When Rowan had declared that they would travel, Isabella had expected everything to be almost ready, and for them to depart within the following days.
Isabella had been wrong.
She had travelled on foot before, she had even travelled with other soldiers, so she knew that packing everything to leave for a new place took time. But, in her world, they had trucks and camping gear made exactly for fast travelling. Things like that did not exist in the world of the Fae. Even with magic, five days had already passed since her –very- serious conversation with the four males and nothing had changed. They were still in the same place as before.
Isabella had started to worry that, perhaps, they had left without her. Especially after the second day, when an unknown soldier with red hair had brought her food instead of Gavriel, who had always done that task for her. But her brooding thoughts had been left to rest after Fenrys and Rowan walked into her tent the fifth day, each of them carrying a drawstring bag made of brownish leather. Both males were wearing their usual type of clothes, which Isabella had already grown used to seeing. At first, it had been a little bit strange to see everyone with knee-length boots –that, Isabella had noticed, only came in black or dark brown-, dark leather pants and linen white shirts that had no bottoms but rather ribbons in the front. Isabella could imagine that those three pieces of clothes were the soldiers' uniform since that was what everyone in camp wore, though she had seen Lorcan wearing black shirts, but he'd been the only one. Isabella often wondered if the male took the extra time to dye his shirts so that it would fit his aesthetic or if it was just a coincidence. Isabella didn't believe in coincidences.
She had thought everyone looked like people frozen in time, or extras from a movie set in the 1700's. But after seeing the four males, and anyone who she caught in her sight when she went to the forest to attend to her necessities regularly, Isabella realized that the clothes were not so bad. Odd, but not bad. And since they had found her with barely any clothes on, the clothes Gavriel or Lorcan brought to her from time to time were the only things she wore. So she looked just like everyone else in the camp, except for the fact that she had rounded ears instead of the pointy ones that the Fae had. And fangs, she didn't have fangs either. Or unnatural beauty, or strength, or could speak their tongue, but if someone saw her from very, very far away, they couldn't notice the difference.
Or, at least, that's what Isabella liked to tell herself. She already stood out enough, she needed to blend in to survive. The clothes were a good start.
In fact, that morning she had been allowed to go wash and given a new set of pants, linen shirt and boots. It was clear to the touch that everything there was made carefully and not in mass like the things she used to wear in her world. Everything was too big for her because she was still very underweight; and she had noticed, too, that the Fae were not just prettier but also taller than humans. Even the females. So her clothes weren't just too big but also too long for her. But at least they gave her cleaned clothes. There were no complaints from her.
Rowan threw one brownish bag on the table where she usually sat. During her first days there, she had used the table not just for eating but also for writing and –horribly- drawing. But ever since her interrogation, Isabella had dared to be a little bolder. She had begun to look at the books they left in the tent, and though many were in the Tongue of the Fae and, therefore, she couldn't read them; she had found some of them in the language that Remelle had allowed her to speak. They were all about geography. Isabella had really tried to learn from them as much as she could but some were so boring she'd had to leave them unfinished. And she hated to leave a book unfinished. But thanks to several others she had read, she had learned a thing or two about this world. Knowledge was always a useful tool.
Rowan looked at her and then to the empty bag in front of her. He gestured that it was hers. She raised a questioning eyebrow at him, she didn't own anything so what would she even put in it. "What am I supposed to do with that?" she asked out loud.
Rowan sighed but it was Fenrys who answered her, "It's for you. So that you can put all of your belongings in there" She must have looked confused, because he added, "You know, for our journey"
She had already figured the last part out but she was still relieved that they had not changed their mind regarding her going with them. But, had they really not noticed that she didn't have anything?
"Essential belongings" Rowan clarified, without looking at her. "The less, the better"
Ever since she had confessed parts of her past to him, he'd begin to avoid her. First, he had stopped coming to her tent. And, then, when he did see her, he practically ignored her. The whole situation made her furious. She wondered if he had changed his attitude towards her because he'd already got what he wanted from her: the truth about her origins. Was he really so cold-hearted? He had been kind to her until the moment he had left her with no answers, had his kindness been a lie? Isabella felt played, used, and she couldn't help but regret opening up to him. It had been embarrassing and a terribly difficult task for her to do...so she had hoped...she didn't know what she had hoped, didn't dare to even think about it. So she just wanted him to treat her as he had done before her interrogation, she just wanted to be treated politely. Instead, he acted as if her presence went unnoticed for him. Sometimes, Isabella had noticed, when he involuntarily acknowledged her presence, he even acted as if her existence was a horrible reminder, though she didn't know of what. And his attitude...it didn't just anger her, but also disappoint her. Maybe it was because the image she had had of him, the Rowan that she had loved and known, was a fake description of his true self, or maybe because she had expected something good from him. She'd expected him to be good but he hadn't. She thought she had learned not to expect anything from anyone but she clearly hadn't.
"Well, that's great, because I don't have any belongings" she told the males and refocused her attention on the book in front of her, placed on the table. She had been trying to read before they interrupted her.
Fenrys appeared to be utterly confused, "Didn't Lorcan or Gavriel give you any clothes?" he asked.
Isabella rolled her eyes and kept her gaze on the open book. She wasn't really reading but she didn't want to look at them. "Yes, but I don't have them with me" and, then, she felt the urge to add "And those clothes are not mine, anyway" she declared. Because it was true. They always gave her clean clothes whenever she wished to bathe but she always gave her dirty clothes back to whoever had given them to her in the first place. So she really didn't have anything more than the clothes she was currently wearing, her funny drawing of Lorcan, and everything she had written about the books.
"Of course they are yours" voiced Fenrys. His words had sounded so obvious and sure that her head snapped up. She looked at him and found him looking at her with a light expression on his face. "We gave them to you, so they are yours now" and then he shrugged, as if the whole topic was dumb and unimportant because she should already know this.
"But..." she began, "I don't have them with me. I always give them back after washing" her head had begun to spin and her heart was beating very fast in her chest. She didn't want to think of why she was feeling like this, she didn't dare. But...
"Oh, they must be stored with the other cleaned clothes in one of the storage tents" he said, "I think Claude is in charge of checking the storage today, I'll go ask Gavriel and get them for you" and he was already close to the tent's opening when Rowan interrupted him.
"I'll go" he stated harshly and left before any of them could say something else.
Fenrys whistled, his gaze still on the tent's opening, where Rowan had rapidly disappeared. "So...you two did it or what?" he asked her, casually.
The question took Isabella by surprise, she didn't know what the male was talking about, "Did...it? What do you mean?" At her questions, Fenrys turned to look at her. Whatever she saw written in her face made him raise both of his eyebrows in surprise. No, not surprised but rather...incredulity. That only confused her more.
"Wait, you mean you and him didn't...?" he trailed off and stopped when he noticed that she only looked even more disoriented than she had been two seconds ago. "Oh, gods" he said, and he sounded absolutely regretful. "Forget I said anything" he said, his words coming fast out of his mouth. Isabella could have sworn he looked a bit paler than before.
"No" she spoke, loud and clear. She wanted to understand. She still had many questions that they hadn't answered and now that she knew that they needed her and was sure that they were not going to leave without her, Isabella felt bolder than ever. "What did you mean by 'do it'?" but even as the words left her mouth, Isabella understood what Fenrys had implied with his question. She frowned and opened her mouth wide in surprise or rage or embarrassment, she didn't know. "No!" she yelled. "Why would we...how...why did you think...what?" she finished.
Fenrys swallowed and took the seat next to her. She would have tensed if he had leaned in to be closer to her but he hadn't. In fact, he was quite far away from her for someone who was sitting right next to her. It was as if he was trying to keep his distance but also wanted to confide something in her. Isabella was just grateful that he was not close enough for her to start panicking.
"I..." Fenrys began and then trailed off, clearly looking for the best way to explain himself. "I thought the night you told him about your...world" he spoke the last word as if he still didn't want to believe or accept it, "you and him...you know..." she raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to go on. He had gotten himself in this situation so he might as well finish it. "Shared a bed. Or, well, technically shared blankets because there's no bed in here"
"Why would you even think that?" she asked when another thought crossed her mind. "Did Rowan say we did it?" she questioned and she was so afraid of the answer that her voice had trembled a little.
"No" the male reassured her, "Of course not"
"Then, why?" she was almost hysterical at that point.
"Well, because the two of you were alone all night..."
"No" she interrupted him, "We were not. I...had a problem so Lorcan had to leave and then I spoke with Rowan privately about how I had come here. He left when I was finished" and didn't answer any of my questions, she felt like adding, but didn't.
"Oh" he whispered, "I didn't wake up until the next day so when Lorcan told us that he had left the two of you alone and then Rowan said that you had spoken with him I assumed..." he looked uncomfortable and Isabella didn't know if it was because of what he was suggesting or because he was telling it all to her.
"You, what?" she said, and was not surprised when her voice sounded angry. She was, and Fenrys was taking his sweet damn time with his story.
"Well, I thought he had seduced you to get you to speak" he concluded, and scratched the back of his neck with a hand, a gesture of pure awkwardness.
"For God's sake" she exclaimed, "He didn't seduce me. He was just..." and she struggled to find the right word for what he had that had given her the strength to speak to him about things she didn't even let herself think about. "He was just there when I got nervous and helped me calm down. After that I felt better so I told him what I knew"
"Okay, good to know. Sorry for suggesting the other thing" he told her.
She nodded absently, "Does anyone else think that he and I...?" she didn't dare to finish that sentence.
"No" he told her rapidly, "I mean, maybe?" he shrugged apologetically.
"But...why?" she asked him, because it truly didn't make any sense to her. "There were guards outside the tent and you all have great hearing so if we had done anything, shouldn't they have heard it?"
"The guards said that they heard your..." Fenrys blushed, and the reaction would have surprised her if she weren't so angry and confused, before continuing, "gasps" he said, and after a second, added, "of pleasure" as if it weren't obvious.
Isabella wanted to scream at those guards for hearing everything but the truth and creating misunderstandings. She was going to ask for their names to Gavriel soon, and then she would force them to take back what they had said. Because everything was wrong. Not just for her, but also for Rowan. It was not fair for neither of them to be the gossip of the camp just because two people couldn't notice the difference between a gasp of pleasure and one of panic. Men, Isabella thought bitterly.
"I did gasp but it wasn't of pleasure" she explained and brought one of her hands to her face and rubbed her forehead. She could feel the wrinkles forming in her skin due to how much she had frowned in the last five minutes. Okay, overstatement, but still. "I gasped in pain because I couldn't breathe and Rowan helped me"
"You couldn't breathe?" asked the male, disoriented.
"A bad and uncontrollable habit of mine" muttered Isabella under her breath. The words were more for herself than for anyone else.
"What?"
"Nothing" said Isabella, "Now that you know the truth you must clear this misunderstanding" she told him, not just to distract him from her confession but also because he had to do this for her, she didn't know anyone and she was sure that no one would believe her word anyway. People never believed a woman's word.
"Absolutely, yes" Fenrys told him, confidently.
"And give me the names of the guards that started all of this. I'm going to ask Gavriel to get them to check their ears because I'm sure they are full of wax if they say they heard what they said"
Fenrys chuckled at her words and she saw amusement in his eyes, "No problem. Their names are Dillon and Blaze"
Dillon and Blaze were now on her top list of names she would never pick for her kids.
"Great" she said and turned back to her book. When she noticed that the male was still in the exact same place and gazing at her, she turned back to him and asked, "What?"
He shook his head softly and a sincere smile broke in his face, "I'm glad that nothing happened between you and Rowan"
His words were like frozen water thrown at her, "Why?"
"Because he has a reputation for being a male who loves to spend his time with a different female every night"
She raised an eyebrow at him, if she remembered correctly; Fenrys also had that kind of reputation. At least, he did in the books. She knew that they were not the same people she had read about –that much was clear after Rowan's departure and cold attitude with her- but she had noticed the way Fenrys acted and moved. And she was sure that his real self and his book self had that in common. "And you don't?"
He smiled seductively at her, but also playfully, so she knew he was just teasing her, "I never said that" the words were said slow and low and Isabella knew that he was trying to sound serious and sexy. She almost laughed in his face.
"So you are no one to speak"
He looked a little taken aback at her words, his seductive smile gone, instead, his lips were a bit parted in surprise. "I may have my way with females but I'm not like Rowan. Or Lorcan" he declared.
"And how are they?" she was dying to know how they were. She remembered in the books how Lorcan had pouted when he'd found out about Rowan and Aelin, because they had been friends before, and they had shared females in their beds. Was that also something true in this world?
"They have their ways with the females they want and then they ignore them. You know, give them the cold shoulder, once they are done with them"
Isabella had begun to feel nauseous. The way he was speaking of having sex with woman, the way he was implying that those two males were not better than any man from her world. It was disgusting. She had idolized them, all of them. But mostly Rowan and Lorcan because they had always been her favorite characters. She had put them on a pedestal and believed them to be better than real men. But, apparently, they weren't. And all the disappointment she felt was her own fault. Never idolize a male, she told herself. Fenrys' words had just thrown them from the pedestal she had put them on and thrown them with the rest of men she knew. And she didn't know many good men.
And it wasn't even the males' fault, because they had no reason for not behaving that way or having sex with whomever they wanted. It was their lives and they had every right to do with it whatever they wanted. Just like any other person. But...but it was so disappointing to realize that those she had loved were not what she believed.
Her throat bobbed, "Okay. Thanks for the advice. You don't have to worry about me" she told him dismissively and returned her attention to her book. Fenrys noticed that she had no intention of speaking with him anymore and left her alone with her thoughts.
For the first time since she had found herself in that world, Isabella wished that she really was inside the world of the books, and not this one. Not this one, with people wearing the faces of those she loved but behaved like different people, not in this world where she didn't know her way around and was at the mercy of those she had once believed to be fictional; not in this world, where everything was just like the one where she had come from: a disappointment.
By the time she could hear the sparkling of the flames coming from the fire outside, indicating that it was nighttime already, Isabella had more visitors.
Gavriel brought her food, like he had done since her arrival, but something he hadn't done recently. Lorcan stood by one of the tent's poles, Isabella could feel that he was trying not to look at her, because whenever he did, his eyes looked at her warily. Fenrys had sat down by the table, three chairs away from where she was seated. Rowan stood close to Lorcan, not looking at her but at the tent's books. And she knew now that it wasn't just because he was not the Rowan Whitethorn she loved but also because there were rumors about them and he was acting his part, he was giving her "the cold shoulder" even if they hadn't done anything.
Isabella ate in silence. When she was done, Gavriel moved her plate aside and took the seat across from her.
"We are leaving in the morning," he informed her. She nodded, a sign that she had heard him but had no intention of replying with words. "As you probably know due to your knowledge of this world, we, Fae, are stronger than humans" she nodded again. She had told them everything she knew about the Fae from the books, leaving only certain things for herself, after they had informed her of their planned journey "And you are not only human but also...injured"
She looked down at herself, at the clothes that were way too big for her, at her hands that had healed but still had many scars, and then wiggled her toes inside her boots. Her feet had been bleeding when they found her, and even though she had washed and her wounds were better, she still hadn't completely healed. Not even close. "I can still travel" she reassured Gavriel, if they were worried about her being deadweight, then they shouldn't. She had travelled in worse states.
"I thought you would say that, but we would like for you to be in your best state possible for the trip" he told her and she had no idea where this conversation was going, "That's why we asked our healer to examine you" he concluded.
Isabella's body went rigid, she found it hard to move, even more to speak. "A healer?"
"Yes, we have one here in camp but she will not see you unless you agree to it" , Gavriel told her calmly. His voice was kind and reassuring but Isabella still felt like a cube of ice.
"I-"she started. She cleared her throat, trying to recompose herself. It was just a healer, it was a good thing that she was going to see one. She needed it. But the idea of someone examining her, touching her...it scared her. She cleared her throat again and begged her heart to calm down. She needed to see a healer, so she would. Scared or not. "Yes, I will see her," she responded.
Gavriel nodded slowly, "Good" he said and then ordered Fenrys to bring the healer to the tent. The male left and reappeared soon again with a tall female trailing behind him. The female was dark skinned, her hair was braided and she gave her a polite and kind smile when her eyes made contact with Isabella's.
"Hello, I'm Adeline." Her voice was soft and welcoming. Everything about this female felt that way. Isabella was glad for it, because it calmed her down a bit.
"Isabella" was all she said, because she still was nervous and afraid.
Adeline nodded and turned to look at the males. They all looked at her and then began to leave the tent awkwardly, as if they hadn't realized that it was their cue to leave until the female had silently ordered so. When only the two females remained inside and no other person could be seen or heard from outside, Adeline crouched in front of Isabella and smiled at her. "May I examine you?" she asked, politely. Isabella nodded. "May I begin with your arms, then?" Isabella nodded again. Adeline's smile was soothing and sweet, "Okay, I will begin now. You should know that, in order for my magic to see even the deepest of your wounds, I must make physical contact. Is that okay with you?"
"Yes" Isabella whispered and she was so, so thankful for this female. For asking first and for being so nice.
Adeline nodded, her smile still soothing Isabella's nerves, and brought her hands to Isabella's arms. Her hands began to glow, the beam was a light blue and her palms felt soft and warm in Isabella's skin. The female's hand traced the shape of her shoulders and went slowly down until they were holding hands. Her touch was as comforting as her smile and even Isabella couldn't deny that there was no reason for her to be afraid in the presence of this female. She let herself relax and enjoy the warmth of her magic. It was nice.
Adeline, who had been focused and with her eyes closed, opened them and gently dropped Isabella's hands. "A few scratches but nothing serious here" she spoke, calmly and reached to slightly trace a scar on Isabella's forearm. A burn scar. "Though I fear there are scars that not even magic can heal" Isabella knew that she did not only mean those scars that could be seen by others.
"That's alright. I don't mind a couple of scars" she said, trying to sound unbothered. She really didn't care about scars, she couldn't care less about how they looked on her; she just hated some of them because of the memories they raised inside her mind.
The female nodded in understanding, "I will examine your head if you are okay with it" she now stood tall, towering over her and Isabella swallowed. Adeline noticed this and smiled at her, "I can wait, if you wish"
Isabella tried her best to smile back at the female in front of her, she was so tender and understanding that Isabella felt like she should at least try to show her gratitude with a small smile. "No" she shook her head absently, "You may proceed"
"Very well" she said before her hands glowed faintly again and cupped her front-head and the back of her head. Isabella didn't know if her magic was stronger now or if it was because it was closer to her head but she wasn't nervous or afraid anymore. This woman was nothing but warm kindness and she was only doing her job as a healer. This realization was the last thing that allowed Isabella to truly relax. She felt her body loosen up and reclined a little in the back of her chair. Only minutes passed when Adeline dropped her hands and took a short step back.
"Everything alright up there" she teased politely. Isabella smiled a bit at that, because she knew that there was something wrong in her head, just not what Adeline was looking for. "I will move on to your neck, breasts, stomach and back. Is that okay?"
"Yes" she said, more firmly this time. Adeline gestured for her to stand up and she did. It would have been hard for the female to heal her if she was seated. Adeline worked efficiently and fast on her upper body. And Isabella felt some of her faintest scars disappearing after the female's glowing hands touched them. Some of those she didn't even know she had.
"Alright, you may sit now. I will check your legs and feet. Okay?" she said and Isabella's response was sitting down back on her chair. The female sat on the floor, her legs crossed.
"Should I take off my boots?" she asked.
"Yes, please"
Isabella nodded and did so. The female's hands were glowing even before they touched her skin. She had many recent cuts in her legs due to her stay in the woods so she wasn't surprised when she felt many scars vanish. When she reached her feet, she stopped. She turned her feet to different sides, looking at her wounds more closely. Isabella peaked a bit and was surprised at how bad her feet were. They had never stopped hurting but she had been so distracted that she hadn't paid much attention to what she had done to herself. Her feet were slightly swollen, some scraps had been reopened and begun to bleed. It was painful. But Adeline's glowing hands were on her before she could think more about it. It was as if warm water touched her skin. It was pleasant and painless. Sooner than she imagined, Adeline's hands stopped glowing and the female stood up. Isabella noticed, astonished, that her feet were completely healed, not even a trace of their past estate.
She knew there was magic in this world. She had always known it. But it was different to see it and feel it. When Adeline stood in silence while Isabella put her boots back on, she couldn't help but laugh at the situation. She had always wished for magic, but it had never seemed possible. And now, she was in another world and a magical healer had mended her wounds. It sounded impossible and yet, it was real. Although a rational part of Isabella refused to believe it, most of her was amazed at this world and the magic in it.
"Thank you" said Isabella to the healer when her boots were on.
"No problem. You are quite underweight and weaker than most humans but you are very well considering the estate in which you arrived. I have no doubt that you'll be fully recovered once you regain a healthy weight and take care of yourself" Adeline said, her words were factual and nothing that Isabella didn't know already. But she was glad that someone with actual knowledge was able to ease her worries.
"Thank you" she said, again.
Adeline nodded, "I will take my leave now. Goodnight" she said and left quietly as soon as Isabella muttered a 'goodnight' in response.
When the males came back and told her once again that they would be leaving in the morning, and Isabella only nodded, they left. Time after, it was when Isabella was already lying on her blankets that she realized that the healer had always been at camp. "The state in which you arrived", Adeline had said. That meant she had seen her or heard of her when they had brought her here, she'd known she was heavily wounded when she'd arrived, and so had the four males who had kept her company since Rowan'd found her. And it was when Isabella was almost asleep that she realized that they had kept her wounded, and healed her only when it was convenient for them.
. . .
The next morning, Gavriel woke her up with a plate of food and a new set of clothes. She changed fast and followed the male outside when he gestured for her to do so. Outside, the sun was high in the blue sky. There was a brown horse in the middle of the camp, it was already heavily equipped and carried several bags. Fenrys stood next to it, with its leash in his hands. The male was smiling at her, as if their awkward exchange had never happened. Isabella thought that was better than an uncomfortable trip with him. Lorcan was carrying two bags, just like Fenrys, and Isabella noticed, Gavriel and Rowan as well.
"The horse is for you,'' Gavriel told her gently. She nodded and walked to it. It was high and she was short but she still tried to get on it. She failed. Fenrys noticed her struggles.
"Here, let me help you" he said and put his hands on her hips, lifting her as if she didn't weigh anything. With his help, she was on the horse in less than a blink. She'd had to bite her tongue to stop herself from snatching his hands away from her "You do know how to ride a horse, right?" he joked.
She snorted but nodded. It's not like she was an expert but she knew enough. Fenrys smiled at her and left to stand next to Lorcan. The male was talking, uninterested, with Gavriel. Fenrys joined their conversation but Rowan, who had been standing close to the other males but had not spoken a word, looked at her. She returned his gaze. And she realized, when he looked away first, that she did not have a crush on Rowan Whitethorn. Because the male she had liked was not real. And the male that wore his face was nothing more than a male. And males were all Isabella did not want in her life.
With that realization on her mind, the five of them left the camp and started their journey.