WARNING: Mention of mental illness
*Jahoon's POV*
I hissed in pain as I put an ointment on my wounds before wrapping it all up with a bandage. I was sitting in one of my houses here in the suburbs of South Korea, a place with almost none around.
I sat down on the sofa in my living room after grabbing a can of beer while looking at my phone ringing on the table in front of me. They must be done with the shoot now probably and have found out that I have gone missing. I opened the can and tried to drink away my feelings, maybe I should try to drink my life away? I chuckled bitterly and turned on the tv.
Tv: B4U and Iz*one member Park Jahoon have been seen going on a date with SM entertainment new girl group Aespa member Winter. It was reported that they were seen close to Iz*one's new dorm kissing...
I turned off the tv and threw the remote at it, making it fall down and break. I leaned backward while running a hand through my hair while breathing out heavily. Even being here in the suburbs wouldn't give me any rest from all this. I clenched the can, making the beer spill all over me but I could care less.
???: Why don't you try to kill yourself again?
Jahoon: Oh shut up. I don't want to hear you again.
???: Why? Hehehe, you know that the pain would be sweeter than the pain you "supposedly" gave you.
Jahoon: I said shut the hell up!!!
I stood up and threw the can of beer. I grabbed my hair while closing my eyes completely shut.
Jahoon: I don't want to hear it.... I don't want to hear any of your shit.
???: You know that you can never escape me. On the other side, think about it I'm the only one who has been with you. Even your own parents don't want to have anything to do with you. No one wants you.
Jahoon: Well that I can't deny.
I chuckled bitterly before laughing full out. Whoever would have seen me right now, would have thought that I have gone crazy which is probably right. I slowly walked upstairs to one of the bathrooms and filled the sink with water before drowning my whole head in the water. Even after a few minutes, I couldn't feel any pain of missing air. I stood back straight up and ran a hand through my hair, swiping away from my face. I grabbed the sink and looked at my pathetic self. What did people even see in me? All I saw was a disgusting look person, that didn't deserve to live.
???: What did I say? Now you even agree with me. You should have stayed with your parents and let them kill you instead of running away.
Jahoon: Yeah... Yeah, you are right. That would have been better. Better for everyone.
I took off all of my clothes and got into the shower, turning it as hot as possible. Nothing. I couldn't feel anything. I rubbed my face while chuckling before beginning to laugh again. I bang my head into the wall. I kept during it for a while before stopping and took a step backward.
Jahoon: Oops... hahaha... Such a sweet sight of blood.
I looked in front of me to see blood slowly flowing down from the wall. My blood. I took my hand and wiped my face to see even more blood. I chuckled and shook my head before finishing up showering and putting on my clothes after attending to my wounds again. I hopped into bed and fell asleep, dreaming that I would wake up dead.
CJ E&M CEO: What are you saying?! You want to quit Izone?!
Jahoon: Exactly what I was saying.
I was standing in the office of our CEO will looking at him straight in the face with a blank expression. No one had recognized me while entering the building, as I was wearing all black with a cap and facemask on. Our CEO rubbed his face as he was frustrated with my statement.
CEO: Look if this is about the article with Winter, I assure you that I would do everything in my power to get it away and make people forget about it. Please don't quit Izone, huh?
The only reason you are doing this is because if I left it would hurt Izone's reputation and it would make you lose money. I took a deep breath and pulled out a letter from the inside of my pocket and slide it towards him. He looked at it before looking at me confused.
Jahoon: This is my termination letter. I don't have to say what you need to do right and also the consequence if you don't?
He looked at me in fear and gulped nervously. He knew that I could take him down from his position at any time as my father was one of the biggest shareholders in the company. He took out a handkerchief from one of his pockets and wiped away the sweat that was forming on his forehead.
CEO: Look Jahoon. How about taking some time off, huh? I will make a statement that you are on a hiatus right now because you got into an accident! This will make people stop bothering you for a while and you get some time alone! Please! Please just think about it one more time before deciding!
He stood up from his seat and walked to stand beside me before dropping down on his knees, begging for me to agree. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying not to laugh at the sight. I chuckled a bit and patted his head.
Jahoon: Fine. I will agree with you to stop yourself from embarrassing yourself anymore but don't think that it would change my mind at all. At the end of my hiatus, I would still be quitting Izone.
I put on my cap and facemask again and walked out of the office. I looked to the left and right, making sure that no one saw me before proceeding to make my way out of the building. As I got off the elevator and was soon out of the building, suddenly the girls walked inside. I forgot that we had a practice today! I quickly turned around the corner with my back against the wall and watched them walking past me without noticing me. I quickly turned around and walked towards the door.
Yujin: Wait unnies! I will just go buy something in the café. Go up without me.
Shit! I have to hurry or else they would find out about me being here. I tried to walk fast but normal as possible but accidentally bumped into someone, making us both fall to the ground and my cap falling off.
Staff: I'm so sorry Jahoon-sshi. I didn't mean to bump into you like this.
Yujin: Jahoon unnie?
F*ck. I gathered all of the other person's stuff together so it was easier for them to grab it and quickly grabbed my cap before fast-walking out of the building.
Yujin: Jahoon unnie! Wait!
Goddamn it. Yujin, I love you but this time I must say I really hate you for following me. Suddenly someone grabbed my arm and turned me around. It was Yujin. I held my breath as she reached her hand out to try and pull down my mask when Eunbi ran towards us and grabbed Yujin's shoulder, making her turn to look at Eunbi. I used the opportunity to push Yujin, making her fall to the ground, and quickly ran away. I'm sorry Yujin but this is the best for us all.
*No one's POV*
Yujin fell to the ground as Jahoon pushed her to the ground. Eunbi, who was worried about her fellow member who suddenly ran out of the building, kneeled down to help Yujin back up on her feet.
Yujin: Unnie! That was Jahoon unnie, that just ran away!
Yujin pointed in the direction that Jahoon had run away while looking at Eunbi. Eunbi sighed and patted Yujin's head.
Eunbi: Yujin, I know you miss Jahoon a lot but I think you are just seeing this right now. Come on. Let's get back inside, we still have to practice.
Yujin: But unnie.....
Eunbi grabbed Yujin by the wrist and dragged her in the direction of their company. Yujin looked behind her to see if she could spot Jahoon. She was sure that it was Jahoon, she had caught and she was sure that it was Jahoon's name that she heard from the staff but now she was gone. Yujin allowed Eunbi to drag her back to the company and into the practice room, where the other girls were waiting for them.
Sakura: Where did you go Yujin? You suddenly ran off without telling us!
Yujin: I saw Jahoon unnie! I saw her leaving the building just now! That why I ran without telling you guys.
Eunbi: Or you think that you saw her Yujin.
Yujin: But unnie!
Eunbi: Did you see the face of the person you caught?
Yujin: No but!
Eunbi: Then you can't be sure that it was Jahoon. I know you miss her Yujin, we all do but I don't think that was Jahoon you had caught.
Yujin: But unnie then why would they-
Before Yujin could say anything further. Their dance teacher entered the room, making the practice begin.
The girls returned back to the dorm after a long practice as they tried to remember their old dances. Everyone took turns to the shower and prepared for bed. After everyone had fallen asleep, Yujin got up from her bed and made her way to Jahoon's room before opening and closing the door quietly behind her. She got into Jahoon's bed and pulled the cover over her. She pulled the blanket closer to her nose and took a sniff out of it. The blanket still had Jahoon's scent on it. Yujin turned around to lay on her back and looked up in the ceiling thinking about yesterday, where she had the other girls had visited Jahoon's other group B4U's dorm to ask if they knew anything about Jahoon's whereabouts.
Eunbi: Do you guys perhaps know where Jahoon could be at the moment?
Jiwon: Wait. Isn't Jahoon with you guys at the dorm right now? The last time we saw her was at you guys' dorm. Did something happen?
The Izone girls looked among themselves and told the girls in B4U about everything that had happened. Minju also told everyone what had happened in the waiting room at the photo shoot.
Jina: I'm sorry to say this but I think that Jahoon unnie have been really hurt from your words Minju unnie. Even though there is something that has been upsetting Jahoon unnie, she would still let us know about her whereabouts and tell us everything is fine and that she just needs some time.
Hitomi: That is making me even more worried about Jahoon unnie.
Vicky: Let us leave her alone.
Everyone turned to look at Vicky, who was sitting in the corner reading a book.
Eunbi: How can you say that?! How can we just leave her alone?! We don't know where she is and how she is doing right now?! What if something bad has happened to her?
Vicky stood up from the couch and walked over to where the other girls were sitting.
Vicky: I can say this because I know Jahoon. I know her for long enough of time to know how she would react in a situation like this. If Jahoon would have wanted you guys to know about her whereabouts then she would have told you about it, also I don't think that something bad would happen to Jahoon. She has enough brain cells to not do something stupid. She had already survived once.
Everyone looked at Vicky confused. What did she meant by Jahoon had already survived once?
Vicky: Where ever Jahoon is right now, I think we should all leave her alone and give her some time to think through all of this herself. Even if we were there for her right now, it wouldn't help. Trust me. I know it from experience.
Yujin had been staring into the ceiling for a while when she suddenly felt something wet on her face. She sat up and used her hand to wipe it. She had unknowingly began crying. She missed Jahoon and wanted to give her the biggest hug ever and maybe chain her up so she could never leave her again. The door to Jahoon's bedroom opened up revealing Wonyoung in the doorframe.
Wonyoung: Oh, Yujin unnie! I didn't know that you would be sleeping in Jahoon unnie's room. I will leave then.
Yujin: Wait, Wonyoung. Come and sleep with me tonight.
Wonyoung walked inside the room and closed the door behind her before joining Yujin in the bed. She cuddled up against Yujin, as the latter wrapped her arms around her. Wonyoung took a sniff of the blanket, the same way as Yujin had done. After a while after talking about their favorite moments with their favorite unnie, they both fell asleep.
The next morning as Eunbi woke up and wanted to wake everyone up, she suddenly became worried when she couldn't find either Yujin or Wonyoung in their beds. Eunbi walked to Jahoon's room in hope of finding them there and found them both sleeping in Jahoon's bed cuddling up against each other. Eunbi sat on the edge of the bed carefully to not wake up the two girls and just sat there staring at them. She tuckered a few stray hairs behind their ears and kissed them on their forehead. It hurt her to see them like this.
Eunbi: I promise you two and everyone else. I will find Jahoon. At all cost. I will find her even if it means traveling to the end of the world.
*Jahoon's POV*
I got back home and took off my cap before throwing it against the wall. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath. I pulled out my phone from my pocket to see a lot of unanswered calls from the girls and from my members in B4U as well as from the girls from Itzy and Aespa. Suddenly a message from our CEO popped up on the screen.
CEO: The article is published now. Please think about your decision again.
I unlocked my phone and searched for my name to see the article.
Article: B4U and Izone member Park Jahoon reportedly has been in a car accident and is currently at the hospital. She is currently in the ICU department and is still in a critical state. CJ E&M has made a statement about the situation: "It is true that our artist Jahoon has been in a car accident and that she is currently in ICU. We can't say anything yet about what had completely happened and how Jahoon is right now but we assure everyone that we will do our best to investigate and help Jahoon as best as possible for her to get back onto the stage again. We thank you for your worries on the behalf of Jahoon and hope that you will all continue to support and wish her a fast recovery."
I closed my phone and took another deep breath. This is the best but my decision would still be the same in the end. I will be leaving Izone.