Your POV
Once you are told long enough, even the lie becomes the truth. People keep telling me I'm not good enough for Natasha, she deserves someone better. Perhaps a man such as Steve Rogers. Or a woman such as Commander Hill. She is the Black Widow, but who am I? I am just a speck of dust compared to her. She shouldn't be seen together with me.
So I started distancing myself from her, maybe she'll find that this relationship isn't working and break it off with me to find someone else?
I don't even know how I can go into the same room and sleep with her at night. The guilt pressures me so much that I keep my hands to myself.
Each time Nat comes to SHIELD to find me, I always have to give her some sort of an excuse.
"Clint asked me for some help today."
"Commander Hill requested for a reevaluation exercise."
"SHIELD is conducting lessons for protocol."
I don't know how many more excuses I can come up with. Doing this scared me of how easily I can lie to Nat.
There's this thing I do not understand with humans. They say I am not deserving of her and yet when I distanced myself from Nat. They say I played with her.
There's no one to turn to. I spent most of my time in SHIELD that I do not have a life outside of it. It was getting miserable and unbearable working in SHIELD. The cafeteria is the place I avoided the most, it was so open and there's no place to hide. At least, in the safety of the common office, I can just pretend they're not there and continue working.
Natasha POV
Over the past few weeks, Y/N kept avoiding me. The only time we got to spend together was at night. But even then, she's changed. We used to sleep together with at least a limb touching, but now she seems more interested in herself. She's beginning to keep more things to herself.
Whenever I went to SHIELD to see her, she was always busy, putting me off for work. I tried finding her during her lunch period but I didn't see her in the cafeteria anywhere.
"Oh hey Nat. What are you doing here?" I took a seat in front of Maria when I couldn't find Y/N anywhere again.
"Is SHIELD super busy these few days?"
"No. We are always busy, but I wouldn't say we don't have time to rest. Why?"
"Y/N have been avoiding me. She kept saying she had things to do."
"This is her schedule for the past week." Maria passed me her tablet after swiping through. Sure she has some courses she had to attend but between each session, I should have been able to catch her during her break. So what was the reason?
I checked the places she visited, and since most areas require a keycard for security, there's records of it. She stopped going to the cafeteria, that explains why I couldn't find her. But other than her usual activities, she hasn't been going for training too.
"Has the player finally changed targets?" One agent came to the table and spoke to us.
"Player? Mind explaining agent?" Maria questioned.
"Agent Y/L/N, she-"
"In my office, now." I looked at Maria, using the tablet that was still in my hand, it showed that her last location was in her office.
Y/N being Y/N, her table was located at the farthest corner. Nobody was in the office since they left for lunch. She wasn't even typing on her laptop, she was staring out into space since her table was closest to the window.
"Hey." I said as I pulled the closest chair to sit on. If only Wanda was here to tell me what she was thinking about. There was nothing interesting outside and she looked emotionless. I placed my chin on her shoulder and wrapped my arms around her and she looked up, finally noticing me.
"Nat?" She turned around to look at me.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I believed it. I believe I am not good enough for you."
"But you are the one who changed me. The one who makes me realise that I can actually love."
"It doesn't have to be me in the end."
"This won't do." I picked her up and started walking out.
"What are you doing Nat? Put me down!" Y/N tried to push herself out of my grip, but I held her tight.
"You are not going to work here anymore. Maria knows what's happening."
"Fine Nat. Put me down, this is embarrassing!" She whisper shouted.
"No. People need to know I want you, and you're not going to leave me." I was making a statement in SHIELD as I carried her out. People were looking in our direction until I placed her in my car with tinted windows. I drove us back to the compound and before she could run away, I brought her back up to our room, locking the door.
"What do you want?" Y/N grumbled as I placed her in bed.
"You're good enough. You are not who you think you are. You always score at the top of the class, you always go for extra credit, giving it your all even though it may not be recognised. Your work is always neat and tidy and organized. Everyone knows they can count on you to make it work. Can you see how much people rely on you? I rely on you."
The floodgates opened and she started sobbing, bringing her knees closer to her chest and crying on them. It's relieving to see she's finally stopped bottling up her feelings.
"I love you so much. You're more than enough for me. I love every single thing you do no matter how silly it may be."
"So you are saying I do silly things?" She peeked up with her teary eyes.
"No. I just wanted to see your eyes." I started tickling her and she tried squirming away laughing hysterically but I was holding her down so she couldn't move.
"Nat! Stop!" She panted heavily as I laid next to her in the messy bed.
"I love you." I looked at her dearly.
"I love you too." Y/N came close and snuggled next to me, sighing and relaxing in my arms. Both of us missed this feeling for such a long time. Something we have missed for the past few weeks and I am finally able to hold her in my sleep.
Written on 14 Nov 2021
Posted on 14 May 2022