I slept the rest of the night without a peep. I woke up the next morning still curled into Pierce's chest. My hands were wrapped tightly around his body. As my body was pulled from sleep I ran the pad of my index finger in circles against his side. His bruise had completely disappeared. He had officially stopped the physical harm on himself. I was proud of him for doing so.
I was still suffering every day from my physical abuse. Eating was difficult because it was hard to keep food down. It made me not want to eat at all. A triggering feeling to a girl who was forced into having an eating disorder.
Every day that I looked at myself in the mirror I still felt worthy of physical harm. Not just from myself but everyone. It's not that I sought out the physical harm, but it was like I felt like I deserved it. In my life, I had caused so much pain to so many people. I just felt that I deserved that pain back. It was hard to not grab a knife, scissors, a razor, my nails, just anything in my sights to inflict pain on myself.
Pierce stirred below me, trying to turn to his side. I raised my head off his chest letting him roll over. I curled into his back still craving the contact of his skin. No part of me wanted to start the day. Too much had occurred in the past twenty-four hours that I didn't want to face anyone. I wasn't Pierce. I couldn't just brush it all off like nothing happened.
It wasn't long before a phone alarm tuned. I sighed as Pierce's arm reached out for his phone to stop the alarm. Of course he was sensible. It didn't matter if I attempted to stop him from starting his day, our day. He would win the battle. We had school to attend. I wasn't getting out of this.
"G'morning." Pierce said as he groaned into a stretch.
"Morning." I replied trying to curl back into him. He fought me off knowing if I tried hard enough I might just convince him that staying in bed all day was a better option than school. Pierce would always be better than school. He would always win.
"Get up my sleepy head." Pierce leaned down to plant a kiss to the top of my head.
"I've been up longer than you." I mumbled through my hands that were running down my face.
"I don't doubt you." I could tell a smile was planted across Pierce's face. He was too chipper this morning. Maybe this what he had been missing, our sleeps together.
"Babe?" I said as I slid my hands off my face finally. Pierce answered ushering me to continue. "When are we going to tell our parents?" I spoke faintly like I was scared to upset him so early in the morning.
"Whenever you feel comfortable. I'm ready when you are. If you want to wait, we wait. If you want to tell them today, we do it today. This is your body." Pierce wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his hands on my stomach. "I will be ready whenever you are love."
"I'm just scared. After Reece last night." I dropped my head back against Pierce's chest to look at him. "I don't want people to know. But I also know that I need to go see doctors and stuff. If I wait I'm afraid that I'll end up fucking something up. I don't want to die because I was stupid."
"You won't die Baker." Pierce kissed my forehead in a comforting act. "I won't let that happen. Now, let's get up and get ready for school."
Pierce lifted me off the bed, standing the both of us to our feet. I dragged my feet across the hard wooden surface below me. Pierce did everything in his power to chipper my spirits. He wanted me happy by the time we walked out the front door to head off to school. It worked because I left the house laughing.
The day was simple. Reece distanced himself from Pierce and I. He couldn't even look at Pierce. I understood why, it was just hard. I was the reason that my brother couldn't even look at his best friend. I mean I wasn't fully the reason but I was part of it and I hated that. I never wanted to be the reason anyone stopped talking or being friends.
When I arrived home from school my parents were sat in the living room. I was shocked to see my dad home this early. He was never home when I walked in the door. He always was stuck at work until like six at night. At least recently he had been. After the adoption had been finalized he dove into work like he had before having three new kids. At least that's what I learned from long talks with my mom when I first arrived.
"Charlee can you join us in the living room?" I heard being called as I opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
As soon as I snatched the water from the fridge I joined my parents in the living room. I had about an hour of alone time with my parents before the twins arrived home from school. I was scared to hear what was coming my way. I braced myself as I stepped into the silent room. Not even the television was on. That was rare.
"Hi." I said low as I dropped in a chair that was across the room from them.
"We see that Pierce stayed over last night." My dad spoke first. This talk was definitely his idea.
"I didn't even know he came over until I woke up from my nightmare." I looked up from twisting and untwisting the cap to my water. I needed to fidget.
"Are you doing okay?" My mom spoke next.
How was I even supposed to answer that?
"Just a talk I had with Casey at school had a lot on my mind." I set down my water bottle to focus. I couldn't use my distraction tactics to get out of this one. "She thinks I should go see my bio parents. I fell asleep while I was looking up things about them." I looked away as I spoke about my bio parents.
"Then I had a dream, or well, nightmare, that Pierce was hurting me like my dad did. It felt so real that when I woke up wrapped in Pierce's arms I freaked out. I couldn't differentiate the difference between nightmare and reality. That's never happened before. It was scary." I finally looked back at my parents as I finished talking about the night.
"There's just a lot going on I'm not ready to talk about. I will be okay, eventually when I'm ready to open about it all. It just might be awhile. I want you guys to help. I do. I just can't share with you right now." I sighed feeling defeated.
"Do you want to see your bio parents?"
I shrugged in response. "No." I started. "But what if Casey is right? What if it helps me get through the pain I'm feeling about it all still? Like I said it would all make sense if you know what I'm going through. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet."
"When you are ready sweetheart we are here." My dad spoke. "If you need Pierce here just tell us and we can let that happen. But open door is a must. We can't let you lose your life to a stupid mistake."
I felt my heart drop. Stupid mistake. Yeah, I already did that.
I guess not telling them wasn't an option anymore. I had to say it while I had the opportunity. Maybe since it was on my dad's mind, it would soften the blow. Maybe? A little?
"Mom? Dad?" I picked at my fingers as I looked at the two of them through my lashes.
"Yeah?" They said in unison.
"What if I already made a stupid mistake?" I felt the words straining as I choked back my tears.
"What do you mean Charlee?" My dad spoke with concerned anger. Like he didn't know. He knew.
The waterworks began before I could speak.
"You aren't." I heard my mom say as she closed the distance between her and I. "Please tell me that you aren't Charlee."
I shook my head. I couldn't tell her that I wasn't, because I was.
"How the hell did you get pregnant Charlee?" My dad asked as he rose from the couch to pace the living room. "Don't answer that." He said as his finger ran against his chin rough.
"We were safe. I don't know." I choked out through tears.
"Sweetheart it will all be okay." My mom's hand came in contact with my arm and I almost flinched away from her touch. "We will figure it out."
"She made this mistake Ann. You aren't going to bend over backwards to help her with a mistake she made. You do that enough already." My dad finally stopped pacing the room with his arm's crossed against his chest now.
"Pierce and I are figuring it out." I ran my hands down my soaked cheeks. "We've known for a while and have been trying to figure it out. It's just hard being in high school. Feeling like I need to throw up every second of the day. And trying to navigate our relationship. We are both scared. We don't want people to know. We don't want to be those people. We are already freak shows enough. But I'm having a baby and we can't keep pushing it away like it doesn't exist because it does."
I took a deep breath trying to center my thoughts. My phone dung from within my sweat pant pocket and I wanted to grab it to escape but I knew that was the worst thing I could do.
"Is that him Charlee?" My dad questioned me, gesturing his head towards me.
I shrugged.
"Well, figure it out." My dad then motioned with his hand.
I pulled my phone from my pocket. It was Pierce. He was texting me to let me know he made hit home safely. He had dropped me off despite my house being the opposite direction of his. He knew that I had a rough night and could use the extra time with him.
"It is." I dropped my phone into my lap without sending a reply to him.
"Please tell him to come here. Now." My dad said as he began to pace the living room again. The pacing had my anxiety rising. My bio dad used to pace a lot while high out of his mind.
I slowly reached for my phone but my dad spoke again before I could even start to type. "No you know what? I'll just text him." My dad slid his phone out from his work slacks.
I swallowed hard as I watched my dad type away with his thumbs. My mom on the other hand was gently caressing my arm. She knew that this was far from what I wanted for myself. She knew that I would have done every-and-anything to protect myself from letting this happen. But she also realized that I was a teen with sexual desires. She had been a teen once, she understood.
I heard my dad's phone ding just as mine had a few seconds before. "He's on his way back." My dad said as he took a seat back down on the couch.
"He doesn't know I told you guys." I dropped my eyes to the ground. I felt guilty not doing this with him.