Watashi No Ai
CHAPTER 23
The sound of a marker hitting on the wall behind awaken me. I look at Yena that's why she took a glimpse at our teacher before looking at me again.
"W-Why, teacher?" I asked. What's wrong again?
"NUMBER 17, GET OUT!" she shouted while pointing her stick on the door.
"Why?" I cluelessly asked.
"Why?! You're asking why?! Why are you even still studying when you do nothing here in school!" Ms. Lee bursted.
The whole class were all eyes on me again. Even if I tell myself that I'm used to it, I can't help but to feel humiliated. She could've at least talk to me calmly after class.
"Come on, Ryujin..." Lip, poking my hand, telling me to go.
"GET OUT!"
I grabbed my bag as I kick my chair from behind out of madness. Why do they always like humiliating me? What did I do wrong? Ever since...I was never taught, I was always humiliated.
"You're really rude, aren't you? I heard your father is part of Navy, how can he have a daughter like you, Ms. Shin?" she stated that's why I stopped on the center while looking at her sharply, "don't show your face at me if you'd act like that. I'm not like your other teachers." she pointed the stick straight on my forehead but I hit it with my right hand, causing it to fall on the floor.
I saw how her jaw tense but it didn't scare me a bit, "tomorrow, check your seat if there's chewed bubble gum, teacher." I mumbled.
"GET OUT OF MY CLASS!" her face turned red, looking so mad without breaking her eye contact with me.
"Ah...don't worry teacher, I don't do that thing. I'd rather put thumbtacks on the chair than chewed bubble gum." I smirked at her while walking out of her so called class, "don't worry, your bum won't hurt— you don't have it in the first place."
As usual, there's students outside too. Murmur and gossips around. Girls are good at that.
"Ryujin, you argued with Ms. Lee again?" Ms. Park asked who happened to be in the next door.
I didn't utter a word. I just bent my head down while kicking dust on the floor.
"You know she's a terror. Please don't be too rude." her hand placed on my head, brushing it lightly.
"She threw a marker on me while I was sleeping. She could've at least talk to me calmly..." I said while biting my lower lip.
"Don't wish for it. Go to your best friend now, I still have on going class." Ms. Park said so I nodded.
When I peeked to Yeji's room, she's still in class so I went inside the nearest rest room instead.
I feel like everywhere I go, there's eyes watching over me. Am I bad? Am I rude? I just want them to ask me if I'm fine. I just want them to notice that I ain't. I want them to explain things to me. I want them to tell me that they do understand me...didn't they see before that I was a scared kiddo when I talk back? That I was a hesitant bully. That...I don't like what I'm doing?
I'm just a kid...I want them to ask me...but they don't. All they did was humiliate me. No one got my back except of Yeji. I was just being sulky before but Chaeryeong, Heejin, and Yuna left me. In times of trouble, Lip and Yena does nothing but to leave me behind. I can't speak up to Mom because she'll just say that I just needed to grow.
I'm just a kid...I want y'all to ask me how I feel too.
I don't want anyone yelling at me because my mouth can be rude. I never liked talking back— I just got used to it. I'm not like this...I can be silly but I'm not like this...why is everybody looking at me like that? Why am I the bad kid? Always the bad kid?
"Ryujin is really a pain on the ass, right? Thank God she's not my classmate."
Instead of clenching my fist, I let my tears fall down. I'm behind this door...no one can see me. No one would assume I'm the tough Ryujin who's rude, with clenching fist, gritting teeth, bad mouth...I'm Ryuddaeng here in this cubicle. I can cry...no one will see me as weak...
"I heard that her Dad is part of the Navy, is that the reason why she's so confident being the bad kid in here?"
"I don't know. She's still in lower level but she acts as if she's higher than everyone."
"She's boastful indeed, how much more if she turned senior?"
"Ugh— I hate that kind of kid."
"She thought being cold and rude is cool, effect of social medias."
Their laugh echoed here in the restroom.
Yeah...4 years ago I wasn't a bad kid. 4 years ago I was a kid longing for attention. 4 years ago I locked myself in the restroom and heard gossips about me too. 4 years ago when I decided to stay as that Ryujin in their gossips. 4 years ago I was a kid with an unspoken thoughts and unheard cries.
"That Ryujin together with the Kim Lip, they bullied someone on higher level than them."
"That Shin Ryujin? I heard she's really a bully tho."
But I just don't wanna lose friends that time...
Now, I'm 12. I realized I never had those friends. They're just someone I could eat with at lunch break. Someone I could talk with while the teacher is discussing. But— I'm still thankful I got Lippie and Yena tho.
I'm just a kid...I shouldn't think too much. I should enjoy my youth. If they think that Ryujin is like that then so be it. At least— Yejiddeong enjoys Ryuddaeng's company.
"Hey, Ryuddaeng..."
I snapped out of reality when Yeji spoke. She's showing something from Google.
"What's that? Joanne?" I curiously asked.
"Remember before when we talked about English names? Sadly, we forgot to talk about it at all but then I remembered it again because The Immortals will be having a book 2." she stated.
I remember that but it's been too long already.
"That's one of your favorite book, right?"
"Yeah and y'know what? Your English name is Joanne!" Yeji suddenly said that's why I stop swaying the swing where she's seated.
"Wow...aren't we destined in the first place?" I joked before swaying her once again.
"I'm amazed actually..." Yeji mumbled, "by the way— Hyewon talks about her crushes during our vacant time. I felt awkward but I guess I should get used to it, right? We're getting into that point already." she stated.
"Do you have a crush too?" I asked full of curiosity.
"O-Of course...I have someone in mind." Yeji said that made me more curious.
But as the same time, I felt a sting in my heart. I don't know how to explain it either.
"In the same class as you, Yejiddeong?"
Yeji chuckle, I can see from where I'm standing how her cheeks reddened. "I won't say any clue. You might find out." she said while looking from afar.
"We're best friends, aren't we?" I stopped swaying the swing to lay on the snowy ground.
Crushes...
When you have a crush on someone, they pop on your mind. In my case, no one pops out when I think of a crush. But there's Yeji who always occupies my mind.
"I'm jealous now..." I flaps my arms on the snowy ground with a pouty lips.
"Why?" Yeji asked.
"You got a crush now then what soon? A boyfriend? I'll be left behind..." I said. We're growing up fast...but it's still fresh in my mind how I approached her one snowy day.
"You'll have a crush soon. Who knows? Maybe you'll get first boyfriend than me." Yeji stated while putting snow balls on my tummy.
"Nah! I'll be waiting for my own Belle while you wait for your own Prince Charming," I sways my hand on the snowballs, effortlessly crushing it.
"I found my Ken but I don't know if I'm the Barbie that person would look for..." she mumbled while making another snowball on my tummy.
I lifted my head up to see Yeji. We're just young...but I can't change the fact that she's older. She found her own Ken, the Prince Charming in her story.
"I wanna be a wicked old woman now..." I almost whispered before placing my hand on top of hers.
"Why?" Yeji's gaze darted at me which I didn't avoided.
"I'll be the villain of your story so I could part you away from your Prince Charming."
And we'll live happily ever after...
———
"Hi! You're Shin Ryujin, right?" another girl approaches, "doesn't matter if you're the author but— can we take a picture together?" she asked.
I put down my drink and gladly smiled at her, "sure, I won't mind."
"Sorry to bother you, I'm with my friend Chaewon who claimed that she knew a cold Shin Ryujin in her old school and we happened to see you entering this café. Also the Hyewon in Tuk's story." the girl stated and scratches her nape after taking a few pictures of us.
"Your friend is right but—" I gave her a shush gesture that she quickly responded with a silent scream.
"You can join me here if you want to. Tell your friend." I offered.
"W-Wow? For real?" she unbelievably asked.
"Yeah, it's fine with me."
"Actually my friend left already so...so y'know? It's a bit overwhelming for me because you're with Yeji...it's kinda intimidating..." she stated but I cupped her shoulder, telling her to take the seat across mine.
"Yeji's not with me," I said with an awkward expression while walking back to my seat.
"O-Oh...where is she?" she asked but I just smiled at her.
"Did you order something already?" I asked while exchanging glances with her and my phone because I'm waiting for Yeji's reply.
"No...I'm fine. I had a snack before leaving the school." she politely answered, "by the way— my name is Kim Minju..."
"Nice to meet you and thanks for supporting me." I said.
"You're good at writing stories tho...and eventhough I'm not really part of rainbow community, I feel so committed with your stories." Minju stated while looking straight at me.
"I'm glad to hear that— are you in college?" I asked when I noticed that she's still wearing her uniform. Was I spacing out earlier? I thought I heard her saying that she just ate snacks at her school?
"Yeah! Major in Arts and Design," she quickly answered.
"Wow...that's amazing.."
"Are you making your book covers in your own?" she asked so I nodded, "I can volunteer to make book covers for you if you want to."
"How much salary do you want?" I asked but she just chuckle.
"I'll do it for free— I'll just leave my calling card here..." Minju pulled out her wallet to get the calling card she's talking.
"Nah, you're still a student. I'm willing to pay." I insisted.
"If you insist," she shrugged that made me laugh. "You look cool..." Minju said with her head down.
"Don't say that, my ears would heat up."
"Just that? It's getting bigger already tho."
Our laughs filled this empty area of café. I grew up so fast...I almost didn't notice that I'm way older than this random stranger I met.
—🍃
what's with yeji's dating rumor with that SF9's member? just because that girl got an orange hair? geez i personally think yeji won't date this early.