The next afternoon
Alberto's POV
Since Luca's gone for the weekend, I decided to visit Riccardo at his house. It's been a couple months since I've been here, and even longer since I've stayed the night. Honestly, now that Luca's back, I didn't expect to get lonely so quickly, especially since I can still see Giulia every day. But Giulia's working today, so I guess it's just me. Well, me and Riccardo.
Right now I'm sprawled on his bed, staring up at his ceiling and the glow-in-the-dark stars that he stuck there. He's on the floor doing a puzzle. Boooring.
"So what made you decide to stop by?" Riccardo asks me after a bit, not looking up from his puzzle.
"Oh. Uh...." I stretch my arms. "Just kinda bored. Luca's at his parents', and well... yeah."
"Oh, okay." He sits up and starts to throw the puzzle pieces back in the box. "Do you want some gelato or something?"
Gelato is literally all he eats. "Nah, I'm fine, but thank you."
Honestly, I am pretty hungry. But it's not like I can eat right now. I've got a lot on my mind. For starters, I'm still mad at Luca for having a crush on someone, but I haven't really said anything about it. I'm just scared he's going to forget about me and travel the world with her or something. Thinking about it now makes my stomach twist. Yeah, if I ate gelato, I'd definitely throw it up.
Not to mention I'm also shaken up from this morning. I woke up before Luca did, and I noticed that....
Well, actually, it doesn't really matter.
My stomach twists again, but it feels a little different. I turn to the side and grab one of Riccardo's pillows, hugging it and grumbling into it.
Why me, fish gods? Seriously, why me?
"What's wrong?" I hear Riccardo ask me.
"Stomach hurts," I half-lie.
"Oh." He pats my back. "Um. I can ask my mom to get you some medicine."
"No, I'm fine." The mention of medicine makes me feel even worse. Blegh. I had to take gross liquid medicine back in the fall, and I actually almost died from the taste.
"Well," he continues. "I know something that'll help that isn't medicine. I'll be right back."
I watch him open his bedroom door and walk out. I let go of the pillow, turning to face the ceiling again. I thought coming here would take my mind off of Luca, but I guess I was wrong. Riccardo's super cool, and he's a really good friend, but he doesn't compare to Luca. No one does.
And I'm only saying that because he's my best friend.
I sigh.
And a few seconds later....
'Why are you lying to yourself?'
Startled, I immediately sit up. My mouth drops open, and I feel my heartbeat quadruple its speed. I slide my hand up my forehead, pushing my curls back.
"Silenzio, Bruno. Silenzio, Bruno," I repeat to myself, my breathing getting really fast.
I try to push the bad thoughts away by thinking of other stuff. And it works.
... For like two seconds.
'You can't run from how gross and weird you are.'
"Shhhh!" I put my hands on the side of my head and shut my eyes. "I said silenzio! Silenzio, Bruno!"
But it's not like saying it out loud ever makes him truly go away; not like he did in real life.
I flop back down on the bed, whining to myself.
"I'm sick, I'm sick," I mutter, barely even realizing I'm saying it.
My eyes start to sting, much to my embarrassment.
I know I need to get ahold of myself before Riccardo comes back, but I can't. I don't know why I'm having a weak moment now of all times—when Luca's gone and when I'm supposed to be relaxing at my buddy's house. I can usually prevent these moments, but sometimes they just force their way in my head.
I remember when I used to think it was okay. Luca left for school, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. That's when I realized my... sickness, but I didn't think of it like that at the time. I remember suddenly being really happy all the time, and everyone noticed the change. I wanted to announce to everyone why I was so happy, but I didn't know how to do it.
But then a month later, after watching Batman one evening, there was this documentary that came on. They were talking about this teenage boy who was just like me. But they said that he had a sickness, and that his way of thinking was "frowned upon by society". They said the only way to cure the sickness is by hypnosis or other weird therapies. It scared me half to death, and I felt so sick that I spent a while in the bathroom, ready to throw up. Massimo soon found out, and this was actually the night he gave me that gross medicine. Obviously I never told him why I was feeling sick, because that commercial made me realize I'd be hated everywhere if I spilled the truth. So I had to lie and say I ate too much pasta.
For a few weeks after that, I found myself avoiding Luca's letters that came in the mail. I was too afraid to even think about him after that night, because now that I knew I was sick, I was determined to change my way of thinking. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't become normal. And a part of me didn't want to, because deep down, it didn't feel wrong at all. I didn't and still don't understand why it's considered a sickness.
I don't want to explain what exactly the "sickness" is, because I don't feel like it and it's no one's business.
But yeah, I'm sick. And I don't think medicine will help it.
But running from it will.
I don't even realize my eyes are closed until I hear Riccardo say my name. I sit up and look at him, hoping he can't tell I was tearing up. But honestly, I wasn't actually crying. Cool guys like me don't cry, you know?
In Riccardo's hand is a steaming cup of what looks and smells like tea. "Tè verde," he says, handing it to me. I scoot to the edge of the bed and take the cup from him. "My mom made some earlier, and she heated this up for you. It's really good, and it'll probably help your stomach."
I blow on the tea. It smells grassy, which makes me think of the ocean... which makes me think of Luca.
I take a sip of the tea. Then I smack my lips a little, trying not to make a face. It tastes grassy, too.
I don't like it much, but Riccardo gave it to me, so I thank him anyway and keep it.
That's when I notice a big flat folder in his other hand. He holds it up for me to see. There's a man on the cover playing a trumpet. "My sister let me borrow this. She says his music is really calming. Want to give it a listen?"
I could go for some music right now, so I definitely agree. "Who's the guy?" I ask as he walks to his singing lady machine on his dresser. Super jealous of that, by the way. Mine broke again, and I lost the handle.
"His name is Louis Armstrong," he explains, taking a flat black circle out of the folder. "Lia is obsessed with jazz. I'm surprised she let me borrow these."
"I thought Lia was visiting her dad in another city." I take another sip of tea.
"Ummm...." Riccardo rubs his neck and turns to me. "Okay, so maybe I took these from her room. But she won't know, right?"
"Hey, I borrow Giulia's crayons all the time," I admit, smirking. "So you're good."
He smiles. Then he turns and sets the black circle onto the singing lady machine (except it won't be a singing lady this time... they should really change the name). I take one more sip of the weird tea, then set it down as the music starts playing.
Riccardo reaches into his top drawer and pulls out a deck of cards. "Want to play cards while we listen?" he asks, sitting down on his rug.
I get off the bed and sit across from him. "I've never played cards before. I don't know how to play." I've seen some people in town play cards, but I have no idea how it works.
"That's okay. There's tons of games you can play with cards. I'll teach you Go Fish, since... you know." He laughs at his joke.
"Wow, that was terrible," I reply, grinning, which makes him laugh again.
We play cards for a little bit. I quickly get the hang of Go Fish, since I'm a pro at everything and all. Louis Armstrong's music is really calming, and I find myself humming along to his songs once I know the melody. I can see why Riccardo's sister loves his music.
We're on our second game (I lost the first one, but it was on purpose), when a certain song catches my attention. I end up losing focus on the game as I listen to it.
"Your turn," Riccardo tells me, which snaps me out of the mini-trance the song put me in.
"Oh." I set my cards face-down on the floor. "Um... I'll play in a sec."
Riccardo glances at the machine. "You like this song?" he asks me.
I nod. "Yeah. It's really pretty." I pause. "Do you mind if we listen to the rest of this?"
He shrugs. "I don't mind."
We lean against his bed, and I shut my eyes.
The song started as just music, but soon the Louis guy starts to sing. I already liked his voice, but this song is... different. It makes my heart feel funny.
Another funny thing is that... it makes me think of Luca.
Before I know it, I'm caught in a daydream that I won't share because that's just how it is. But it involves dancing.
Bruno's in the very back of my head at this moment, because nothing else matters besides this calming song and my daydream.
After the song is over, it takes me a moment to leave my thoughts and open my eyes again. I instantly stand up and go over to the machine. I have to know the name of the song.
I look at the marks on the black circle, then read the songs listed on the folder thingy. After counting the songs, I finally find the song's name. It looks like it's in a different language than English or Italian, so I'll just call it my special daydream song for now.
I don't know what it is about this song, but it made me forget everything that was bothering me. I didn't run from my sickness like I always do—in fact, I embraced it. And it didn't feel wrong.
Is that what it feels like to be normal? The way this song made me feel?
"Can I play this song again?" I ask Riccardo, lifting up the stick thing that makes the music play.
"Definitely. It's really nice."
I set the stick's needle on the right mark, and smile as the song starts to play again. Instead of sitting back down on the floor, I rest my arms on the dresser and close my eyes.
Bruno loses this time.