The gig Claudia was talking about was held in an old, not so luxurious clubhouse and her friends were two guys who where part of some not-yet-so-famous rock band. Aydan had told William it was because they mostly sang covers, but that they did have some pretty promising songs written as well, so the gig was to get them a kick-start in the industry.
Claudia had been thoughtful when she had gotten the ticket for William as well, and that was pretty much the only thing that kept William from canceling his promise.
Clubbing was the last thing in William's mind at that moment. He had the Nationals coming, the very next day, and that should have been enough reason for him to stay away — but no, that wasn't enough for the others.
The Nationals, a.k.a The Swimming National Championships, would be held in the city 4 pm, so he could easily sleep long the next day. William had said yes to the invitation with two conditions: he didn't have to drink anything and Aydan would be ready to leave the clubhouse not later than 11 pm or he would have to walk home.
William had made sure everything was packed for the Nationals: his swimsuit, goggles, swim cap and other necessities such as towel and snacks.
Before the competition he had had to exercise less to make sure his performance would be the best possible when the zero hour came. William was excited about the competition, which was after all something he had trained for nearly two years already, and he secretly dreamed he would make it to the internationals next.
Still, William knew he wasn't as enthusiastic he knew he should have been, because of his state of mood. The gig at the clubhouse the day before the Nationals didn't increase his mood either.
William wasn't good with people and during these past months he had gotten even more awkward and anxious among them. He didn't want to see Claudia and having to see the rest of the group was even more terrifying.
William had seen Aydan more often these days, because apparently Aydan thought it was okay to disappear for months and then come back like nothing happened.
William had reached a point where he no longer maintained hope for Aydan staying in his life. He no longer maintained hope for Aydan to keep his promise for never leaving him, because that was starting to see inevitable. William didn't have hopes for pretty much anything, but some part of him kept allowing Aydan to act the way he acted and come and go as he wanted, as long as he could get even a moment of his attention.
''Are your parents coming tomorrow?'' Aydan asked. He was lounging on William's bed, and he seemed to be in a good mood.
Aydan had cut his hair, but it was still quite long — just like William liked it — and he was wearing black jeans and a light blue t-shirt. His current look was presumably a compromise of his and Claudia's preferences: the black jeans, bracelets and combat boots were Aydan's choices and the blue shirt and the denim jacket, which was bundled on the bed, were Claudia's.
William thought about Claudia that she was being a nice and adjustable girlfriend, but he couldn't understand why she felt the need to change Aydan.
I would never try to change the way he looks, William wondered in his mind. Only then he realised he hadn't answered Aydan's question yet and it was starting to get awkward.
''Dad's coming.'' William answered while looking at his reflection from the big mirrors. He was wearing a simple white shirt, made from soft and gauzy material, black ankle length pants and sneakers.
William didn't like the black circles or the dull eyes that stared him from the mirror, but he was long past caring if he looked fancy or stylish.
''You should try it this way.'' Aydan said then and out of the blue he got up from the bed and wrapped his arms around William's narrow waist while stuffing the hem of his shirt in his pants.
William's face turned red and he just gaped at his friend from their reflection. He was prepared for pretty much anything that could happen during the evening, but this unexpected proximity dumbfounded him, and all he could get out of his mouth was a strangled: ''Um.''
Aydan seemed to notice his straightforwardness and took a stood back a few steps.
''It looks better this way.'' He said then and excused himself in the bathroom, rambling something about them having to leave soon and that it was time to get ready. William just looked at his reflection from the mirror, ignoring the redness of his face, and thought that Aydan was right.
''Want me to come tomorrow?'' Aydan asked a while later, when William was turning off the driveway. The dream, that William had been seeing at times, came to his mind: Aydan watching from afar while he was drowning.
''I guess it would be fine for Coach.'' William said then, not taking his eyes off the road. His answer seemed to delight Aydan, who started asking him more about the competition: were James and Brandy competing too, how had they been training lately etc.
The clubhouse was one of the oldest buildings in the town, and they had to drive for a good while to get there. As it was old, it was big and spacious: they had to walk through resounding hallways after showing the tickets at the main entrance, until they could hear music and then they arrived to a gloomy night club.
It was furnished to look like an old bar: red lightning, bar stools in front of the bar counter, golden decorations, brown leather couches, neon signs and wooden tables. It all looked pretty nice to William, because he liked the roughness of the brick walls combined with the gaudy interior.
Their table was near the stage, and Josh, George and Aubree were already there. They were sitting on a sofa, whereas William quickly took his place at the end of the other sofa by the table, because he didn't feel like he could face George just yet.
Aydan went to get drinks — Cupa Libre for himself and orange juice for William — and then sat next to William.
All those little things Aydan did to show he cared about William still felt good. And bittersweet. So, you care about me today? What about tomorrow?
William thanked Aydan and took a sip from the glass, trying to get rid of the fidgety feeling he had being there with the others. Especially the way George stole glances of him made William nervous, because he could remember all the things that happened between them, even though it was a long time ago. He really should have a few words with him at some point.
Aydan told William that Adam was visiting them at the end of summer and he asked William if he wanted to see him too. William, who wasn't making long-term plans these days — other than the dream of Internationals — hesitated for a split second. He really liked Adam, and he hadn't seen him for some time, so the thought of seeing him made William wistful.
''Sure, that would be nice.'' He said and smiled shortly.
William had a brief moment when he thought it had been a good idea to come, but that passed quickly when Claudia joined them. She was wearing a slash neck lavender dress that brought forth all the curves of her annoyingly flawless body. There were two unfamiliar guys, who turned out to be her friends from the band, and Brooke with her.
It wasn't that Claudia somehow ruined the atmosphere, but that Aydan started ignoring William right after she came. It wasn't like he forgot William existed, and he didn't stop talking to him, it was just clear from his eyes and his body language that she was the centre of his world.
William was used to that by then, so he didn't really mind that much. He knew he was just something to look at when there was nothing better to look at, or someone to talk with when there wasn't someone more interesting to talk to.
''You look nice.'' Claudia smiled at William. William quickly told her she looked nice too, because he didn't know what else he was supposed to say. Besides, she did look nice like she always did.
Claudia was actually quite mindful towards William that evening and they ended up talking more about music and other things they had never talked about.
Turned out they didn't have a lot in common: Claudia liked EDM, whereas William liked alternative R&B and rap. Claudia wasn't much of a reader, whereas William didn't know anything better than getting immersed in a book. Well, at least they shared one liking: they were both into Aydan, but that was something William found better not to bring up.
He also talked more with Brooke, who seemed smart behind her sharp tongue, and Josh, who seemed like a really smart guy too. William was surprised to hear he dreamed about studying more, which made William realise again that he did have quite harsh vision about the people around him. They weren't bad people, they were just different and they had different expectations about life. It was just that they could be mean sometimes.
Maybe they didn't mean what they said, but again they managed to say something that made William feel shitty about himself. Actually it was something that Aydan said, when the others started asking how he ended up being friends with William.
''He's just like a shadow: always following around wherever I go. Couldn't shake him off even if I wanted to.'' Aydan laughed benevolently.
William just laughed dryly, wanting to say: wasn't it you who obliged me to come today? Wasn't it you who asked me around every time?
It was easier to push the hurt away, when you had been doing that for a while. Besides, the band was about to start and it turned out they were pretty good. William liked their covers especially, because there were some songs he really liked and music was something that made William feel better. Or worse, it depended of the songs he was listening, but this time it made him feel better.
William had always though there was something special about live music, and that evening wasn't an exception. No one seemed to have anything complain about and even William felt excited when they talked about the band. He didn't say much, but it was interesting to hear what the others thought.
William had to admit himself he had had an okay-ish time that evening, but it was getting late and he was getting tired, whereas the others seemed to have more vigour the more they drank. So at some point William started feeling frustrated and just wished he could go home soon, eat something and nestle in the comfort of his bed.
When it was 11 pm, William asked Aydan if he wanted to leave. Aydan's answer was: ''Just one more drink, okay? Then we can go.''
Once Aydan had finished his drink, around 11.30 pm, William asked again.
''Can't you wait just for one more?'' Aydan asked then. William stared at him, feeling annoyed and fed up.
''You promised.'' He said quietly, thinking he was really going to leave without Aydan, if he decided to have another drink.
''Okay, okay, we can go. I'll just go say that to Claudia, can you wait a moment?'' Aydan leaned to William when he said it, and the pleading look in his eyes made William relent. Claudia was somewhere with her friends from the band, so William granted that much for Aydan.
''Okay, but be quick.'' He told him.
Aydan wasn't. Of course he wasn't. After fifteen minutes William texted Aydan he was really going to leave, and as Aydan didn't answer, he got up and walked to the men's room.
Was he going to leave? Probably not. Should he? Absolutely. William left his jacket on the sofa and he didn't say goodbyes yet, but he was going to do that after he'd come back.
On his way to the men's room, which was at the end of another hallway, William thought diligently. He made a decision, which he would probably take back as soon as he saw Aydan: tomorrow, after the competition, I'm going to tell him we don't have to be friends anymore. Tomorrow he'll be free, and I won't follow him around as a shadow anymore.
That's what William was thinking as he used the urinal and as he washed his hands at the wash basin counter in front of a long row of mirrors.
He was still deep in his thoughts when he took tissue papers and started drying his hands. So deep in his thoughts he didn't notice the three figures that quietly approached him. One of them, a guy with short bleached hair walked right behind William and once William noticed him, it was already too late to do anything.
William felt a hand roughly grabbing him from the nape of his neck, and the next thing his brain registered was the air current on his face, from the quick movement, and the sound of a cracking mirror. Then came the pain, that throbbed from his forehead. There was this burning sensation on his skin and it began to spread to the rest of his body, stupefying all the other senses.
Someone had smashed William's head against the mirror so forcefully the thud had broken the mirror. William had time to notice there was blood on its shattered surface, when the hand, that was still on the nape of his neck, slammed his head against the edge of the wash basin. With full force.
I bet you thought I would stay forever — even if you didn't talk nicely to me or treat me right.
I bet you thought I would always be waiting where you left me, no matter how many days or weeks passed.
Funny enough, I probably would have.
...
''I know I won't leave you. If we don't stay together, it's you who's going to leave.''
''Like I had anywhere to go.''
Then everything turned black and William was drowning in deep cold water.