XI.
THE TWO OF US WERE in the kitchen with Amanda cooking food behind me while I was left standing at the island counter completing schoolwork, whatever she was cooking though smelt good, glad to have her here so I wasn't eating fast food and take always. Ryan and Amanda were taking it in turns to keep me company with some of the times Amanda staying while he was here too, which to my surprise didn't bother him. I had my suspicions that the girl he liked was Amanda by the way his eyes focused on her whenever they were in the same room, I'd question him about it but he always denied it when usually he'd be on the girl like a bitch in heat.
A groan of boredom escaped my throat when I dropped my head onto the textbook, not wanting to do any more for the day but had to get it out of the way, if I didn't finish it today I know I wouldn't finish it tomorrow.
Just four more questions and I'm done.
With what little motivation and will that I had left in me I pushed myself on, I finished off the last questions, hitting the minimum amount but still answering in enough detail to get a decent mark. I let out an obnoxious exasperated sigh making it louder than it had to be when Amanda turned around to give me a questioning gaze as I shrugged and turned back around the lean on my elbows.
My mum has only been gone for six days, silently wishing she will be gone for the amount of time she said, enjoying the company of Amanda without needing to keep quiet whenever we joked around and kissed, dreading to finally know what my mum will say and think.
"Since when have you had such a good ass, Wilson?" she questioned in a flirtatious voice as she slapped and grabbed it making me turn around. She walked closer towards me, her hands running up my stomach as I swallowed nervously. "I love that I make you nervous." She whispered next to my ear, her breath slightly tickling the skin on my neck.
"Oh DeCeno," was all I could think to say when my mind went fuzzy, a smirk on her face when she kissed me on the lips and pulled away slowly before she turned back around.
I quickly grabbed her wrist to turn her back around and pulled her into me, one kiss not being enough when my lips were against hers again, making her be the one to back up against the counter with my hand on the small of her back. I felt her hands on the side of my neck when I stopped the kiss and hesitated, a confused look on her face when she let out an exhale from the breath she had been holding. Without missing a beat she closed the distance and deepened the kiss. The taste of peach lingered on her lips with her tongue feeling cooler against mine, I couldn't keep the breathy sigh down when she kissed me with more want, my hands running down to the back of her thighs as I lifted her up on to the counter and pulled her into me, her nails clawing down my neck as a sigh left her lips from in between the kisses.
The kiss ended too soon when we heard my front door open and the sound of Ryan's voice echoing down the hallway making the both of us sigh in frustration while I took a step back from her, running my hands down her thighs until I could no longer touch her while I leaned my back against the island with my hands on the side as I cleared my throat.
"Rebec-ca," he began with a smile on his face until he saw Amanda sat on the counter. "Amanda." He said with a nod his head, "how nice of you to be here...again." The tone in his voice unclear of how he was feeling.
"Ryan, I honestly wish I could say the same about you, but I can't." She smiled sweetly with a shrug, sliding from off the counter to go back to her cooking.
I couldn't help but look between both of them when I could feel the tension, not understanding their dislike for one another. I could stand here and make aimless guesses like maybe it's because she won't swoon for him as every girl does, but since finding out she was bisexual he was too busy wanting to discuss her sex life whenever he had the chance.
When he would fixate on the topic he would make my stomach turn, not wanting to talk about it with him, always coming off as a pervert and if I ever told him to stop he'd asked why I'm getting defensive.
"Why is she always here?" he asked in a snarky tone while I gave him an unimpressed look. "Whatever then. Anyway. There is going to be an amazing party tonight in the woods, you in?" he grinned looking at me when I leant against the counter, my hands running over my face as I looked at him.
"Did you seriously only come here to tell me that? You could have just shot me a text." I sounded frustrated. I hate when he does this, just throwing me under the spotlight so I feel like I can't say no.
"Come on Bec, don't leave me hanging." The pleading in his voice when he leant on the opposite side of the island counter to me, his hand grabbing onto mine when I noticed Amanda looking our way.
"Where at?" I sighed, not finding the words to say no. It's just easier to say yes and agree.
"The Red Wood forest." He answered, his grin spreading from ear-to-ear while Amanda slowly started to look even more frustrated and annoyed.
"Yeah, I'll think about it. Anything else you wanted?" I questioned hoping he was done.
"Amanda can come along too if that's what's putting you off." He quickly added as he walked over towards me, I glanced over at Amanda, her head shaking no slowly.
"Thanks for the afterthought but no thanks." She spoke up as I chose to ignore her.
"Okay, we will come then." I agreed with a quick smile, "but you're driving."
"No, a taxi man will be driving. You need to let go Bec." He corrected, quickly taking hold of my face as he kissed me, his eyes flickering at Amanda before walking away out of the kitchen.
"Oh my god, stop doing that," I called after him as he let out a laugh as he left the house.
I held my hand up when I saw that Amanda was going to ask me something already seeing the question on her face, not wanting to hear about him kissing me. I hate when he does it and I tell him every time when he kisses me to stop and not do it, but like usual he does whatever he wants. Well, maybe tonight if he drinks enough he'll tell me who this new girl is.
-
A little after ten in the evening we arrived at the Red Wood Forest, the quiet sound of people cheering as we walked through the shrubbery, following the signs that had been stapled to the trees. I haven't got a clue as to why anybody would throw a party in the winter and out of all places outside. Ryan quickened up his pace as he walked ahead of us when I felt Amanda's hand run down my forearm before feeling her hand in mine as she gave it a gentle squeeze. Before coming out here I had told Amanda that the woods and I do not go, how they would make my anxiety go slightly out of control, and by slightly I meant that an anxiety attack is highly likely. If there were two things that I hate, it would be this combination, the woods in the dark.
Trying to keep my cool I could feel myself holding her hand in a vice grip while I kept my eyes on Ryan and only Ryan. Telling myself silently to only think about the hand that was in mine. I could hear my breathing hitch as the voices got louder, a sense of relief washing over me when I saw the huge fire planted in the middle of a clearing.
The moment we crossed over the outskirts, the heat from the fire fought off the icy chill. Something in my gut was telling me to turn around and leave but I couldn't go without Amanda. I swallowed down the feeling and started to be pulled towards a group of people that were hanging around the alcohol.
She grabbed two bottles from the cooler and handed one to me, not saving any time as I took a huge glug while I felt Amanda staring at me. I tried to catch my breath as I raised an eyebrow up at her when she shook her head and took a swig as I kissed her cheek.
With a small sigh, I watched her walk away backwards, trying to beckon me into dancing with her while I shook my head no and said the word as she could hear me. She gave me a small shoulder shrug when she started dancing with some random guy, watching him put his hands on her hips while she slug her arm around the back of his neck. I looked down at the bottle in my hands, trying to sift Ryan out of the crowd of heads, with no such luck I glanced back over at Amanda when the guy she was dancing with slipped something into her drink.
I was set on auto-pilot when the bottle slipped from my hands as I shouldered people out of the way to get to them quickly when she went to take a drink. With the bottle to her lips, I grabbed it from her to throw it somewhere into the bushes, my hands already grabbing onto the guy's jumper as I took us both down to the floor. I didn't know where the scream came from but before I could do anything I felt arms around me as they pulled me up to my feet, to see Ryan stood in front of me as he escorted me to the edge of the clearing.
"What the fuck, Becca?" he asked when Amanda joined the two of us.
"He tried to roofie her, or whatever he put in her drink." My blood beginning to boil when Ryan started to get annoyed, holding his hand up he walked away like that wasn't a good enough excuse.
"Come on," she held her hand out for me to take when I looked down at it then back at her.
"Where we going?" I questioned when she sealed her lips leaving me with no choice but to trust her and take her hand.
I tried to shake off the incident when she pulled me back to where people were dancing and drinking, Amanda making sure to keep the tip of her thumb in the bottle while she tried to get me to loosen up.
-
When morning came around, it only felt like minutes since I had fallen asleep and woken up. Towards the end of the night, she was successful in making me relax as she told me to keep drinking at her speed which probably put my liver into respite and left my head feeling like it had been hit by a freight train. Begrudgingly I opened up my eyes and let out a groan to realise I had slept on the sofa while Ryan was sprawled out on the floor. I patted around blindly for my glasses as I put them on, not spotting Amanda anywhere in the lounge when I heard a noise coming from the kitchen, confusion to who it was, my mother wouldn't be back this early surely, she'd have woken me up and told me I'm ruining her sofa or something along with the lines.
Walking into the kitchen I let out a stretch when I only spotted DeCeno sat down at the breakfast bar, sipping on a cup of coffee and scrolling through her phone until she looked up at me, a smile on her lips when she pointed over to the fresh coffee in the pot. I walked over towards her to press my lips against her temple before pouring myself a coffee.
I took the stool next to her when my eyes dropped down to a purple bruise on her neck, my heart skipping a beat when I moved her hair to the side to get a better look.
"Did I do that?" not remembering doing it but then again I was pretty drunk as she shook her head no while she took a sip of her coffee.
"No, your sleazy friend did." She spoke in a monotone. I felt the blood drain from my face when I looked at her face, no expression there. "Had it been you, I wouldn't have cared."
Everything slotting into place when I realised it was Amanda who he had been going after. The way he would act whenever I'd text her or be on the phone to her, how he would give me the cold shoulder if she had slept the night and in my bed not the spare room. And now with him doing this, I now knew why he had been so hesitant in telling me this girls name.
On cue, how typical, he walked into the kitchen, feeling Amanda's hand grab my arm when she saw me inch to get off the stool.
"What?" he asked when I stared at him, my teeth biting the tip of my tongue.
Amanda cleared her throat, deciding I'll call him out when it's just him and I, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. When all I wanted to do right about now was slap him around the face. He made himself a coffee and attempted small talk when I just gave him short answers. I was glad when he glanced at his watch and said that he had to get going because of work, the awkward silence was getting too much when he knew he was in the shit with me, probably using work as an excuse.
The rest of the morning went smoothly while I planned the route to get the hills quickest while Amanda was in the shower, I didn't want to outright tell her where we were going but more of say we had to stop off at somewhere before grabbing some food. She brought that part of the idea but I wanted to take a route that wasn't straight forward.
As soon as she was finished up with getting ready for the morning, she took one last look in the mirror at her hear and make up, giving herself a small smile before she turned to look at me and ask if I was ready...
Having been ready for over an hour.
Finally leaving and getting into the car, I turned the engine on and kept the heaters on low until the engine had warmed up, glad it wasn't so cold this morning as it had been for the last few days. I was glad to get going when I pulled out of the driveway, taking the back lanes towards the moors, avoiding the bypass altogether.
She turned the music down as she answered her phone with an exasperated sigh before putting on her preppy upbeat voice, realising she doesn't do that with me anymore when we talk on the phone. I tried not to listen to her conversation but the sound of Chrissy's voice already caught my attention, hearing her asking for Amanda to go to hers for a bit and that she misses her, my hand gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white feeling my jaw tense.
The phone call must have lasted a little over ten minutes which resulted in an argument between them, noticing Amanda's mood shift as she looked out the passenger window, her chin resting on her knuckles. I took her spare hand in mine when she tightened the grip. I didn't press for answers when she turned the music up, hoping that this small gesture wasn't going to upset her further, also glad that she didn't ask any questions as to where we were going.
The drive took longer than it should have, but it threw her off when I noticed her slowly sit forward when I pulled into the gravelled parking lot. Once my car came to a stop she climbed out of the car, her hand on the door as she stood there and stared, closing her eyes as she took in a deep breath to through her nose, s smile tugged on her lips when she shut the door. I gave her a minute or two to herself before I joined her, not looking forward to this hike but a moment of her being happy was worth it.
Without a word she started to walk away leaving me following behind, not that I minded for the great view and all... Of the distance, what else would I be looking at? The path that she was taking us up wasn't any of the routes the environmentalists had created, instead, it had to be a hazard with every footstep already having tripped up a few times, making her laugh at how unprepared I was, even after staring at the plans all morning, but it wasn't for a route marked down as I thought.
When we finally got to the top with me literally falling to my knees as I rolled over onto my back, trying to get my breath with my face hotter than the sun while she barely broke a sweat. I there was an apocalypse, I'll be the first to die.
"It still looks the same, the climbed was harder than I remember though." She commented as she walked through the purple heather, her hands running gently through the shrubbery bushes.
"You're telling me," I let out a sarcastic laugh about the hike up here as I picked myself up to my feet, hoping we didn't have to walk anywhere until I got my breath.
"It has been years since I was last up here. My dad and I used to walk out until we were behind the mound over there" her index finger pointing to the mound closest to us, "there used to be a secluded spot tucked away into the hill." Reminiscing. "Thank you, Wilson." She spoke quietly as she wiped a tear with the sleeve of her jumper.
She turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck as I just stood there and held her, understanding why she used to love it up here. The view is breathtaking, the sea of purple mixed with white and pink from the heather.
When she pulled out from the hug she kept her cold hands on the side of my neck when she pressed her lips against mine, the kiss felt different from normal, not being able to put my finger on what was different about it. She pulled away slowly as she looked in my eyes a smile on her face, giving me one last kiss and hugged into me, her head nuzzled into my neck.
"I love you." She whispered.
The words left ringing in the air.
- - -
MY PHONE VIBRATED AGAIN ON the kitchen counter, the messages slowly building up while I sipped on my coffee. I felt Ryan's eyes glancing at my face then down to my phone, a concerned look on his face. After the other morning I confronted Ryan about the hickey he left on Amanda's neck. He down played it, claiming to be drunk and how it didn't mean anything. I was still annoyed at the whole situation and I was going to hang it above his head. And now, I'm trying to ghost Amanda. For the last few days after taking Amanda to the moors, things had shifted between us after she uttered the three words, and here I was avoiding her and having cold feet.
I didn't want to have that awkward conversation of love. I had only been there once when I was in my early teens, that probably being more puppy love than anything else not having an idea what real love felt like. The guilt of ignoring her started to chew at me inside. I glanced up at the clock not having long until I had to go to work, silently hoping it would be a busy shift so I can get her out of my head.
The text messages stopped when they turned into phone calls, wanting to turn my phone off but I can't exactly fall off the face of the earth.
"You not going to get that?" Ryan asked when he looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I let out a sigh when I rubbed my forehead in an attempt to loosen up then tension.
"No." I simply said, finishing off my coffee as I turned and put the mug in the sink to wash later.
"Who are you ignoring?" he questioned, a concerned look on his face when the vibrating stopped.
"It doesn't matter," I mumbled not having an answer to the follow-up question that he would ask, not having a reason as to why I don't want to speak to her.
"It does matter, your phone has been going since I got here." He pointed out, choosing to now ignore him too. I'm dreading when we are at school, having no way to hide or escape, maybe I'll ring in sick come up with some sort of excuse that will most likely fall flat.
He quickly reached across the island counter and grabbed my phone before I could even react and snatch it back, his eyes looking at the name on the illuminated screen when he put it back down.
"Well, that was rude," being honest when he shrugged, clearly not caring.
"You and her just friends because that is saying different," he commented, his dark brown eye boring into my brain as he just stared and waited for my answer.
"Who's asking the questions since you left your mark on her, by the way did she know or was she beyond drunk?" still wanting the answers that he wouldn't give when I bit back.
"Really, we going there again. We was messing around Bec." Not understanding why she'd allow him to do that, and the way she acted that morning was saying something different to what he was telling.
Between Amanda and I, neither one of us had made it official. We never really breached the subject but we were more than friends, and the longer I thought about it the worse the guilt was griping at me, it's clawing deep in my stomach now.
"Yes, just friends." Frustration taking over when he gave me a look that he didn't believe me. "What do you want me to say, Ryan, the answer isn't going to change." I snapped.
"Well, people don't usually avoid friends or ghost them." He quipped back making me roll my eyes, wishing he would get the hint and shut up. With a head thick as his it was incredibly dense when it came to reading people.
"Keep it up, I'll be ignoring you too." I threatened which made him laugh and shake his head, hoping he will now drop it.
"Fine, fine." He held his hands up in defence. "Would you like to grab some food before your shift starts, I'll pay, and drive you to work and get you?" He offered, finally getting off the subject of Amanda.
"Sounds good to me," I replied with a smile on my face.
We finished up in the kitchen and left the house, on the way to his car I grabbed my work things from my car, almost forgetting. When we got into his car, it was still warm on the inside feeling my body relax now that we weren't in the cold any more.
It didn't take long to get to the usual diner that we eat at, hoping Catherine wasn't working a shift, not wanting to deal with her too. When we walked inside we took our usual table in one of the end booths, the diner a lot busier than usual. Ryan went and ordered the both of us a burger while I slid down the booth's bench to sit in the middle, trying to keep calm while I started to pick at the skin around the edges of my nail. I hear someone say my name from the side of me, making me jump and tear the skin up the nail, the small cut stinging.
"Yes, Catherine. How may I help you?" a smile on my face when I turned to look at her.
Before she could say anything back so I could assist her or whatever bullshit crap she was wanting to start, Ryan slide into the booth opposite me as Catherine looked him over and walked away. A frown appeared on Ryan's face when he watched her before shaking his head and looking intently at me, praying silently he wasn't going to give me the third degree and just let it rest for the day.
From afar Catherine was practising her resting bitch face when she collected food from the serving door as she walked over to us. Both Ryan and I looking at one another as if we were both asking the same question, is she being serious.
"Bean burger?" her voice and attitude right now matching her face, hoping she didn't spit in my burger when her back was turned.
I held my hand up to indicate it was mine when I mumbled thanks.
"So, Becca," she began as she leaned on the bench that Ryan was sat on.
"It's Rebecca." I corrected her, only my friends calling me that name and she sure as hell wasn't a friend.
"Where's your girlfriend today?" her voice sounding cocky when I put my burger down and sat up straight-shooting her a look, hoping she'd catch on to shut up.
"I don't know where Amanda is, but don't you have a job to do instead of standing there harassing me?" the smug smile on her face disappearing when she scoffed and walked away, finally allowing me to eat in peace, noticing Ryan smiling at me.
Nothing more would give me the satisfaction of putting in a complaint against her to the manager and having them issue her a supervision. However, with my luck, if I did that she would beeline for me and probably drag Chrissy into it. I'll be honest, I don't have any time to deal with Chrissy since she takes up so much of my school time.
We sat in silence eating our way through our burgers, "Are you both together? You never did say why you're ignoring her." He popped up when he finished the last bite of his burger, talking with his mouth full.
"I don't have a reason." I shrugged finishing off my burger quickly when I saw the time.
The conversation ended when our food was finished still having him side glancing me as we left and got into his car, I don't know what he is wanting to hear other than the truth which he's not getting. If he found out he is worse than a girl, he wants every bit information, nothing missed and would ask if we've had sex. We didn't even get that far, or we've done is kiss and that's as far as it went. The only time we got close to having sex was after the last house party and I fell off the bed and ruined the moment.
Don't get me wrong we have spoken about it with her asking if I've done anything with a girl to which I hadn't, not even kissed a girl. Everything with her was a first. I asked her a couple of questions to which she didn't mind and was open and honest about it.
And her telling me that she loved me, threw me off. I feel like a deer caught in headlights.
It wasn't long until Ryan parked up by my work as he wished me to have a good day and that he'd be here to pick me up, I just hope today doesn't bring any drama and kept me busy. Right now I'd rather not think about it for a few hours.
I leant over kissing him on the cheek before getting out, I gave him one last wave goodbye and headed on inside, Jen stood at the counter serving someone when she looked up as the bell rang, a smile on her face when she saw me. Maybe Jen could help me out but then again as I said, it's best not to think about for now.
I walked behind the counter and into the backroom to get changed into my work shirt before coming back out while I tried to do up the bistro apron, only becoming more frustrated when it didn't work out my way. Jen taking over when I let out a frustrated grunt tying it up in a few swift movements.
"Are you okay?" she asked as I took my glasses off to rub my eyes with the heel of my palms.
"Yeah, just been a crap morning." Was all I said when she let an 'mhm' noise, not buying my bullshit.
I didn't know what else I could say. I grabbed a tray from the on top of the sink to go around collecting the empty cups and dishes that were left on the tables, trying to look preoccupied so someone else could deal with the customer.
I allowed myself to fall into a daydream, coming up with multiple scenarios in my head of how bad finally talking to Amanda would end up. No ending to the scenarios ended well when I felt a nagging in the pit of the stomach feeling like it was trying to drag me down.
I dumped the cups into the hot soapy water that was in the sink, snapping myself back into reality as I cleaned the crockery and placed it into the steriliser. Once everything was done and I felt like I had gotten a grip of myself I rejoined Jen at the counter.
The bell above the door rang, my eye remaining on my palms like they were the most fascinating things I've ever seen when I felt Jen nudge me and walk away, my eyes flickering up when Amanda was approaching me, a confused look on her face when she held her hands out as she silently shouted 'what the fuck,' at me.
I tried to take the coward way out and now I was about to face the tidal wave that I have tried to avoid from DeCeno. I stood up straight, cleared my throat and prepared. Somehow though the sight of me made her smile, the pissed off look dissipating as she leant over the counter to kiss me, I turned my head to the side so her lips landed on my cheek.
"Okay, then... What's wrong with you?" her voice sounding slightly strangled. I tried to look her in the eye but found myself unable to look at her face.
"Nothing's wrong with me. What's wrong with you?" I said under my breath so only she'd hear, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion at my attitude.
"No one was looking, Rebecca." She sounded hurt, thinking it was about the kiss when that was the last thing on my mind.
"It's not about that," I whispered through gritted teeth, the stone mask I had become so accustomed to showing on her face when a quick flash of hurt showed.
"What is your problem right now? Have I done something, or have you been ignoring my phone calls and texts all day for shits and giggles?" she bit back, feeling like we just jumped straight back to the beginning.
"My problem is you, Amanda." I sighed rubbing my temples, wishing I would just stop talking but the more harm I created I thought it would be best to tear everything down along the way.
"What have I done wrong?" her palms on the counter as she grabbed the onto the edge.
I didn't say anything back when she let out a short laugh and took a step backwards, her head nodding as she stared me down, all emotion on her face being wiped away and she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.
"I know what this is about," she pointed between the both of us. "Shit got serious and you got scared. Glad I found it out now instead of later on." She laughed incredulously and started to walk away.
"Amanda," I called her name, her hand holding up her middle finger as she left the coffee house. "Fuck," I growled under my breath as I chased after her.
I left the coffee house in a hurry to catch up with her, my hand grabbing her wrist as she yanked it from my grasp, turning around to look at me.
"What, Rebecca. I get it, you don't need to spell it out, thanks for allowing me to be your experiment." The disdain in her voice when she looked me up and down.
"You've got it wrong." Forcing the words out so she wouldn't walk away again.
"No, just stop. What's done is done. This isn't some teenage love story, fuck that. Been there done that, I thought you'd be different. Apparently not." She shrugged and began to slowly walk away from me yet again. Running out of things to say.
Instead, I let her keep on walking. I knew I fucked up. I just didn't know to what extent until now. I felt a tug at my heart of the thought of that being that us being done with and there wasn't anything I could have said to make it better, instead I dug myself a trench.