Chapter 2
Mending
"... Shikimori-san?!" I exclaimed when realized it was Shikimori-san who was in front of me. She is leaning her side against the shelves with her arms folded. Her pink hair strands are slightly blown in the wind, making quite an impressive sight for me. "I-I thought you would have a meeting with the PMC today."
"The meeting is at the end of the month... It's not there yet, you know..." She explained, while her index finger was twirling her hair.
"... Okay, cool, cool, good for you..." I responded and nodded repeatedly, but my brain could not process any proper word. "Anyway, I have to go now! Thanks for picking up my shoes, see you tomorrow!" I quickly told her, snatched the shoe that she was holding in her hand, and tried to run past her. I really want to avoid any possible conversation with her, but as soon as I pick up my pace, she quickly grabs my arm and pulls me back, making me almost slip backward.
"Oh, no! Where do you think you're going, mister?!" She asked me, almost sounding like a shout.
"H-Home?" I answered, and I could feel my face slightly burning. She is grabbing my arm so tight, that I can see her knuckles turning white. Having heard my answer, she shakes her head in disagreement.
"... You were acting very weird today, you know?" She said, lowering her head a bit, her voice was smaller. She still keeps her hold on my arm, but I can feel it has loosened up a little.
I look at her face once again. Just a few moments ago, she blocked the sunlight so I could not see her face clearly. However, now we are in the opposite direction, I can now see how it is. I can see her face contorted with anger with her curled lips. However, her blue eyes are having tints of sadness, like she is worried about something.
"This morning, you shouted at me when I was concerned about you..." She reminded me, then she continued. "T-Then in the whole class, you didn't talk or even say a single word to me, and there was no difference in the afternoon classes... Even when Inuzuka-san invited you for lunch with us, you even rejected it..."
"I... was having library duty at that time. Of course I couldn't join you guys." I explained, but she shook her head.
"I don't think that is true, Izumi-san..." She denied what I said. I start scratching my head, trying to find something to say so I can squeeze out of this gap. However, my brain cannot process any clever word to speak out.
"I-I mean, y-you also didn't talk to me a word today, did you-"
"I was waiting for you, you idiot!" She suddenly shouted at me, cutting me off from what I was saying. My heart is beating faster. Her grip on my arm gets tighter, it is so strong that I think my arm can break at any moment. However, after a few seconds, it loosens up a bit, allowing me to calm down from that sudden moment.
"... Waiting for me?" I asked, and she nodded her head as a confirmation, while turning her gaze away from me, avoiding my eye contact.
"For the last few days, I've been texting you to check if anything wrong with you." She answered. "Having not received any response or any word from you, I was... worried. I thought something might have happened to you, Izumi-san."
"Shikimori-san..." I tried to stop her, but she shook her head.
"When I saw you walking through the school gate this morning, I was... relieved. You don't know how happy I am. It's like all my worries were washed away..." She confessed. "But then... when I greeted you and... when you shouted at me like that, I was... shocked. I didn't even know what to do after that." She said, her voice getting smaller. However, she continued.
"At that point, I was hoping that it was just because you were surprised, I-I mean, you had been absent for quite some days before. However, you didn't even talk to me or look at me for one bit... It's like you were... trying to avoid me..." She confessed, and I could hear her tone getting broken up a little bit. After a brief second of silence, she finally let go of my arm, leaving the red mark from her grip. As I start massaging the mark, Shikimori-san takes a deep breath.
"Tell me, Izumi-san... Do you... hate me?"
'Hate' is such a strong word that can conflict with any people's emotions. Therefore, that question from her feels like a dagger stabbing right into my chest. The feeling of guilt inside me is piling up more. The air around me is getting suffocating, to the point that I can feel I may pass out at any moment due to my inhalation struggle.
I know I have been avoiding her the whole day, but it is definitely not because I hate her. It is all about my health condition, which I want to keep a secret. What would she think if I spilled it out?
I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down. I need to give her a proper answer.
"O-Of course not! I-"
"Then answer me this question, Izumi-san!" She shouted, cutting me off. "What is wrong with you?" She asked.
'What is wrong with me?'...
Let's see... This morning, I bumped into Shikimori-san, gave her probably the most shocking moment of her life. Then I didn't talk to her, tried to avoid my friends, and thanks to that sudden bad luck strike, Kamiya-san knew I had the disease that I had been trying to keep a secret. Today was probably one of the roughest days of my life, and as I think this could not get any worse, now I have to answer one of the hardest questions I have ever got.
"... I don't know." I answered, making Shikimori-san raise her eyebrows and turn her head to look at me again. "I don't know why when I came back to school, everything just felt... normal. It's like nothing has ever happened or changed. I just feel that maybe, things are just fine and will be fine without me. At this point, I just feel... lonely..." I said, lowering my head.
"Izumi-san..."
"And I think... without me... you will be fine as well, Shikimori-san..." I continued, almost sounding like a whisper, and I could see her backing down a bit.
"Me?! B-But why?"
"When I walked through the school gate, I saw you, still looked normal as always." I answered. "You were carrying on your duty, as usual; you were smiling with the students, but most importantly, you were still the same Shikimori-san I know. I was... happy that you were still fine, but at the same time, I felt that my role was not that important to you anymore..." I trailed off.
"Izumi-san, that's not-" She tried to deny what I had said, but I shook my head.
"Even after when I shouted at you, or when I left you behind, I still saw the same you from our class, through the windows. Inuzuka-kun said that you weren't the same as you used to be, but I doubt it. I started to think I... didn't really matter much to you, and I started to feel... lonely..." I confessed, still trying to avoid her eye contact. My body starts shaking from all the emotions I feel that I feel I could collapse at any moment, so I grip the sleeve of my shirt as hard as I can to calm myself down, but it does not really work. Meanwhile, Shikimori-san is just standing there, not making a move herself.
"I'm sorry, Shikimori-san." I managed to say, my voice started breaking down a bit. "I'm sorry for leaving you without a proper word. I'm sorry for not talking to you. And I'm sorry for avoiding you." I apologized to her, then I continued. "I'm such a selfish person, aren't I?"
After that, I bow my head to her and squeeze my eyes shut, as a way to avoid her gaze. I start cursing myself for what happened. I curse myself for being such a bad person. I curse myself for making her feel like that. I curse myself for being such a terrible boyfriend. I feel that I don't deserve her, I just want to run away and bear this guilt myself.
Suddenly, I feel her reach for my hand, which is gripping my sleeve. She starts rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb, trying to calm me down. Her motion makes my hand loosen its grip on the shirt.
"Izumi-san, can you look at me?" She asked. I shake my head in denial, but she reaches her other hand to my chin and softly holds it up, which I have no strength to fight against it.
I open my eyes and take a look at her face. She is no longer burning with anger, it looks more relaxed and soothing, with her eyes still having those tints of sadness, but now mixed with worries. She lets out a smile, a reassuring one, which makes the heaviness in my chest disappear.
"Izumi-san, do you think I'm not lonely?" Shikimori-san asked, then she continued without waiting for me to answer. "Do you know why I texted you when you were absent? Do you know why I was worried about you back in the morning? Do you know why I am talking to you right now? It's because I was lonely without you around."
Shikimori-san then lets go of my chin and holds my hand with the one she is rubbing on. "Izumi-san, you have been a special part of my life. You have an important role in my life, and you always will be, not just mine, but also everyone else. I mean, life sucks without some Izumi-ness, right?"
After that, she beams a smile at me, a smile of forgiveness and comfort. Seeing her smile, I feel that my dam has been broken up a bit. My eyes start shredding a few droplets of tears, of the guilty feeling I have been carrying in my chest has disappeared. I start lowering my head as I cannot look at her any longer.
I really don't deserve her, do I...?
"I'm sorry, Shikimori-san... I'm so sorry..." I apologized, but Shikimori-san shook her head and holds my chin up again. This time, she lets go of the hand that is rubbing mine, then she takes out her handkerchief and starts wiping my tears.
"Come on, don't cry." She comforted me. "If you're sad, then I'll be sad, too." She told me, still keeping her reassuring smile on her face, with a tint of sadness.
After wiping off all my tears and calming me down, we just stand here, face to face, looking at each other. Although she does not say anything, her smile and her eyes are enough to soothe me. She waits for me to fully calm down, then she continues.
"You know, I have this idea... Let's just forget everything that happened today, okay? We'll pretend as if nothing has ever happened. Tomorrow is a new day, so consider that's your opportunity to restart, alright?" She suggested.
I feel like my throat is having something stuck again, disallowing me to speak, so I just nod to her suggestion as an agreement, which receives a smile from her. We don't make a move, we don't want to say anything, we are just gazing at each other's faces in the middle of the afternoon sunlight for a minute or two.
"By the way," I spoke first, making her raise her eyebrows. "If you're not having a meeting today, why are you here, Shikimori-san?" I asked her, but then she started giggling, making me confused.
"Oh god, my boyfriend has been absent for so long that his brain has turned into goldfish's..." Her giggling soon turned into a laugh, and she covered her mouth to hold it. When she finally calms down, she walks past me to the entrance, before turning her back and reaching her hand for me. "C'mon, let's go home together!"
I guess I have been so worried about my health that I start to forget simple things like this...
"... Okay, let's go home." I responded, with my hand reaching out to hold hers, as we both walked out of the entrance, under the sunlight that was slowly fading away.
I could also feel that the invisible weights on my shoulders had been lifted.
"Izumi-san, do you have to do anything emergency at home?" Shikimori-san asked. If they are 'taking meds' and 'burying my face in despair until morning', then I guess no.
"No, I don't. Why?"
"Good, then there is a place that I want to go. Come along with me." She answered.
A place that she wants to go...?
~0O0~
"Here we are, Izumi-san!" Shikimori-san exclaimed as she was holding my hand, leading me to what appeared to be a local park. The sky is now slowly turning from its usual orange hue of the afternoon to the dark shade of the evening. There is no one but us here, nothing but the rusty sound of the wind blowing through the trees. Shikimori-san is heading to the bench nearby, while I am observing this park myself.
I look from the blue slide to the small sandpit, where families usually bring their kids here to play. Never have things such simple as those caught this much of my attention. I am observing everything, to the swing at the furthest corner of the park, like someone checking something for the last time, before they go on a journey that they may never come back.
... Well, I guess I could be that "someone" then, huh?
"So why are we here, Shikimori-san?" I asked her while turning to her side. She puts her school bag on the side of the bench, before she leaves an empty space and taps it, asking me to sit down there, to which I oblige.
"Look at me, Izumi-san." She told me, after I took off my backpack and left it on the other side. Following her "command", I turn my upper body to her side to look at her, and such a scene is in front of my view. Her pink hair combined with the dark orange hue of the sky, with a little "decoration" from her blue eyes, is something I can observe for days. Suddenly, she starts stretching her arms to both sides, with a smile on her face. I am so surprised and dumbfounded that I do not know what to do next.
"C'mon, what are you waiting for?" She asked, making me tilt my head in confusion.
"Waiting for... what? What are you doing exactly?" I asked her, which made her face blush red slightly. Her smile starts turning into an awkward smile, as she uses one of her open hands to facepalm herself.
"We really need to work on your goldfish brain, Izumi-san..." She mumbled in her hand, which still made me confused. She then attempts to stretch out both of her arms again. "It's an embrace, silly! See? I'm trying to pull you into an embrace, okay?"
... Yeah, I definitely might have forgotten some simple things like that.
"B-But why do I need an embrace?" I asked, making her let out such a heavy sigh.
"You told me that you were lonely, right?" She asked me and continued, without waiting for my answer. "This is how I can you get through it. So, what are you waiting for, Izumi-san? Dive in!" She said, while her face was getting redder. That 'dive in' part of her also makes me blush as well. I can feel my ears are getting hotter, as I am reluctant to, well, "dive in".
"... T-This is getting so embarrassing, Izumi-san! My arms are about to be broken in half, as well! Q-Quickly, Izumi-san!" She urged me, her smile was getting even more awkward, and her face was as red as a tomato. After a brief second of silence, I decided that I could not let her stay like this and do nothing.
"Okay, here goes nothing..." I said, while moving closer to her. Both of our faces are now in a deep color of red, as I start awkwardly wrapping my arms around her neck and placing my chin on her shoulder. As I sink in her embrace further, I can hear her breath coming from her tinted pink lips, as it is getting a bit heavier, maybe because she is embarrassed like I am.
"T-Took you long enough, s-sir." She stuttered into my ears. After that, she also awkwardly places her arms around me. When she does that, it feels like time has suddenly stopped.
Okay, I know we are in a very awkward position. My back is uncomfortably leaning 45 degrees toward her, while my arms are not fully wrapping around her neck, it's more like I am making some sort of ring around it. Meanwhile, Shikimori-san's arms are also not placed properly around my waist. She is just holding my ribs in a very awkward way. Embrace, as far as I know, is also supposed to be warm, but we leave too many open spaces that cold wind is blowing through them. In short, this is nowhere near an embrace, or I don't know if I can call this an "embrace".
So why does it feel so... warm?
I remember the time when I was in the hospital. I was in the embrace of my parents, but even so, it was not enough to keep me warm from that cold, scary air in that room, when I received my diagnosis. I remember the time when I was in my own bedroom, the first night after I knew about my health condition. I was scared, haunted by the fact that at any moment, I could leave this world behind, leave my friends and family, without accomplishing anything I had wanted. My blanket was not enough to warm up my body, leaving the cold, freezing air blowing through it.
I know this embrace is definitely not as warm as the embrace of my parents, and nowhere near the warmth of my blanket. However, why is it so unexpectedly... hearty?
Placing my forehead on Shikimori-san's shoulder, I feel... safe. I don't feel soring in my throat, I can't feel the heavy pressure in my chest, and my breathing is a lot easier. In other words, when I am in her arms, all my burdens are just... gone...
I really wish we could stay like this for a little longer. I wish time would stop for eternity, so we could be like this forever...
"... zumi-san... Izumi-san...?" Shikimori-san's voice jolted me and brought me back to reality. I quickly unwrap her neck, as she also pulls her arms back. "Are you okay, Izumi-san? You seemed to be... enjoying it..." She asked, her face is still burning red.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine!" I answered, my ears were heating up as well. "I was... a little carry away, that's all..."
"Okay... good..." She stuttered, then she turned away from me and picked up her school bag. She starts playing with its shoulder strap, and although it is not very visible, I can see her face is getting even redder.
"Shikimori-san?" I asked to check on her while leaning my head to her side, but she quickly turned her face to the opposite side.
"Don't look!" She exclaimed while placing her chin on the school bag and sinking her head further into it, which I found her reaction cute. Seeing her like that, going through all the trouble to comfort me, brings a smile to my face. It is not a normal smile, it is a natural one, a smile of relief, something I don't have to fake anymore.
"Thank you, Shikimori-san. I think I actually needed that embrace." I thanked her, and she gave me a thumb up as a response, still sinking her face into her bag.
My girlfriend is not only cute, but she is also caring and selfless.
When Shikimori-san is still fiddling with her bag's shoulder strap, I turn on my phone to look at the time, which says '5:30 p.m.' on the lock screen. It is getting late now, as I really need to return home to sort out my homework and check my health. I look up at the sky, in which the orange hue has faded away, replaced with the darker tone of the evening.
"Shikimori-san, the sky is getting dark. So see you tomorrow-"
"Wait!" Suddenly, when I was about to leave the bench, she held my arm to stop me. When I turn around in confusion, she opens her bag and reaches her hand in, searching for something. Soon, she takes out what I believe to be... her notebooks...
"I almost forgot! You need to copy down the lessons you missed, right? Here, I'll lend you mine!"
... Which I have already received from Inuzuka-kun this morning...
"... Uhhh, about that..." I said, making her tilt her head in confusion. I start awkwardly taking out Inuzuka-kun's notebooks and showing them to her. "I've already had the notebooks that Inuzuka-kun lent me, so..." I start smiling in the most unnatural way possible, while Shikimori-san is leaning her head toward the notebooks I am showing her. She starts squeezing her eyes and observing them, in a way that I believe that it is the way to look for some runaway criminals, not the "normal way" of observing. "Shikimori... san?" I awkwardly asked her.
"... Gooood!" She suddenly exclaimed. "You guys are best friends, right? This is what best friends do for each other right? Very good, Izumi-san!" She praised me, which I didn't find comfortable. "But you know what, Izumi-san? I have the better idea!" She told me and started approaching me menacingly. I really want to run, but I feel like my feet are in a quicksand pit, it is impossible for me to run.
As soon as I know it, Shikimori-san snatches Inuzuka-kun's notebooks from my hands and replaces them with hers.
"Shikimori-san, what are you-" I tried to ask for her explanation, but she looked at me back with her ghostly, emotionless face, which jolted me because of its creepiness.
"... So here's what you are gonna do, sir." She said, in the deepest tone possible. "You're gonna take those home, copy everything from it down to yours..."
"Shikimori-san, are you okay...?"
"... Meanwhile, I'm gonna take these home, and return them to their rightful owner tomorrow..." She said while showing me Inuzuka-kun's notebook, which she snatched from me.
"Shikimori-san, please stop... You are very scary right now..."
"... Or you can take Inuzuka-san's notebooks, and you are not leaving this park!" She shouted, which jolted me backward.
"Shikimori-san, you can't do that! I borrowed them from Inuzuka-kun!" I tried to explain to her, but she shook her head.
"But didn't you promise to borrow from me first?" She asked, her face was fuming with rage.
"No, I- Wait I did?"
"You did!" She exclaimed. "Gosh, we really need to sort out that goldfish brain of yours!" She angrily said. Being in this situation, I know I need to find a solution for the purpose of world peace.
"Can I... borrow both from you and Inuzuka-kun?" I tried to persuade her but received a quick 'No!' from her. "How about a half of both?"
"Still no! Go and take those home, Izumi-san!" Shikimori-san ordered, while making her usual pouty face, which I found hard to refuse to it.
My girlfriend is cute, but she is also unexpectedly scary and questionably jealous as well...
~0O0~
"I'm home!"
Finally reaching my home, I shouted out so my parents could hear when I stepped through the door. I look around and see my mom cooking dinner, while my dad is reading some of the brochures about lung cancer and how to take care of the patients, which I am certain are about me.
"Welcome home, Yuu-kun! How was school?" My mom asked.
'How was school?' That's such a hard question to answer...
"... Good. It's good, mom." I answered, and she nodded in return, but still had a concerned look on her face. "Anyway, I'm heading to my room now! Call me when dinner is ready, okay?" I asked her.
"S-Sure, go ahead, dear..." She responded. However, as I am about to take my leave upstairs, she calls me back.
"Yuu-kun... If you feel something wrong or you just want to confess something, feel free to tell us, okay? We'll always be here for you." She told me, which I found heartwarming and caring, something I would need but could not find a way to do it. Unable to say anything, I give her a nod and continue my way upstairs.
As I step into my bedroom, I turn on the light. It is still the same sadness surrounding it, but it is slightly better. Maybe because of my conversation with Shikimori-san, or maybe because of the "embrace" I received earlier.
I put down Shikimori-san's notebooks on the desk, then I take the medication for the day, following the doctor's instructions. Then I pull out the chair and relax on it, almost dropping myself on the chair. As I look at her notebooks lying on the desk, I reflect on what happened today.
'Izumi-san, you have been a special part of my life. You have an important role in my life, and you always will be, not just mine, but also everyone else. I mean, life sucks without some Izumi-ness, right?'
I let out a heavy sigh once again and rest my head on the desk while folding my arms to support it.
... Then what would everyone feel if that "Izumi-ness" disappeared...?
End of chapter 2
~0O0~
This... I also didn't expect it to be this long. Damn...
I know some of you might expect this chapter to be intense and full of drama. However, I want this chapter to be lighthearted and warm, because just like our boy Izumi, we also need some pockets of air to breathe. Besides, I don't want this fanfic to be too dark; maybe a little bit of both, dark but heartwarming, I don't know.
Anyway, thank you so much for all the follows, favorites and reviews. I don't consider myself to be a good writer, as I still have a lot to learn. But I definitely will try my best to provide you guys with a good roller coaster ride of emotions.
As always, if you like it, please follow and favorite it for future updates, and feel free to leave a review. I hope you all enjoy this fic, and I see you in the next chapter. Stay safe and bye for now!