Edited
Alex's POV
Luminating the stars, his eyes... no. I crumbled up the paper, tossing it into the trash bin next to me. Looking at my watch, I realized I only had a half hour to finish the poem for English. I tossed my head back, sighing heavily. Why was this so hard? I had the perfect idea, but now my mind was entangled with so many thoughts and emotions; I couldn't think straight. I sat there, staring blankly at the new piece of paper. Austin kissed me. Elias's been ignoring me. I've been ignoring Austin. My life was becoming my own personal soap opera, and I needed it to stop.
I wasn't sure how I felt about Austin kissing me, but I liked it. His lips were soft; they felt like gentle parting clouds. But then I saw Elias. His face was beyond unreadable. He just stood there and watched. His face was flushed and unmoving, but beneath the skin, I could tell he was burning with rage. His caramel eyes were blazing with fury. When I tried to talk to him, he looked past me as if he was erasing me from existence. He would completely ignore me. I tried to explain, but he wouldn't let me.
My eyes widened with disturbing enthusiasm. The ideas flowed from my aching heat to the pen. When I finished, I smiled at the paper like I figured out life after death. Maybe this will get through to him. Standing up, I stuffed the page into my bag and headed toward my locker. Being the klutz I am, I stumbled into a large figure and fell.
"Shit," I muttered grabbing my books. I looked up to see Elias staring down at me. His eyes blinked quickly, processing that I was on the floor. But he didn't swoop down to help me. He stood there and just watched. Huffing, I grabbed my books and stood up.
"Thanks," I grumbled. Without a word, he brushed past me, forgetting our little incident. I watched him walk toward Victoria, pulling her into his embrace. I felt my stomach churn as I witnessed the two lock lips.
Was he doing this to get back at me? Shaking my head, I walked toward my locker and pulled out my English notebooks.
"Hey, beautiful," Sam smiled leaning against the lockers. I glared at her for a moment before going through my locker again. "What's got your panties in a twist?" Slamming the locker, I kept my hand on the door, staring furiously at the red paint. I wasn't sad, I was angry. I understood I may have hurt his feelings, but he doesn't own me. I'm allowed to kiss whomever I want, just like he can...
"Nothing, just stressed about the English project," I lied. If I told Sam the truth, she'd trying enforcing the idea that I liked Elias; I don't. I won't.
"Okay, well class starts in a few, we should go," she suggested pulling me away from my staring contest with the door. Laughing, I linked arms properly and followed her to Chris and some of his friends.
"Hey girls," he greeted taking a sip from his coke. Before he could finish it, I grabbed the can from his hand and chugged the rest. He threw his hands in the air in disbelief as Sam and I laughed.
"Thanks," I winked. He stared icily at me until Sam jumped onto his lap, and kissed his cheek to distract him. I mentally thanked her as I finished off the soda.
"I'll see you guys after school," I sighed walking toward English. As hard as I tried, I avoided eye contact with Elias. If he wanted to ignore me, then I'd do the same. He was acting like a complete child. I walked into class, taking a seat next to Charlie.
"Hey Charlie," I greeted taking out my notebooks. He looked up at me and smiled.
"Hi, did you finish your poem?" He asked pushing his glasses further up his nose. I pulled out my poem showing it to him. If he wasn't so awkward and used so face wash every once and awhile, Charlie wouldn't be half had. He was sweet, just needed some guidance in the fashion department.
"Yes sir!" I chimed. "It took me awhile to come up with the idea, but I think this one will be good." The class grew quiet as soon as Mrs. Avoc came in. On project days, it was a do or die kind of thing. If you made a mistake, you'd get an 'F', if everything flowed nicely, you'd get an 'A'. So this was the most stressful day for a lot of people. I've never failed, and I don't plan to.
"Okay we'll go in alphabetical order. Let's start backwards. Fredrick Zarate, you're first," she said taking a seat at her desk. A tall, scrawny boy made his way to the front. His body trembled as he was the first to begin the line of stage frightened students. As each student went up, I doodled in my notebook taking no interest. Turning my head slightly, I caught a glimpse of Elias staring at me, but as soon as he caught my gaze, his eyes bolted. Rolling my irises, I finished doodling.
"Next is Elias Rios," Mrs. Avoc announced. All the kids turned to look at Elias, but I didn't dare to do so. He walked past me, leaving a sweet scent of Chocolate AXE cologne trailing behind. I looked up and watched as he settled himself on a stool, pulling a worn-out grey acoustic guitar closer to his chest. Clearing his throat, he broke out in song, pulling gently at the strings. Closing my eyes, I listened to him play All Time Low's Remembering Sunday.
Elias's POV
"There's a neighbor said, she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now
That all of these clouds are following me
In my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be
I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world
So many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
Towering over your head
Well I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home"
I finished off the song. My body was trembling from the rush. I know it was a slow song, but just playing captivated my body. Opening my eyes I smiled as everyone clapped. I glanced over to Alex to see she was joining the applaud. Her eyes were glued to me, but I looked away. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. I know ignoring her was stupid, but I didn't know what I wanted to say yet. She kissed Austin, and for the first time in a long time, I was hurt. When I watched it happen my chest felt hollow; it scared me. She brought out a new feeling in me that I never knew I had. Standing from the stool, I walked past her and slid back into my seat next to a confused Victoria. I think she thought the song was for her... Lately I've been sending her mixed signals, but that's only because I'm confused. I loved Victoria, but Alex has this way with me. Every small detail about her has me itching for more. Her stubbornness... the way she sees the world like it was her own backyard to play in.
"Was that for me?" She whispered. No.
"Of course, babe. I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted," I smiled at her. Her cheeks tinted pink as she kissed my jaw. I slid lower in my seat feeling stupid. Of course I'd lie to her. I just didn't want to lose her, yet. I know she may be a bitch at times, but we were really good friends before we started dating. She was always there for me, and right now I needed her to help me figure out what's wrong with me.
"Okay next... Ms. Santos," she called out. Sitting up in my chair, I got ready to listen to Alex's poem. Her writing was amazing. Every time I read it, I felt like I was imprisoned by her thoughts and emotions. Every time I stole a glance at her writing, I felt something unfamiliar shift inside me. Even when she read aloud, her voice was filled with so much emotion, so much pain. She wrote like she wanted to be heard. It was funny how she barely spoke, but her poetry was filled with ideas and opinions she was too afraid to shout to the world. Alexandra was this beautiful book, bound by all her secrets and wishes and I wanted in.
"Our paths have crossed once or twice,
but we've only been strangers walking on ice.
For a long time we were familiar friends,
but now we've reached the dead end.
There was once a time when you noticed me,
But now I'm the only ghost you see.
I'm that shadow that nobody wants,
even when I try, I'm still the goul that haunts.
I walk past you every day and night,
But loving you has become my biggest fright.
I know I said I wasn't intimidated,
but forgetting that I'm here, has become my weakness.
Do you notice me?
Will you ever see?
Or have I become part of the darkness,
No soul and emotionless?"
My heart beat quickly as I took in every word, and every emotion she put into this. Everyone clapped except me. I was still trying to process her words. As I looked up, her beautiful hazel eyes bored into my dull brown ones. Was that meant for me? Did me not talking to her really cause her this much pain? Before I could finish my thoughts, the bell rang.
"Well done the first few of you. We'll pick up where we left off on Thursday. Miss Santos please stay," she asked Alex. Curiosity got the best of me as I walked out of class. As the line of kids finished, I looked inside to see Alex and Mrs. Avoc talking and passing around papers. Trying to get a better look, a small, tight grip pulled on my wrist. I looked behind me to see Victoria standing there smiling sheepishly. Her face was caked with make-up. I wanted to tell her to stop wearing it, that she didn't need it, but at this point, she looked dead without it. She should've stayed natural, but society caught up with her and tossed all these Cosmo magazines her way. She should've stayed natural because she was prettier that way...
"So what are you doing later?" She asked attempting to sound seductive. Playing along, I pulled on her hips.
"You," I winked teasingly. Giggling, she playfully slapped my arm.
"Sicko, I meant if you wanted to go to the movies or something," she smirked. Chuckling, I wrapped my arms around her waist.
"Mmm sure, I'll see what I have planned," I said kissing her lips. Her kisses felt bland as though kissing me was the same as the next. They were always cold and gooey from all the lipstick. Pulling away, I let go of her waist and waited for her to leave before my mind tracked back to Alex. But when I turned around, she was gone.
Damn it! I really needed to talk to her. Scanning the crowded hallways, I found her with Sam and Chris. As I inched closer to the group, Sam spotted me and pulled Alex in the opposite direction before I could say anything. I ran my hands through my hair, feeling my head begin to pound. This was becoming ridiculous. I dragged myself towards Chris and plopped myself next to him. I had to nudge him a little because he was lost behind his headphones.
"Sup?" I greeted him.
"Hey," he smiled grabbing his board from under his feet. I pulled the straps of my guitar case over my shoulder and followed him out of school. I really needed some time with Chris, so I decided to hang out with him and forget about Alex.
"Want to grab some pizza?" I asked looking through my wallet for some cash. He looked down at his watch, and nodded.
"Sure. I don't have to be at Sam's for a few hours anyways," He sighed. We walked out of the quad and down the street to Pablo's Pizzeria. It was a small ma and pop shop that Chris and I started going to when we were eleven. We greeted Pablo, the owner, before taking a seat at our usual booth up front.
I wrapped my hands around the iced Coke up, feeling anxious. "So is there a reason why Sam and Alex are avoiding me?" I asked sipping my coke. Chris chuckled shaking his head.
"The real question is why are you avoiding Alex," he winked typing into his phone. What was I supposed to tell him? 'Well I saw her kiss Austin and I got jealous so now I'm avoiding her and trying to seduce my ex girlfriend much more than I used to.' Yeah, nice conversation starter.
"I'm just confused..."
"About?"
"I think... I think I might like Alex."
"What!?" He coughed, choking on his soda. Was it that hard to believe? I slapped his head and looked around to see people giving us sharp stares. I gave them an apologetic look before turning back to Chris.
"Keep your voice down, dumb ass," I hissed. "Yes I might actually like her." At least if he tell Sam, she'll tell Alex and I'll get a quicker response about her liking me too or not.
"But why? She's not even your type," he said in disbelief. That's true, she wasn't. Girls that I liked were much more girly and short. Alex was tall and not at all girly. But something about the way her lips creased at the ends when she smiled had me reeling. She's this quirky girl who has no care in the world. She was fascinating.
"So? Maybe my type changed," I countered.
"No it hasn't. She's just someone you know you can't have so that's what makes you want her," Chris explained. Thinking from his perspective, he could be right. I do like the challenge.
"Maybe so, but I still can't help but want her," I admitted. Our waiter placed a large pepperoni and bacon pizza in front of us before leaving us with the check. Stomachs grumbling, Chris and I dug in. I savored the taste of melted mozzarella cheese and hot bacon bits. It was the most amazing food combination known to man, but it couldn't distract me from the bigger problem in front of me.
Chris' analysis of my feelings confused me further. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I finally had my feelings for Alex down to a science. But Chris knew me better than I knew myself. I couldn't fall for a girl for her personality. I was never able to look past a pretty face and learn about her quirks and dark corners. But Alex talked like she was from a different time. She saw the world through her own telescope made up of broken shards she collected over the years. She smiled with her crooked smile as if she held the answer to world peace. She was a medley of stubbornness and life. She was ordinary in the most extraordinary way possible.
* * * * * * *
I walked down the street, staring down at the stained concrete. I wanted to talk to Alex, to explain myself, but she wouldn't give me the time of day. I don't blame her. I treated her as if she were nothing but another blank face in my love game. But I needed to talk to her. As I walked up to my house, I noticed a girl sitting on the curb with her long brown curls falling graciously down her shoulders. She was too occupied by her pen and paper to notice my presence. My stomach flipped, making me feel nauseous. I crept up behind her and tapped her shoulder. Alex jumped and held onto her chest for dear life.
"I feel like you enjoy scaring me," she sighed shaking her head.
"Yeah, I do," I winked setting down my guitar on the wet grass. She punched my arm playfully. We sat there in silence, unsure of who'd be the courageous person to speak up. My throat went dry, and I began to grow anxious. She didn't dare say a word. Her eyes were set on the mismatching houses across the street. I looked down at her hands to see thumbs fumbling and stumbling over each other. I wiped my now clammy hands on my jeans and cleared my throat.
"What are you doing here?" I said curiously. She shifted her weight, still staring at the street. She chewed on her bottom lip and pulled her legs close to her chest. I noticed she did this every time someone made her nervous.
The only sound to be heard was the chirping of birds and passing cars. I wanted the background music to silence and for her to open up, even just a centimeter would be good enough.
"I wanted to know why you were ignoring me," she whispered against her crossed arm. I looked at her and waited for her to meet my eyes, but she stayed buried in her little bubble.
"I'm not ignoring you," I said. Her head shot up and looked at me with her hazelnut eyes.
"Liar."
"Alex, I am not ignoring you," I enunciated every syllable hoping it'd stick in her thick skull. She narrowed her eyes at me and shook her head as though I was deceiving her.
"Then why haven't you talked to me since the beach?"
Did I want to tell her the truth? No. Should I? Yes, but I wasn't ready to admit to my sins. I didn't want her to think she stood a chance, because she shouldn't try to trust me with her heart. I was clumsy and made a mess out of everything. I didn't want Alex to become another one of my messes.
"I've... just been busy," I mumbled. It was my turn to avoid eye contact. I listened for any sign of wrinkling grass or shoes hitting the pavement to let me know she was done with my shit. But all there was was the spring breeze. I glanced up to see why she hadn't left yet. Her once warm eyes were ice-cold and hard. They contrasted against her crimson cheeks. She was fuming.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She cried, ramming her tiny fists into my arm. I lifted my arms to block my face because this girl could hit with all her might.
"You're so full of shit, Elias!" She continued to yell. Whoever said girls cannot hit had never met Alexandra Santos. Trying not to laugh at the way her nose was scrunching up like a child's, I grabbed her arms before she could continue abusing me. Her chest continued rising and falling in a slow breathing motion as she calmed herself down. Her dark eyes began to melt and I couldn't help but smile. She took her hands away from me and stuffed them into her army jacket pockets.
"Why are you smiling?" she pouted, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to stop her from beaming.
"Because you're cute when you're mad," I admitted, shoving her in a playful manner. Her face flushed as she smirked at the ground.
"Shut up," She laughed, pushing me back. We both smiled at each other for what seemed like forever. Her tensed shoulders relaxed as she leaned her forehead onto my shoulder. She sighed, and rested there for a moment. I looked down at her grey-knitted beanie and took in her Twilight Woods perfume. I listened to my heart beat against my chest, trying to free itself from the insane feelings that appear whenever Alex is near. I listened to it beat in my ear drums and hoped that she couldn't hear it, too.
"Bella Luna..." I whispered, before I could catch it. Alex looked up at me with curious eyes, but didn't question it. I looked down at the asphalt beneath my feet and feeling my lips pull across my face.
"So, are we okay?" She asked, her hands gripping my sweatshirt. How couldn't it be? I couldn't spend my entire life moping around about a kiss.
A kiss that belonged to me....
"Of course, Santos." She loosened her grasp and clapped in excitement.
"Yay!" She giggled, "Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow at school." We waved goodbye and I watched her glide away on her skateboard.
Mi Bella Luna.
My beautiful moon with her dark secrets and bright smile. I walked into the house feeling like Alexandra Santos was beginning to creep deep into my heart and I'm just not sure if I should let her in.