❝To live in the body of a survivor is to never be able to leave the scene of crime. I cannot ignore the fact that I live here.❞
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The lights flashed from the front as he covered his eyes with both hands to hide them from exposure. He breathed heavily as he took the hands down slowly. His eyes blinked rapidly as they came in contact with the light again and got adjusted to the brightness that held around them.
His brown orbs moved in the surrounding. People were silent but their eyes were on him. Their attention was on him. It didn't scare him. Nothing scared him anymore. He had been exposed to the worst after all.
The play started with his monologue and got huge applause. It was his introduction to the stage and he impressed every single person present in the auditorium. He played the young Jaiden in the play. Jaiden Jones whose whole life was a misery.
He was deceived and tortured by his people. He went crazy, he was called by names. He was mistreated by people because they failed to understand his pain.
All he ever wanted was to feel loved and cared but all he got was hatred from everyone. People compared him with his father no matter what he did, without realising their journeys were different.
One got everything he asked for while the other didn't get even the smallest thing he craved for. One was grown in a secure environment while the other was left alone to be killed.
They didn't know their stories yet they assumed everything. "Was it right?" He asked while blankly looking at the audience. No one spoke anything.
He sighed a little and continued further. Jaiden, why did he always feel closer and connected with him?
Maybe his flaws made Dev connect with him on deeper emotional levels. He had his fears, he had his scars, he had his setbacks. He fought his fights in unacceptable ways, he killed people for his purpose. He wasn't an ideal perfect hero people would want and like to see. He was more of an antihero.
Some people said he was bad for Dev's health while others said he was a mere character that he will forget.
Dev was showered with praises and found a permanent place on that stage through Jaiden. Jaiden Jones got famous with Dev's face and Dev became Jaiden for the people on the campus.
People saw Jaiden in him but no one knew how closely he related with Jaiden. If his life was misery then Dev's life wasn't any different as well.
Even after getting born into Bollywood's most reputed family, his life was never easy. People called him lucky, they said he was someone who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth but he paid the price as he grew.
The stardom came with expectations, burdens, negativity and finally, everything killed him little by little every day.
Something similar happened with Jaiden as well. It was a fictional character yet why did he feel real to people around him? Because Dev was telling his story through Jaiden. Because he was Jaiden.
"Understand him, Dev." His teacher said. He nodded. His eyes were blank and that was the reason that they thought he was a perfect match. But no one tried to understand the depth inside them.
On days, they would deliberately try to tell his story but for the rest of the days, they would be blank as if someone sucked everything from inside of him.
"He was alone despite being born into a royal family. He had many people surrounding him yet he was a lonely child," They explained.
"His parents didn't have time for him while bound by the responsibilities. He was stepped on many times. Imagine this and feel his pain as yours."
Little did they know that he went through the same pain since he was born. He was reliving his pain while acting in that play every day. He was sent to Norwich to get away from the reality of his life but little did he know he had to face it every day.
But in a way, it made him strong enough to face the worst truth his life held. Every night was dreadful as the flashes from his past would keep repeating continuously in his head.
Every morning would rise without any hope. His red eyes would make that character feel alive to people and despite all the praise, he would find himself lonely in that room again when night crawled in.
Still, it was better than home. He would console his heart. The dreadful night would repeat itself and he would see that little boy in his room again. He would be pleading and asking for help.
He didn't know no one would come but his older self knew the fate he held. His face would be covered in tears, his nose would be runny. He would sniff while coming closer to him and hold his hand while asking for help.
"He would come to get me again," he would whisper through tears and that voice will keep echoing in his head.
The footsteps would be followed and those will make him scared even in that empty room.
His hands would automatically find the switch and he would make sure if he was really alone there. The scars would start to bleed again and those haunted memories would come back to greet him again.
The nights and days were passing by fast yet he felt nothing. He found everything that was remaining inside him getting killed little by little as well. It was good for him. At least he could live with that big scar that was left on him.
"Who was Jaiden Jones and what happened with him," A voice-over started the next day at play like always. All pairs of eyes were locked on him.
His blank brown eyes shone yet again while making a promise to the audience that this was going to be a painful ride for everyone sitting before him.
"I am Jaiden and I'll tell you my story," he started further while moving his hands in the air.
People were sold already to that comparatively younger boy who was acting like a professional. "I was bruised. I was murdered by my people. People just saw me turning cold with each passing day but who asked me about my wound?" He asked.
"I was alone, I was scared yet everyone turned blind and deaf to my sorrows," He spoke and added, "No one saw me in pain."
"Everyone just judged without knowing my reasons."
"Who would I share my story with? Is anyone willing to listen?" He asked again as the pin-drop silence stayed in the room which was tightly packed with people.
Yet again he won the hearts and was showered with love and praises. Those words and that love had started comforting him by now, that was soothing his wounds now. He wanted to believe it was all Jaiden's pain while forgetting what had happened to him.
He started living in a delusion but that was meant to be broken soon with the reality.
He started letting his guards lose. The coldness was intact but he didn't push anyone who forwarded their hands for friendship.
People started referring to him Jaiden while forgetting Dev completely. He started living as Jaiden and lost himself forever.
"What part of Jaiden do you relate with the most?" One of his friends asked.
"His pain, his loneliness," he murmured but low enough that no one could hear him.
"What did you say?" The same person asked while not getting him. He smiled and shook his head.
"I don't relate to him. No one could," he said which was a rather convincing answer to everyone around. They nodded and diverted the topic further.
Jaiden Jones was mentally unstable, emotionless and thus he remained unwanted. People called him crazy, they spread negativity surrounding him, yet he remained unaffected.
"Why was he this way? No one asked," He said and chuckled lightly.
He was a victim. His inner voice said but he wasn't allowed to say that yet. He wasn't allowed to give any justifications for his acts because he was meant to be that way.
The cries of that small child could be heard in the silence of the night but who was going to listen in that empty house? The walls turned deaf and muted his voice.
He decided to come straight to his parents but they asked him to stay quiet. He was abused mentally and physically by his own uncle. He was harassed yet no one came forward for help.
They thought he will forget with time but those scars aren't that shallow to be forgotten easily. They leave a mark on your mind and heart, they couldn't understand that.
That child beared that pain alone. He couldn't understand the actions of his elders but he was told to follow them no matter how wrong they were. He did just the same.
The nights started frightening him and the loneliness was scary enough. But who he could go to anyway while surrounded by the darkness always?
The people he should have felt secure with broke his trust, the place he was supposed to feel safe in suddenly became unsafe to him. His little mind still bravely fought with itself every day and night.
It still took him time to reach that level of maturity to understand what had happened with him and recalling that person's face would send chills down his spine.
His eyes would shoot open in the middle of the night and the same darkness would greet him again. It would be just another night without sleep getting his eyes.
He would stare in the dark outside for an indefinite time until the sky would change its colors. His eyes were drained of the tears, he was drained of all emotions.
He was functioning without feeling even the slightest of emotions. He was murdered by his own people just like Jaiden. Was it a coincidence that he got to play Jaiden or it was supposed to be this way always?
The seasons kept passing and his father called him back when the graduation was over. He didn't ask any questions like always and packed his bags to get back to Mumbai.
Things obviously had changed in years yet that place didn't feel safe nor do those people feel secure. He tried to break that cage but he was pulled back and chained again.
Years passed but nothing changed. He was still that little boy in the cage and they still held the chain.
He was introduced to movies but the anger he held for everyone around kept growing. That made him rebel as he wanted to go against everything his father wished for. For which he didn't think twice while destroying his career and life.
Even when he left Norwich, he couldn't leave Jaiden. That man with shredded life followed him to Mumbai. It was like that was impossible for him to distance Jaiden from him. He had become a part of Dev. That was not healthy for him but no one understood it.
And thus, he became Jaiden Dev from Dev Khanna when he debuted in Bollywood and ever since he has just been the worst.
He ruined the little solace left in his life and he didn't regret anything he did. All he felt was rage against everyone who stayed in that house with him and he could do anything to destroy the fake royalty they held. Jaiden had taken over him for the worst.
It's just that Dev was still alive within and held him back for the sake of that one person who he loved with everything inside him and that was his grandfather. He didn't want to ruin his name in the process of his revenge.
He thought of running somewhere far again but he knew they will hunt him down in the end. More than that Jaiden didn't want to let them go just yet.
He started getting immersed into toxicity, he started getting wasted and soon the news about his unpleasing behaviour started doing rounds. The popularity and love he got after his first movie got shredded as the negatively started doing rounds around him.
He was least concerned about everything and continued what he wanted. For once he was doing what he wanted and grabbing attention for all the wrong reasons.
Was he Dev or Jaiden, no one could tell. But people who knew Dev well couldn't recognise him anymore because he kept hiding behind Jaiden all the while. Because he felt secure in that cover. All he wanted to do was protect himself from everyone around.
He put on his act bravely for years to come until his eyes fell on that hazel-eyed girl. Her gaze was different from the rest. She wanted to take the chance but was scared of the people around her. Her eyes were warmer than anyone he had met before.
And like a moth, he got attracted to her. But she wasn't fire and he wasn't supposed to get burnt. In fact, in the end, she was the one who was meant to end up getting hurt and he knew that well.
But he turned blind to her pain. He got selfish in all those moments. It was the first time that he felt the love he always craved for. For once, someone felt closest to him, for the first time someone prioritised him over anything and was willing to do anything for him.
He genuinely cared for her, he genuinely felt for her. He wanted to change for her but was it of any use? Was it even possible to cut Jaiden from him now? Was it possible to feel anything now? Wasn't it late to think about the change?
Was it fine to still keep wanting her?
He didn't understand, so the best he could think of was to push her away. But she made all of his attempts fail.
She bounced back and knocked on his door every time he left. It was getting harder for him. The war was getting unbearable from within. The battle between Dev and Jaiden was taking him nowhere. He was ending up selecting the latter.
Cutting Jaiden wasn't easy but he wanted to do it for her. Not on the price of her sacrifice but he needed to find a way on his own this time.
Someone had said this to him once, if he wanted something then he can move the mountains but if he doesn't then no one in the world could help him. This was that time. He needed to choose between right and wrong and he had chosen already.
He just needed some time to spend with himself to heal, so he can get back as a person he would love to be, that she would be proud of. He didn't want her to shed tears for him anymore and thus he needed to stand firm on his ground.
He wanted to love her untamed, with a breathing room and growing space. He wanted to let her have wings and fires burning. He didn't want to be the reason for her bruises, for her broken dreams.
They craved for a soul-stirring love while leading a soul-stirring life. But he needed to stop now. All his life he kept running away from everything but he felt tired now.
He wanted to rest, he wanted to be normal for once. He wanted to forget his dark past but was it possible? He knew he couldn't get away from it but he was ready to live life while settling with it.
Those flashes were going to visit him on many nights but he wanted to be prepared for them. He didn't want to stay in the past anymore while forgetting the present.
He had been dwelling in the past for longer and that was the reason for Jaiden's existence. He had understood now that if he wanted to get away from him then he needed to get away from that past and live in the present.
He needed to make that child understand that his future was going to be okay. He wanted to ask him to not repeat the mistakes he did and let another Jaiden be born.
He wanted to end and he saw just one hope now. So he packed the bags that night and took a cab to reach the airport. He knew his destination well.
The morning came with no traces of him. He was gone from their lives for good and this time she knew she wasn't going to find him until he comes back to her.
She moved the mobile down after a brief talk with Armaan and looked at the laptop screen. A tear rolled down her eye as she read the mail he left behind.
Keya,
I don't want you to wait for me because even I don't know if I'll be succeeding this time. Live your life to the fullest, coz you deserve it.
If I ever do come out of this then I hope you acknowledge me again. Thank you for everything you did for me. I wish I had found you sooner. Maybe I would have healed sooner.
I can't possibly let you stay with Jaiden and Dev at the same time. That's why it was important for me to choose one. If you see me ever again then you will be meeting Dev, if not then know that I had killed him long back and Jaiden has won.
Don't ruin your dreams for anyone, Keya. You have a bright future ahead. Please, don't throw away what you have. Many had dreamt to be in your place but you got to reach here. Understand it and cherish it.
I hope to cross paths with you even unexpectedly sometime in future again and I hope we get to start all over again. Not as Jaiden and Keya but as Dev and Keya.
If not then I'll be happy to let you go. If not in this lifetime then maybe in another lifetime. I'll wait for you till then. I'll make sure to polish myself so you'll be proud to call me yours. :)
Yours truly... I don't know what I had become anymore but I wish to know it soon enough.
She sighed deeply and chuckled lightly as more tears left her eyes. She sniffed while moving her gaze out of the glass door of her room. A new morning was peeking and she hoped it was the best morning of their lives.
She closed the laptop and wiped her eyes as she got her mobile and messaged Suri to ask about her schedule. She was determined to focus on her career and people now. She didn't want to let anyone down and she was ready to make up for all the time she took things for granted.
"No more playing, Keya. He is right. You got to live your dream. Not everyone gets this opportunity. So be grateful and work harder," she murmured and nodded while making a promise with herself as she got out of bed to start her new beginnings.
If she looks back while standing here now she had become a new version of herself. She was more confident, she knew how to handle the mess and she definitely wasn't scared of challenges or rumors.
She got a friend by her side and she was ready to take over the world now. A phase had passed in her life. She wasn't going to wait while not knowing if he would be coming back ever again.
But he had taught her many lessons unknowingly and she had learnt so much from it. He didn't think twice to sacrifice his whole existence and vanish somewhere for her sake.
He wasn't weak, neither was she. So, with determination, she made a promise to fulfil all the dreams she dreamt with her mother before coming to Mumbai. She had forgotten her purpose of coming to this city lately but now she had remembered it and she was willing to work in double force to start her life again.
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I don't know what to say, honestly. This is done and I don't believe it. I'm proud of this though. I don't think I have written anything as tough as this ever.
When I started this chapter, it was tough. Then when I was struggling to reach 1k words as I was clueless about how to add what to add, etc, I knew this was the whole new level of difficulty and when I reached midway I was sure to not continue with it as I was frustrated but it's done now and I'm the happiest person alive.
Dev Khanna is hands down the toughest yet and I don't think anyone else will take his place any time soon. Hehe!