We'll be posting Five Teen Fiction Reviews Today. These Reviews have been chosen at random. If you don't see yours today, don't worry, they would be posted between now and next week. Remember, All the Reviews are Honest and Constructive.
Now, let's get to it.
****
Book: TEQUILA
Author: ujuritaellianna
•Book graphics: 8/10
Your graphics is simple, and concise. I like the symmetry of the lettering juxtaposed unto the background image.
•Blurb: 3/5
Your blurb makes it easy to decide who your protagonists are and how they perceive life. From your blurb, I can already tell your female protagonist is a pessimist and your male protagonist is an optimist. I like the balance and boundaries you created for both characters.
I see you took the metaphorical approach to writing and that's commendable, but you need to learn to use it properly, so that it flows easier. I found myself wondering what 'spark rainbows' meant, as rainbows don't spark; they glow. As much as I love your approach, sometimes, less is more if you're starting out with that style of writing for the first time. With time, you'll grow into it and become a natural at it. I suggest reading a lot of books that use this writing style so that you subconsciously learn from them.
•Introduction: 4/5
I absolutely love your introduction. Just from the first chapter, I can tell your characters apart and you seamlessly wove their distinct features, characters and attributes into the story. Good job!
•Use of punctuation: 2/10
You really need to work on this aspect of writing because it could throw a lot of people off and destroys the entire aesthetics of your entire book. For example, after a full stop, use capital letters, and if you don't want to follow the orthodox style of using capital letters after periods, that's fine, but you need to make it uniform... That means, complete disregard of periods and usage of small letters after each and every period.
Also, I noticed that there are no spaces after periods and after commas and it makes the entire book look sloppy.
When using exclamations and question marks, bear in mind that one question mark is enough for a sentence as two is not considered professional. Commas, periods or question marks are enclosed inside of the quotation mark, not outside. Sometimes they are even lacking. I'll recommend you read books that lecture sentence structure and English grammar to correct your wrong use of punctuation.
•Spelling and Grammar: 5/10
Like your punctuations, I noticed a lot of things about your spelling and grammar that could have been corrected. When doing overall editing of your book, pay attention to clauses and tenses that were not consistent with the original past tense you opted for in the beginning... Your preferred tense should always be consistent. Also, if you're not sure of the spelling of a particular word, it's important you check it out in a dictionary or other writing resources as it really improves your author image to readers and fellow writers. When writing, remember to give it your best as it shines through in the end. It makes people realize you know exactly what you're doing.
•Sentence construction: 6/10
Ignoring the punctuation and specific grammar errors, your overall sentence construction when it comes to descriptions and narration is almost perfect. However, since punctuations and grammar make up the entirety of a sentence, you have to work on that aspect of your writing.
•Description and Imagery: 8½/10
I love how you describe. It gives me a clear image of everything in my head. This is one of the many things I love about your book.
•Character development: 8/10
I gave you an eight because I like how you have very flawed, very imperfect characters as it makes me anticipate and want to watch them grow into better, wiser people. Remember to not rob your readers off of this growth.
•World building: 8/10
Like your descriptions, there's nothing I'd want to change about your fictional world. I really like how you describe.
•Plot/Theme: 9/10
I love the entire story idea of having a 'sad, bitter girl, frozen by trauma, who doesn't believe in God and miracles' grow and develop into someone that'd see the light one day. I love how Toby, even with his impending illness is just bursting with positivity and rays of hope. You have a compelling plot that makes it impossible to put your book down.
•Storyflow: 6/10
Your story flow is good. I like how you glide the readers from one scene to the next, but i believe you can do better.
Strengths: your narration, descriptions, graphics, entire story idea/plot, imagery and character building.
Weaknesses: punctuation, spelling and grammar
Total: 67½/100
****
Book: A TWIN WITH A DIFFERENCE
Author: Moroti_Writes
•Book Graphics: 6/10
I will commend the cover for portraying the title of the book to some extent. Although, a more eye catching cover will do.
•Blurb: 2/5
The blurb was okay. Although, a few punctuation marks were missing here and there, and I feel it is not detailed enough. It expatiates more on the family and the 'curse', and doesn't particularly summarize in accurate details how exactly it is in co-relation to the twins and their 'difference', as the title of the book reads.
•Introduction: 2/5
Well, we were made to understand how the female in the prologue was going through a painful delivery at a young age and we saw how her condition and situation flash in fair details before her eyes.
Although, I feel the writer could have done a better job in actually making us 'feel' the pain the character was feeling, but they did fair enough. Descriptions were not exactly clear. I would reccomend in a scene where there are going to be a lot of emotions, the '5-sense technique' should be applied to make all the emotions feel more relatable and realistic. For example, were the doctors eyes calming and reassuring to look at in her pain? Did it assure her that everything would be okay? Did she hate the smell of her own blood or the hospital in general? How badly was it suffocating, if so? Or was she too much in so much pain that she couldn't take note of these things? She couldn't take note of her environment? Tell us.
How bad was the pain? Tell us. Was it the worst pain she had ever felt before? How, in details, did it feel to have a child's head rip and tear her apart (down there)? Tell us what it felt like, equate it to something, make us feel what she felt in the most relatable and realistic way possible....
When she is having her flashbacks and lamenting about her life, connect it to her pain. Did every contraction, every desperate push, remind her of how much of a fighter she was? How much she fought against her early marriage, but to no avail, was still wedded against her wish or will? Every memory she has must in a way connect to whatever is happening in the present.
However, I must commend the aftermath of the delivery. The writer portrayed the relief a lot of mothers who just had a rough delivery feels. That joy of bringing souls into the world, it was well written. Kudos.
And then for the Introductory chapter. I read the entire page and felt like I had read it all before. The chapter, starting from the way it began, the heading, the point behind it, the pattern, and the general plot it entold, it sounded like another Nigerian book I had come across on this app. The only thing differentiating it was the fact that a twin was included, and reading down to the last two paragraphs, it became too obvious that it wasn't exactly couincidental. My only advice to you? It's okay to be inspired by a book, but do not use the entire plot of someone else's book to shape any part of your own book, it will make your book unoriginal and unappealing to a lot of readers, and it may be a turn off.
•Use of Punctuations: 7/10
Punctuations were good most of the time, but when they weren't, it was really glaring. A little editing will make the book good to go.
•Spelling and Grammar: 6/10
It was hard finding words that were wrongly spelt and that was good. The grammar wasn't too ambigous, so it was also easy to understand, although there were some flaws here and there. However, the tenses were the issue. It was hard to tell whether your book was written in present or past tense because the tenses were inconsistent.
For Example;
At one part, the writer said, "I smile brightly at her through the mirror" using the present tense sequence.
Then, at another part, the writer said, "I got down from the car and turned around...." (using the past tense sequence)
As a professional writer, tenses should be of major priority, you have to pick one tense, either past or present, and carry along with it through out the book. It can be hard and is challenging for even the best authors, but you can try to pull it off.
•Description and Imagery: 7/10
Okay, I would commend the way you introduce personalities of your characters, even if it is not a thorough 'show, don't tell' (that I don't even believe is possible), you effectively show 𝑎𝑛𝑑 tell. But be careful, overdoing it could seem like info dump. Also, your character descriptions are actually quite good, the only thing I would advice on is to look for how to spread all these physical descriptions through out the chapters so that people don't gloss over large paragraphs that are aimed at decribing how one person looks. It could even get tiring for you too, I realised we don't even know what the family members particularly looked like, and I don't blame you because you definitely attached more importance to describing all the main characters thoroughly instead, but you see, when these descriptions are effectively spread across the book, it'll be easier for you too.
If there was anything to particularly work on, I'd say your display of emotions. (Refer to judgement on Introduction to study the 'five sense rule')
All in all, your descriptions are really good. You also do a good job at not just describing the characters, but also places too. If there was more advice I'd give you, that would be to make your setting of a scene to always be clear as crystal. I don't have to read down to half of a chapter to realise 'oh, they're in her car', always make it clear. Asides that, you did pretty well.
•Character Development:4/10
I'd advice to create characters with more depth.
•World building: 4/10
Your world seemed unrealistic at a point. Work on making it more realistic and you're good to go. Your minor characters rarely did much. Once in a while, also give a little spotlight to even the minor characters just to make it seem more realistic.
•Sentence Construction: 5/10
At some points, your sentence construction was good, sometimes it was flawed. All in all, just work on the tenses, a little more work on grammar, and punctuations, and you're good to go.
•Plot theme: 2/10
The plot wasn't steady. The blurb didn't particularly connect with the rest of the book the way I thought it should. I don't know if it was me, but the prologue didn't also connect to the book the way I thought it should. It seemed like the plot wasn't thoroughly thought through, it almost seemed like the writer didn't particularly know what they were doing. Advice? Take your time to arrange your plot before you put it out there, so your readers can grasp the message you intend to pass on. Also, try to be more original too, so your reader won't think they are reading a book that they have read before.
•Story Flow: 4/10
The writer can do a better job at captivating their readers, through suspense filled scenes, major character development, and deep plot. This was a fair trial, but they have more potential.
•Strengths and Weaknesses:
Through my analysis, the author's strenght in writing is basically description. They aren't perfect, but they have potential. The writer should just work on creating more characters with depth as well as deep, meaningful, and properly set out and arranged plot that is easy to understand. They can do this by reading more books, but at the same time, they need to be careful and ensure that they aren't making their work too similar to any other author's work while at it.
Total Score: 49/100.
****
Book: COCO
Author: isegeorge_
•Book cover: 10/10
It's really good. A very eye catchy book cover, and I'll give that a 10.
•Blurb: 3½/5
The blurb gives the readers a little insight on who coco is and what's she's going through. And the conclusion also makes readers want to find out what will happen to coco, so it's catchy. But there were some grammatical/punctuational errors which I would still go back to later on in this review.
•Intro: 5/10
Your first chapter made us know the little tension between coco and her mum. Although we felt you could have portrayed it a little more, like make the readers actually feel it instead of just reading it. And the ending of this chapter was a bit confusing. Coco being igbo and yoruba doesn't make her mixed. It's still Nigerian blood that flows through her veins. We are seeing that something happened to coco, but it seemed confusing because of your use of grammar which I will still come back to.
•Punctuation: 4/10
You didn't really do well with the punctuations in this book. I came across a lot of sentences that weren't properly punctuated. It's either there wasn't any full stop to indicate the end of a sentence, or the commas weren't placed properly. Apostrophes went missing from where they were supposed to be and placed in irrelevant places too. You need to learn how to fully punctuate your work so it can look meaningful to the readers. And I believe you can do that.
•Spelling and Grammar: 3/10
This again is another issue. So many words were spelt and used wrongly. We can't begin to point them out because they are a lot. They might probably be typos, meaning you have to thoroughly edit your work.
This is obviously a Nigerian book, and definitely the slangs and all have to be there to give it more spice. But it should be balanced. Yours made it seem like they are rowdy students from a government public school with the use of a lot of Yoruba slangs. Adding slangs to your story is not a crime, but you need to balance it with the use of English so it works well for everyone. Concerning the spelling. If any word seems difficult to spell, you can always look it up in the dictionary. This dictionary should always be with you when writing. Bad grammar and spelling is a huge turn off for readers. You need to work on that a lot.
•Description and imagery: 3/10
This is something you should work on too. Description is a crucial part of writing, because since the readers can't actually see the actual thing, they have to imagine it. And that's why the writer must take time to describe things properly. When there is no good description, there would be nothing to imagine and it makes everything just bland and uninteresting. There are sites on the internet to help with proper descriptions, and they would really be helpful to one's writing.
•Character development: 3/10
In the first chapter, you depicted coco as a girl who doesn't talk. Even in the blurb, you made us know that coco could be likened to a ghost. Meaning, she's quiet most of the time and doesn't like to be seen due to her condition and the readers will be expecting that in the story. But as you progressed, you suddenly made coco not quiet anymore. There were chapters where she talked back rudely to her teacher and some of her classmates. This is not how you made us see coco as initially. It makes the whole thing confusing.
•World building: 3/10
World building is the process of portraying the location and setting of where your story took place. This wasn't there at all. The only thing we saw were the transfer students from IB. And what is Ib? If we didn't know better we won't know Ib means Ibadan, a location in Nigeria. If you are to use the abbreviations of locations in your book, put the full word in brackets beside the abbreviation. Let the readers know this is the location you are talking about. Even if you don't want to place the word beside the abbreviation, you can make a mini glossary at the end of the chapter so readers would be carried along in your story.
This aside, there was no world building at all. We didn't know where the school was located, where your characters live and also the locations where events took place. You need to work on this.
•Story flow: 2/10
This book didn't flow well at all. I got confused a lot of times because of this. You didn't indicate the POV's, you just jumped into it. Someone can be reading coco's POV and all of a sudden, he/she is no longer seeing coco's POV anymore. The person now has to go back and look for where her POV ended which is kind of tiring and does not make the story flow well at all. Please always indicate your POVs.
•Sentence construction: 3/10
Not really much needs to be said about this, but just know that this needs a lot of work. Punctuations really define a sentence, and your sentences either lacked, or had excessive use of them. I didn't see paragraphs at all. Everything was just jumbled up. You also didn't end and begin most of your chapters properly. But you can work on that too.
•Plot/Theme: 7/10
Your plot is really good though. The whole idea about a young HIV patient and she finding out a lot of probably life changing secrets is really intriguing.
•Strengths and Weaknesses:
You have a lot of weaknesses, but we know that it can be worked on with time and dedication. You just need to keep practicing and putting more effort into your writing. The days when you don't feel like it, don't force it. Your story won't come out nice if you do. Take your time and relax. But keep working hard.
Thank you.
Total score: 46½ /100
****
Book: THE THINGS WE DO
Author: Donaldprince
•Book Graphics: 10/10
You have a very beautiful cover. It's catchy, very unique and it gives some sort of insight to what is going to happen on the book. It has a vivid connection with title, the blurb and even the book in general. Well done.
•Blurb: 3/5
Your blurb, though catchy, is not really straightforward. I get the entire idea of the book but I feel it should have been constructed better, especially the second paragraph. The first paragraph drew me right in but the second paragraph became a little confusing, a little wordy to the extent that it began to veer off course. Please work on rewriting that part.
•Intro: 4.5/5
Your introductory chapter is beyond exceptional. The first paragraph is catchy on so many levels. It draws me right in, in a very dark, very unique way and I'm 99.99% sure your readers feel the same way. Also, the way you introduced your major characters (C.J, Zehan and Kasy) without getting anyone confused is just on point. Good Job.
•Punctuations: 9/10
I don't have much to say in this department either. Your punctuations were on point. You used the write punctuations in the write places, using commas where you were supposed to as well as your fullstop. Even your Ellipses and Hyphens were used correctly. If there were any error, it went unnoticed and that's how it's supposed to be. Amazing Job.
•Spelling and Grammar: 9/10
You did exceptional well in this as well. You didn't have any spelling or typographical error, which means you proof read your chapters before you update them. That, or you are a machine. Your grammar was also on point. You didn't make use of any ambiguous words which makes it easy for your readers to read and understand. Your tenses were stable, didn't come across any switch between the past and present. That takes special grace. Kudos.
•Description and Imagery: 9/10
I don't have much to say on this one too. Your description is very good. As a writer, you should be able to give your readers something to imagine, something to picture as they read and you were able to do that effortlessly. I was able to get a clear picture of Kasy from the way she described herself. I was able to understand her insecurities as well. You also gave me a clear picture of Zehan's relationship with his parents. You were able to put me, as a reader, in their position and that is just topnotch. This means your readers are also getting clear pictures of the sceneries.
•Character Development: 9/10
The books hasn't gotten far enough for any form of character development but I'll tell you this, your characters have a lot of depth. They are teenagers going through a lot, going through phases and you were able to point that out. Weldon.
•World Building: 7/10
Your world building needs a little bit of work. There were some scenes we were able to get a clear description of the environment, what was going on that environment ; Students making noise in the class, what classmates were doing, people walking around.) But there were also some scenes where a world wasn't created at all. You didn't say anything about what Kasy's room looked like, all I know is that she has a mirror in it. We also don't know how her house looks like, how the school looks like, where the chemistry lab is located (is it at the West wing or East wing of the school?). Things like this add to world building. Create a world around your characters, make everything realistic. You don't have to be detailed, it can just be mentioned briefly. Other than that, you are good.
•Plot/Theme: 9.5/10
Your plot is Unique, Different. The Theme is perfect for teenagers because I feel it focuses on things teenagers face that people hardly talk about. You using this as a platform to address such issues, it's really encouraging.
•Story Flow: 8/10
Your book has a very steady flow. It's not fast, it's not slow. It's just okay.
•Sentence Construction: 9/10
Your Sentence construction is perfect. Your punctuations, grammar, all of that aided your Sentence construction. Very good.
•Strength and Weakness:
Honestly, you hardly have any weaknesses. The Review has spoken volumes. You are an amazing writer. You have a good plot and your delivery is just top notch, coupled with the fact that you are very good at majorly everything pointed out above. Keep it up.
Total: 87/100
****
Book: 6 YEARS TO REMEMBER
Author: adejumoadedayo
•Book Graphics: 5/10
Your cover depicts a young boy which correlates with the MC being male but asides that, everything else about the cover is off. Starting from the poor fonts to the colour combination and then, there’s the fact that the cover is not catchy. This could certainly be improved on because Wattpad is gifted with a lot of amazing cover creators who could help.
•Blurb: 2/5
The dialogue approach to blurbs has been proven to be effective when executed right. The blurb to 6 YEARS TO REMEBER left me spiraling in confusion given to the poor use of punctuation, poor description, poor grammar and the overall fact that it wasn’t hooking.
Firstly, I noticed a repetitive pattern in this punctuating error: “Christian do you know I hear everything you always say”
That is wrong. When your dialogue isn’t being followed by a speech verb (Said, told, asked, requested, etc), it should end with a full stop or in this case, a question mark.
Therefore, it should be: “Christian, do you know I hear everything you always say?”
Secondly, I understood that it was supposed to be a kissing scene but this could have been executed so much better. The description, for starters, wasn’t compelling enough. The use of ‘womanly structure’ and ‘puff, our lips clashed’ would make any lady cringe.
Let me help a bit; ‘She got closer, disregarding whatever space we had between us. My heart throbbed and heat rushed through every bit of my being as she gazed straight at me, engulfing and consuming. Elena bit her lip shyly - innocently. God, that drove me crazy.That particular moment was a slice of heaven, right there with her. We were two teenagers trapped in a bubble of our own making with the rest of the world nonexistent.’
Thirdly, maybe you should just keep the dialogue away. You could try out other blurb styles because the kiss scene for blurbs is highly overdone on Wattpad and to stand out, you need to be different. Capture what your plot is about without giving out the juicy secret and letting the suspense flow. Usually a good blurb has this pattern; Introducing the protagonists in a way that creates intrigue without delving into details, referencing the central point of conflict - without explaining how resolution may come about and ending with a hook.
•Intro: 2/5
The first chapter of a book is extremely important. It’s the make or break moment. You need to start with something compelling! You started with the classic wake up scene and honestly, that’s about one of the worst ways to start especially when the character waking up doesn’t add anything significant to the plot.Then, there was no hook in the first chapter and the descriptions were also really poor. We are introduced to Christian’s home and in the next moment, we are transported to his entrance examination with no real depth on the characters, surrounding or family. I also noticed your use of emojis while writing and since this is not a children’s book which would be printed with crayons and pictures, it’s wrong.
Now, how can you make this first chapter work? I’ll help.
First, punctuating and grammar. I’ll expand on this in another section.
Secondly, skip the wake up scene. Ditch it. Why don’t you start from when he’s already in the exam? He’s sweaty and gripped with uncertainity as he ticks each answer box. Capture his thoughts, fears and hopes! That’s a hook when executed well. Then maybe follow up with him returning home and introduce us to his family with good descriptions and character depth. We need to feel like we know this character and his family - like we exist in the same world as them.
I like that you ended the chapter with a bit of suspense but with better descriptive words, details and development, it would be a killer ending!
•Punctuations: 3/10
Sadly, this aspect is extremely lacking. I might not be able to cover every punctuation error committed in 6 YEARS TO REMEMBER, so I’ll advice the author to take their time to study the right use of punctuation marks in fiction through Google (It’s very important as a writer to always make your research.)
1. I’ll start from the basics every writer should know in respect to your book.
- “Anyways I will see you in school on the day of resumption, Bye………..” [Chapter 2, paragraph 8]
-The use of elipsis should be limited to just three (…) Not only does this make your sentences appear more professional, it’s grammatically correct.
-Words after the comma (,) should still be denoted with small letters. If you want to include capitals, end with a full stop (.)
*“Anyway, I will see you in school on the day of resumption. Bye…” or “Anyway, I will see you in school on the day of resumption. Bye!” is the correct format.
*“Good morning everyone, you are expected to come with your receipt”. The security man said.
2. When your dialogue is being followed by an action, non-speech verb or nothing at all, it should ended with a fullstop (.) inside the quotation marks. This is a repeated error I noticed a lot. Don’t punctuate your dialogue outside the quotation marks. Like I mentioned, only end with a comma when a speech verb is involved.
-“Good morning, everyone. You are expected to come with your receipt,” the security man said.
3. Learn to use your punctuation marks. They don’t bite! If the sentence is a question, end with a question mark. If it needs an exclamation mark, put it. And not to mention, you exempted the use of quotation marks in some dialogues. 6 YEARS TO REMEMBER needs to be heavily edited based on this and I’ll advice the writer to comprehensively study the use of punctuation marks in fiction.
•Spelling Grammar: 5/10
This category was fairly impressive except for some noticeable misspellings and grammatical errors. Like the misuse of ‘Am’ for ‘I’m’ and in the aspect of when the students stood up to greet the teacher (Ggooodd moorrnniingg ssiirrr), it seemed extremely amateurish. I understood the point you were trying to pass across but for a simpler and seamless reading, it could be cut short to a simple “Good morning, sir!” they dragged each word in unison.
Just like the aspect of punctuating, this needs heavy editing as well.
•Description And Imagery: 4/10
Vivid descriptions were almost nonexistent. Each emotion, thoughts, scenery was conveyed with plain statement with no in-depth detail. We weren’t given any descriptive image of any character or environment. The lacking of these things took the joy of vivid imagination out of reading. Christian narrates to us and doesn’t let us feel what he’s feeling. The key to better description is avoiding words such as “felt” and avoid telling your readers. So instead of telling us Christian was sad or lonely, show us. Show us how his heart ached or how he had a pang of jealousy course through him when he saw Flourish with other friends. Use your 5 key senses to enhance your description when it comes to physical environment. But most of all, read articles online about descriptions and read books related to your genre in the hopes to learn.
•Character Development: 5/10
I read the 5 chapters of this book and it’s still quite difficult to point out the personality of each character. The characters lacked depth and development and most of all, they were inconsistent.
For the protagonist (Christian), it’s been difficult to decipher who he is exactly.I can only state that he’s a JS1 boy and asides that, he has no strong personality points. I did notice that he was judgemental and rude. This gives it a bit of inconsistency since Christian was introduced to be a mummy’s boy who has a tough time making new friends.
Also, none of the characters have a distinct voice. They’re mostly monotonous which makes conversations boring.
The point of character development is to create characters who mimic real life people. You need to have an in-depth knowledge of who your character is, how they speak, their common gestures and phrases, their hobbies, goals and ambitions. How are they when they’re scared or sad? Know them like the lines on your palm. Your goal as a writer is defeated if none of your readers can identify with your characters.
•World Building: 5/10
You did fairly well in setting the scenery of Oxboard College but since your descriptions have been quite lacking, it wasn’t vivid. The time skips were excessive and the location isn’t always mentioned or described at least. There needs to be a concise and in-depth conveying of these things. It makes your story more rooted and believable. Just like descriptions, please work on this.
•Plot Theme: 6/10
6 YEARS TO REMEMBER is the story of a young boy and his journey through secondary school. I love that the writer was consistent with highlighting a few secondary relatable moments. I can foresee that the plot will have a lot of drama and if written well, it’ll capture the interest of a lot of readers. Although I found a lot of things to be rushed, like Christian’s relationship with Elena. These two literally went from meeting to ‘I love you’ then break up. But since they’re still really young, I’ll assume you tried to capture the childish whims kids get. Then there’s also the fact that even though this book is fully a Nigerian book, none of the characters bear Nigerian names. This is a big question mark to the theme of your book because why is it called a Nigerian story if there are no cultural reflections in it?
The story of a new student starting a new school is one that has been written over and over again but I trust that the writer will have something new to show in this book.
•Story Flow: 4/10
The writer had a hard time carrying me along through most parts of the story. The fact that some aspects were rushed and not in-depth was one big hiccup while reading. It made it difficult to identify with a lot in the story. But nonetheless, I’ll commend the writer for the few humorous inputs that mostly Nigerian boarding school students would understand.
•Sentence Construction: 5/10
The writer made use of poor verbs and adjectives. More research should be done on impactful adjectives and ways to construct memorable lines in fiction. Some sentences had excessive elipsis and lack of punctuation marks. They weren’t paragraphed well. It needs heavy editing to really fish out the errors. Reading widely would help the writer to broaden their vocabulary in writing.
•Strength: Humour and plot theme.
•Weakness: Punctuating, description, sentence construction, character development, etc.
Total: 46/100
See you soon.