September 29th, 10:23 am
Ash
''It's my birthday tomorrow.''
The neutral expression on my face turns to shock. ''What?'' I breath in heavily. ''Why didn't you tell me?'' I demand to know, lifting her body off mine; propping myself up on my left elbow.
She smiles, doing the same, so she is faced opposite me. I love her smile. ''I knew you'd want to get me a present, and I didn't want to waste your money.'' Her eyelids flutter as she tries to avoid attention. Color flushes her cheeks.
''Don't worry about the money,'' I confess. Frankly, I have more than I need. I'm set up for life, but she doesn't need to know that yet.
''I can't not worry,'' She admits, readjusting her elbow and smiling up at me. It goes silent for a minute too long. ''Ash—?''
''Sorry . . . what were you saying?''
''I wanted to apologize for last night.'' She rubs a line along her forearm. ''I shouldn't have reacted like that, I'm really sorry.''
''I know.'' I think to myself for a second. I never want to make her feel uncomfortable. Telling her how I really feel will just hurt her more. ''Don't worry about it.'' I cough to change the subject. ''Now let's get back on with your birthday. What are we doing?''
She groans, turning her head so she can dig her face into the pillows. ''Do we have to?'' She attempts to move the covers over her face.
''Yes, we have to,'' I laugh, mimicking her sarcastic tone, and removing the duvet from her face. ''Why don't you like it?'' I need to know more about her.
''I don't really know. I was young . . . My dad died a few days after my birthday, so I guess it brings back memories.'' She covers her face with a limp, fake smile.
I stroke a finger over her lips. I love her mouth. ''It's okay to be sad, sometimes.'' The smile falls from her lips, and she allows herself to see. ''No one will judge you for having emotions.'' The entirety of September has been horrific. She's been at college no more than a few weeks, and has seen so much death. It's so wrong. Fucked up, even.
She fixates her mind on her story, moving it away from her father. I never knew about him. That he died. I thought that maybe her parents split up. When I first spoke to her, I talked about ringing her dad. I could never put my finger on why she looked so off. Now I know.''Besides, I don't like opening presents in front of people.''
I laugh, a puzzled expression coating my face. ''You don't like presents?''
''I didn't say that . . . exactly,'' A smile creeps on her lips. ''No, I like the presents, I just don't like people watching me open them.''
''Why not?'' I ask inquisitively. I'm glad she's smiling; happy for once. She's barely spoken a word these past days, and even then, they were short.
''What if my face goes all . . .'' She stops, thinking to herself. ''You know, disappointed.'' I look at her confusedly when I don't understand. ''They'll think I don't like the gift. And then they won't like me anymore,'' She frowns. I can't help but laugh. She punches my arm, then bashes her fist on the bed. ''Stop laughing at me.''
''You're scared of people hating you because you don't like their gifts?'' I smirk. It's hard to keep a straight face.
''It isn't that I don't like them, just my face looks that way. Anyways, I thought we just talked about this,'' She scowls.
I wait a minute, staring at her until she calms down. ''We're going out today,'' I declare.
She registers that she doesn't really have a choice. Folds her arms against her chest, sitting up. ''Where to?''
It takes me a second to think of somewhere to go. ''The mall,'' I decide. I've only been there a few times — the best being with Bella. It was the only time we never had any trouble.
''The one we went to together?'' She asks. I nod. ''Why?'' Her mouth tilts downwards, eyebrows raised, sensing there's something she doesn't know.
''If you refuse on letting me get you anything, then I'll at least take you out for dinner.'' She opens her mouth to protest. ''Before you say anything, I'm not taking no for an answer,'' I interject. She tightens her arms, huffing and puffing deep breaths of air.
''Fine.'' I can see her inner smile radiating through her eyes. ''When do we leave?''
''3?'' I suggest. I don't care what time we go, but it seems a good one to pick.
She smiles, already jumping out of bed to prepare. ''Okay.''
I smile as I watch her hurry across the room. ''Baby, we have hours yet.'' I don't know if we do, but I turn my eyes to the clock. Just after half-past ten. ''Literally hours.''
''I know. I just want to be ready on time.'' I shake my head, laying down to get a better view.
September 29th, 3:44 pm
''You're so perfect, you know?'' I mutter, pulling Bella off my bike. I got my car back a few days ago, but I had to bring my bike. Nothing is better than her on my bike, legs trapped against mine. I can feel her every breath, movement. It's the best feeling ever.
She ignores my comment. Not out of spite, I just don't think she can accept it. Her eyes trail down to the bike. ''I hate that thing you know.'' She tries to hide her smile, but the flush in her face gives her away.
''Why do you think I make you go on it?'' I laugh, dragging her to the entrance.
Her face lights up when she sees indoors. The same way it did the first time we came here. ''Wow!'' She exclaims, running over to the balcony. ''It looks even better than before.'' She's right. It's lighter out today, and the chandelier reflects the golden sun down the halls. Her body leaps over the edge, and she smiles as she tilts her head up to the sky.
''Careful,'' I warn, keeping a hold of her back. She couldn't fall, but I hold on anyways.
She jumps away from the edge, then walks away. ''I'm fine.''
I run a little before catching up. ''How are you feeling?'' I ask when I look at her face. She looks almost hurt, but angry at the same time. I can't understand why.
She ensures her eyes don't meet mine. ''Okay.''
I place a hand on her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks. ''Tell me.''
''Liam was here.''
''What—?'' I don't have a clue what she's on about. Liam is gone for good, but my eyes still scan the floor for him.
''When we came here, the first time, he was in the bathroom.''
''He . . .'' I trail. ''What?'' I say, breathlessly.
''Why else did you think I just left in the middle of the night?'' She laughs. It's totally fake, I can't even detect any truth inside it.
''Come,'' I declare as I steer her towards a bench. ''Start from the beginning.'' When Bella lost her memories, I never got any answers. Then her mom died, and I didn't get a chance to ask for them.
''There's really not much to tell—'' She says, still not looking me in the eyes.
I tilt her face to look at me. ''Bella.'' I place a hand along her arm, moving it so I can rub it along her wrist. ''Please,'' I beg.
''Fine.'' She gives in with a frown. ''We came here perfectly fine, but I needed the toilet.'' I nod my head, remembering this as clear as day. ''So I went, and Liam was there in the bathroom — that's all.'' She finishes bluntly, giving a half-smile to show that's she's over it. I can see her nerves returning, but I need to know. I know it's wrong to ask so many questions, and the timing is so bad. But if I don't get answers now, I'll never get them.
''Please, love.'' I don't remove my hand.
''He showed me this . . .'' She moves her hands around in front of her. ''-This voice message. It was Mel, screaming for me to help her. He said he'd do something to her if I didn't go with him to his house.''
''And that's it?'' I'm angry, but it's not like I can do anything. Liam's already gone.
''There was a gun involved, and a few slaps, but I'm fine,'' She mutters, stroking her cheek.
''That's why your face was all red,'' I declare, putting all the pieces together.
''Mhm,'' She relaxes. I put my arms around her, tightening my grip. I wish I never had to let her go.
''I thought Mel was with Liam willingly?'' My heart rate picks back up when I realize what she just said.
''Yeah, she was pretending. He knew that I would come if my friend's life was on the line.'' She trusted Mel, and she betrayed her.
''But didn't Liam know that you weren't his killer by then?''
''He must have done, or he would have killed me then. He said his new target was you.''
''All because I saved your life,'' I sigh, thinking about him and his corrupt motives. It's sickening.
''Because you saved my life,'' She says, much quieter than me. Gives me a second, brief hug. ''Let's not let my crazy emotions ruin the day, hey?'' She smiles, hauling me up by my hand. I groan, but follow her to a store.
''Where are you going?'' I question. She already has her eyes set on a store.
''I have no idea,'' She laughs, skipping down the hallway, hand still firmly attached to mine. It makes me so mad that she can be like this, sadder than anything one minute, and overwhelming the next. I'm not mad at her, just what grief is doing to her. It makes me sad, too. I can't control my emotions like she can.
''Here,'' I say, redirecting her to a shop. She follows instantaneously. ''You want to try something on?'' I say, looking into the air so she doesn't suspect anything.
''You said you wouldn't buy me anything,'' She pouts.
''I'm not, just checking if you want to try things on. . .'' I reply. Secretly I hope she does. I will definitely come back and get whatever she looks at.
''Promise?'' She questions. I hold out my ring finger. She looks at me, but holds hers out too, hooking it with mine. ''Why that finger?'' She asks.
''The Vena Amoris, believed to be the only vein that leads directly to the heart,'' I smile, though, in my mind, I cross my fingers like a 10-year-old.
She giggles. ''Okay, I like this.'' She runs over to a blue dress, like she had her eyes set on it the moment she set foot in the store. I follow as she searches for her size. Her smile enlarges as she pulls it out, looking back at me as if to confirm something. Like she wants my acceptance.
''Go on,'' I nod, looking at the changing rooms. She exits the room after two minutes, the dress hanging off partially.
''Zip me up?'' She says, the same as last time. I nod, shoving her in the room before anyone else can see her. She's mine.
I step back, as though I'm an artist staring at a masterpiece I just created. ''You look amazing.''
''I look terrible,'' She states after a few seconds of looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes follow mine to her waist, and she hugs her arms around it, hiding her insecurities. I love all of her uncertainties.
I drag her arms away from her waist, putting them behind her back. I hold them there with one hand, and stroke her hair behind her ears. ''Bella, you are the prettiest girl in the world.'' She blushes. ''What can I do to show you how beautiful you are?''
''This.'' She grabs onto my collar, pulling me down and placing her lips against mine.
''You are too cute,'' I say against her lips.
She smirks, pulling away and turning back around. ''Unzip,'' She demands.
I do so slowly, enjoying every curve of her body. ''Do you understand how beautiful you are now?''
''I understand how lucky I am,'' She twists the conversation.
''I'm the lucky one,'' I mutter to myself as I head out to give her privacy.
September 29th, 7:23 pm
''Promise me again,'' Bella frowns whilst she gets off the bike. It didn't take long to get home, but the day itself was tiring. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute, but shopping . . . I hate it. She's in disbelief I won't go back and buy anything.
''For God's sake, I'm not going back.''
''I believe you,'' She starts, moving to the door after waiting for me. ''If I dare see a present from you in the morning, I will be very angry.'' No one wants to wake up to no presents, and I can tell she secretly wants me to go back. She took a liking to dresses mostly, but couldn't shake herself away from the first. A little stand in the middle of the mall caught my eye. She seemed to notice, so I had to play it off, maneuvering my head the other way. I don't think I'll ever have the chance to go back today.
I push the door open. She enters under my arm, meeting the eyes of Jackson. ''I'm sure you will.'' He's holding a large, rectangular block, wrapped in a pink and purple design. A gift.
''What is that?'' She demands to know.
''Come on Bella, it's just a measly present. Technically it isn't, it's not even your birthday.'' He smiles at her anger. I still can't decide if she is actually being serious, but she seems pretty pissed, and I don't remember her being a good actress.
She walks over to him, snatching the present from his hands in the nicest way possible. ''I hate you.'' I can see her smile peak. She's terrible at being mad. She takes a while removing the tape, which conjures up Jackson's excuse on why he used so much tape. A book appears from inside. I can't read from behind her, so I peer over her shoulder. ''It's beautiful,'' She gasps, stroking the cover. I've never seen someone so attached to a few pages.
''What is it?'' I question. I could have phrased it better. I meant to say what is it about?
''A poetry book.'' He looks at me. ''I saw it on the shelf, and knew I had to get it for you.''
''That's very thoughtful of you,'' I say. I don't think I would have been able to manage Bella without him.
''I hope you like it,'' Jackson starts.
She clutches the book against her chest. ''I love it!''
''Thank God, I didn't know whether you would or not,'' He breathes, holding his arms out for a hug. Bella skips over, repeatedly thanking him. I love the way she gets excited.
''Why don't you go get changed, get a shower. All that stuff,'' I say to Bella when she's finished. She looks at me confusedly. Suspiciously. ''I'll meet you up there in a second.''
She smiles. Once she's pottered away, I tell Jackson my plan.
''I need you to go to the mall and pick up some things for me. I can't go, because . . . well, Bella. You know.'' I don't leave any room for debate.
''I mean, I was planning on going to Alex's sometime today, but fine,'' He replies, reluctantly.
''Good.'' I slap him on the shoulder and head upstairs. ''I'll text you the details,'' I say before I go.
When I am up there, Bella is having a shower. Taking my chance, I message Jackson the specifics.
September 29th, 9:32 pm
I prepare myself to go meet Jackson downstairs. I need an excuse. ''I'm going to go get some water. Do you want some?'' Good enough.
''Sure.'' I'm surprised she didn't ask for a real drink. We talked — when she got out of the shower — about how she has felt recently. Her reasons, and emotions. I love her vulnerability.
''You ready?'' Jackson asks when I hop down the last step. He holds up the same wrapping paper he used, and a roll of tape. A bag of presents sits at his feet.
I nod. I've never wrapped a present before, and my attempt is poor.
''Have you ever wrapped something before?'' Jackson laughs.
I follow his eyes to the crumpled piece of paper at my knees. I must have tried a thousand times, yet I still can't get it right. I didn't let him know, but I was trying to copy his movements. ''Clearly not.'' I look down at his perfectly wrapped present.
''Want me to do it?''
''Fine.'' Secretly, I'm happy. He tries not to laugh as he picks at the wrinkled mess. ''Thanks,'' I mumble as he wraps.
''What, sorry. Could you say that again, I didn't quite catch it.'' He's on the verge of exploding from laughter. And I'm on the verge of shooting him.
''You heard me.''
''I just never expected to hear those words coming from Sir Rodriquez's mouth.'' He bows down to me jokingly.
I curl my fingers into fists. ''People change.'' I certainly haven't.
''Indeed they do.'' He continues to wrap. After a few seconds, he opens his mouth but closes it soon after. ''Can you just say it once again. Just so I can make sure it was real?''
''Do you want me to throw these scissors at your head?'' I smile, so he knows I'm joking.
''Fine.'' He leans back in fear when I bring them closer.
''Thanks, though,'' I say. He explodes with laughter.
''You took ages,'' Bella whines when I return. Her eyes fixate on the iced water.
I close the door with my hip. ''I couldn't get the ice out.''
''You're such a goose,'' She grins, holding her hand out for a glass.
I hand her it. ''Rich coming from you,'' I smile, jabbing her in the stomach with my index finger. She flinches, throwing half of her water on top of herself. Oops.
''Look what you did now!'' She squeals from the cold shock.
''Next time, don't call me names.'' I stare into her blue eyes. I love them.
I love her.