TW: S.H, S***idal thoughts
PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DON'T CONTINUE IF YOU THINK THESE TOPICS WILL BE DANGEROUSLY TRIGGERING
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Sean's POV
I booked the flight for as soon as I could. Which, to my relief, happened to be tommorow at 1:00pm. I couldn't sleep that night. Anticipation, excitement, and anxiety all shook me to the core as millions of thoughts bounced around in my head like one of those ping ball machines.
What do I say when I see him? Does he even want to see me? Should I really do this?
I tossed and turned in bed unable to shake my thoughts away. When the clock hit 2am I figured I wouldn't be sleeping tonight. So, I got out of bed and decided to record some back up videos for when I'm gone. Hopefully I'd catch some Z's on the plane.
-
"Next flight for Brighton, now boarding"
I jumped up from my seat and grabbed my suitcase. It's about time. I've chewed my nails down to nothing trying to wait.
I find my seat and let out a sigh as I sat down. I checked my phone out of habit. I've still been trying to get ahold of Fee, even though I knew it was probably pointless. Just then I got a message from Mark.
Markimoo: Oi!!! I just saw your post?? You're going to see your boyfriend??
My eyes widened and I was quick to respond.
Jackiboi: not my boyfriend! And yes. I'm off to see the swede.
Markimoo: send me cute couple pics
Jackiboi: shut up
Markimoo: make me!
Jackiboi: I'll tell Ethan you like him
Markimoo: you wouldn't-
I chuckled evily to myself.
Jackiboi: I would
Markimoo: okay okay Truce!
Jackiboi: good boy ;)
Markimoo: in all seriousness, do keep me updated. I need to know how the bastard is doing.
Jackiboi: will do. Plane is about to take off, ttyl!
Markimoo: buh bye!👋
I turn my phone on airplane mode and plug in my earbuds hoping to just chill and maybe sleep for most of the flight. As I closed my eyes and relaxed in my seat, I found my mind immidiatly going to Felix. I thought about seeing him at his doorstep and pulling him into my arms. I thought about hearing his voice again. His eyes and fluffy hair. Even his soft lips made their way into my head and my eyes shot open in surprise.
"Good lord help me" I whispered to myself as I dragged my hands down my face.
I'm not sure when all of these weird feelings crept up on me. Maybe I've always felt this way and they just grew bigger over time. I've always loved spending time with the guy, maybe more than I should have. Like Cringemas, we were honestly all over eachother...and I loved it. All the dumb videos we've made together, and all the times we got to hang out...I miss those times. I hope we could have moments like that again. But I can't let my true feelings surface. I'm so scared of losing him if he were to find out...
With one last sigh, I close my eyes and do my best to tune my thoughts out so I could get some sleep.
-
I drifted in and out of sleep during the long hours of flight until we finally arrived. As soon as we were cleared to get off I grabbed my suitcase and booked it like my hot ass was on fire. I was the first to get off despite having a middle seat. I didn't want to waist a single second. I had to see him. The closer I got the more excited I became. I was even smiling as I waved down a taxi. I practically flew into the back seat as I told the driver my designated area.
"You running from someone?" The driver chuckled as he drove off.
"Nah, just eager to see an old friend of mine" I replied looking out the window. I watched the clouds floating by in the sky still smiling. I must have looked like a dork to the stranger. I didn't care either way. I was way too excited for anything to bring me down.
My smile grew even bigger as we pulled up next to Felix's house. I even giggled out of peer joy. "thank you!" I said handing the driver his pay.
"No problem, have fun you two" the stranger said with a wink.
I grabbed my suitcase with a blush and quicky exited the taxi before rushing down the pathway and up the small set of stairs to the door. My heart was beating a million miles per second. This is it. I'm gonna see him!
I rang the doorbell and bounced ever so slightly as I eagerly waited.
-
Felix's POV
I did it again.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
I looked up at the mirror. I almost didn't recognize myself. My reflection was just a sad, shabby looking man with bed head, lost eyes...and new scars all up both his arms. New blood stained the sink beneath me.
I stared at myself until tears blurred my vision causing me to burry my face in my hands. And then I was sobbing.
"I'm so fucking pathetic" I cried in a whisper. "What happened to me?"
When I pulled my hands away my eyes landed on the pill bottles sitting on the counter. Slowly, I reached over and picked one of them up.
I've thought about it before.
Multiple times.
Downing the bottled and stepping into the tub...
I've just never had the guts to go through with it.
But maybe today will be different...
Before I could back down, I opened the bottle. The pills spilled out into the palm of hand. They pulled me in until there was nothing around me. Just me, and a handful of blue colored promises.
I was so close to taking them. I got as far as my lips when the doorbell rang.
I froze. My whole world came crashing back down. I looked back up at the mirror to be met with a complete stranger now.
Not a single part of him was me.
I put the bottle back and roughly ran a hand through my hair as I held my breath, letting it out slowly.
The doorbell rang again. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I quickly left the bathroom and bit down on my knuckles as I made my way to the door. I made sure that my sleeves were all the way down, then reached for the doorknob.
I was expecting it to be Mariza. She was the only one who came by now. So you can imagine how shocked I was when I opened the door to be met with a familiar Irish man who looked like he just ran an exhilarating mile.
"FELIX!" I barely had time to react before Sean lunged himself at me and hugged me tight. I froze in his embrace. I couldn't believe it.
"S-Sean?" I asked doing my best to hide the fact that I was just sobbing a few seconds ago. "You're...you're here?" I wrapped my arms around him, still in disbelief that he was really here. He was here wasn't he? I wasn't dreaming or having some weird ass hallucination? I could feel his warmth. I could smell the calone he always uses. I could even feel his heart beating against my chest. Or maybe that was mine?
"I'm here buddy" Sean sniffled. He burried his face in my shoulder. "I fucking missed you".
"Sean.." I hugged him tighter, almost afraid he'd disappear if I let go. He was here. He was really here. "I don't understand. Wha- what are you doing here?"
He pulled away just enough to look at me. "I came to see you!" He said in his usual sweet and joyful voice. God I love his voice. "You haven't talked to any of us. I was worried about you ya jerk". He playfully punched me in the shoulder.
"Oh..." I ducked my head. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Sean I just... haven't..." My voice trailed off not knowing what to say. I had no excuse. I was just a shitty friend.
"Hey" Sean spoke softly. He placed a hand on my shoulder. "It's alright buddy. Whatever you're going through, you're not alone in it, okay? You've got me. You've got all of our friends".
I nodded. And in my over emotional state I started to cry again. He had reminded me about everyone I had walked away from.
"I'm sorry" I cried. I tried to hide myself in my hands but Sean pulled me into his arms again.
"Don't be sorry, Fee" he spoke softly. "I'm here for you, buddy. We'll get through this".
I clung to his shirt as I cried for what seemed like ages. And he held me the whole time.