It's been six days since the accident and Elias and I are still trying to get back in the same routine as before and still grieve over the lose of Ian.
Elias went back to school on Wednesday and let me just say he hated it. When he picked me up in his new car he was pissed about the stares he was receiving all day. Elias just like me, hates when people look at you with pity. He agrees that it's annoying.
Today the funeral will be held at three-thirty in Austin. The reason being so late is because Elias didn't want us to miss anymore days of school.
The whole football team as well as Coach Jamison and my father will be attending. I'm not sure who else from the school will attend considering they didn't even know Elias had a sibling until a couple of days prior, but we expect a few more to pay their respects for Elias.
Class has just ended and Bella and I are now leaving the building when I see Elias and Ben making their way towards us.
I hold my breath as I see him in a crisp black button up shirt, black slacks and black dress shoes. He looks handsome. He's wearing shades and I know he's covering his puffy red eyes. Todays going to be hard as he says goodbye to his brother, his twin.
I look past Elias towards the parking lot and see everyone already there all dressed in appropriate funeral attire, waiting for Bella and I.
I here a few girls whispering as Elias and Ben make their way towards us, but I ignore the poisonous venom spilling from their mouth and focus on my man who gives me a small smile.
Ben reaches us first and pulls Bella to him, before planting a quick kiss on her lips. They walk ahead of us as Elias pulls me in and kisses my lips before wrapping his arm protectively over my stomach and leads us to his car. He's nervous.
"Elias..." I stop walking and cup his face and whisper so only he can hear. "It's going to be okay, babe. I'm right here and I'm not leaving your side until this is over. You're not alone in this."
He needs reassurance that he doesn't have to do this on his own. He needs to know that he can lean on me.
He leans his forehead against mine and takes deep, calming breaths before pulling me as close to him as my growing baby bump with allow him and nods his head. "I love you, Baby." He whispers against lips.
"I love you too, now let's go. People are staring." I whisper in return before he allows me to drag him behind me.
We make it to his car and quickly head out as the rest of the attending crowd follows behind us.
I smile as I feel my baby kick for the second time today. The first when I was walking with Bella. I screamed with excitement causing everyone to look at me as if I was crazy. Bella screamed even louder in excitement when she felt it herself.
"Can you give me your hand?" I ask as I reach for Elias' hand.
"You don't have to ask to hold my hand, babe." Elias shakes his head while giving me his hand.
I place his hand on my stomach and when the baby kicks Elias quickly retrieves his hand back in horror, until a smile covers his face. "She kicked, babe. Did you feel that?" He excitedly puts his hand back on my stomach and smiles as another kick occurs.
Seeing his breath taking smile appear on his face after almost a week makes me want to cry happy tears. He's been hurting and I'm glad he can find a little happiness through this hard time.
"She did it earlier too. I nearly gave Bella a heart attack." I laugh as Elias looks at my stomach with so much love before turning back to the road.
"I wish I was there to experience it with you for the first time." Elias sighs before shaking his head and retrieving his hand. "Anyways are you going to want me to go with you while you visit... you know? I can wait in the car."
"No, I'm okay. This is something that I have to do on my own." I say and Elias nods before silence falls between us.
I look out the window and release a small sigh. I have been wanting to get this day over with since Elias told me she was arrested and charged, but now I'm nervous to see the woman who destroyed my boyfriends life and I can't understand how someone can hold so much hate for someone they don't even know?
I don't know how much time has past since lost in thought, but I look at Elias who is mindlessly playing with his facial hair, lost in thought as he drives State Highway 130.
It breaks my heart knowing he's trying to be strong, but I see the storm brewing behind his beautiful brown eyes.
"Hey..." I grab his bicep and slightly squeeze, gaining his attention. "I just want you to know that I'm proud of you and I love you."
"I love you too." He gives me a confused look before turning back to the road.
After driving for another ten minutes Elias turns the radio down to soft background noise. "I appreciate you saying you're proud of me, but I haven't given you a reason for you to be proud. In fact I've done the complete opposite. I treated you like shít and left you alone for almost three days. I didn't realize that you might of been hurting as well. I was to hurt to see past my own pain and guilt." He sighs looking down and shaking his head before looking at the road again.
"Elias, everyone deals with pain differently. There isn't a right way to cope with pain or even death and you're wrong... you have given me so many reasons to be proud of you. No matter what life throws at you, you still manage to handle every situation with a open mind and you still keep your heart pure. You don't let life change you. You embrace it and keep pushing. That is just a few reasons as to why I'm proud of you." I rub his arm with my other hand as we hold hands to soothe him.
"Everyday you show me what love is and you make it so much easier to fall more in love with you each and every day. You're an amazing man with a big heart and you're going to be an amazing father. You might not see the good in you at the moment or think you haven't made someone proud, but I do and you need to know you make me proud everyday. I appreciate everything you do for our little family. I really do love you, Elias."
He grabs our entwined hands and brings my hand to his lips before kissing the back of it. "I really do love you too, baby. You're the only woman, besides my mother that I've ever loved. You keep me grounded and make me want to be a better man, for you and our baby. Thank you. Thank you for making me happy."
I wipe the happy tears from my eyes and continue to smile the rest of the way. I don't know what I did to get so blessed, but I'm never letting him go, no matter what obstacles we may face.
***************************************
The church service was beautiful. There wasn't a dry eye in the church as Elias and his pastor talked about the life of Elian. We laughed and awed at the videos of Elias, Ian and their parents as the videos played on the projector, showing the unforgettable moments.
The church was packed with Elias' college friends as well as Elias and Ian's friends from school, even their parents old colleagues should up.
Their old teachers payed their respects and told stories and jokes Ian would play during school, making Elias and I, along with everyone else laugh.
I was happy to see Elias smiling and laughing happy tears as he listened to their teachers from elementary to high school talk about the memories of Ian. I know it will help him grieve a little better knowing his brother was loved by so many. That he touched the lives of many people and will always be remembered and loved.
Elias and Ian looked just like their mother minus the eyes of course. Whereas Stella had blue and the twins have brown.
Nicolas was a tall man like the twins, with brown hair and brown eyes. I see how he was able to pass as their biological father.
After the church service everyone gathered around under the mid February sky as we laid Ian to rest.
Elias held my hand the entire time, never letting go even when it was time to throw dirt on the casket. He held me close for comfort and comfort is what I offered as I rubbed soothing circles on the inside of his wrist.
We stayed even when everyone came to offer their condolences before leaving. We stayed when they lowered the casket into Ian's final resting place.
Twenty minutes passed when Elias fell to his knees and let out all his pain and sorrow. He screamed and cried into my neck as he held me on the cold hard floor.
I thought we were the last two here at the cemetery, but I was wrong. The whole football team along with Coach Jameson gather around us as Logan gets on his knees beside Elias and places his hand on his shoulder to comfort his best friend. The whole team followed as Ben placed his hand on Logan's shoulder and so on and so forth.
The football team was a family and they stick together.
After another ten minutes pass Elias picks himself up and pulls me from the floor as well. "Thanks guy's..." He clears his throat looking around at his teammates... his family before hugging every single one of them. "Thank you for being here for me and sticking around till the end. I really appreciate it. You don't know how much it means to me."
"We're a team and our team is family son, and family sticks together." Coach Jameson says pulling Elias in for a another hug.
We make it to the car before Elias looks back to where his brother lies and smiles a small smile before getting in and taking off.
The ride home is quiet as Elias continues to grieve in silence and when we get home he goes straight to our room and lays down.
I quickly change out of my black dress and into a red flower dress that reaches my knees before turning around and looking at Elias, who is already watching me with tired, puffy eyes.
"How about I stay and we can lay in bed and take a nap?" I offer as I sit beside him and run my fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes for a few moments, enjoying the feeling.
His eyelashes kiss his cheekbones and his breathing is relaxed as his chest rises and falls gently. I lay my head on his chest and listen to his steady, strong heartbeat. He's amazingly beautiful inside and out.
"No. I'm okay, baby." Elias clears his throat before wrapping me in his arms. "Go do what you have to do. I think I need to be alone for a while anyways. if that's okay with you?"
I look into his eyes and nod before kissing his lips. I let him know how much I love him through our kiss before pulling away and caressing his stubbled cheek. "I love you, babe."
"I love you too!" Elias says cupping my hand that's resting on his cheek before kissing my inner wrist. "Go and when you come back we'll make something to eat."
I leave the house and make it to the police station before going through the safety procedures before I can visit Janine for the first and last time.
She is a chapter I wish to close. Hell if I could burn the whole chapter with her in it I would, but that isn't possible.
I see her before she sees me and I cringe at the way she looks. She's lost weight. To much weight if you ask me. Her hair is pulled up in a bun and her face is bare of any makeup and the deep dark circles under eyes are visible even from where I stand.
She looks around before her eyes land on me and for a second I see them soften before they turn back to an empty expression when she looks at my rounded stomach. With shaking hands I grab the phone from the plexiglass that's separating us the same time she does.
"Why?" That's the first thing that comes out of my mouth and I thank God my voice came out strong, because feeling strong is not what I feel at the moment. I feel defeated and drained. "Why did you do it? Why did you try to kill my boyfriend? Why?"
"Because he would of hurt you the way his father hurt me. As a mother my job is to protect you, Lan. You think just because you're grown and on your own that my job stops? It doesn't. My job will always be to protect you. I just wish I succeeded on killing Elias. He will break your heart and leave. At least if he had died you would of stayed with all the money for that-that child. The money that should of been mine a long time ago." She spits out with so much venom I flinch back at the intensity and sharp tone in her voice.
"So you did this because of money? You wanted him dead so you can take his money that you think belongs to you? The person you should of protected me from was yourself, Janine." I watch her flinch by my use of her name.
"You're the monster here, not Elias nor Nicolas, and it sure wasn't Ian. He didn't deserve to die because of you. You took a life and destroyed many lives, including my own because of your actions. If only you see the way Elias really is with me. He really loves me. He's sweet, caring and loving. He's patient with me and would lasso the moon if I asked him too. I could go on and on, but it wouldn't matter because I'm done with you. You killed a good person. A person who, like Elias didn't deserve the repercussions of your damaged and tainted soul."
"Do you not get I was protecting you? His father was just like him. Kind, caring and loving, but when it came to leaving Stella he wouldn't. He said he loved her and his boys. He chose them over me. Even when I told her about our affair she still stayed with him. So don't you see Elias and Elian weren't innocent in this. They took away my true happiness." Janine whispers, blinking away the tears.
Elias is right. This woman is crazy. I never saw it, but now I do.
"Ar-are you hearing yourself? Elias and Elian were but two years old at the time. You're fucked up in the head if you believe that. Nicolas didn't choose you because he didn't see a future with you. Your were willing to come in and break up a happy home and you actually think he would leave his wife for someone like that?" I laugh as I watch my words hurt her.
"I hate you and after your hearing and sentencing, I will never have to see you again. I will never have to see the real ugliness hidden behind all your beauty. You can live the rest of your hideous life knowing your only child despises you. You will live your life in here. Cold and alone, rotting away as time passes you by while Elias will be out there living his best life with me and his child. He will get through the loss of Ian and I will be there helping and guiding him. Goodbye, Janine."
I push back the chair and walk away without a single glance back. I won't give her the privilege to see me cry. No. I won't cry because she doesn't deserve my tears.
I get in my car and drive home with a smile on my face. Elian was a kind and gentle soul no matter the demons he silently fought in his life. He always wore a smile and didn't let it change who he was as a person. He turned his pain into humor and made people happy whether it was by telling funny jokes or just being himself. He fought his demons and won that battle. He touched the lives of everyone he ever met and would forever leave his mark in this world as his memory will continue to live on.
"We love and miss you, Ian." I say with a smile.