One touch. My mood drastically drops. A hand settles on my hip that is so familiar and so ill-feeling. I wish I could rip his hand off. His fingertips dig deeper into my skin. Another fake smile forces its way to my lips as he kisses my temple in front of the others. It's another empty kiss that is just for show.
The music is pounding heavily, and I can feel it radiating through my ribcage. It reeks of alcohol, and the air is musty with smoke. The party to kick off the start of the school year is alive with drunken students wandering about, dancing, and having the time of their lives. I'm jealous of everyone here that can enjoy it.
"How about a little cheer to the start of the year and you guys possibly being scouted for the big leagues," Ali bursts into a big smile. Her black curls fall to her waist, and her pink dress compliments her light brown skin. Her cheeks are reddening from the amount of alcohol she has already downed in the little time that we have been here.
Another fake smile.
Another small laugh.
Another bitter drink down.
"I think you've had enough," Josh remarks after I take down a shot of tequila with the others. There's a burn in my throat that radiates to my sternum from the little drink. It's disgusting, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth, but I'm not drunk or even close to being drunk. He takes the red cup from my hand and runs his hand through his brown hair. My insides tighten as I try not to say a word.
"Oh, she isn't even drunk. Besides, this is a celebration for our last year here, and you possibly getting into Manchester United," Hannah pouts. I admire her so much and always have since we were younger—my best friend with that gorgeous blonde hair and bright blue eyes that light up so quickly. The tight blue dress brings out her eyes significantly. She sways her hips a little to the music before sipping the beverage in her red cup.
"Yeah, Megan is not drunk enough," Ali snorts in laughter. Another best friend of mine that I have come to love, having met her here at the University of London three years ago.
Josh's hand is on my hip, and he grips tightly, silently telling me to oblige. My stomach clenches, and my throat is dry. I nod in an unwanted agreement and swallow back the ill feeling. "I'm not in the mood anyways," I state, below the pounding music.
Of course, I'm already being cut off by him.
Hannah blows out a raspberry before grabbing onto Derek's arm. He also has brown hair and brown eyes, much like Josh, but he's taller and kinder. I have no idea where Shane had run off to, but the tall blonde is the last of this friend group. The three football players of our friend group that we had somehow befriended our first year here.
My eyes fall on familiar tattoos, and my heart stands still. I zone out on everyone else, eyeing the guy with brown hair and a black shirt from behind. His head turns just enough for me to see his stubbled jawline, and any air in my lungs starts to escape me. Derek is suddenly blocking my line of sight, reaching over to grab something from Ali. My lashes flutter, and I try to look around him.
He vanished, like some ghost, into thin air. Three girls now stand there, downing shots, and I look away. My mind is playing tricks on me. There's no way that was him. It's too dangerous to think back on that Summer night when Josh has this protective hold on me. I'm afraid that somehow he knows exactly what I'm thinking about, and I don't want an earful. My fingertips move through my brown hair, ruining the soft curls that I had made.
"Holy crap, who is that with Shane?" Ali captures my attention. Her brown eyes are wide and doe-like as she gazes ahead. Her fingertips mindlessly play with one of her curls in the flirtatious way she does so often. Everyone looks in the direction that she's looking, including me. Shane finally approaches with a big grin that shows off the dimple on his left cheek.
"Figured I should introduce the newest football player to you girls and get him acquainted with the group. He already knows the guys, obviously, but Louis, this is the rest of the group we told you about," Shane starts to introduce us. My eyes fall on him, and my body is stone cold. I even faintly hear Hannah take in a sharp intake of breath to my left. She knows exactly who he is. My mind wasn't playing tricks after all. Those blue eyes are instead focused on Ali as Shane points her way to start. That brown hair is slightly longer, styled back, and he's in all black with a tee that fits so well to his body. That stubble sharpens his jawline, and those firm arms are covered in tattoos. Breathtaking and slowly consuming my mind with thoughts of that Summer night. It's as if I did down enough beers to make the temperature rise in this place.
"It is so nice to meet you. I'm Alison. Well, Ali for short. You can call me either," Ali giggles giddily, swaying a little in her spot. She's the flirt of the group, who is currently batting her eyes at him, and my insides are twisting as I watch. I have never been bothered by it until now.
"Ali," Derek coughs, trying to get her to stop. She laughs and covers her smile with her drink.
"Megan, Josh's girlfriend," Shane points to me. Those blue eyes are on me, and his lips instantly fall. He recognises me, and I can't breathe. My heart goes spastic in my chest, and I try to smile, fearful that he will say anything that will let Josh know that we know each other. I wish I still had the cup in my hand to tighten my grip on. I hold onto my left arm with my right hand, trying to keep stable. Stop looking at me.
"And I'm Hannah," Hannah interrupts before he has a chance to say a word. Louis' eyebrows furrow together as he looks at her. Of course, he remembers her. "It is so nice to meet you. Did you transfer from another uni?" she dodges any sort of conversation between the two of us. I'm beyond thankful for her, especially when Josh's grip is already so tight on my hip.
"Uh, yeah, I transferred because I had to move here, closer to my father," Louis answers in an off tone. His eyes drift back to me, and my pulse quickens immediately. I look away, silently pleading he doesn't say a word. This tension is rising, consuming me. I don't know if anyone else feels it, but it's suffocating.
"We figured we'd take him into the group after the last few weeks of practice. He kept up better than we expected for being new," Derek boasts, explaining it to us girls. My stomach curls. I wish I had more alcohol in my system to process this. This must be some sort of cruel joke that the universe is trying to play.
"Want a drink? There's plenty of tequila, and I'd be more than happy to help you get some," Ali offers happily. If only she knew who he was. She wouldn't throw herself at him if she did. I'm too afraid to even confide in her about him.
"I don't drink," he refuses, catching a few odd looks from the others. His eyes flicker back to me, and my throat is bone dry. I just want so badly to tell him to stop looking at me. He won't stop.
"You're at a party, and you don't drink?" Josh scoffs, challenging him already.
"I've got my reasons," Louis remarks back. Josh hums lowly. I want to shrink back and hide away from him.
"Well, I need another. Let's go grab something," Josh mumbles to me. I nod my head and gulp. "We'll be back," he announces, holding up the empty cup in his hand. He guides me away from the group, his hand now on my back. We make our way through the bustling crowd with some guys from the football team acknowledging him in passing. The downside of this being a university that loves the football team. Everyone knows everyone, especially my friend group. Although I probably look like an outcast to everyone else because I truly keep to myself and just them, or at least now I do.
"Fucking Ali, drooling all over him. He isn't even that attractive," Josh scoffs, letting me go. He reaches over the kitchen island to grab a new cup and some liquor to pour into it. I stay silent, with my nerves plucking at my insides. His brown eyes lift onto me, and they harden so fast. Already I feel so small like he is about to turn the tables onto me. "You don't find him attractive too, do you?" he questions, his tone menacingly low. I only have one right answer.
"No," I defend instantly. My skin is already crawling as his eyes stay focused on me. He is studying me intently, watching for any little hiccup that could let him in that I just told a lie. "No, Josh. I don't even like tattoos at all," I announce before he has the chance to get mad. Only that statement itself is a huge lie. My god, I loved running my fingertips over those tattooed arms before trailing my lips over them. It was probably the first time I had ever loved tattoos so much, and I am trying to avoid letting my mind escape back to that night.
"Good," he murmurs before going to drink his liquor. I look away, back in the direction of the group. Shane is chatting away, laughing beside him. He's looking this way, and those blue eyes are burning right into me. My blood is heating up so fast that it is becoming unbearable in this room. Josh sets the cup down, distracting me, before suddenly taking my cheeks in his hands and kissing me. His lips are cold, tasting like alcohol. My heart has dropped to lower levels, wanting desperately out of this kiss and away from both of them. I can't be near both Josh and Louis at the same time. He lets me go and sighs, hot breath laced with alcohol fanning over my face.
"I'm not feeling too well. Can I head back to my dorm?" I ask quietly, trying to catch my bearings.
"Alone? I'm not done here, and you are not walking back by yourself," Josh scoffs, his eyebrows knitting together. I frown, wanting an out. My anxiety will be through the roof the longer I'm stuck in the same place as the two of them.
"What if you walk me back, and you can come back here when done?" I plead. His jaw tightens, and I shrink back a little. It sounds like too much to ask, but I gaze up with pleading eyes. "I feel like I'm going to get sick."
"Fine, I'll walk you back," he grumbles miserably. I thank him quietly, almost feeling like a scared child that knows they'll have their ear chewed out later. He grabs my arm and drags me towards the exit, grumbling under his breath. His grip is tight. He's furious, and my forearm is beginning to ache. My heart is in my stomach, and my head hangs low. He walks us past the group and announces, "I'm gonna walk Megan back to the dorm. I'll be back."
"Megs," Ali complains, but Josh is already tearing me away from the others. We escape the party, and the warm air outside feels chilly compared to the inside. I can finally breathe like normal, but my muscles are tense with worry that Josh will snap.
"Unbelievable," he grumbles under his breath bitterly. He lets out a sarcastic laugh, trying to contain himself as others walk past to head towards the party. I don't say a word. He's furious with me, and I know it. We get back to my dorm room in silence, and he waits for me to unlock the door to my room, his angry energy wrapping around me. I make my way into the room before turning to look at him. "If you go anywhere," he huffs, and my hands become clammy.
"I'll be here all night," I barely whisper. Those brown eyes are staring me down for any sort of fib. The way they watch me makes them appear almost demonic in nature. I have no plans on leaving at all. He finally nods and moves in to kiss me again, making me feel so hollow. He parts ways and leaves the room, shutting the door a bit too hard. I can finally breathe out as if I've been holding my breath in all night. He didn't snap, but that's because he just wanted to get back to the party. I no longer feel so timid.
I opened the closet to strip off this black dress and the damn cardigan he wanted me to wear. It was too hot for this thing. I'll be honest; I'm ashamed I was so covered up after seeing Louis there. I look into the body-length mirror, frowning slightly. My brown hair is still softly curled, and my makeup is still intact. I just wasted the night away after taking so long to get ready. Even my hazel eyes are filled with disappointment.
My mind drifts back to Louis, thinking about how intensely my heart had fluttered when I saw him. I start picturing those hands back on me, holding me delicately and intimately while those warm lips travel down my neck to my chest. My reflection shows my skin beginning to redden, and I look away.
I need to stop.