I was starting to grow more nervous about college as time went on. Thinking that I was going to start lessons in three days made me feel physically ill. I'd even started getting panic attacks, something I hadn't had since the breakup.
I'd been suffering from anxiety since I was in middle school, and throughout the years I'd learnt how to manage it and cope with it. But in moments like those, full of stressful events, it always felt like all the years of therapy were totally useless.
And the fact that I was completely alone in a huge city wasn't really helping. I couldn't even call my parents because I didn't want to prove they were right. I knew they weren't right but in that moment it kind of felt like it.
The only person I thought would be a good idea to call was Vic, my best friend.
We'd been friends for about four years by then, but it honestly felt like way more. We started to get along with each other as soon as we met and hadn't stopped since.
She's the person who got me through most of the problems I was having in high school. As much as I felt alone during those times I knew I could always count on her.
It was harder to leave her behind than anyone else, but we agreed that we would always remain in contact and see each other as much as possible, even though we went from being ten minutes apart to being four hours apart, since she'd also moved to another city.
you: you busy?
vic<3 : does watching ocean's 8 for the fifth time count as busy?
you: hmm, not sure about that
vic<3 : well i guess not then lol
you: in that case, if you don't mind leaving sarah paulson for a while, can i call you?
vic<3: but you KNOW how much i love sarah paulsonn
you : ....
vic<3: lmao just kidding, ofc:')
Still laughing at Vic's texts I went to the bedroom, where the lighting was better, and pressed the FaceTime call button.
"Hi! What's up? " the dark and curly haired girl said as soon as she picked up, looking as radiant as she always does.
"Hi! Uhm, I guess I just felt like talking to someone and I know I can always count on you...my anxiety has been going insane lately and I'm having trouble handling it" I replied with a more serious look.
"Oh no... is it because of college? New city and everything?"
"Yeah. Definitely"
"I get that. I told you how bad I felt last week because I was scared of being alone in university and stuff"
"Yeah. How's it going? Please tell me it's not as bad as I think it is"
"I am pleased to tell you that it's all going fine, way better than I thought it would! I already made two friends and the professors I've met in these few days seem great! So yeah, I know it's hard to do but try not to stress out to much. I'm sure it'll be fine" she reassured me.
"Oh wow, I'm so glad to hear that Vic." I said, feeling relieved. "I'm just worried I'll end up alone and stuff. I'm not sure I'm good at approaching people"
"I admit you can be a bit awkward at times..."
"That's not helping"
"... but that makes you even cuter. Of course people will want to approach you"
"Are you like... flirting with me?" I jokingly said.
We would always do stuff like that, it was really no big deal. Vic was actually the person who helped me explore and accept my sexuality. She came out as queer like two years before.
"Stop it, you know what I meant!" she said as we both burst out laughing.
"Speaking of..." she added.
"Yeah?"
"What about the hot neighbour you told me about last week?" she asked, playfully wiggling an eyebrow.
"Seriously?" I just said, covering my face with my hand.
"Yeah! You sounded pretty enthusiastic about her, you know"
"Well, I haven't seen her since so that's that. Probably busy with college, she must be in her last year or something... she looks a few years older than us"
"Oh, a milf" she said with a very serious look on her face.
"Stop it!" I shook my head.
"What? It's true"
"I literally said a few years older, not twenty years older. Anyway, she's definitely too attractive for me to even approach her"
"I swear if you don't stop saying things like these..."
"It's lowkey true, though"
"You know it isn't"
"Whatever you say. You know what?"
"What?"
"I think your motivational talk has motivated me to have a mysterious New York girl walk and to go behave like a mysterious New York girl in a café. If you know what I mean"
"I perfectly do" my friend said with a laugh. "You should go. You might meet your hot neighbour on the way"
"Oh shut up Vic" I said starting to laugh. "I'll let you finish watching Ocean's 8, then"
"That's honestly all I was waiting for"
"You're so annoying sometimes, you know? But I guess that's why I love you"
"I love you too girl, let me know if you meet anyone interesting" she continued, the both of us still laughing.
"I most certainly will"
"Good. Bye then!"
"Bye Vic" I replied chuckling, pressing the 'end call' button.
I honestly was so glad to have her in my life.
I got up from the position I'd been in for the past hour on top of my bed, my legs had gone slightly numb because of it.
I wore a white short-sleeved shirt and an ankle length dark green skirt, completing the outfit with my favorite pair of earrings, which resembled pairs of cherries. They never failed to make me look like the cottage-core girl I always wanted to be.
As I walked down the stairs I passed in front of the "hot neighbor's" apartment and wondered how come I actually hadn't seen her anymore. She really must have been busy. Or maybe she just didn't like going out, I guessed.
I'd previously searched for nearby cafes, and I found this really cute place that was just a ten minute walk from the building.
I figured it'd be nice to explore my neighborhood after weeks of being there.
The color of the leaves on the few trees in the area was starting to change from bright green to light brown, and the temperatures were slowly dropping. It was actually pleasant, I wished the weather was like that all year long.
"Hi, good morning" I said as I entered the café.
There were cute little plants all over the place, the atmosphere was really comforting.
"Hi! What can I get you?" the pink haired barista asked.
"Uhm, I'll have an iced latte and a blueberry muffin"
"Sure! Do you want the latte with regular milk or?"
"Oh, I'll have it with oat milk"
"Perfect"
As I headed to the nearest free table and sat down, waiting for my order to be ready, I spotted a familiar figure entering the shop.
It was Sam.
She was wearing a short cropped vest with a blazer on top and black pants. I noticed she was also wearing high heel shoes, higher than any kind of heel I'd be comfortable wearing.
I kind of didn't know what to do. Wait for her to order and just see if she noticed me or approached her? If I did approach her I probably would have made a fool of myself, considering the social skills I had in front of her the other day.
I must have been staring at her without realizing it, as she suddenly turned around, and for a second we embarrassingly made eye contact.
Actually, I was probably the only one to feel embarrassed. I'd only met her once but she really seemed to be the confident type of person.
As soon as she collected her order she headed towards me, lowering her sunglasses from her eyes.
"Fancy seeing you here" she said.
"Hi!" I replied, not knowing what else to say. I hoped I didn't seem too excited to see her. "How's it going?"
My palms started to feel sweaty and my heart rate fastened. I couldn't understand if it was because of my social anxiety or just because she was so attractive she made me panic.
"I'm good, thanks. Honestly already exhausted because of work but good. You?"
Speaking of work, I really needed to get a side job too, so I kind of wanted to ask her how she found a job as a student and stuff. But she looked quite restless for some reason, so I figured out she probably didn't want to talk about that.
"I'm fine, thanks. You can sit here if you want" I said pointing at the chair in front of mine.
I probably wouldn't have been able to form a proper sentence without messing all the words up if she'd actually joined me, but I wanted to seem polite.
"I'm kind of in a rush at the moment. As I said I've got lots to do at work. We can catch up sometime though"
"Yeah, I'd be glad to! You know where to find me, I guess" I joked.
She actually wanted to spend time with me?
She was probably just making fun of me. It seemed impossible to me that such a stunning and probably popular woman wanted to spend time with me, an awkward girl who barely even knew what she was doing.
"Of course" she said putting her sunglasses back on. "See you, then" she added, heading out.
I wondered if she always was that serious or if I'd said something wrong. Or maybe she was just stressed. At least, that's what I was hoping.
I went home feeling a bit more relaxed. Still anxious, but not so on edge. I stopped convincing myself that I'd end up alone throughout all college.
I figured out a lazy movie night wouldn't do me any harm, so after I'd had something to eat I changed into my pajamas and settled on the couch, ready to probably fall asleep after ten minutes of whatever movie I chose to watch.
Until I suddenly heard someone knocking on my door. Which led me to panicking, because who the hell knew who lived in this apartment apart from myself?
I didn't even know if I was supposed to open or to just ignore whoever it was, since they were probably playing a prank or thought my flat was someone else's.
I decided to open, just in case.
And that was probably the right decision.
I found myself face to face with Sam. She was dressed as if she was ready to go out. Her black top was barely covering her torso, allowing her cleavage to be exposed.
"Did I startle you? I'm sorry if I did" she chuckled
"Uh... no, don't worry. I was just... I mean... never mind. What's up?" I blurted, feeling ridiculous and trying to look confident in front of her, even if I felt immensely intimidated.
I kind of wished I could have digged a hole in the floor and hide in it for a week, to be honest. My cheeks felt like they were going to burn.
"I was supposed to go to the bar down the road but my friend stood me up at the last time"
"Oh" I just said.
"I don't feel like going alone though. I was wondering if you wanted to come along, if you're not already busy with something better..." she said as her eyes scammed my body, probably judging my questionable outfit. "Nice shirt" she sarcastically added.
I admit that a Donald Duck worn out t-shirt I've been wearing since I was sixteen years old wasn't the greatest fashion choice. But at least it was comfortable.
"It's just a pajama top, I..."
"I was just kidding" she said laughing. "So, are you coming?"
"Uh... I guess I could. I just need to get ready. I won't be long"
"Sure thing. We can meet in front of my flat in like half an hour"
"Ok, sounds good" I replied as she gestured an 'okay' sign and started to walk down the stairs.
What the fuck was I doing?
I'd barely even ever gone to a bar and I wasn't allowed to drink. Did she think I was over twenty-one?
First thing I did was text Vic. I knew she'd answer right away.
You: VIC
vic<3 : what's up???
You: i have a problem
You: well not really
vic<3: once again, do u mind telling me what's going on?
You: hot neighbor sam asked if i want to go to the bar with her. her friend stood her up and she doesn't wanna go alone
vic<3: OMG???? what did u say
You: i said yes but how tf am i supposed to act and how tf am i supposed to dress
vic<3: oh my goddddd
You: you're not helping :/
vic<3: sorry i'm just extremely excited for you. dress in the hottest clothes you have. something that shows some skin. she's gonna fall in love with u
You: vic!!!! :/
vic<3: lmaoo sorry. please do go, though. it'll be an experience
You: i guess so. i hope i won't make a fool of myself.
vic<3: smh why would you? now go get ready bitch!
She was right. This was probably an opportunity to get to know new people. Especially Sam.
I was dying to spend time with her but was completely terrified of her at the same time. And I didn't even know why, I'd literally talked to her twice and didn't know a single thing about her.
I wore high wasted grey pants and a dark red shirt, making sure to leave the top buttons open. I quickly did my make up, grabbed my keys and purse, then headed out.
I'd be lying if I said my hands and legs weren't slightly shaking.