left me remember? Don't act like you care.", Simon said, his own words hurting in his soul. Wilhelm's gaze changed in a even more sad one, and avoided eye contact.
"Sorry", Simon mumbled a couple minutes later, when Wilhelm was almost done with disinfecting the wound and putting a bangage over it. It wasn't of high quality, and it won't last long, but it was something for now. "It's okay. I get that you're mad.", Wilhelm said with a new sort of understanding in his voice that Simon didn't hear alot, but liked hearing.
"But you have to know I do care about you.", Wilhelm said. "Even though I know it didn't always look like it", he added after a few seconds silence. He knew that he broke Simon's heart, and his own heart also broke because of it. It made him feel so mad and wished he could somehow turn back the time and start it all over again, the right way now. The way he always wanted to. The way with Simon by his side forever.
"I know. Sorry", Simon apologized again. "You have nothing to he sorry about Simon.", the Prince replied almost instanly, finishing up the bandage, looking at it before saying a quick all done to the other boy, who now felt more nakes then ever, standing in his boxers and oversized sweater in the middle of Wilhelm's dormroom.
"Uhm, I'll just-", Simon stuttered, reaching out for his jeans with a few little blood stains on it now. You couldn't really see it when you didn't pay attention to it, but still. "Wait, I can give you a pair of sweatpants of me if you want? If you're comfortable with that- I didn't mean to-", Wilhelm rambled, saying the worlds all like one long sentence.
"It's okay Wille, but I think I should head home. I think mama and Sara are sleeping now, I can probably just sneak back in.", Simon said, half the truth half a lie. The truth was that yes he could sneak back in, the lie was that either Sara or his mom will notice, and they will ask questions about the clearly visible cut on Simon's red cheeck from the beer glass hitting his face.
They looked at each other for a few seconds, both not really knowing waht to do or say next, until Wille broke the silence that fell over them. "You can sleep here if you want?", Wilhelm asked, which made Simon raise his eyebrows. "I mean- I have a spare bed so...I thought that maybe you don't want to go home right now.", Wilhelm said, voice so low, like he wanted to make sure Simon was the only one hearing that.
Let's be real, they didn't hug or kiss or did anything pyschial for the last 5 weeks. Ofcourse Wilhelm wanted to have the other boy close to him in his bed or kiss him until his lips are bruised. But, he couldn't. He couldn't for so many reasons. The most important reason: all that mattered now was Simon, and what he wanted. It wasn't about Wilhelm's own feelings this time, but about Simon's.
"Uhm-", Simon said, still thinking about the offer. Yes, he didn't want to go home and yes he lowkey wanted to stay with Wilhelm who's been oh so gentle with him for the past hour, but he also knew that it wasn't the best idea with Wilhelm being in the same room again, even if it were seperate beds.
"Only if you're okay with it.", Simon replied, which made Wilhelm smile and nod his head. He walked up to his closet and looked around for a bit, to then take grey sweatpants that were a bit too small for himself (so it would fit better on Simon). Wille noticed that purple is a comfort color for Simon, if that's even a thing, so he took a purple t-shirt from him. It gave him instant flash backs to the day he saw the video, wearing the same shirt. He tried to push those thoughts aside.
Simon looked akwardly around, holding his hands for his body, quickly taking the sweatpants and shirt that Wilhelm chose for him to the bathroom to change.
He shut the door behind him, looking in the mirror after changing in the soft clothes, feeling a warm feeling spreading in his body. He stared at himself. So much had hapenned in just a few hours and he felt a relieve wash over him. He felt safe again, after feeling maybe the most scared he had ever been. He couldn't shake the feelings he still felt so intense for Wilhelm off of him. He tried (and failed).
Simon opened the door, and saw Wilhelm sitting on his bed with his pyamas. It was an adorable sight, and Simon tried to not smile. He still felt hurt about everything, and how Wille denied them, but this somehow felt like a start of change. Maybe something good.
"Hey", Wilhelm said when he noticed Simon, with one of those comforting smiles on his face that made Simon's knees feel weak. "Hey", Simon replied, taking his phome out of his jeans to type a quick messags to his mom that he's spending the night at Ayub's. He didn't like lying to her, but it was for the best this time.
They both got under the covers, in their seperates bed, as Wilhelm switched the light switch, and it was completely dark in the room.
Simon was laying on his side, staring at the wall. He felt so lonely, even though Wilhelm was only a couple meters away from him. After 10 minutes of staring, Simon broke the silence. "Wille?", he whispered in the darkness.
"Yeah?", he said, and sounded just like Simon. Wide awake. "I- thank you. For helping me." "Ofcourse I did, Simon.", Wilhelm replied, until Simon made the oh so stupid desicion of standing up, out of the spare bed, walking towards Wilhelm's bed.
"Wille?", Simon said again. Wilhelm could hear that Simon was way closer now, and tried to find the light switch of his nightlight. Once he found that, he saw Simon standing close to him, with his, Wilhelm's, clothes and his curls all messy. He looked so beautiful.
"Hey.", Wilhelm said, sitting against his wall, when he saw Simon slowly breaking down, until he started to cry. Simon didn't want to cry, but he couldn't hold it back anymore. It was all too much and everything hurted. Wilhelm patted the space next to him, already opening his arms for Simon.
"I'm so scared, I'm so scared-", Simon whispered again and again with a panic in his voice. He was so scared of Micke, of what mama and Sara would say, of himself, of August, of everything. Simon was sobbing in Wilhelm's arms, his face in the crook of his neck.
"Shh, you're safe now.", Wilhelm said, playing with Simon's curls between his fingers. "I hate him", Simon said with a shaking and scared, but also angry voice while cluning to Wilhelm's frama like his life depended on it. "You can talk about it if you want.", Wille ended up saying, rubbing small cicrcles on Simon's back.
Simon nodded, and untangled his limbs from Wilhelm. Wille took Simon's hands, and that small simple touch made Simon feel more at ease. "I went to visit him, my dad. It was alright at first but then I started to notice he acted weird, and he started to talk about- about the video.", Wilhelm nodded and tightened his grip on Simon's hands while Simon continued with his story, trying to explain without falling apart. Again. "He said all these things about me and about you and about us. I started to get pissed at him when he didn't stopped so I wanted to go. I took my bag and I wanted to get out but then he- he-...He grabbed me and started to scream at me for leaving him behind again. I was so done so I tried to push him away, but then he took the beer he was sipping on and threw it in my direction. I was so scared so I ran and I tripped on the way out.", Simon took a deep breath out.
"I wanted to walk back home but I just couldn't. Wille I couldn't. I- I-", he said, the words not coming out of his mouth as a tear fell from his eye on his cheeck. "It's okay Simon. You're safe.", Wilhelm comforted him, giving the boy a tight hug. Simon still felt so confused about all of this, but was way too tired to talk about it more right now or to be mad at Wilhelm for what happenned. He craved Wilhelm's touch for too long and too much for it to be gone again, atleast not tonight.
"You want to sleep?", Wilhelm asked, and he could feel Simon nodding against his chest. Simon backed away a little, and tried to get up from Wilhelm's bed, when he felt a hand on his arm, a light touch that said more then hundred words. He looked down and say Wille looking at him. "I don't want you to go.", he said, barely above a whisper.
"I won't.", Simon said, sitting back down, feeling butterflies in his stumach flying around as Wilhelm gently placed his hand on Simon's cheeck, and got closer and closer, until they both closed their eyes and their lips reconnected for the first time in weeks. Oh how Simon missed those lips, even if he didn't admit it to anyone, not even to himself.
Simon knew this was a mistake, and they shouldn't do this, but his heart said otherwise as he deepened the kiss and tangled his hands in Wilhelm's hair. They parted to catch their breaths, foreheads against each other, breathing each other's air. It may sounds weird, but it was them.
They got tangled up in Wilhelm's bed, and secretly in the back of Simon's mind, he was wishing they would end up like this. Simon's head was on Wilhelm's chest and his arm was losely around Simon's hip. It felt peaceful, and real. If Simon woke up from a nightmare, something that happenned alot recently, he knew he would be safe. Wilhelm told him that, and now, something about the way he said it made him believe it.
It looked like Simon drifted off to sleep pretty quickly, before he heard a quiet "I love you" whispered in his ear. He wasn't ready to say it back yet. He just hugged Wille a little tighter, and had a night without nightmares for the first time in weeks.
end notes; i hope you liked it! i would really like to see what you think of it or requests in the comments :)
my twitter; wilmcnhugs, were i'm most active on and mostly scream about how pretty omar is