Seeing Penelope in this state is crushing me. Breaking her heart never sounded like a fun endeavor, but I don't think I ever considered it might be quite this painful. I want to make it all better, but I don't know how.
"You say you're irresistible to me?" she says. "I disagree. Let me show you exactly how well I can resist you."
She pushes past me towards the door, and I know I should let her go. It's for the best. But before she can reach the handle, my hand shoots out and catches her by the elbow, pulling her back to me. Her smaller frame crash into mine and I instinctively grab her waist to steady her. The high heels she's wearing aren't exactly helping her stay upright in her slightly inebriated state. She lifts her chin defiantly to stare up at me, her green eyes glittering with unshed tears.
"I was doing so well resisting you," she mutters grumpily, and I have to resist a smile.
"I can't let you leave like this," I say. "Please let me explain."
"You've explained plenty. I don't think I want to hear anymore. It's been quite painful as it is, and I'd rather not have you heap on anymore, please and thank you."
"I don't want you to think—" I stop myself, unsure of what I want to say.
"That you used me?" she asks pointedly.
I make a face. "I suppose, but I'm fully aware that I did. However!" I quickly add when she looks as if she's about to argue. "I never expected to end up feeling the way I do."
She hesitates, her eyes searching mine.
"I—" I want to tell her exactly what I'm feeling, but I can't. It would only be cruel since I cannot stay with her. She's a human and I'm a Cupid. I can't stay in the mortal realm, no matter how much I want to be with her. I don't age as she does, and I won't die. And that doesn't even take into consideration that it's simply not allowed. Brief forays, yes. Actually living in the mortal world? Not so much.
"Don't try to make me feel better," she mumbles as she tries to move away. I hold her a little tighter. If she truly wants to leave, I will let her, but I'm hoping she will hear me out.
"I just want you to know I never lied. Yes, I omitted to say things. Big things," I add when she opens her mouth. "But I really enjoyed our time together. When I said you're special to me, I meant it."
"Yeah, your special match to make."
"No, Penelope." I tuck my fingers under her chin and force her gaze back up, hoping she can see the sincerity in mine. "You're special to me. Like no one has ever been before. But I can't stay here, even if I wanted to. It's simply not possible. I'm not mortal."
It's as much as I can say without saying too much. She nods, her eyes looking suspiciously wet again.
"I have to leave," I continue, even as the words sting. "And I hope you will find your happily ever after with Trevor."
"I don't want Trevor," she grumbles, making me smile.
"If you don't, then that's the way it is. No one can force you." I smile sadly. "Your match percentage implies you would be very happy with him. But if you feel you wouldn't, then I will happily take my horns if it means you have a chance of happiness with someone else." If only it were me.
She frowns. "Horns?"
"The role they'd demote me to comes with horns." I wrinkle my nose. What I told her is true, though. I'll take those horns as long as she's happy.
"I'd like to see that." A brief smile. I will treasure it forever.
Bowing my head, I bury my nose in her hair as I hug her a little tighter, somehow trying to imprint her smell and feel in my memory. I don't want to leave, but I know I have to.
Finally, I release her and take a step back.
"I hope you find happiness," I say again. "It's all I ever wanted."
She sniffles and I have to use every ounce of my self-control not to take her in my arms again.
"I guess this is goodbye then." Tears are streaming down her cheeks even while she's giving me a lopsided smile.
I nod. I don't think my voice would hold if I tried to speak. She takes a deep breath and wipes her cheeks before she turns around and heads to the door. Before she disappears, she turns around and smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.
"See? I can resist you."
A quiet chuckle escapes me, but it's quickly stifled when the door closes behind her. The words I can not say aloud echoes in my mind.
I love you, Penelope.