The week between the game and Ben's acceptance to the Lon'En Cadets passed quickly.
Ben decided to keep going to school, which is mother found weird.
"It's because of Eileen isn't it?" she accused.
He shrugged, "And Dustin, and Robbie, and Edward, and--"
"I get it, I get it," she said, holding up a halting hand. "Just kiss me and go."
He did, feeling like his feet had wings as he jogged out the door and climbed into Eileen's waiting car.
Beyond school his time was divided between avoiding his father, who wanted to 'have a talk', and his mother who would randomly burst into tears and pull him into a lung-crushing hug.
The week followed much of the same pattern until Friday night, the eve before the big move, when Dustin surprised him with a phone call.
"I still can't believe you're going to be gone," Dustin said towards the end of their conversation. "We've known each other since kindergarten."
"Yeah, I know. It's weird, right? You're going to have to lead the team now, Rodriguez."
"Wayden, Ben, don't put that kind of pressure on me. We're going to be hurting without you, but you've got to do what's best for your future."
Ben felt a surge of gratitude. Dustin always understood. "Thanks, man."
"Yeah. Anyway, how's it going with Eileeeeen?"
Ben sighed heavily, "About the same. It's worse now, though, because mom won't let us be alone. At all. She even watches as I get in and out of Eileen's car everyday. What does she think is going to happen in the two minutes it takes me to say goodbye?"
Dustin sniggered, "Gotta make sure her little deviant doesn't get handsy."
"I'd be okay with that, but she acts like Eileen is the deviant, not me."
"I don't know what to tell you. Mr. Marshall definitely thinks I'm the one that's doing the corrupting. I can tell he's never been bitten by a Vamp that likes him."
"At least you get that on the regular now. Eileen still won't even let me hold her hand."
"Like it's really your hand you want her to hold," Dustin teased.
Ben went silent for a minute, "Actually...I mean I wouldn't turn that down, but..."
"I know, Ben. Don't tell the other guys, but me too. I just enjoy being near Ginny."
Ben nodded even though Dustin couldn't see him. "I crave it."
"Like a drug," Dustin added knowingly. "Those girls are our crack."
"Yeah," Ben agreed. He and Dustin had always been thick as thieves, but with them both destined to be with Vampire women, they found they were bonding in ways they never had, understood each other more than ever.
"Oh, crap, it's already after five. I've gotta go. Mr. Marshall's going to be here soon, and mom wants me to help her with supper."
"Alright, later, D. Enjoy your crack."
"Oh I plan on it. Go kick ass, bro. I expect to hear all kinds of stories when you visit this Christmas."
"Same. Later, Dustin."
"'Bye... mi hermano."
Ben placed the phone back into its cradle and sighed heavily. It was going to be really tough not seeing his boys for almost half a year. But at least he'd get to see Eileen every week.
He started walking towards the kitchen and heard his mother muttering, "And the way that Vampire girl looks at him now, I swear it's like she's planning her next meal."
Ben's dad snorted, "You're overreacting, Clair. She's his Bloodmate. She won't hurt him."
"Oh? Being Bloodmates makes everything magically fine, does it?" Clair shrieked.
Ben groaned. He wished his mom would give it a rest already. Even before she'd found out Eileen was Ben's Bloodmate she'd been a lot more critical of her. She'd also been fighting with his dad a lot this summer, and it all seemed to originate with some lie his dad had told her in July. Kurt Cougar wasn't one to lie, and he wasn't malicious by nature, so Ben figured he must have had a good reason. Then again, Clair Cougar had always been the epitome of supportive and trusting, so for it to have upset her so much...
It wasn't his place to figure it out. He was their kid.
Still, Ben hoped they worked through it soon.
One more night at home. Just one more.
"For Wayden's sake, Clair, just drop it, okay? I told you--"
"I didn't bring it up this time, Kurt, you did!"
Nervous energy spiraled through Ben as their voices continued to rise, making him feel jittery.
"Ma, Dad, I'm going for a run!" he called from the front door.
Silence. Then, "Okay, baby. Supper will be done in about an hour. Watch for cars and--"
Ben was bouncing down the front steps before Clair ended her sentence, thinking about where he wanted to go.
His eyes automatically trailed to Widow O'Hara's house, looking at the dark room at the top, wondering if Eileen was there. Did she want to see him as much as he wanted to see her?
Feeling bold, he stepped to the side of the house, noticing that the street light painted him in soft golden tones. Would she like that?
Eyes locked on her window, he slowly pulled his T-shirt over his head, dropped it on the ground, and waited.
He saw a flutter of movement through the window. A second later he saw her face more clearly, saw her eyes slowly trailing up and down his body.
She thinks nobody can see her, he realized, feeling a spark of electric heat run through his body at her perusal.
What should he do? He couldn't just stand there awkwardly.
At a loss, he started stretching, allowing his muscles to flex and dance as he prepared for his run. All the while his mind raced, and his body hummed pleasantly. Did she realize he was putting on a show for her? Was she still watching?
He turned his eyes to the window again, but to his supreme dismay she was no longer there.
Did looking at him make her uncomfortable? There was nobody around to judge her now. Why wouldn't she want to look?
Ben glanced down his frame, looking for something wrong, something different from the last time she'd seen him shirtless. As far as he could tell nothing had changed.
Heart sinking, Ben walked around to the front of the house, glancing up and down the sidewalk for inspiration. Which way to start running?
Was that really a question?
His feet were moving before he fully made up his mind. He needed to think, after all, so of course he would go to the parkway overlook.
When he arrived, he slowed his pace, meandering towards the bench at the side of the overlook.
Their bench.
"I was right. You did come here."
Eileen's breathy voice caused him to spin.
He stood for a minute, not sure if he should believe his ears, his eyes. His nose, however, had never steered him wrong. "Eileen? What are you doing here?"
She frowned, "I've been trying all week to talk to you without an entourage. When I saw you stretching for your run I decided to follow you."
She wanted to be alone with him? Did that mean--
"Yeah?" he managed, feeling his heart beating faster with eagerness.
She nodded, looking uncomfortable, "Um, what your dad said the other day, about what Alpha's been telling you boys..."
The eagerness faded, and Ben's heart stuttered to a stop. Embarrassment tore through him. Not her too!
"I'm strong," he quickly reassured her. "I'm disciplined enough to control my inner beast. I swear I--"
"Maybe you should," she said quietly, her face flushing.
"What?" he asked dazedly.
"You should," she repeated, looking down. "You know...especially since I'm asking you to wait so long. It's a biological need, and--"
"You don't want me?" he asked quietly. As he processed the thought, his world began to crumble
She snorted, "Don't want--? Really, Ben? I'm your Bloodmate--like it would even be possible for me not to want you."
He shrugged, hurt giving his words an edge they normally wouldn't have. "You do a good job of hiding it if that's the case."
"You're too young for me to do--"
"I'm your Mate, Eileen. I'm a sexually mature male. I'm old enough to court, to seek females."
"Ben," she said, and he both heard and saw her annoyance, "we've been through this. Physically you might think you're ready, but mentally, emotionally--"
"Mentally and emotionally I keep being rejected by my Mate!" he shot back.
She grit her teeth, "Ben, you're not being reasonable."
"No, you're not being reasonable! Eileen, I'm leaving tomorrow, and you snuck out here to tell me to take myself in hand because you don't want me? Do you know how much that hurts?"
"Maybe I don't want to feel like that's the only thing you want me for!" she shot back, her eyes blazing and her voice full of venom. "I've always been seen as a sexual object because of what I am. I never wanted to be that to you, Ben. You've always been my safe place, but now... now you're just like all the others."
Her voice grew quiet at the end, the words barely audible. Still, they felt loud, as if shot from a cannon.
"I...am?" he whispered, mind quickly spinning through their interactions since she'd returned from college. He had been pressing her for physical affection. He had been trying to entice her. Had he gone too far? He must have or else she wouldn't have said...
Ben found that he could not defend himself, so he instead hung his head in silent shame.
All this time he thought he was restraining the beast inside of him, but it still wasn't enough. He'd not even kissed her yet and already he was pressuring her too much, making her feel uncomfortable with his body's demands.
The air between them was tense, pressing, muggy. It felt like they treaded hot syrup together, and more than anything in that moment Ben wanted it to swallow him whole. He wanted to disappear.
"I'm sorry," he finally managed to whisper, fists clenched at his sides, eyes squeezed shut against the tears that pooled hotly in his eyes.
Was he really fit to be king some day--or even fit to be an alpha--if he couldn't do better by his own woman?
"Have you talked to your dad yet?" she asked after several long heartbeats.
He shook his head.
"You should."
He shook his head again.
"Ben."
He turned away from her, striding towards the woods, and with every step, his stride lengthened. Soon he was sprinting.
"Ben! Come back! We need to talk!"
Ben continued running, for once not wanting to see his woman. In fact, in that moment, he couldn't even bear to look at her.
He was too ashamed.
***
Eileen watched as Ben fled into the woods, guilt eating at her.
"Well, that didn't come out right," she said with no small amount of exasperation.
She could still taste his self-disgust, his hurt. The emotions stung her tongue, burned her nose.
Ben should never smell like that around her, should never be made to feel like that, especially by her.
"And I here I thought I could help him accept his budding sexuality. Way to go, Eileen," she muttered to herself, beginning to follow Ben's winding trail through the woods. "You've managed to make him feel worse about it instead."
It was fitting she supposed, that she would make him feel that way. From her every public appearance she was the epitome of a well-behaved young lady. As far as desire went, most would say she was bordering on asexuality. In private, however, and when she was away from those she knew...
Nobody could find out about that. It would ruin her. It would prove every horrible thing they'd ever said about Vampire women.
But right now? Ben needed to know. And Ben wouldn't tell.
She was tempted to call out to him again, but she figured he would hide from her if she did. So instead, she closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and opened the door to her power. She allowed the golden tendrils of Fantasy to slip from her body and dance through the woods, seeking, tasting, searching.
In less than thirty seconds she'd found him. In the next ten she was feeding from him, pulling in his anxiety and replacing it with calm. It was no easy task. His anxiety about his sexuality ran deep.
Eventually, though, he did calm, and when that happened, she made her presence known, "Ben?"
"You fed from me," he accused, turning to watch her as she stepped out of the shadows.
"Are you angry about that?"
He shook his head, and a vulnerable look crossed his face before he turned away from her.
"What is it?" she wondered.
He shook his head, leaning his shoulder against a nearby tree and looking at absolutely anything but her.
Eileen reached out with her power, prodding his emotional bubble for a clue. She found that he was still swimming in hurt.
"I hurt you," she acknowledged. "I'm sorry."
Shame swirled, thick and heavy. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to make you feel...I'm not like those guys, Eileen. I'd never use you."
He turned to her, eyes vulnerable, "I love you. It's not just a physical thing, I promise. It's just...I...never mind. That's just an excuse, and you deserve better than excuses. I'll do better, be stronger, so I don't hurt or pressure you again."
He turned away from her, but from where she stood she could see his downcast profile.
"Oh, Ben," she sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"
"I'll do better," he repeated.
"I will too," she promised.
That shocked him. He turned to face her, "What?"
"I'll do better, too," she promised.
He shook his head, "You didn't do anything wrong."
"I hurt my Mate. I accused him of something that's not true."
"It is true, though," he admitted. He opened his mouth, closed it, then glanced away.
Despair seeped from him.
"What is it, Ben?"
He shook his head, blinking fast, jaw clenched.
Her heart melted, because she recognized that look, those actions. He'd done that growing up whenever he had gotten hurt badly but was trying not to show it, like the time he'd fallen out of his tree house and broken his arm.
"Benji," she whispered, quickly covering the distance between them. Without a second thought she wrapped her arms around him in a gesture of comfort.
At first he tensed, but as she continued to hold him, rubbing her hand lightly up and down his back, he wrapped his arms around her as well, turning to bury his face in her neck.
Longing pulsed from him in heavy waves, intense, demanding, but to her surprise it wasn't all sexual.
"What is it, Benji?" she crooned.
"I miss you so much, Eileen," he whispered raggedly against her neck. "I want to touch you so much that it hurts, but it's not just...I mean some of it is, but..."
Eileen gripped him tighter to her, "I'm here, Ben."
He continued to fight his emotions until she said, "It's okay. You don't have to be strong with me, Benji."
Then he was sobbing into her neck, holding her tightly, one hand around her waist and the other in her hair.
Eileen's heart ached for him. She hadn't realized it but she should have. She had never been reserved with physical affection when they were younger, but ever since she'd returned this year she had been very mindful of his proximity. She'd used physical distance to keep herself in check, afraid that she'd do something stupid if she got too close.
But it hadn't been like that when they were younger. Anytime she'd felt affection welling up she'd rubbed his head, patted his back, hugged him to her. Sometimes as they'd watched movies he had curled up against her, snuggling like an over-large kitten.
Even as a child he had sought comfort in her touch. Why hadn't she realized he would need that comfort every bit as much now--if not more? He literally hungered for connection, for reassurance that she was there with him.
"I've been so stupid," she whispered, turning to softly kiss his damp hair.
He quickly shook his head, "You're not stupid, Eileen."
"I am about love, apparently. You missed us cuddling, didn't you?"
He nodded into her neck, his grip on her back as strong as ever. "I feel like I can finally breathe again."
"I understand now," she told him. "I won't be so distant anymore."
"You won't? What does that mean?"
His hands loosened, beginning to lightly roam her back.
"More hugs," she told him, stroking his back, "more cuddles."
"Can I hold your hand?"
That was getting more into a romantic gesture but it was still an innocent enough one. "Sure."
"Can I kiss you?"
"Don't push it, Benji."
"Okay," he agreed, nuzzling her neck happily.
Unfortunately, his nuzzling hit one of her sensitive spots, and her breath hitched.
Ben froze for a second then pulled away with wide eyes.
Eileen found herself giggling, "Why are you so surprised?"
His gaze searched hers, "Did that...did you like that?"
"I wasn't being less affectionate because of you, Ben," she told him earnestly. "I was afraid of my reaction to you. I didn't know if I could behave myself otherwise."
His eyes grew wider, but the pupils dilated. "Really?"
She smirked, "Do you think you're the only one with needs?"
His jaw went slack.
"Let's sit and talk for a minute, okay?" she said, crossing her legs and sitting in one smooth motion, resting her weight on one hand.
He followed, sitting so that he was beside her. After a second of uncertainty, he hesitantly placed his hand over hers.
Unexpected butterflies danced through her stomach at the gesture, and her eyes slowly met his.
"What did you want to talk about?" he wondered, his fingers starting to brush lightly over the back of her hand.
Electricity danced along her nerve endings wherever his fingers trailed, distracting her, warming her in ways it should not. Hands weren't supposed to be that erogenous!
She considered pulling her hand away, but when her eyes met his, he looked positively blissful.
He wouldn't be in a minute.
"Look, Ben, I know this is awkward, so I'm going to just say it. Have you really never masturbated?"
His hand paused, and she saw a flush rise into his cheeks. His hand gripped hers as he earnestly declared, "I promise, I've not. I have had some dreams, but I've never--"
"Why?" she wondered.
He blinked, "What?"
"Why haven't you? Why are you so against it?"
"You know the doctrine," he said slowly.
She shook her head, "I've never read that part. What does it say?"
"'It is utter weakness to spill seed without a female,'" Ben quoted. "And 'a male, most pitiful, takes himself in hand after deciding there is no female that wants for him.'"
"That son of a bitch," she gritted.
Ben blinked, "Eileen...did you just cuss?"
"Damn right I did! Ben, your alpha has been misquoting the marriage doctrine."
"Misquoting?"
She nodded, "The whole proverb says that, 'Should a male find his female in need, it is utter weakness to spill seed without his female.' It means that sex is supposed to benefit both of them, that he shouldn't keep himself from her."
"From her...but females don't need..."
"Then why have you been trying to entice me all summer, Ben Jermin Cougar?"
He stared at her, and from his expressive face she could practically see the thoughts racing through his mind.
She pressed, "If females can't be enticed, then why do males try? Why did you offer to 'take care of all of my needs'? You know, instinctively, that what your alpha said isn't true."
Ben was quiet for a long while, considering this. "So you...you do feel that?"
"Of course," she answered, trying to make her voice matter-of-fact to hide the twinge of embarrassment she felt. Ben needed honesty.
He swallowed thickly, and from his expression, she could see he had questions he wanted to ask.
"If you have questions, you can ask me."
"Do you have dreams too?" he wondered.
Oh, boy, he went there. "Yes."
His eyes searched hers, "Have they ever been of me?"
Her heart hammered. She didn't want to admit it, but he needed to know that his dreams were normal, needed to know that he wasn't weird.
"Yes. It's not uncommon to dream about your Bloodmate."
He sucked in a deep breath, nostrils flaring at her answer. "So... you do dream about me?"
"Yes."
"In that way?"
Wayden help her!
"Yes, Ben, in that way, although that's been a very recent development."
His disbelief was beginning to amuse her. It was also starting to make her feel bold, and that was dangerous.
"We should get going," she said quickly, rising to her feet and beginning to retrace their path.
He followed her retreat, hand grabbing hers, "Wait, one more question. You said alpha was wrong about... all of it, right?"
She nodded, "Yes, Ben. It's actually expected that males, especially young unmated males, will sometimes need to, uh, relieve some pressure."
"Then... what about females?" he wondered.
Crap. This was going to go south soon.
"Females too," she admitted offhandedly, trying to wiggle out of his grip in a way that wouldn't offend him.
"Do you... do that?"
There it was, the question she'd feared. After she answered it, she knew exactly what his next question would be, and that was one question she did not want to answer.
"Yes, Ben," she admitted softly. "Me too."
His hand tightened on hers. "And do you--when you--"
"We need to get home," she told him, giving up on freeing herself and instead tugging on his hand. "Let's go."
He followed her dutifully, but the silence hung heavy between them.
When they made it to the clearing, Eileen breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe he was going to drop it.
"Do you think of me when you do that?" he asked quietly, pulling her to a stop in front of their bench.
She closed her eyes, afraid to admit it. A dream couldn't be helped, but she was fully responsible for what she fantasized about when she was awake. It was one of her dirty little secrets, one she was irrationally terrified somebody would find out about someday.
Her voice was quiet, afraid of giving life to the truth, of breathing it into the universe. Still, she'd promised herself to be open and honest with him, so she answered, "Yes."
His hand gripped hers tighter for a second before dropping it, and Ben turned to gaze out over the indigo mountains.
"Sometimes I can't sleep," he finally admitted. "I keep reliving the time you fed from me, and I--my body... I just can't sleep."
Her heart beat quickened, "The next time that happens, do something about it."
"Are you sure it's okay? It won't make me weak, less worthy of you?" he asked anxiously.
She shook her head, "No, Ben, it won't. It's natural. It's also good for you to figure out how you like to be touched before you start sharing yourself with somebody."
"With you," he amended. "You're the only woman that's ever going to touch me. But only if you want to."
The quick reassurance made her smile, "When you're nineteen, I will."
His eyes widened, and she saw him shift uncomfortably as he turned away from her. A thrill of power and desire raced through her. She'd turned him on. Not that it was a difficult task, but still--
"Think about that tonight," she told him, reaching out to take his hand in hers again. "But for now, I guess we better get back home."
It was well past dark when they finally meandered back into the neighborhood. Ben's dad saw their twined hands and grinned. "I'll tell your mom you're back. She was about to go looking for you."
"Sorry, dad."
His father smirked, "No explanation needed, son. I remember what it was like. Do you want to stay for supper, Eileen?"
The thought of Clair glaring at her had her stomach in knots. She quickly shook her head, "No thank you, Mr. Cougar. I'd better be getting home."
He nodded, "I'll let you two say goodbye then."
He walked into the house, clicking off the porch light as he went.
Eileen found herself snorting, "At least your dad seems to approve."
"I think he's suspected all along," Ben admitted sheepishly.
They looked at each other for a few long moments, and finally Ben asked, "Can I hug you?"
Eileen opened her arms, giving and accepting the affection without reservation.
Ben held her tightly for a few seconds, breathing in her scent before he pulled away. "Are you going with us tomorrow?"
She nodded, "Mrs. O'Hara and I will be following you guys."
"I wish we were riding together."
"I'm just glad your mom's allowing me to go at all," she admitted.
Ben's eyes narrowed, "I wish I was older. She shouldn't have any say about us."
"Don't fret too much, Benji. Nineteen will come sooner than you think."
"Not soon enough," he grumbled. Then he pulled her in for one last hug, "But you're worth waiting for."